Boyfriend acting as though break up didn’t occur WTF?

[Anonymous]

Two weeks ago we had a break up where we had an argument and I said I wanted someone who wants to do date night with me. Then he said that he will not be able to get married because he’s an introvert (that’s bullshit though as he always mentioned marriage etc and kids). So we “broke up”. NOW, he’s texting and calling as though nothing happened with us breaking up. Why?

[meetkitty123]

Omg were we dating the same person?
I KNOW THIS BOAT OH SO WELL!
Im asking myself did I write this post in my sleep lol... Except I never had the issue of not wanting to get married... Just the issue of him repeatedly not taking the steps needed to make the relationship work... Then blaming it on his introvert personality... Trust me the excuses and procrastination is beyound old... It reached extinction!
LISTEN DO YOURSELF A FAVOR
RUN FORGET HIM the heart break you'll endore and constant let downs is not worth it. Find another who will follow through! Break it off while you dont have too much time invested in the relationship.
A man who really wants you will take the actions needed to keep you... You dont have time to sit around waiting for the guy to grow up. You want children of your own not a man baby to raise!
Basically the man wants to keep you but not put the work and effort needed in the relationship.
He doesn't want to let go but foesnt want to commit and take responsibility. Its a childish behavior. Like when a child has a toy or pet and they dont want to play with it (or take care of it) but they dont want anyone else coming in and taking it from them.

[Asker]

Woah it really seems to be more coming than I thought loll.

We have such a vicious cycle going where I demand more effort etc and he says that he’s making an effort soon but doesn’t. Then I end things and he comes back and he puts effort in for that ONE day and then is back and comfortable being lazy asf.
Then I end things again and he comes back again, except now finally he said he can’t “see himself marrying anyone because he can’t be around anyone too long” LOL such bullshit, because in the “honeymoon phase” he was ready to see me every second day and seemed to “want and need to be around me A LOT”. Now I took that personally and I still am not responding to his texts and calls. I lost whatever feelings that I had for him anyway so whatever.

[Asker]

Common not coming**

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing he can't accept it (breakup) and/or doesn't think you were serious? Or hoping it was a heat of the moment thing maybe and you've changed your mind?

But I'm confused, you wanted a date night, but then he talks about marriage? Two separate issues? I'm not quite sure the actual reason for this break up?

But two ways to handle this, depending on how you feel? If you still like him and want the relationship, then have a serious talk about what exactly you want and can he be that person and want the same from you? But if you're done 100%, then simply "remind" him that you're not together anymore and then limit your conversations (or tell him not to contact you again if that's what you want?), and treat him as you would any other friend. Talk about normal everyday things when you do talk to him, and not anything personal.

[Asker]

He knows what I want, because I’m REALLY open about it, but he isn’t making any effort, BUT also doesn’t want to break up because he’s chasing me despite knowing that he won’t give me what I asked for. Seems kinda foolish.

[Adam1978]

Why? Why is it so important to have dating nights, that your willing to throw away a relationship based on it. Why can't you value the time you spend together independent where it is?

[Asker]

Because it clearly means that we’re not compatible if I’m wanting date night and he doesn’t.

[Adam1978]

So as soon as you want something and he doesn't, it won't work? Well that will happen in all relationships unless you date yourself. So with those requirements you will end up single. You still didn't answer the question, why is date night important? Is it because he needs to be spending money on you? Because if it's his company you want you do not need to go out. You can have time together at home. If it's about burning money in your direction you have been corrupted by companies and media and isn't working towards your happiness but theirs. What is it you want out from date night? And isn't there another way to get it? That and all relationship requires compromises, if your unwilling to do them you will keep breaking up. Because your requirements will never match his. If he wanted dates all the time, he could have stayed single.

[Asker]

Don’t jump here on my post and start spewing your “gold digger” shaming. That said, spending quality couple time is important for a couple. We don’t live together, so we can’t spend “time at home” and hotel rooms aren’t cheap to book constantly. Making really good memories together is what I want and I’m not getting much, so I’m not answering his calls and texts. AND, he said that he didn’t want marriage, so why bother me still?

[Adam1978]

Okay so all you want is to be together, well if he doesn't want that you don't have a relationship. I assumed you did. So why doesn't you guys just hang with each other if your in a relationship? Instead of making it a must by declaring date night. And why would you need hotels? You both have a beds in your individual homes right? Most people share them in a relationship. in my opinion if you don't regularly see each other your not dating and can't claim to be in a relationship. And if your not welcoming the other person into your homes it's the same thing a big red flag, and you should avoid that person.

[Asker]

We do see each other a lot, it it tapered down as we got more “serious”. I still asked for consistent date nights and didn’t get many, so I decided that I want someone who can “plan” things. Now he’s bombarding my phone with texts and calls, BUT in none of his texts is he taking accountability for our issue or isn’t asking to even talk about it and then a solution. I want a “let’s talk about it” text, until then I’m ignoring him because it means he’s not really reflecting.

[Asker]

But**

[Asker]

Typos find**

[Adam1978]

He is communicating, and he doesn't see your problem since you are seeing him and he wants a more relaxed dating and not make it into a duty and shore. and ignoring him is just going to give opposed result, less communication and less time. Work with what you have instead of work against it.

[Asker]

No thanks. I’m ghosting him now.

[Leavesbound]

Sounds like you are nothing to him but a booty call. Dump him! And make it stick this time.

[Asker]

We have so much more than sex, but thanks for your input.

[Shihab91]

So he doesn't go out at night with you? ( Just making sure i get it right)

[Asker]

He does, but we have fewer date nights than I’d like and I raised it with him.

[Shihab91]

and no reason for that? i mean is he busy? tired because of work? eason for that? i mean is he busy? tired because of work? or he just stays home?

[Asker]

Well he says he’s an introvert and can’t be around people too long

[Shihab91]

Hmmm and do you think he is the same with others or just with you?

[Asker]

He was fine before. We’ve been together for 1.5 years and he wanted to see me constantly but nowadays he’s lazy and I don’t like that

[Shihab91]

Maybe depression... It does make someone lazy

[Asker]

Then that’s not my problem

[Shihab91]

If he wasn't like this then i think you should support him

[Asker]

What?

[Shihab91]

If he used to go out more then he changed then you should support him and find out what's the deal

[Asker]

It’s not my issue to deal with here. He didn’t change. He was always lazy, but now it’s really been taken too far tbh.

[Shihab91]

lazy is different from introvert , if you mean going out just you and him then he is lazy but if there are more people he might be honest.

[Asker]

I don’t get it. What about there being other people?