At what point do you ask about their sexual past?

Question

I ask this question because it matters to me personally. I'm a virgin so, in a perfect world, I'd prefer another virgin. Unfortunately, a body count of 1 or 2 isn't completely out of the question if being realistic I guess.

I'd really like to know early on so we can decide if we want to move forward or not. Not trying to be rude or impolite about it. I just don't want to waste anybody's time in the long run if I'm not comfortable with the circumstances. At what point, or stage, would it be best to ask?

[Disclaimer: This is not about if you don't like the question or if you think it's not anyone's business. A person has a right not to share their history with anyone. I respect that, however we should both be mature adults about it and politely part ways if we can't be honest or transparent about it.]

bamesjond0069 · Accepted Answer

Usually girls are willing to have sex before they are willing to be honest about their past. It takes real intimacy to get honest answers out of most girls. I've had this happen where a girl says one thing and then i pound her out a few times and then the truth actually comes out. I personally highly prefer virgins or otherwise very low bc women but I've found fucking them the best way to find out the truth. Unlike you i have a triple digit count and I've learned girls love to lie about this topic. Its best to talk about it multiple times to help catch the lie when they can't keep their story straight. Thats definitely something i recommend.

MountAverage · Accepted Answer

Pretty much from the very beginning on. It matters to me as well, albeit the opposite way as it matters to you - I wouldn't want to date a woman with little to no experience. Another reasons why I start asking such questions on the first date already, is because I would also never want to date a woman who is generally reluctant to talk about sexual topics. I only date women who have an open, mature, active, and joyful attitude towards sexuality.

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

A lot of the time, you dont have to ask. More people are so open now a days that they’ll tell you before you even go on a date. If he doesn't voluntarily tell me, then i would not ask on the first few dates, but I will ask before we become official boyfriend/girlfriend. I do not want to date someone who easily throws their goodies at randoms. Like i want to be with someone who takes sex seriously and has to be in love and in a longterm relationship before they give into sex. And if he's been with more than a handful of women, i absolutely do not want him. There are others out there who will, but he is not for me

Sarairocketship · Accepted Answer

You can ask as soon as you know it's getting serious. Like other commenters said. Girls who feel the same as you about sex shouldn't have a problem with the question. I wouldn't get offended if someone asked me. I also feel the same about it.

Livewire3 · Answer

Sexual past has a lot of information. But you seem to want to know something more specific, "how many sexual partners have you had?" You could be asking this question with anyone you know. Friends, family, etc. But I would wait with someone you are just starting to know, that may put off someone by immediately asking. I definitely recommend asking about sexual past before actually having sex with someone, and if you are waiting for marriage ask before you get engaged. That being said there are a lot of other questions you may want to know about, like what types of sex: anal, unprotected, kinks, fetishes, locations. You may also want to know if there is a hangup with a past relationship, are they still attached on some level? The more you know the better. Consider how closed off or open someone is about talking about those things, this may tell you more about their willingness to be totally open with you on many subjects. They are or they aren't going to be straight with you, healthy relationships are possible when people don't hide things from each other. Even mistakes they have made.

Assi2k · Answer

Ask on the second date. Virgins and girls with the 1 to 2 body count you’re looking for will be looking for you as well and be relieved you asked. Otherwise, you’ll receive arguments to why you’re wrong for asking to begin with or she’ll get offended.

This is from my own experience when I tell men about my preferences. They get offended because you’re essentially rejecting them and that’s never a nice experience. So be kind. Hope that helped!

DonkeyDan · Answer

Well I kind of like to hear about how their sex was in the past and get them to tell me their stories about the best time they had or something outrageous they've done sexually, kind of a turn on if they are very descriptive. That's normally the time we talk about that kind of thing maybe a month or 2 in, it's fine if they don't want to talk about it.

sage2021 · Answer

My ex-husband and I discussed this probably a few weeks after we met. I would like to know what the proper answer would be for you. Possibly a virgin like yourself? Do you want them to have a little experience? My first boyfriend and my first love were both virgins. There really wasn't much to it 😲

Jake99999 · Answer

You can learn about someone’s past such as education and their career family and maybe some minor details about past relationships, but prying into their number of sex partners, etc is not right in my view. Everyone has a past. What matters is now. If you want like a background check and a folder with every tiny detail of their past, it’s a bit much. My partner I am with now, I don’t know how many sex partners she has had in her life, and I don’t need to know. I could guess but what is the point. We are in love and very happy for 5 years now. None of her past matters. We chose each other and we are happy.

19magic · Answer

I've had sex with a few different guys now, but personally it doesn't really matter. I would like to know if he's had any STIs or rather currently has any STIs since many of them are treatable. But I've always found the after sex bits way more intimate than sex itself so maybe I'm weird, but I find hand holding or even hugs to be more intimate than sex.

Which is why the sex count doesn't matter as if you think that they've had x amount of hookups and they picked you to star with and date etc then that's more security and ego boasting then being each other firsts as they don't know any better. The other way round they've been round the block a couple of times and they still picked you.

Azura_88 · Answer

"we should both be mature adults about it and politely part ways if we can't be honest or transparent about it". EXACTLY!
They will tell none of our business but at the same time won't part ways because they're needy, desperate and hungry for your attention.
People hide it because they feel guilty or don't wanna ruin their 'image'.
I am also a virgin, I don't want a used up guy and I will not ask about his past, I'll INVESTIGATE it. Because people LACK HONESTY!

HawkPerception · Answer

I ask very soon. It's my personal preference to know how much sexual experience they have in comparison to me because I believe that a large difference in sexual experience can be really toxic in a relationship.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

You just don’t ask,

it does not change them as a person and I am not really sure what it tells anyone.

in theory you could be dating months before you even get close to sex.

asking it early on would likely see a lot of girls walk, as it can be really weird thing to ask.

Also a girl could tell you she is a virgin, had sex a 100 times and you would not know.

unless she tells you, you do not know.

DaveToo · Answer

To be honest, when I was in a lovemaking session with my lady, if she wanted to talk about her past experiences, I had no problem with it. I would ask in a nonchalant way for details and if she wished to tell me then she would.

One gal I went with for quite some time told me that when she was 14 until she turned 17, she would give her father blowjobs in his darkroom. He did photography and she was "helping" him. She had other lovers while she was married. So it was no surprise that, after she divorced him, she went with me until she found someone else that had more money. Apparently, that big black dick was "hard" to turn down.

MTC29 · Answer

Why rock the boat?

You like the girl and everything is moving along nicely.

The you say, "I really like you, but how many guys have you slept with? A body count of 1 or 2 isn't completely out of the question, but if it's more than one or two, I'll have to cut you loose."

Oh yes, that will play out nicely! Start asking women those types of questions and you can plan on going back to jacking off every night.

Bee-Hatch · Answer

One day you'll figure out that people have a past. That who a person has had sex beforehand with is completely irrelevant. You're not discovering a new country, you're not likely to be the first there. So basically I never ask. If they want to talk about it, that's fine, otherwise it's their business.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

Only if it becomes relevant to our current relationship, like if they have an STI or an abusive ex I need to know about. Other than that, I don't care to know how many people my partner has been with or anything like that. If they want to tell me that's fine. If not, that's fine too

red324 · Answer

I don't want to know. They lie anyways. I dated a girl that said she had been with a guy for 3 years. Then after we broke up her cousin goes wells that's what she does, dates a guy for a little while and moves onto the next one as soon as it gets serious. Who do you believe? I would have went about things a little differently with her if I knew that was the case.

lizchill · Answer

Before you enter into any type of sexual relationship with them. If they have an std or view sex differently than you do. You need to know upfront and before you behave in a way that could devastate your life.

cloudspy · Answer

As it's a deal breaker for you I guess if you are thinking about it it's time to ask.

Remember people do lie about this though.

Are you saving yourself for marriage? Maybe get laid a few times yourself and see if this issue is still pertinent for you.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Dude, you virgin guys seem so obsessed with a girls sex history. Like thats not weird, right? Why does it really matter? If she's making the time to be with you, to love and care for you, what about her past is going to change your perspective for her future? And asking straight up front just shows how incredibly insecure you are, to base your entire opinion about someone, irregardless of their actions or deeds; on her body count. To me I guess its not wonder so many guys on this site are single virgins. Enjoy being with her, love her, treat her right, be the real man and she won't leave you.

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Answer

I have not, in a very long time,

Where there is any need to ask, I don't believe there is any point in asking,
You either are sensably their favourite/someone they really desire/get along with/love - in which case it makes little difference/is trivial - or, if you are yet another number - why would you be asking/planning anything serious when it is very likely the number after you will arrive (with any doubt present, I stay away)

FreeOhSeven · Answer

When’s you’re either mentally stable enough to handle what might be devastating or drunk enough to understand that if you embrace the voyeur that resides deep down within the revelation might make you horny.

SLRK3 · Answer

I really don't ask about their sexual past. Yeah it did come up and small things are good but actually getting details about what he had done in his past sexually and with who, I rather not know and try and pretend it's our first time! You learn about their post sexually and their you go having comparisons and trying to up one and that is something that I rather not go through. But that is me, everyone has their own opinion.

888theGreat · Answer

You don't always have to ask , if she is on her knees unzipping your pants on first date, you know she is having sex with all kinds of guys. Most that real sexual , will wait to fool you , but the truth will come out

Anonymous · Answer

The only part of it that matters with virginity is to make sure they don’t have stds, everything else is irrelevant. Women don’t “stretch out” nor are they ruined if their not virgins. Plus the first time is always the worst and most painful for women. I think being with a non virgin woman would be better to help guide you especially at your age. I’m not saying get someone with 10+ body counts but someone whose a bit experienced would be good.

Anonymous · Answer

Never. It really is no one's business and not a topic for mature adults. It's okay to discuss it if they decide to share details without ever being asked. Having said all that, if it's important to you, make it the first question you ask when you first meet someone so they know upfront what they are dealing with.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd be pretty open and upfront and surely I'd eventually match up with a woman who's just as open and perhaps even still a complete innocent virgin like me at 30 or by 30 too, hehehe.

Browneye57 · Answer

Ew boy this is some happy horseshit isn't it?
It's none of your business you little moron. If you're really 23 and you've never been with a woman, I don't see that happening any time soon anyway. Maybe make a trip to Pahrump and visit the Chicken Ranch. The place is FULL of virgins. LOL

outsidethesun78 · Answer

I was a virgin when I met my boyfriend and I never told him. Although I was aware he has had sex. I wasn’t prepared for the count which was around 19. Personally it don’t bother me until I myself felt ashamed and embarrassed. Then afterwards I let it consume me and we fought about girls and what he liked. Body count shouldn’t matter but if it does to you, you should be prepared on how you handle that. Just remember it happened before they were even with you.

Anonymous · Answer

I can guess by looking his personality, social environment if He has nightlife vice versa. Because i am virgin i would want to be with Virgin guy. But in this age it is hard to find. If everything is okay i can not say that why aren’t you virgin, because i am? But i don’t think that i can be with player or womanizer kind of guys. Because even everything was in the past it is hard to trust him in the future and i don’t want to be with someone who is paid for sex. Other things not important to me.

exitseven · Answer

I guess I would say you should ask before you have sex. If you are going to dump her for having too big of a body count it is only fair.

Youdumbeotch · Answer

Ignore the women if they are virgins as it’s more acceptable for a man to educate a female sexually but not vice versa. I’m 27 and a virgin with no romantic or sexual experiences at this stage in life it’s best no to attempt as the people around my age have had some exp

PinkLady21 · Answer

Before you start dating, but say what you’ve said here that you are a virgin so it’s important to you to find someone similar

wysiwyg2525 · Answer

You never ask because your going to set yourself up for hurt or your going to be comparing yourself to their past. Even if you do ask them they are going to lie to you. You will never know the real number.

Irnwhdbsj · Answer

After you've had the first kiss and ranked it on a scale of past ones... Presuming you don't already know. In which case you just sit there looking baffled at how women put up with that no matter how pretty he is.

LisaRaven · Answer

I would only ask if it were getting serious. If a guy asked me on the first date I'd be looking for a way out. If all that they want me for is sex they can move on to the next girl.

Slim57 · Answer

All my dated we've been very open from the start and no one got offended. Don't think I attract any who do get offended so it works out.

RawIronhide · Answer

Before and leading up to having sex. Only when it's relevant in other words.

Better_off_here · Answer

i guess before you choose to become intimate would be a good time to have that talk. when you both serious and want to take the next step. if you can not be open and truthful with someone you probably should not be having sex.

LivingExample · Answer

On the First Date say exactly what you said here. It is Important to you so you need to let that person know that. If they get Offended you have your answer!

Surely · Answer

Whenever things look like they may become serious. Or just before. No sense on continuing the relationship if their past is a deal breaker!

Fuentes · Answer

I ask to get an idea i don't mind saying how many bodies i got, it's not a deal breaker for me as long as it's not way to many.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I honestly don't care about a girl's past. It is her present and future which concerns me!

Anonymous · Answer

Lmao all the hoes telling you not to ask. They’d all cheat on you.

SenseiSeptred · Answer

What if it was a situation like what happened to me where none of the encounters were consensual towards me leading to me getting raped, but this situation happened to someone else?

Shamiah02 · Answer

The only thing about sexual past that matters is what diseases they have.  If they got none.  Than the rest doesn't matter

m33lad · Answer

If you’re a girl being a virgin is fine. But for a guy most of the time lack of sex means he’s a mama’s boy.  Our maturity as men comes from we dealing with ex amount of women.

Anonymous · Answer

Ideally before the two of you start having sex just to be safe.

chefpantydrop · Answer

Sexual past doesn't matter. If you sleep with 3 people a year on avg from 18-30 that's 36 people. Some say that's high but it's one person every 4 months. Pretty reasonable

Recurrence · Answer

I’m just a virgin, but I don’t really mind how many partners they’ve had as long as they’re monogamous with me and actually like me for my personality

Anonymous · Answer

Never.
If they have no sexual past then I’d like that they volunteer that info unprompted. But if it’s anything else, I’d rather not hear, and if somehow we mistakenly stumble into the subject, I’d prefer to be lied to.

SHREYASH007 · Answer

Awesome thinking, I totally agree sex is special stuff.

Coulis · Answer

If you feel the need to ask it's going to bother you so my advice is don't.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Really? You care about if someone is a virgin? Get a life as no one is a virgin

Starwitch23 · Answer

I don't ask him. It is his choice to tell me his sexual past or not.

IveGotNoName · Answer

Never. Or I don't know I've only ever been with my boyfriend and he's only ever been with me

Anonymous · Answer

I don't ask. Period. End of. People change. Their past doesn't. The future is yet to be written. Now matters. Feelings matter. Trust matters. Love matters. As a famous man once said "let the dead bury their dead".

SmokinAces2000 · Answer

I don’t 😂 I really couldn’t care less, I’ll most likely have a more intense sexual past than she does

BruceJender · Answer

There rarely is any reason to ask, at least for me.  It usually comes up naturally.

sattii2607 · Answer

My wife and I have been married for 9 years now, I never asked her ever

jimmy2 · Answer

I learn her past so 8f she tries her past then i will know and talk to her so we can be on tge same page of love

Anonymous · Answer

You really don't need to. If she was that big of a hoe her past is going to show up. Lol

Anonymous · Answer

Tbh I’m not really bothered about their past it’s the future that counts with me

At what point do you ask about their sexual past?

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