So my fellow beautiful friends, I’ve been talking to other people about how time changed us especially in the dating market. It had me thinking to ask you wonderful people.
Now I’ve definitely noticed a changed opposed to even 5 years ago. I noticed my future girlfriend must have healthier lifestyle goals, potential career, open mindedness to children, intellectually curiosity, compassion and confidence, etc etc.
So now , has it changed or stayed the same? And why?
Ohh yes. LOL. When I was 18-23 I dated sooo many guys that were not dating material. They were all broken, had no money (lived in run down apartments or basements) and were so lost and didn’t know how to respect women or have a relationship. I think I had wanted to change them or be the positive in their lives (which I now see isn’t my problem to deal with!) I dated a few drug addicts, musicians or just completely unhinged men who didn’t offer me love, just drama. I gave and gave and it was depleting after awhile. I’ve matured a lot after my last relationship. I’m now 26 and I no longer date anyone on drugs, whose main career is a musician (sorry) or overly emotional or negative men. And career does matter now. I realized money does impact a relationship more than my younger self wished to admit. I make good money so I need my man to too. There are ways I’ve matured but I can still see there are some old patterns I still have. I still put my love for someone over the love they’ve given me. I hope in time to better that too. I always give more than I receive. Receiving love freaks me out so I’m working on it. Seeing my progress I’m hopeful.
Yes it has changed as my self esteem and respect has changed. I used to go for guys who less attractive as I thought I could fix them or think that being with me would change things and that they'd value me. I spent 2 years of my life with someone who I realised never valued me or stuck to his promise to marry me. I have a lot to offer in a relationship so now I look for someone who can lead and has good goals in life. So i can align and build with them. But also someone who will be protective and loving towards me and my son and not controlling. I don't let people treat me like shit anymore and get away with it. I have a 3 point strike system straight away with dating people. If you breach my boundaries 3 times and you know it I'm out. I dont care how long I've had history with someone. If you disrespect my boundaries that's it. Soemtimes it's a mistake and had no idea and change that's different. But if you think I'm going to be a door matt you have another thing coming. Waisted too much time already on people who don't deserve my time and effort
It's good to read your self esteem and respect has changed, it has taken me longer. I'm glad to hear you don't let anyone treat you like crap, your 3 strike sounds strong, but I truly understand by what you posted why you have that system you need to protect yourself and not allow your lads mind to be messed up/ confused. I hope you find a loyal guy that is a keeper soon.
---------My preferences have changed over the years. When you travel for most of your life it is difficult to find someone who is willing to put up with that lifestyle. It's not impossible but just difficult. I plan on traveling again soon for most of the year and most likely will be also looking for someone who can travel as well. Preferences change. Embrace them and follow your heart.
"Everyone should be kissed and often and by someone who knows how." ~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG
Yes definitely. Since my divorce, I'm focused on raising my son, and any adult R-rated or X-rated fun with any women is behind the scenes. I'm not saying I'm completely against putting myself in a serious relationship again, but it's not my focus. Whatever happens, happens, and I'm just going to enjoy myself whenever it's possible.
Thanks for the compliment. After I re-read what I posted, I wanted to clarify something about "fun". It's not about "notches on the bedpost" with multiple women. I want to find ONE woman (perhaps a fellow single parent) with common free time and who's on the same page with what I posted above, for reoccurring "fun" behind the scenes. However, taking to to a point where this woman meets my son? Or I meet her kid (s)? Or a relationship? Another engagement? Another marriage? As a full-time single parent? No way.
Now someday, once my son is an adult, maybe my feelings will change... but I'll cross that bridge in the future.
I also want to clarify my position on marriage overall: I'm personally in my 40s, and post-divorce. I actually still support marriage for those getting married for the first time, or for those who are divorced with no kids. I'll never understand people who who get married over and over again, with kids and half-siblings and step-siblings all over the place. It just makes no sense to me. I want my son's life to resemble a circus act as little as possible.
This is why I believe that instead of the Supreme Court legalizing gay marriage, they should've criminalized straight marriage. Why should we all settle for just being equal, when we can all be equal AND happy? On the other hand, I definitely support marriage equality. Why should heterosexuals be the only ones subject to the aggravation of divorce? 👍
I understand where you’re coming from as trying to be the best father you can be. I definitely would be the same when it’s my turn to step into that role. I have a lot of respect for parents who try their best to give their children the best life they can and doesn’t try to complicate their lives.
I’m definitely scared of getting married to the wrong person but what scares me even the most is being a horrible dad.
The fact that you're already thinking about being a father and what type of father you'll be (even if most of those thoughts are concern or worry at the moment), well before actually becoming a father, means you're ahead of most other guys out there.
Yes of course!!! The first guy I was interested in was a good white guy. He literally had nothing going for him. Not in school, part time job, lived in his parents basement, addicted to drugs, no car he simply didn’t care about life. The next guy I actually dated from my school. White guy, a jock, funny but way hyper sexual God. We dated for about 6 months and when he changed schools I decided to break up with him it was all the way in NJ and I had no way to get there. He played lacrosse, walked me to class, really sweet but used to be a fboy so in the relationship his ex was really rude to at school. He actually asked me out. Not my type anymore. Then my most recent was a Hispanic hood guy, drug dealer, really really sweet, a bit clueless to me but I could tell he gives that vibe off to find out people’s true intentions so he was actually pretty attentive, a bit petty/childish, kinda made me take the reigns in the relationship, changed numbers ALL THE TIME (we ended up being pushed apart bc of this. He would give his number to me at work but he was fired and I don’t have his new number 😑), inconsistent, kinda quiet, VERY possessive, and handsome ASFFFF y’all he was SO CUTE. I didn’t think I could pull him in the beginning but apparently he thought the same thing about me and we pulled each other❤️. I can’t get over him but it’ll happen eventually. But out of that my type is now only Hispanic guys they love hard and are really sweet when they like you he also treated me really well and seeing him change from macho to putty in my hands was so satisfying and adorable😩. If y’all couldn’t guess he was Puerto Rican😅.
Yeah. I used to put 55-60% into personality and 40-45% into looks. Now, I'm more like 75-80% into personality and only 20-25% into looks. Honestly, I just what a girl to be tall, curvy, not too old, and look feminine (like an actual woman) as far as looks go. And I'm willing to compromise on at least half of those four, as long as she has two of them. I also care more about women who have a nice personality, when back in my 20s, I used to take it for granted, cause it is RARE AF among women, nowadays! Just a woman who isn't entitled and thinks she's owed a 9 out of 10 man is rare, nowadays!
i think we finally start valuing personality a bit more when we realize that the perfect girl with perfect face, body, personality simply does not exist.
Yes time takes a toll even on our choices for future decisions especially relationships For me it's a work in progress I'm not yet ready but when I'am I want someone who knows what they want, takes care of themselves, has drive, doesn't snuff at the small stuff, health should be pretty good, adventurous Back in the day it was about kids school marriage all that crazy chit, now it's a different ball game Excellent question you asked ✌️
It's no longer old school guy picks up girl opens up doors no expectations, etc. Now some may do that but majority nah. Now a days it's all a virtual show me what you got nah I don't want that it's like odering off a menu I mean seriously what's wrong with a little mystery I don't believe in showing your business to get what you want Either take me the way I'am & who I'am or leave me alone I'm too old school to put up with the chit ✌️
Sure. When I was younger I used to date people who were interesting or different than me. I'd tell myself that their struggles were harder than mine and that I should accommodate them without expecting the same in return.
Now I date people who are 1) functional 2) who could pass the roommate test 3) would look forward to being married within 5 years (as a life goal, not necessarily with me)
If he can't hold at least a minimum wage job to pay his own bills, he's out. If he's a messy slob who also refuses to cook once a week, he out. If he abhors the idea of marriage or expects his bachelor lifestyle to extend another decade, he's out.
We can't be doing all the cute stuff like gaming until 3am, or binge watching movies, or doing the seggs if I'm worried about bills, our future, or other logistics.
It’s changed with time, it's much higher now. I don't want to lose my time with some loser who have no confidence in himself or any passion of his own. He need to have a great background (married parents, go along with his whole family, family quite well off financially), being serious and ambitious about his career, well dressed with new clothes (not clothes 10 years old), have a car, is tall, confident, look good and don't tell me what to do or how to dress, etc..
And guys I would never never ever date are "nice guys" those are the biggest assholes ever. My sister dated two and they're the worse scum on earth.
So you mean most important materialist things are what you looking for? And 'nice guys' are somewhat of a social embarrassment to best to avoid them to.
Of course it’ changes with time. Each relationship break up or heartbreak makes you learn and introspect what you want and like in a partner. That’s only if your willing to introspect not just jump into another relationship cause you find someone physically attractive only to end up feeling hurt again. That’s why most people say imma take things slower after being tricked wounded or hurt in past relationships.
The worst scenario could be focusing on sexual compatibility rather than other components on the relationship thus leading to heartbreak. If you enjoy other components such as love trust familiar or similar thinking pattern, values , lifestyle and goals in life sexual compatibility automatically comes in place.
My expectations have changed much but people’s opinions of it have… like the US dollar. The dollar never changes just the value of it… I want a traditional man but a traditional woman isn’t the norm anymore. Same demand but lower supply makes them more valuable…
That being said I won’t marry. That’s the big part of what’s changed. Marriages heavily against men as it has always been but it’s more acceptable to screw men over. It’s not that they will but that they could… men protect yourself. Date… have sex (protected and take the condom with you)… even have a long term relationship… but don’t cohabitate and don’t marry.
They’ve changed because I’ve changed. I think a change in preference is almost inevitable (emphasis on ‘almost’) once a person grows intellectually and emotionally. You look at the world differently, understand things differently. And as a result you’ll also desire different things. Someone who is less intellectually savvy may not be as attractive to you after you’ve grown, while the same person probably would’ve been attractive to you before said growth.
My preferences are mostly the same. The only real change is I am a lot more careful dealing with black women because a lot of them tend to cause/participate in unnecessary drama. I've dated 4 black women and ONLY ONE can I look back at and say she was deserving of any respect. Before these dates, I treated everyone openly. This is not because of racism, but because of cause and effect. While I have met amazing black people in my life and my closest friends are mostly black, as a whole black women have caused the most drama in my life and it is plain ignorant and annoying. Even my black male friends agree with me.
Yes, when I was 12 I preferred teenage girls with big boobs. When I was a teen I preferred girls in their 20's with big boobs. Nothing changed when I hit my 30's. But when I got into my 40's I stopped caring about boobs and started to focus on the other side. By the time I was in my 50's I regretted that I was focused on body parts and not what was between the ears.
Absolutely, growing up I was always attracted to the prettiest, educated girls. Now, I'm more into meeting someone who enjoys good communication & enjoying a happy lifestyle
Most definitely Changed. If I was ever single again I'd definitely pick better candidates than I did while I was young and not have sex til officially dating.
Yes it's changed for me, I look at things differently, I've grown a lot but most importantly I finally love myself, I realized things and relationships are worse when you don't love yourself!
Yes, a lot of people are born white washed. For example myself used to prefer white women. Racism made me stop liking and pursuing them. Just like I read somewhere a white woman said she no longer likes black guys because a friend of hers got raped by a black dude. It goes both ways
Slightly. I would've NEVER been interested in a black chick when I was young, mostly because my parents were prejudiced and I just followed their example. Now, I've seen quite a few I wouldn't mind doing the horizontal bomp with!!
It certainly has changed with time. I think also priorities change with anything as a person gets older and a little wiser. And circumstances may change.
I demand honesty now period and looks matter much less now. I've always dated athletic guys with short hair and usually a size 12 shoe who don't wear pink or purple
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