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😃 you're so tomboy today.. i like!!! Is your mom discouraging you to express yourself? that's to be taken with a pinch of salt, i can tell your mood changes and matches your day-to-day appearance, it's a very attractive way to be and shows off your personality in ways most can not.
I literally went out with a blonde tomboy girl post lockdown who wore a black headband, made an excuse for her casual/formal trousers and shirt (she came from work) but she was gauging my interest on it and she wasn't dissapointed. Quite early on in the date she took her headband off and her was like yours that was her showing her femininity. She also expressed herself, dimples on her cheeks, dilated eyes, smiles and giggles, hands wanting to touch mine, it was like anything I've seen before. Those girls/woman who aren't expressful in personality just put emphasis on their dresses, heels, handbags, which is so superficial and comes the resting bitch face. Be who you want to be, the right guy will appreciate it a lot.
I understood maybe 60% of that hahaha but thank u, and good for u meeting a great girl she seems like a rad lady.
she ghosted me after the date so.. but i meant her hair was like yours when she took her head band off. The point is she only expressed her feminity when SHE WANTED TO. She doesn't listen to others. She even lives with her grandmother. But anyway i can relate a lot about her to you. I do feel my heart being ripped out tho because thats the kind of girl i wanted 😥 i didn't even mind that all her friends are boys.. previously a girl fell in love with me with a tomboy character and i wasn't ready
It doesn't matter who her friends are, if she is dating you, she's into you. Her friends are her friends. But I'm sorry she ghosted that shit is worse than a break up. people just don't know until they been in it. Mine was after a few months so, still angry about that one lol.
ty, i think knowing you a is a bit of a parachute lol
A parachute? Wym?
like i know more girls like her exist because there's one like you in Australia 😂
Ohhh. Yea of course, go to Newtown or Paddington here and it's very common in 20+yo. So I figure there is somewhere there.
Sure you could dress as your mother wants you too all the time and maybe attract more attention, however you could also dress however you want to dress and be more likely to find someone who understands and accepts you for who you are and trust me, nothing can put a price on that.
Wise words! Just so long as I don't die alone hahaha
Nah.
Look up soft butch aesthetic on Pinterest.
Besides, we're well past the point where women wearing pants makes them lesbians.
Your mom is just used to a different style and time. Make it clear you're happy dressing the way you do, and if a man doesn't think you're attractive, that's his problem and not yours.
The right man for you will love you for how you are, jeans and button downs and all.
That's good advice thank u
You look good. Wear what you want. Besides, we are pass that age where being gay or lesbian was used as an insult. Just do what you want.
Oh I still get called dyke at school when I wear masculine clothes, that hasn't changed lol. But I agree with doing what u want :)
So, what? That just people being jellous, that unlike them, if you want you can get laid haha
Opinion
59Opinion
Na she's wrong feel happy however you want to dress.
If you really want to shut her up put on whatever clothes you have she hates the most go super dyke! Then tell this guy you have a crush on you need his help shutting up your mum and all you need him to do is get caught by her giving him a right good snog. Could be a good icebreaker for you too. A good casual statement to your mum after would be don't worry we'll be using protection next time 😉
Or if you really want to wind her up the other way put on your most girly dress go out and come back home with a girl friend and again let your mum catch you having a good snog. Then casually say to her turns out going out all girly really attracts the women 😁
There just a couple of ideas of course only go with what your comfortable with.
Hahahaha that's great 😂😂😂😂
Your mom is wrong. Mostly anyway. If you dress boyish, some people might wonder. But so what? It will not prevent boys from taking an interest in you. I'm 100% sure on that.
It's like any other trait. No matter what you do, how you dress, your hobbies, or anything else about you, there will be some guys who like it and some who won't.
Wear what you want, and be who you want. The guys who are attracted to that are the ones you want. It's called compatibility. You want a guy who is compatible with you. If you have to be someone you are not, then you aren't really compatible.
That's a good point. There will always be people who like what u do and people who don't, may as well be doing what u like!
well, guys who are into girly-girls sure won't go for you, and you will likely attract more lesbians, so maybe your mom is right? Even if she is right, that doesn't mean you should dress any differently if that's what you want to do. Just don't be surprised at the assumptions others make of you. To some degree, all people have to judge others by their appearance, we simply must.
You see a deranged looking guy, dressed in torn clothes and disheveled, coming your way on the sidewalk, you cross the street to avoid him, right? You see a normal looking guy dressed in a suit on the same sidewalk, you don't avoid him. That's an automated response in your genes, but everyone has it and makes appearance based judgments because that's how we're programmed genetically.
Yeah that's a good point... Like I get that people will make assumptions, they already do! I just don't want it to mean I won't be able to date normally just because of the clothes I like?
Depending on what kind of guys you want to date, it might or might not affect that. I was equally attracted to girls who dressed like you as to girls who wore more feminine and flirty clothes, but I can't speak for other guys. I can say that the more flirty dress did catch my attention more, but that's obvious why. I wouldn't worry about it, you do you :)
Yea that's true. I still wear more girly clothes but my tastes change with my mood pretty much. Anyway thanks for the advice.
yw! I just looked at your pic again, you look really great actually, you are going to be a heartbreaker for sure
Aw that's nice of u! The last reply I got says I look like a "low rent prostitute" who sleeps in a dumpster so, it's nice to hear a compliment haha
I saw that, and I'm sorry. I really mean it, I'd have dated you in a hearbeat at that age, and I would have felt lucky for the opportunity to get to know you.
That's really sweet of u to say, thank u! ☀
I'm sorry to put this so harshly but your mom is being a very bad mother to you here. She's shaming you for your taste, telling you not to be yourself just to get a boy (as if that should even be your priority) instead of encouraging you and praising you for going your own way, and pressuring you into fitting traditional gender roles regardless of whether that's what you even want.
Now I'm not saying it's her intention to do all those things, but it's her responsibility as a mother to be aware of her influencd on you.
Be yourself, don't let her pressure you. Wear what you feel confortable in, act how it feels natural to you, allow yourself to find yourself, whatever that means to YOU (and no one else), and don't be anybody than yourself just to please others (whether that's a potential partner or your mom).
Also, if you change yourself just to find a partner, you won't be happy in that relationship. You need to find someone who likes you the way you are.
And by the way. you're 16. So it's not like there's a rush.
I think she's trying to help / protect, not trying to shame me, but I see ur point. I've had a very ummm complicated? Dating history so I think in some way she's trying to simplify things.. I agree with being myself, not changing to please others, but it's difficult when the feedback is that people will be confused by me and I'll miss out on chances.
Oh, I'm not claiming she has bad intentions. But like I said, as a parent it's her responsibility to be aware of what she's doing and saying to you and what it EFFECTIFLY does to your mind. She should be more self-reflecting about her behavior and influence towards you. That's her job, as an adult but especially as a parent.
not at all... and "heteroflexible" is good now days... its always good to have options.
you are an attractive girl, both to guys and gals, so you have nothing to worry about there... the way you dress matters little as long as it isn't frumpy...
personally, I think the look you have due to the clothes is sexy...
and i think your mom may be a bit prudish or old fashioned in her thinking... its more about your attitude towards life and those around you that it is the clothes you wear.
First, I don't accept the premise that there is something wrong with being a lesbian and the assumption that boys do not like lesbians is also false, unless it is the variety that make it known that they hate all males, then yes, you will loose male friends.
They're is nothing wrong with looking like a lesbian, any time I wear masculine clothes to school I get called a dyke or freak and it never stopped me lol. I think she means it like I won't get asked out of I don't dress girly?
Oh... Ok, thank you for the clarification Ms @talulahbee :)
I thought my current girlfriend was a gold star lesbian, so I left her alone in that regard. I was obviously wrong, turns out she is bi.
All you need to do is mention that you are very attracted to boys and maybe girls. That's what I wished my girlfriend had said to me earlier, things would have been a lot clearer.
That's good advice thank u
your mam seems to be confused...
1) what's wrong with being a lesbian?
2) clothing style doesn't always determine what orientation you are or not...
3) what does it matter what other's think of you?
4) shouldn't you dress how YOU feel comfortable in dressing?
5) if you dressed in something more girly would she pick a fault with that?
1. Nothing, I think she means it in a way like, I won't get asked out on dates if I dress like a boy
2. I agree! My clothes change with my mood
3. It doesn't, but if it means I'm going to be lonely forever then that's not good...
4. Yes, but also see 3.
5. I dress more girly too, usually then it's that I haven't put enough make up on or I should smile more.
Suit yourself and attract people who like it. If you are friendly and engaging your clothes won't matter. Besides you are only 16. If your high school classmates are too small-mimded to appreciate you, it's their loss. Soon enough you will be out of school and will meet people who do. I'm sorry your mother isn't more supportive. Good luck.
Hey thanks that's actually really nice of u to say :) I just have to work on the friendly and engaging hahaha
Look if people are going to let how you dress form a negative opinion of you, they are doing you a favor. Because people who are not willing to invest the time, energy and effort into getting to know you, are not worth your time, energy or effort.
I think I agree with you... Though the other part of my brain says I'm making sure someone I might fit really well with will never try to get to know me by picking clothes that aren't attractive. Though I do sometimes wear those more "feminine" outfits, just not always.
Itll take a smart boy about 3 seconds to determine lesbian ism, or straight. But halfway through the last sentence I snapped that I know 2 lesbians who are two of the most femgirls imaginable, beautiful, classy, just gorgeous girls. So maybe I would wear what you want. Lesbinians dont "look" the same way with everyone , some butch some fem.
Dress the way you want, or dress the way others want... Though choice. Although clothes do send a message at a first look, that doesn't really matter after the first impression. So wear whatever you want... It doesn't matter that much in the end. What you risk on lowering is the number of new people approaching, but at this age, does that even matter? Would you even be interested in someone approaching you that would be a superficial as dismissing you for your personal style?
Ofc, if someone judges on clothes instead of the person then they are probably a shitty person... But also I don't want to die alone 🤔
i hope your mom soon finds out that the clothes you wear don’t determine your sexuality😙. Wear what you want! Express yourself in ways you please!
Thank u! She says no guys will ask me out because I look like a boy smh
So what? Life isn’t about boys. You’re value as an individual won’t decrease or increased based on whether a boy will ask you out or not.
I really want to agree but it's the first time I've been allowed to date in 2 years and also I don't want to die alone 😂
Be yourself dude, you'll find someone who's interested in you just the way you are, be you, that's more than enough
Good advice. I just don't want to be lonely forever. You know?
You will not be lonely forever, you're a pretty girl, and you obviously have a unique personality, i think it's a lot better if you wait for a proper person who likes you for who you are to come, instead of changing who you are to get someone for a temporary, a lot less interesting period of time, trust me
That makes sense, thank u
That is a tomboy look; which I think lesbians typically fancy. However, you do look attractive; and I don't mind the tomboy look, myself. I am sure there are plenty of guys your age who would love to date you.
Thank u! I wear girly clothes too I just change it with my mood in a way... But I hope ur right I don't want to die alone 😭 haha
First off I didn't say that they sport that look, but fancy it. Secondly I qualified my opinion with "I think" as in I can't be certain but this is what I have gathered. And finally I never would imply that a group of people are a monolith on fashion sense. Even if they were all employed at the same designer label.
Actually there are many girls here in the United States who wear clothes exactly like that and are straight. I look for girls like that mostly because they are fun and usually are athletic. Lol you look nice to me. 😎👍
Ok great, thank u!
Anytime. Don't worry so much. You will do fine. 😎🌹
Looks like something Ellen Page would wear. So yes, it screams "lesbian."
Now, I wouldn't say that "no boys will like it" because while a minority, there definitely are some who like the more masculine fashion. You might do better by swapping out the plain shirt for plaid, and moving to a midwest USA rural town.
I'll tell you what girl if you were here in Texas or New Mexico you would have to have a shotgun and a rifle and a machine gun to keep these boys talking to you most cowgirls dress the way you look in that picture your problem is you may be living and the wrong part of the country
I'm not in the states, but good to know other parts of the world are a bit less judgmental! I think I just change my clothes with my mood... But don't want to alienate people. Or be alone for the rest of my life!
You look beautiful but your stance looks very manly, and it might explain why your mother think you'll look like a lesbian. If you have manly mannerisms, it might make people think you are a lesbian but a lot of guys will probably try their luck nonetheless.
We don't have to dress in glitz and glam for every occasion, we still dress casually and make it look feminine in other ways.
It's really not the clothes that give off that type of vibe, but how you sit more than anything. If you sit/have posture like some do, then it can give off a masculine vibe so I would avoid sitting with a slouch and your legs open. That's how a lot of guys tend to sit so just remember your posture.
lol, some (like your mom) might but no, I don't think most people would judge you like that? I wouldn't anyway. Dress how you want to and feel comfortable in. I've had several female friends that would sometimes dress like that. Some all the time.
I wearing dresses all the time. I get mistaken for a lesbian often. Just be comfortable with who you are.
My cousin is an actual lesbian and I don’t see what she wears has anything to do with that. It’s just clothes for crying out loud
I don't know, when I wear more masculine clothes to school I get called a dyke or a freak so people must make judgements on it, when I wear more feminine clothes I don't get anything. I just don't want it to mean I can't date normally?
I really don’t get that either 😔
If you look as naturally feminine as the girl in your picture, you won't be ruining anything. A sort of masculine woman in that outfit will totally give me the idea that she's a lesbian, though
That is me, so, your saying it's fine?
Yes, you'll have to beat the guys with a stick for them not to approach you
Lmao. Thats funny... Well thanks, its nice to get encouragement.
I think you look really interesting and like someone I would enjoy knowing. Your Mom is wrong.
Aw thank u, thats nice of u to say
She sounds like a b... Wear whatever you want, the right guy will like you as you are. You are cute :D
I dont know what's the problem clothes are clothes I can kinda see your face and you're actually very pretty I think she just jealous you can pull off both types of clothing 😝😝😝😝
Hahaha... Actually now u point that out she does ask to borrow my clothes all the time, so she wears it too 🤷🏼♀️ I guess the difference is she's already married
she's trapped now lmaooo
Nah, you just be you. Trust me, you'll find out soon enough that even if you did look like a lesbian, it's not enough to keep straight dudes away ;)
Well, I hope so. Thanks.
You're certainly pretty. Those wardrobe choices do seem to show that you have no real interest in interacting with guys on a sexual level.
Why?
Thats ok, I want to hear all opinions, so thanks. You'd be surprised how much effort goes into it :)
Yeah I often dress in a more "feminine" way, tho it changes with my moods I guess. Sometimes I wear short shorts and crop tops, sometimes mens shirts and long jeans with boots, sometimes in-between, short skirt, baggy top and big black boots.
I don't know what that is, but I would probably get my ass beat if i tried to go out in stilettos haha
I am not sure if her words are correct. Tomboys are sometimes just outwardly like that but inside they are gems :)
just be yourself and wear what you are most comfortable wearing. Your moms opinion on the subject isn't really relevant
Wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt? You look fine to me.
Thank u! It's just clothes right 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly. I haven't been a teenager for a while, but I don't recall even HEARING anyone judge another person's sexuality for what they were wearing. Unless it was a shirt that said "I'm gay", or something.
Oh I've had people at school call me dyke or freak if I wear boys clothes, and I can see how someone would not want to date me so they aren't associated with it? But it makes no sense they still see me in more feminine clothes so 🤷🏼♀️ I don't know. Can't win haha.
Dress however you like, its important for you to feel good.
I get what you're saying, but when I dress to feel good people say I look strange or like a guy or like I have weird taste in clothes, and it makes me feel shitty. So... Either I wear what I want and feel bad or wear what I'm told and feel accepted? I don't know. I'm probably being dramatic soz I'm so stressed today 😴 😴
Maybe you need to get different poeple into your life?
Easier said then done but yep, probably!
Yes i know, but if you sorround yourself with such negativity that don't like you how you really are, maybe its better, to at least add and finding other people who are more in line with your prefered lifestyle and support you more.
That's true. I'm trying! Just got to be patient I think.
She has a point. I would think the same thing. It depends what you want. You're free to dress as you want but just be aware that people will judge you based on your appearance
I understand I'm free to, I just don't want to alienate myself even more, I already have a weird but outgoing personality. Thanks.
People who see you frequently will form an opinion based on multiple exposures to you and what you look like and what you wear. Wearing the outfit above one in a while won't necessarily harm you but for people who dont know you that is what they will use to form an opinion
You look like a weird, cross dressing uncle, some forgot to invite to their party!
Hey der, uncle Bob! wanna give me a hand, hunt'in them thar critters, out in the woods?
Nah. Nobody would assume that. I mean jeans and dress shirts are pretty unisex for clothes.
"Homeless Chic" is not attractive to men. I would correct your mother and say you don't look like a "lesbian" you look more like a low rent prostitute.
Prostitutes wear jeans and a long sleeve shirt? U learn something new every day!
They sure do, and they look like the slept in a dumpster.
I tried, but the cops here don't let 16yo girls sleep in dumpsters in winter.
@talulahbee Well than tell one of your John's to let you stay in the motel room.
That style of dress is a deterrent when pursuing men oh, but you do you oh, if he likes you when you are dressed like that then you know he likes you 😜
Well that's true... But why a deterrent? Women wear tight jeans and rolled up sleeves all the time.
I get the shirt part. Didn't think my hair was any of it but good to know..
Out?
Ah ok
You're fine, I don't feel accused 🤷🏼♀️ it just isn't a middle part but no point arguing about hair lol.
I'm sure there will be guys still, boys will be boys
I don't dress that way all the time, but I feel more like myself when I do? I don't know, changes with my mood. I just don't want to be alienated more I guess.
Thanks for the advice :)
Nah, it’s fine. I always liked the “boyfriend shirt”.
If you are comfortable, dressing like that , why stop. Well until you find your slot in life...
I just don't want to alienate myself more I guess? Or die alone haha.. 🥺
No sure, but in that picture you look like one of the Hanson brothers when they were younger,
Hahahaha... Ah I'll take it
Your mom is right.
She cares about your well being.
Embrace your role
No, lots of girls here dress like that, especially in rural areas.
Only if you dress this way all the time.
Nup not all the time, sometimes it's girly or flirty, sometimes it's boyish and masculine, depends on my mood
I think that's fine.
It could give men that perspective. You do resemble a man by your clothes.
In person I look like a girl, I'm short and thin with long blonde hair and a girls voice lol. Thankfully I don't do online dating I guess? 😉
just be sociable if u wanna get guys. go to parties and stuff. make sum friends. smoke sum weed. dont need 2 dress 4 that these days
Well yes you need to wear clothes to parties... But I don't really enjoy them. It's great not being able to go with covid atm haha
just dont french kiss girls left and right and prob u okay unless u are into da shy ones who might assume before talking
Ruining all my fun...
prob u can french kiss girls left and right but u have 2 be drunk first. if u do it sober then prob at least the ones suspect sumfin
Oh I'm not trying to hook up with women on the DL, if I'm into someone then I'll let them know, guy or girl. The problem is what I put in the title.
not problem unless guy is shy or sumfin as i see it. there is no need 2 assume if you can just talk 2 girl and find out if she likes guys or not and we are not living in era where the sociable types assume much
The question is about clothes my dude but np, thank u for ur time anyway.
talking bout da clothes. i am saying unless guy is shy he dont assume u lesbo before he talk 2 u
maybe in 1950s if u dress like dat people assume more. not 1950s no more
i dont assume u lesbo and i am old fashioned and close minded. i think lots of people are fags. but not u. prob u just dressing casual
Oh people assume from clothing all the time, but it's cool probably just down to where u live, different perspectives maybe. :)
maybe diff between urban and more rural area. like la or ny is diff from kentucky in us. it is same for da guys. there are guys who do weird things now like wear make-up in urban place. i think it is weird. but not all of dem are homo and many can get da girls. can just talk 2 people unless people are holding up signs trying to shut you out
I don't think so, cause the guy who will loves you will love you for the way you are and not the way you dress, ofc as long as your outfits are decent cause your a girl, which means all your private parts should be hidden...
I'm pretty sure that goes for guys as well lmao. But don't worry, the worst the world ever sees of me is underwear.
Haha, good girl!
Keep your body only for your future husband cause a decent girl is a precious girl 😊
Oh that ship has sailed. But I won't be waiting for marriage, I want to know I'm sexually compatible with someone if I'm going to spend my life with them.
Well it's your choice, i was just advising you...
It's up to you to keep yourself a jewel or a bag for trash...
Aside from my thoughts on compatibility and happiness in marriage to avoid divorce, no, it isn't always a woman's choice to have sex or not.
What does the Bible say about judging not least ye be judged? Loving thy neighbour? Letting he without sin cast the first stone? And that above all things, love?
Have you forgotten those or do they not matter when you want to give advice on the internet about someone else's personal life that no one asked you for? I didn't realise there were exceptions.
I had the choice taken from me, and I am still a jewel and valuable, that isn't up to you.
I'm not judging you, your critisizing me because you haven't understood what i meant...
If i see you doing something bad or maybe going in the wrong path, i must help you and show you the right path and not leave you like this to fall...
Since your virginity was taken away from you, than your still precious and considered a virgin but what you told me is totslly different...
You said that you want to see if your compatible with men, what if you have met 5 or 10 guys and it didn't worked out, will you have sex with all of them? At this point, what's the difference between you and a hoe other than your for free while she earns money for her services...
Sex isen't something to try before marriage because sex is sex...
As long as the couple loves each other, everything will be beautiful...
I'm not criticising u for not understanding, I'm criticising u for saying I'm a trash bag and judging me without knowing my circumstances and when I didn't ask for your input.
I didn't say something totally different, I said that ship has sailed. U just took the opportunity to be judgmental instead of think maybe women have different experiences and u should only offer advice when it is asked for.
My family has been in the Christian church since forever, and shaming and judging people is not respectful, kind, or the way to spread the message of Christ (or whatever religion u are a part of). It alienates people and drives them away and does the opposite of what u want.
And no, the point is not to have sex with 5 or 10 men, the point is if u fall in love with someone, u should know u are sexually compatible before marriage so u don't end up married to someone who can't satisfy u or has totally different needs in bed. The highest cause of divorce and cheating is people with mismatched libido, something that u find out from being intimate. That doesn't make you a "hoe other than ur free while she earns money for her services" what an ugly thing to say to someone.
What i said is the truth but you are too young to understand what i'm saying, your just making excuses to justify your opinions...
I'm a man who doesn't wait for someone to allow me when i should talk and when i shouldn't, by the way this is a site of of questions, answers and opinions and if you cannot handle people's opinions who are different, than you shouldn't be on this site!
The highest divorce rate is caused by people who doesn't knows what a real marriage is and what rral love is and how it works... when they fail they pretend that it's from sex...
Sex is the easiest part in a marriage, back in thenold days, thr majority of men and women were totally satisfied sexually and there was just few divorces unlike now, a girl who sleeps with 50 men before marriage and when she gets married, the divorce occurs after couple of months or couple of years...
I don't blame you for the way you think cause your still a little 16 year old girl...
I never said that your a trash bag, i said that a woman's decisions and actions makes her either a jewel or a trash bag, i was talking in general, while you only saw the negativity in what i wrote...
In the end let's agree to disagree... good luck in your life!
U too. ✌️
Thanks ✌🏻
Uhhh no, wear what you want.
Be yourself and those who likes you will still... those who hate you too will...
Nah that looks like very normal clothes
Your mother is foolish.
She isn't usually... It's why I'm a bit confused by this.
It's the hair I think
Not of a ton boy but that can be hot too... lol
You definitely give off lezbo vibes.
Is that just me tho or the clothes? I put pics up with most of my posts.
Well, of course, the clothes play their part but I get that "I'm an outsider" "rebel" "different" lesbian vibe from you.
The truth is we never stop learning about ourselves, forget the rest of the world. Don't lose confidence in the fact you're not sure about yourself. Don't allow others negative opinions to shape your thoughts either. But in all honesty, you do give off that vibe which your Mother is pointing out.
Hm, well I know I'm not gay, so that's a start? Lol. Thanks for the truth tho! ✌️
I can't see it. New pic needed
Huh?
She's wrong. Trust me.
I don't see any thing lesbian about that.
do you like boys or girls or both
I think I already said in the post
Oh I'm definitely angry and sad a lot. If it's in a picture it's how I was feeling. I have some with smiles but no reason to post them.
Thank u for the advice.
I will do my best.
How long do u have? Lol
Nope, but that's ok I will make some therapist rich in a decade or two!
Thanks
Thanks :)
Yeah that dress is look boyish little bit.
It's not a dress
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