Do men really date women because of for who they are as people and not just because of their looks?

Question

Do men date women because they like them as people or is it purely physical until maybe at one point they learn to tolerate her personality? Do men ever care about the personality or is her body more important? I'm just curious I wanna know how men feel attraction. This is what I've heard is the case for men from some men. Women seek emotional connection usually more than appearance so personality is important to us, not just the looks. But I've heard that men feel attraction differently? Like they start dating a woman only for her looks without caring about her personality and maybe with time they end up liking her as a person? Is it true?

darlinstar · Accepted Answer

What's so interesting about the top comment is how much it reveals about the male psyche, without even realizing it. For one, the remarkable amount of confidence the average male projects, which often leads to speaking with authority on subjects they are not actually educated on. When a man is ignorant on the subject of feminism, such as the author, "feminism" is often used as a code word for "women advocating for themselves, which I don't like, because it takes away some of my control".

In reality, "feminism", while absolutely meaning "female self-advocacy", comes in different forms, because women are people. As such, "liberal feminism" does do the "samesies" and "equality" thing (men usually enjoy this type of feminism as it benefits them re: 50/50 expenses and equal opportunity for sex), but "radical feminism" DOES acknowledge sex-based differences (and thus, most men do not much like it as it means less casual sex for them, given we must factor in the differences of our bodies and who stands to gain most). Trad feminism also acknowledges sex based differences, albeit still believes in working within the current male dominated social system, not tearing it down and starting fresh (as rad feminism advocates for).

We also see the general disdain that males such as this top commenter have for women. Note how he jumps to the conclusion that OP has no dating experience, when in fact, the theory that men prioritize looks over personality is documented by many many many many many many many women, as it is reflected in their personal experiences (not all of them dating) of objectively becoming suddenly more fascinating when done up and wearing attractive clothes than she would be bare faced in overalls (while being the same person all around). He even acknowledges that it's true about men (but not after knocking her down a peg and gaslighting her first with the "go out there and date!" comment! Let me guess, give hateful men "a chance"? And when they abuse you "She made a bad choice").

Women take note of how many men just plain don't like women as people, or really see them as people, as you can see demonstrated in the unwarranted hostility of this man's comment and as such, women make sure to look their best to get along in society and dating. At the same time, they do feel this undercurrent of fundamentally not being very much liked (again, demonstrated in that comment), and in fact many men would likely have nothing to do with women and maybe would even destroy them, were men not to harbor a deep, consuming craving for female bodies they are often ashamed of, and find female labor utilitarian (which answers the WhAt Do YoU bRiNg To ThE tAblE? question... answer: satisfaction of deep, consistent cravings for female bodies, social currency/approval from other men that he landed a woman, and free labor in the form of bargain basement therapist/sex worker/surrogate/nanny/cook/maid/personal assistant that, priced out individually on the open market, few men could afford).

It's also fascinating that he calls OP "manipulative", which has me slapping my knees in laughter as the manipulation strategy he uses just prior is about as stealthy as my dog when he thinks he is "hiding", and I see his ass sticking out from under the table. Men don't "need" sex to happen first to form a connection. They may have sex numerous times and never connect. I have also seen men move mountains for women who have never touched them. "Men need sex first" is just a manipulation tactic used by emotionally stunted incel men who cannot connect with women (because again, they see them as "what can it do for me?" utilities rather than as people), to help temporarily satisfy urges they haven't developed the discipline to master.

All this is to say, yes, OP, men usually approach women not in a romantic, organic, "I want to get to know this person" way. Most men feel low on power, are living in scarcity mode and as such, your instincts are correct- they are approaching relationships in a business like matter... i. e., "How much can I benefit from this person and how few resources can I part with to enjoy those benefits?" Looks matter in the context of said perceived benefits because I don't know why, but they do impress other men, and men are very quick to brag about their hot new piece (as they do with cars and other such possessions) to signify status and gain respect. If you have some other way for them to gain social currency- social status, money (yep, male gold diggers exist! even if they do resent you for making more, they aren't rejecting you over your high salary), they will take it, but the bottom line is, it's very business like for them.

In late stage capitalism, where a few powerful men hold most of the power and everyone is scraping to get by, I don't even know if transactional relationships like this are a bad thing. But don't think your personality matters here, apart from that he feels good around you and that you're "not a bitch". If he comes to admire things about you later, that's great and he very well may, but it is all secondary to your utilitarian functions, with most men. You have to let the romantic notions go. We were lied to on that front. This is all business for them.

Good luck, and date smart!

Hangry22 · Accepted Answer

Men only want body and looks. All others are secondary. Can't blame them. Just how they're wired

Browneye57 · Accepted Answer

All this crap you've 'heard'. Instead of 'hearing' all this bullshit, why don't you actually date and make some decisions for yourself. You'll be WAY better off.

But at least you understand that men are simply not the same as women. No, it's the giant lie of feminism - they're not the same and equal, never have been and never will be. f

Women connect emotionally. You got that. Probly easy cuz you're a woman.
Men connect physically. This isn't to say they don't have emotions, but it's just a completely different mental process. They really don't bind to you without a physical connection.

Personality isn't what attractions people initially - looks does - attraction starts with how a person looks to them. If they're attractive they want to get to know. If they're not, it just ain't happening. So always look your best.

But yeah, once attraction happens there has to be a conversation. So brush up on those social skills as well, as they are learned.

You seem to have this typical attitude that you're superior, that guys are easily manipulated, that they are sub-human, like some kind of animal. This will be your undoing, I can nearly guarantee it.

So please tell us, what exactly do YOU bring to a relationship that would be considered high value? Seriously, we are dying to know. And no, it's not your golden vagina, nor that you're empathetic.

magiusX26 · Accepted Answer

looks get your foot in the door so to speak but personality is how you get all the way in. this about women connecting emotionally is only part truth, you women also go for looks 1st just most deny it. no one in history has met someone and 1st thing they think or say, if attracted, is s/he has a beautiful personality. it is, was, and always shall be looks 1st. cold hard facts there.

TheReturnOfTheGrump · Answer

They desire love and a connectjon to. Some anyways... Some ogher maybe not so much... Same with women tho some judt care about vetting laid. At first maybe they care about looks more because they fall love or get attached or someghing or whatever it is and the connection grows or something. Without the looks and potential they probably wouldn't make it to the next level ever. Something like thag...

Anonymous · Answer

Looks are what initially attract someone. Personality is what decides if they stay or not. Yes, when a man first meets you and shows interest, it's most likely because of how you look. If he's still there a few months later, it's probably because he found out he actually likes you as a person.

Anonymous · Answer

Like you women, we are all different. I believe we are no different than you. I think for most people, BOTH have to be there ultimately. But women go for looks as well, they just aren't as open about it as guys are. But make no mistake, they definitely do. Just like we care about personality.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

I’d say a lot do it for their appearance. But I believe there are some variables who take everything into account. Now THESE are the rarest of them all! OH YEAH. ... BAP! Now this son bitch. Imagine this, eh. Chj chj chj chj POW. Nope, not anymore! That’s number two.

HawkPerception · Answer

Looks are important initially for most of us. Personality is what keeps us. Everyone wants positivity in their life. So the better personality you have, the more the person will want to keep you in their life, guy or girl.

zagor · Answer

Men care about personality from the get-go, if they are looking for a relationship. For a one-nighter, doesn't much matter. But if there is no physical attraction, unlikely anything will ever happen in the first place.

Paul09 · Answer

While looks to a certain point are important to me. I also need a great personality. And have similar values. You could be super hot, but a bi**h, and id walk away. But if it would be just for sex, than just looks for sure.

Avicenna · Answer

Most of us do, yes. You want to enjoy being around that person.

crmoore · Answer

My priority is who they are as a person, but what they look like does have impact, just not as much impact as their personality.

Anonymous · Answer

Hahaha no. A guy who tells you different is lying. Everything we like about women is based on our interest in fucking her.

BustyNeedles · Answer

Who they are is the most important thing

Anonymous · Answer

Most just want to get laid

thrombis · Answer

Yes. We just fuck for looks with casual sex

dudeinohio · Answer

I'll always go for personality over looks.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they like their pussy.

Anonymous · Answer

Looks only

Do men really date women because of for who they are as people and not just because of their looks?

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