Did my boyfriend cheat on me?

Question

He created a secret account on Instagram, on which he follows a lot of models and beautiful girls. From this account he sent his friends pictures of beautiful girls and they talk about them. He also sent his friend a picture of a girl playing soccer and called her "dream woman" (he plays soccer himself, but I'm not interested in that). Did he cheat on me?

lumos · Accepted Answer

He probably doesn't want certain people to see that he's interested in following girls in that way. I don't think this is cheating, but to me it's a bit off-putting and childish in a way? What comes to mind is a teenage boy who still has posters up on his wall of half naked women. Which is an understandable "interest" when you're young, but I'd expect more of a mature man. I don't know how old your boyfriend is but seeing as you're between 18-24, I think that this is a phase he should be transitioning out of, not getting more interested in.

If it bothers you, talk to him about it. Maybe ask some questions regarding why the need for a separate account, why is he so interested in talking about/sharing pics of these girls etc. Maybe his answers will put your mind at ease, maybe they won't. But having an open conversation about it allows for you to potentially understand him more, and it's also a chance for you to express your own thoughts/feelings regarding his behavior.

Personally I wouldn't really want to be with a guy who does something like that. It just comes off as too immature for me. It's ok to find other girls beautiful and to sometimes look at pics of models or whatever, but to create an entire new account just to follow all these women and constantly talk about them and share their pics? I dunno, I'd want my man to do something a bit more productive and mature than that with his time.

The "secret" account is also a bit of a question mark to me. Makes me wonder how low of a threshold he would have to create another secret account to actually talk to other girls, which is way more questionable than simply looking at their pics. Why isn't he able to follow these girls on his main account? What's the big deal? I don't fully understand it and it does come off as a tiny bit shady to me.

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

Hard to say if he's cheating, but definitely a sign he's keeping secrets of a different kind.

It's worth confronting him, and asking whether or not you two really ought to be together.

If he feels like he's "settling" for you, you both deserve better. He needs to look for a girl more aligned with his interests, and you need to find a guy for whom you are a catch as you are.

Also why would he hide an Instagram like that from you? My partner shares his fave pics of female models and ladies on social media with me, so we can appreciate them together. Likewise I share with him.

We're of the mind that we love each other, but attraction to public figures with knowledge that nothing will happen (a like on social media =/= unfaithful to us) is fine. We're open about that sort of thing.

That said, that sort of mindset maybe isn't for everyone.

Nawlins34 · Accepted Answer

Did you two sit down in the beginning and define what constitutes cheating? You have to establish that. Or did you go with commonplace rules?

This is where gray areas start when boundaries were never set in the beginning. YOu have to set them.

1.) He created a secret account on Instagram, on which he follows a lot of models and beautiful girls. - He's hiding a secret from you that allows him to see models/beautiful girls. It's not physical, but every second he spent creating, viewing this account is a second he chooses NOT to put into your relationship. It's existence is an act against your relationship. To me, that is cheating.

2.) From this account he sent his friends pictures of beautiful girls and they talk about them. He also sent his friend a picture of a girl playing soccer and called her "dream woman" (he plays soccer himself, but I'm not interested in that). - What this means is he can cheat on you and his friends, through their inaction, will approve of it. You do not have a man whose friends will call him out when he's doing wrong. No accountability. Perfect environment to cheat.

3.) Did he cheat on me? You're asking because you don't know, because you didn't set those boundaries I mentioned in the beginning. Let this be a life lesson that you champion going forward in your future relationships.

Physically speaking, you haven't provided any information that he cheated. But He's taken plenty of action against the good of your relationship with him.

Ultimately, he's spending time looking at other women vs. spending that time with you. Actions speak. I call that cheating.

Just my thoughts, good luck and be safe.

LeoElias · Accepted Answer

There are some questions that need to answered first.
1. Why does he have a private account? Did you forbid him from looking at these girls? Or did he create this account without you cracking down on him and making him create it.

2. Do you notice he looks at other girls while you guys are out together?

3. Does he know already how you feel about him looking at these pictures? Have you guys talked about it?

Depending on your answers you could be reaching. Or he could be emotionally cheating. Not physically cheating but emotionally cheating. Sometimes guys will just check out other girls constantly. They can't stop it, it's in their nature. You could turn the tables and do what he is doing but with guy pictures and make sure he finds out and see if it bothers him. If he gives you shit for looking at these guy pictures then he's a hypocrite. Then you could say, "Well that's how I feel when you look at these hot model girls." Maybe it'll shed light on it. If he still doesn't change, then he doesn't respect you and he doesn't give a shit about you.

ragequeen · Answer

He is crazy insecure and even though I wouldn't consider this cheating, he probably will. If he is that thirsty for other women on social media, let him admire them as a single person. You don't need that in your life.

Marilynjuana · Answer

This is not a good sign, asker. Been there and so have many others who ended up sharing my story. It's not cheating but people who are trashy sleazy liars often have no problem with cheating. Be careful. He's incredibly immature, I don't think he has the brain capacity to realise what "respect" is, sorry to be blunt.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t understand this mentality of “men will always go out of their way to actively look at other women whilst in committed relationship”... um no, checking other people out is fine, it’s healthy, but actively looking for material to gawk over is not healthy and is weirdly obsessive.

This boy is clearly very insecure with himself and has filled his mind with ridiculous expectations.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s totally ok to appreciate beauty in any human, but to search for it to clearly get off to it is just something an insecure man would do.

JosyJosy · Answer

I don't think he cheated. Men love women, this is a fact well known. BUT he hid it and that's a pity, it should be talked about.

If he already did follow models before this, I'd think it's okay.

As soon as he starts messaging those girls though... he's cheating. At least to me

Curious_Girl02 · Answer

I don't think that he is cheating on you but just simply looking which i reckon that all of us are guilty of doing. He probably is just doing it covertly thinking you may be offended or jealous. I wouldn't consider it a red flag, all humans do it consciously or subconsciously. Don't wory about it.

proteus912 · Answer

Yes that is cheating. He shouldn't be looking at other womens pictures and creating a secret account means he doesn't want you to find out. So yes he is definitely cheating. If my boyfriend did that I would end it right away

chriscdi · Answer

no i dont think so but why is this gook creating a whole account for this shit 😂

Anonymous · Answer

He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, cheated on us and delivered a plague unto our houses!
He did?
No, but are we just going to wait around until he does?(He’s probally gonna cheat on you so leave before he does)

N

MzAsh · Answer

That depends on how you define cheating.  You  decide what your boundaries are in your relationship. Did he cross a line? Tell him.

OddBeMe · Answer

Not really, I think having that outlet is healthy. If you don’t like it, you can say stop. And if you doesn’t it’s ok to leave him. Or leave him now if you want. All good. But guys need shit like that.

SimpleRhubarb · Answer

It’s not cheating, but it’s very inappropriate for a man in a relationship, especially since he feels the need to be secretive.

rienna888 · Answer

hmm, he doesn't sound very trustworthy, but no he didn't cheat on you

Warmapplecrumble · Answer

I wouldn't say that's cheating but it's not nice behaviour.

lifeisterrible · Answer

Of he's really that pathetic then there's no way he could find a girl to cheat with lmao.

mamamai · Answer

He lied to you that’s for sure. Also it depends how you define cheating

Wewladdy · Answer

Does it matter?  A man looking at other women religiously such as he is is enough to warrant a break up.

Tiffyk · Answer

Dump him. It's not cheating, but it is shady and it's lying. It's one thing to watch TV and see a celeb and say she's hot and completely different to actively seek out these girls

PupinTheTurd · Answer

He's just window shopping and from what I can tell he must be pretty young and immature.

TheFlak38 · Answer

but when you check out other guys in real life and explore your THOUSANDS of other options that's fair play.

scott04sa22 · Answer

He's not cheating unless he's acting tense around you and worried all the time for you to find out.

Wise4myage · Answer

No, you need more proof, but he deserves to to be confronted about that secret account.

Torari · Answer

He's window shopping, which everyone, male or female does to some degree. Kept it secret because you get jealous of him even noticing other women.

Iron_Man · Answer

Maybe not yet but he’s flirting with the girls online

Taylorvxx · Answer

Eh I don’t really think so, I admire men and send pics og them to my friends also but I love my boyfriend

MissOgrex · Answer

He didn't technically cheat, but he sure is a piece of garbage. Don't waste your time on a boy, find yourself a man.

spartan55 · Answer

He doesn't need stupid ass Instagram to cheat.

Twalli · Answer

Not with the information given.

AmeerX · Answer

He did not cheat

Anonymous · Answer

Lol boy byeeeee 👋🏼

ashishakya · Answer

He cheat with u

Did my boyfriend cheat on me?

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