Should I ask him to be my boyfriend in person?

[Anonymous]

I feel like it's the respectful thing to do but I'm terrified of what happens after if he says no... like do I leave? Or is this something I could do over text... should I warn him I need to ask him something when I see him next?

We've been seeing each other for months now and I love him... except when it comes to talking about anything deep we are both pretty adamant. I don't think he'll make the move so I want to do it...

Any advice?

[ohshee]

I think it's a good idea. That way you know where you stand. And if he says no it's not a bad thing you have to understand that you might be embarrassed for a minute but it's not a bad thing there's a reason for it. And if he says no then he gets to make a choice how much she really likes you because if he says no you should stop hanging out with him as much and then let him figure it out how deeply he does like you. if he says yes congratulations but whatever you do do not take it personally if he says no don't be embarrassed about it believe me there's a reason for it whatever you do don't turn around start walking away talking to yourself LOL just be cool and calm that it all play out. If he says no believe me he will be back and he will show you how much he really cares.

[Massageman]

Adamant about talking deeply, NOT talking, or just ignoring the purple elephant in the room?

If two people are REALLY ready to take "that next step", then they should be at a point where either one can bring up almost ANY topic to the other and have a decent discussion about it. If this isn't possible, then maybe they should rethink their budding "relationship".

[Asker]

I think I could bring up anything around him and vice versa. This is just a nerve wracking next step

[kyleelyn199723]

I think it’s valid to ask him in person, without warning. :). Feel out the vibes and if it seems right go for it.

[SandandWaves]

certain things like this example... Needs to be done in person

[bluesue317]

100% ask him in person, it's not a conversation to have over the phone in my opinion. Plus then you get an answer right in front of you vs potentially waiting hours while he figures out what he wants to say

[serious]

I think you should do it, best is to do it in person but if not you can also do it over text. You said you both have been seeing each other for months so its okay if you text also.

[NamerOfStars]

If he has doubts, he'll probably ask something like "what do you mean?". If it's just a term you want to use; if you're just looking for his permission to call him "my boyfriend", you'll probably be fine.

[Asker]

That's pretty much it. Everyone else calls him my boyfriend to me... I just want to know if he is comfortable with it

[TommyMountainFigure]

I have something I need you to clarify for me.

"We've been seeing each other for months now and I love him" Those are your words.

How exactly do things have to change for him to be considered as your boyfriend?

[Asker]

He hasn't officially asked me to be his girlfriend. And I know some guys are fine with this sort of thing and just assume they're in a relationship... but because of his past I feel like it's necessary to be clear, for my sake

[TommyMountainFigure]

I see.
In that case, I wouldn't make anything of it. Maybe say something like, "you know how the I love you and you love me talk goes? The fact we've never had that, do you ever wonder what you'd say if we did?""

See this makes it hypothetical, so even if he doesn't give you the answer you want you haven't lost face and you won't be forced into making the decision to stay or leave. You can just laugh it off (I know it's not a perfect solution, but it could make him think about it)

[The_Maphio]

Grow a spine and do that live, indeed.
If he's not into it he will say no either way. But at least he knows that you've been real about it at the point of ditching the stupid fucking phone to look him in the eyeballs.

[Wise4myage]

Just tel him you're curious where he stands with this relationship, If he doesn't give the response you were hoping for, than you have an out.

[Anonymous]

I've always resented how the burden of asking falls on the guy shoulders

[Asker]

That's why if I'm ready to take the next step I don't feel I should have to wait forever for the "man" to do it

[Opinion Owner]

I've always hated and resented the tradition or status quo that guys are expected to make the first move or ask the girl out, why can't girls be the initiators too right?

[Anonymous]

"except when it comes to talking about anything deep we are both pretty adamant" - ? You can't talk to each other this way? I think you could do it either way. I wouldn't tell him you love him yet though. Get to the boyfriend/girlfriend first lol

[Asker]

We communicate well but we are both kind of emotionally stupid when it comes to expressing ourselves. But yeah I'd prob do that

[slatyb]

If you’ve been seeing each other for months, and no one else, then doesn’t that make him your boyfriend?

[Browneye57]

So your guy is so weak he can't go for what he wants, but you think YOU can take over.
Oh dear... this is just not going where you think it's going.

"Respectful thing"? Dear god.

[oldasIfeel22]

We don’t know this guys background. Maybe his last girlfriend burned him bad (when he committed). Who knows.

Male behavior isn’t what initially changed in society. Women changed first thanks to feminism and there is consequences to it. Men change after women change

[Browneye57]

@oldasIfeel22 - Ew boy, that's some happy horseshit. And a big-time blame-game. Uh, no.
If the fukkin guy is burned then he'll be smarter and not get hoodwinked, no? But dippity-do-da here thinks she's gonna take over. pfft.

[Anonymous]

do it over text it'll be easier for you to have an exit strategy in case shit hits the fan

[oldasIfeel22]

Texting is passive.

[Opinion Owner]

@oldasIfeel22 so..

[oldasIfeel22]

In our entire society has becoming increasingly cowardly with this shit. Women ghost much more often now.

Don’t encourage her to be a coward.

[Marhaban-1]

Yes of course!
Have confidence I believe in you

[Stevefiveo]

I would say it in person. Good luck.

[scott04sa22]

Can't see why not

[In_Trance]

Yeah