Does your partner's past sexual life matter to you?

Question

Do you care about how many sexual partners she/he had in past. Does that makes any difference in your relation.

guy532 · Accepted Answer

Nah, it doesn't. People change. My girlfriend used to be a go go dancer and pole dancing instructor in her early 20's. Now she's a homebody who wants nothing to do with partying. She wasn't even that promiscuous considering her old jobs and the fact that she's had sooo many guys chase after her, like I'd be a bigger slut if I was in her shoes hahaha. It's pretty crazy, she's showed me some of her old messages and there's been guys offering to buy her cars, houses, marry her, leave their girlfriend, etc. It's actually comforting seeing that because all I have to offer is myself and she's crazy about me. Plus, I worry less about her cheating or breaking things off because having guys constantly chase her has been the norm for most of her life so she literally doesn't give a fuck about it at all. I have an ex that did cheat on me and she was more like the ugly duckling. She never got hit on when she was young and towards the end of our relationship she started getting a bit of attention from some coworkers and it completely blew up her head and she thought she was hot shit and she decided to cheat on me with the hot dude at her office who then wanted nothing to do with her lol.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It depends past partners from long term relationships I don't care. If it a girl that sleeps around just for fun it's a turn off for me. I view sex as something to be had within a long term relationship and I've only had sex people who I really cared about. I'd want to find someone with similar views on sex.

I don't judge a girl who has casual sex for fun with as many partners as she feels like. It's her life and more power to her. I just don't want to date someone like that (or in other words I won't date someone like that because we're not sexually compatible).

CarpetDenim · Accepted Answer

It matters to me of course, but it's not a dealbreaker if they've been with a lot of people, as much as it would bother me. I'd honestly prefer a guy with no experience just like me so we could learn everything together at our own pace because then I wouldn't have any past sexual partners to live up to and I wouldn't have to worry about people I'm indirectly coming into contact with. Like I said though, while it would definitely be a source of insecurity/discomfort for me if they'd slept around, it's not a dealbreaker as long as it's strictly in the past and I'm the only person they're presently involved with.

PinkMichae · Accepted Answer

Most men and women are not hypocrite and don't care. I don't care who my man fucked before me. All I care is that he's loving and loyal to me. If he had lots of sexual fun then more power to him. I'm glad he enjoyed his life before me and glad he loves his life with me. Now when he found out about my sexual past he tried to pull that judgmental hypocritical bs but I shut him down real quick and made him realize how stupid it was to have a problem with it. There are so many bigger problems. We don't need little stupid shit like that to deal with.

lumos · Accepted Answer

I prefer guys who are sorta on the same level as me in terms of amount of sexual partners, but in the end it’s only one small factor out of many that I take into consideration. What matters wayyy more than partner count is whether he has any sort of STD, and his views on sex/women in general. Would not touch a guy with a ten foot pole if his views on sex and women is disgusting.

Sasha9586 · Accepted Answer

If this is something you feel uncomfortable about dude don’t! Sex is healthy and totally normal, for someone to shame another person just because they’ve gone out and loved and had fun and enjoyed themselves is wrong... a lot of people expect to be with someone that hasn’t had many previous physical partners but they themselves have numerous.. don’t be ashamed :)) x

Logorithim · Answer

I actually wouldn't ask her about it, and it would only be a problem if she had been a prostitute or recently very proniscuous (not, for example, in college a decade ago):

PrincessPie · Answer

Long as they’re free from STIs I’m not fussed.

Anonymous · Answer

It all depends on her attitude about it.

If she comes off like she's bragging about how many partners she's been with, then yes... It's a huge turn off because who's to say you're not just another number to her?

If she comes off as upset or embarrassed about it, then yes, it's a turn off because she's feeling guilty about it and will most likely be a lot more reserved with you than in her past so you're basically paying for her "mistakes" which isn't fair to you.

If she mentions it as a "matter of fact" and just leaves it at that, then no... It was all in her past... Everyone goes through phases, especially sexually, there's nothing to be ashamed of as long as she realizes she put herself at risk of STDs and if one shows up, she doesn't immediately blame you for giving it to her.

I had an ex who slept with over 90 people in college but while I was dating her she had a herpes outbreak and immediately accused me for it without doing any amount of research which would have told her that IF she were to have an outbreak at all, it could take up to 5 years or more before experiencing the first one... That's a lot of other potential "suspects"

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Recent past yes. It's a strong indicator of current behavior trends and what to expect out of her... also like that quote "the best predictor of the future, is the past."

For instance if a partner has stories of hooking up with randoms per week and cheating, I think it'd be sort of dumb to assume I'm just way too special to be treated the same way...

Porn star behavior? well where's that pornstar medical checkup paperwork.

Also I think I'd want to be with someone special... to have my own car so to speak. I don't want the village free taxi being my only way to get there... with that said, proximity to past partners matter.

Like, they still talking to exes or if she calls you is the guy next to me going to brag about how good her blowjobs was? Yeah, then it's really going to matter.

Miristheiss · Answer

Yes, it matters.

I have a sexual code, I have a way I view sex. I have to be with someone who has the same code. Sex is intimate and special and I have it with those I'm in a committed long term relationship with. I only date women who have always treated it in the same way.

I end things after finding out or I never date them to begin with when I know they treat it casually, have one night stands, go to a club and end up having sex with a stranger in the same night, agree to and have participated in threesomes and ever been a sex worker... stripper, escort, cam model.

So I am with those that are my type. "I've only been with my serious boyfriends... I even thought we were going to marry" that is my type.
"I used to get pretty wild and party and lived it up a bit sexually" is not my type, I'd just pass and move on to someone else.

Thetrueaussie · Answer

Okay, I actually get asked this all the time because I have dated some people with body count and also myself. Personally, no it should not matter because if that is what you are looking for. Then a low body count now is really hard to find unless you are ubder 18 and go to private school and have never met a guy that is good at what he does. Also, If you love a person past expeeiences brought them to you. You should never question fate. They were ment to stumble upon you and you have to just play with cards you get!

g-skizzle3 · Answer

To me, it doesn’t matter how many they’ve had, as I’ve had quite a large trophy wall lol. I think as long as they are negative of STDS & STIS and have been checked before having sex with you or like to use condoms, that it’s fine. However, if they have had negative past sexual experiences, I’d want them to be open and make sure they’re ready for a new partner because that could become an issue/baggage and emotional instability. You always wanna make sure you feel safe worth your partner and that you both have an understanding of where things are with you to avoid getting hurt or getting stds or stis or a baby! All in all, as long as you both are healthy and have a healthy understanding of one another, the past doesn’t matter to me.

11dog22 · Answer

Yes it’s A turn off and at times pisses me off to point she states one thing or another. Few times it pissed me off that I just had enough and took her my way in bedroom! Which always throws them off! If they come fine but when I’m done I’m done. It’s a love hate sex that catches few women off when I did that. They got what they wanted being treated as a toy nothing more. Hate myself too but at same time I don't know. It’s is what it is. Man handle them and walk away or go to sleep after in another room. What’s funny leads to another section after charged up

RussianGal17 · Answer

Short answer- No, the past is gone and even if you regret it, you can’t change it.

Long answer- It depends on the situation, if they aren’t over their ex or their sex life with their ex than that’s an (obvious) yes (it matters to me).
Another thing that matters about a persons past would be STD/STI’s. However, I feel as though if the person is honest, the relationship has a better chance of surviving.
Despite all of that, love is love. And you don’t get to choose who you have feelings for. However, if both parties are honest and upfront, the past shouldn’t be an issue.

Anonymous · Answer

I used to care. A lot.
But now I'm a bit more open minded and look at the bigger picture.

Im in a relationship with someone who had sex with like 75 girls. He's 29 now and said that when he was 18-21 he was really lost and depressed and had meaningless sex with loads of girls to make himself feel better. He now feels embarrassed and disgusted by his past but he's accepted it and moved on. from the age of 21-27 he was in a relationship and stayed loyal to that one girl.

So in this case I don't really mind.

Being_a_good_Indian · Answer

The main concern is with STDs (as well as issues like honesty and self control, which factor into the same equation), so the critical question is how well she cared for herself. Has she been tested for STDs? How many partners did she have unprotected sex with. Does she tend to choose partners who are risk-tolerant. etc.

Wi_Fi · Answer

It matters just as much as any other aspect of the persons past.
We analyze every aspect of an individual especially their past when we are trying to decide whether or not this person would make a good partner. So why leave their sex life out? Is it because some people are insecure and don't want to be judged and labled as "not suitable " for a relationship?

Everydayaverageguy · Answer

Can't speak for every one but only for myself. I personally don't think it is or should be an issue. In fact, I actually tend to ask about past experiences to learn about my "potential" partner. Likes/dislikes. What went right? What went wrong? The key is to be a mature adult and realize that things that happened in the past cannot be changed whether you like them or not. What matters is if you and your partner are willing to commit to each other in the now and later then everything should be fine. Some people are more insecure or jealous than others and if that's the case then you both should agree to not talk about it to prevent possible hurt. I just feel that if you truly want to know someone then their past is important.

AmesJane · Answer

Don't care.

Do care about their experiences with previous partners in the sense that it tells me more about who they are as people and what past experiences have shaped them, but I couldn't care less about the number of partners they've slept with. What I care about is whether they treated their sexual partners with respect. Whether you sleep with 1 or 200, respect has nothing to do with numbers.

Supermodel_Guy · Answer

Yes, it matters so much to me that it is a deal-breaker. I am a virgin so I would require a girl to also be a virgin. The only girls I would date are virgins because I'm waiting for marriage and will only date if it has the potential to result in marriage. Even if a girl only had 1 partner previous partner the only sexual act she did with him was a blowjob, then I would still reject her because I consider the loss of virginity to mean anything besides solo masturbation.

DarkWasTaken · Answer

I'd say a bit.

Just for the sake of knowing how honest she'll be about herself and being sure that she hasn't had a few hundred guys in a year and that I'm just another guy that's gonna get dumped in the next week.

Other than that, 1, 5 or even 20 in a lifetime I don't care.

Brinkers91 · Answer

I don't care. I don't ask about how many people they have been with. I used to, but I realized why does it matter? As adults we should be having the conversation about if they have been tested recently and what not, but numbers of previous partners don't matter in that conversation.

CurLyF · Answer

I don't care at all. Actually, I always end up being more attracted to guys that have had more experience, rather than the guys thad hadn't. It doesn't matter to me because I like being taught and taken care of, so it's good the guy has more experience, and they tend to be less insecure.

Sara413 · Answer

Not even remotely. I prefer the don't ask don't tell philosophy. I don't want to know what he has done with whom. Its none of my business and all that information does is trigger the irrational jealousy and insecurity that we all hold deep down somewhere. Why trigger that?

sawno · Answer

Mostly if she is a virgin or not. If she is i would be willing to wait with sex a lot longer and would go very gently the first time. If she isn't i wouldn't be ok with a long wait (Longer then 2 months of being together) if there is no good reason for it since i am a virgin myself. She would be holding an experience from me she already had.

Hello_Kayra · Answer

To me, yes. I shows how that person carried themselves, how much they respected not only themselves but their partner, and how much my partner was able to keep himself controlled. I'm a Christian girl so it does matter a whole lot to me.

JulyBug · Answer

Not anymore no. My boyfriend had slept with one woman before me and - seriously y’all - I struggled with being with him because of it. I wanted my man to be a virgin like me.
Now? It’s not an issue at all, and I don’t think about his past except when questions like this pop up lol

GingerGuy · Answer

It only matters if it affects us now, like she's got an STI or a history of cheating etc. Otherwise no it doesn't matter. I might be curious to know just to know her better as a person and her past, but not to judge or anything. It's not going to change my feelings for her.

What about you?

Anonymous · Answer

Only women ask this because generally, it's women who have the slutty pasts and want it to be forgotten and act like it didn't happen when they choose to settle down.
It is and should be a problem. Investing your time and life into someone is a massive deal, so having someone who had zero standards about who they let into their body is a major deal.
If you are investing in anything else in your life, you wouldn't choose something that has been used and abused by everyone, over something less used and taken care of.

ohshee · Answer

To me it doesn't matter it shouldn't make a difference we are all human we all have guilty pleasures me personally I wouldn't even ask because the only thing that matters is when we were in bed It's All About Us in her answer me that's all I care about

Cryostatic · Answer

I only care where it comes to gauging what I want out of the relationship.

If she's got a history of getting into relationships for a couple of years and then moving on to something new, I know not to get myself in too deep. That sort of thing.

I'm more interested in how she's treated her past partners than how many of them she's had.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

The past matters for when you want to determine compatibility. If she slept around I would want to know since our views on sex would not be the same. And I would want to know the extent of the sexual things she did with her partner as I would not want her to not want to do the same with me. Like, I'm not getting together with someone who used to do blowjobs but no longer wants to do them to me for some reason.

sean1234 · Answer

It matters, makes her more spoiled. I'm a single virgin guy, why would I want a girl who has slept with men. If she was married and her husband died, or if she was raped that's another story altogether.

Loveleigh · Answer

When I was a virgin, it used to matter a lot because I waited so long to lose it and don't regret it. Now, though I have have only had sex with one other guy, it isn't as important. Kind of like smoking pot. it's only a big deal until you do it and realize it's not the end of the world.

Shane_B · Answer

If she tells me everything.

I'd tell her everything 100% truthful and honest from the start, as long as I'm her forever next and never one of her 'Ex's' 😊

Then I accept her for being honest and open with me from the start, and I won't judge her at all if she did, especially if she was open about her 'sexual past' as well and said she's 'clean' (disease free).

No offence to any females directly, before I get called sexist!
So DON'T take offence please.

I'm just being honest.

freakyzeaky · Answer

I would rather her not tell me about her past honestly. Maybe later on in the relationship and as long as she adores me and doesn't openly compare me, doesn't act irresponsible, or has ongoing FWBs that she still talks to. If she had that guy friend she was a little too friendly with, I'd ask her about him. Other than that, if she is experienced, wants to be monogamous with me, desires me, craves me, then I'm not going to complain.

Bijouxforyou · Answer

Yes. I'm only interested in long term relationships where sex comes in at the appropriate time... when you both love each other fully! I expect the guy I'm with to share the same values and to not have any past relationships that were not built on full love and trust.

sai_sarath · Answer

Well!! its ok for me if my partner had some relationships in her past. Right now i really feel like sexting and romancing and having sort flings with girls... but finally i just think i'd be more comfortable to be a virgin while i enter into a serious relationship and i expect the same amount of seriousness from my partner if at all its about having long term plans with me

Alice2398 · Answer

Yes as horrible as it sounds of me to say , I know man love to brag about how many women they've slept with but it just tells me they need to get down to clinic and If I was to be with them I'd just be another number to them and obviously they aren't very good in relationships if they've been in a lot of them that never work out. Id say anymore than five is fine but this is just my opinion you what they say you have to kiss a lot of frog's to find your Prince

SlavicAmericanGuy · Answer

I wasn't really bothered by the past sexual life of any girl I have ever dated. But I always try to find if she have got fetishes because weird fetishes are indicative of mental disturbances, I want to keep distance from this kind of girl. I also tend to avoid promiscuous girls because they almost always have anxiety issues.

Bigclit · Answer

Yes. I want know how many people my partner had been with, if they've ever gotten an std, if they used condoms/protection etc... the amount of people doesn't bother me but if they have an std or ever had one and if so how many times etc that matters if they're careless about themselves I don't need that some attitude when it comes to my sexual health

D4NTH3M4N217 · Answer

As long as she hasn't done anything crazy or freaky then I wouldn't mind as long as she hasn't slept with too many men then that'd be better

Asad1ONE1 · Answer

Not only her past sexual life but her past intimate life as well (dating, kissing, cuddling, hookup, etc.) It's a personality thing. Any other experienced or used up girl would be a total turn off and could F***K OFF!!!##!!! But lucky for them, that's just me lol.

Diskid · Answer

Yes, it matters a lot. I want to know what I'm looking at in terms of the potential for STD's and STI's as well as giving me a glimpse of if I'm dealing with a player/fuckboy.

taleswapper · Answer

Only to the extent it may be a practical issue. I recommend going with a potential partner to give blood or plasma; that comes with testing for STDs. A virgin requires different handling than an experienced Domme, let's say. Beyond that, it doesn't matter.

maestrodematimaticas · Answer

The number does but to a greater extent, the context of her past sexual encounters matters more. 1 or 2 one night stands at 18 isn't a deal breaker. A long history of fuck buddies and one night stands is. Big time. If a woman was 30 and had been with 12 men and they were all LRT it would not be an issue.

Anonymous · Answer

Well it is hard for me to decide... I’m 23 year old virgin and I highly doubt I will meet a man who is still a virgin. On one hand a guy who haves had plenty of partners in the past, will be experienced in sex. On the other hand it will be that I wouldn’t know a thing about the ladies he slept with. I’m kinda stuck on this question.

gamingbaget · Answer

I don't care about the past so long as I know she's with me now and trustworthy.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's silly to think it should make a difference really and probably a bit of a lose situation having that conversation some people can be experiment when older and just want to settle down, some people stay the same and still sleep around but think it's harsh to judge them on their past

Prettygurl12 · Answer

I am saving myself for my husband and it is my expectation that he is doing the same for me. It's a standard that I am unwilling to overlook.

I want to be able to look in the mirror and see my husband's entire sexual history.

MarkyyG123 · Answer

It would but it's something I'd be curious to know but at the same time would possibly hurt to know, all depends on what she says
I think the safest thing would be to not give into the curiosity and just not ask, its safer this way

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it does.
I don't want a man who sleeps around or that cannot/ does not want to reveal his sexual past = man who sleeps around.
Not to mention a lot of other stuff that he eventually would expect me to do.

AndyD96 · Answer

Depends. I'm happy with her being experienced, she'll know all the tricks. However, if she's ridden every Tom Dick and Harry then there's a risk of infection if she's not taken the necessary precautions.

FlamePhoenix95 · Answer

Sometimes it does, because if a girl had a lot of flings or cheated to her partners you can't trust her. The most important thing for me for a relationship is communication and how I feel about her so I could tolerate a crazy past if i loved her. But to be completely honest I always want to have more experience or more sexual partners than the woman I date/ have a relationship with.

potatoisme · Answer

Yes. If he had a few previous relationships and they were also serious I would say that's ok with me But if he's a hook up guy who has slept with a lot of girls I would say he's not my type of guy

john1714 · Answer

It didn't before then I got married to a girl whose number was very high and she started dating someone else less than 2 weeks after she had to move to a different place than me and couldn't get fucked anymore so in the future I may be more cautious.

Chonie07 · Answer

Only matters for the fact when unprotected sex comes into play. Gotta make sure they don’t have any STDS and that becomes more likely with more partners

Ellie2432 · Answer

It don't make a difference to me, I think the best thing to do when seeing a new partner (monogamously) is that you both get a general check for STIs and STDs, just to know if both are safe to start into a sexual relationship.

Adam_INTJ · Answer

I'm a virgin. I expect no less than virginity from my partner. So yes, it matters a lot. There's gotta be wedding first too so yeah

soupmyeon · Answer

It shouldn't but it bothers me sometimes. I think it's only because I get jealous about it but what am I gonna do? It has nothing to do with me because it happened before I met him. As long as he didn't get any stds from that then it doesn't matter

laprincesa13 · Answer

Yeah, I tend to be careful with people, so I wanna know if he's serious with me or wants me to become one of his other numbers he fucked

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

I do care. I wanna know who am I dating. Not saying that I judge them immediatly just because they had more partners than I did but I'm not ignoring it either.

gabby_nix98 · Answer

It doesn't make a difference to me because what you did with other girls before me doesn't matter. I just want to know that if you do/dont have an std

macix670 · Answer

Yes it does. I don’t sleep around and I don’t want to date someone who sleeps around

BrianMerritt · Answer

Yes. Sex is a serious business; I take it seriously and I prefer a girl who does too.

Does your partner's past sexual life matter to you?

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