Is putting a relationship on pause sometimes the best option despite feelings? I’m not experienced in love, I need advice?

[Anonymous]

I don't know how other people move through life and relationships so I’m asking this to see others’ opinions.
But this guy and I met months ago and we have mutual feelings for each other, even when we try to end it since it would be in our best interests because of where he’s at, we always come back around mutually. He is jobless, broke and just graduated starting to kickstart his career and he’s 30. So he feels like a failure but since he graduated in law he knows now is his only time to achieve his goals and be successful. He’s swamped with work and clients and has taken an internship abroad at the end of summer til next March. Although he has expressed to me he wishes he could continue with me and likes me, realistically he doesn’t think it’s possible right now. He said maybe down the line when he’s back home, but he doesn’t expect me to wait for him. I think he has low self esteem too and he doesn’t think I would wait or it’s a lot to ask. He’s had bad long distance relationship experiences before and doesn’t want to ruin something we have by attempting it either. So he says to avoid the mess we should leave it be for now.
Can anyone tell me if this all makes sense or is this just a case scenario if he’s not that into me? I’m not experienced in relationships so I have no idea. All I know is I have fallen for him.

[Browneye57]

Some serious reality comes to mind here...
1. He's not ready. And he's broke.
2. You have fabricated your feelings for him in your own mind.
3. LDR's are a waste of time - stats are within 90 days one or the other will find someone else.
4. He's smarter than you. By a long shot.

My advice:
Date around for now. You don't have to have sex with them all, but will give you actual experience in the process, and arm you with the knowledge to actually be able to discern whether a prospect is worthwhile, whether they are worthy of your substantial investment in time and emotion. Most simply will not be.
Don't plan for this guy to come around, but leave the door open should he choose to. The timing just isn't right, but you never know what the future will bring. And you don't need to pine away your life waiting for a guy to get his shit together - move on with YOUR life.

[Asker]

Thank you taking the time to answer. I wish I knew someone like you in real life to help me! Whenever you answer my questions I feel like I’m about to get some real talk and it’s always helpful. You’re right about it, I know. and it gives me something to think about so thank you.

[Browneye57]

I'm here for ya honey. It won't always be pleasant or PC, but straight-up cold truth, guaranteed.
My three grown children, 26 to 34, finally get it. ;)

[Asker]

That’s the way to be 😊 I was gonna say, if you have kids, they are lucky! I love my parents but I’ve never received dating advice of any kind.

[Browneye57]

We told our youngest to wait before he married. Begged with him, explained why, and what the red-flags were. Well, guess what? After they were together for seven years, married for two, she up and decided she didn't really like him anymore. He gave her a year to come around, I told him she wasn't going to change, people don't just wake up one day and decide they've got the hots for you again. Just never happens. He just filed for divorce, moved out and gave her the million-dollar house. Oh well.

People ask why divorce costs so much... BECAUSE ITS WORTH IT!

[Asker]

Oh wow :( that’s awful. I hope he’s doing ok... sounds like a lesson learned a real hard and expensive way. Marriage is kinda daunting for me, I’d definitely want to wait. I hope he finds someone again that will have a better ending.

[Espresso-Grande]

Sometimes it's necessary to take a step back and reflect on what you want and where a relationship is heading.

But in your scenario, it's not really on pause or hold. It seems like he wants you to both get on with your own lives. He doesn't expect you to wait for him, and he said "maybe down the line when he's back him" , so it seems like it's more or less over, not on hold.

[Asker]

But over forever? I mean we can’t date when he’s off for 8 months, but he’ll be back and I’ll be here so I guess I don’t see why not start again?

[MCheetah]

For you, a woman? Probably.