Does your partner's past sexual life matter to you?

[shreya_shiry]

Do you care about how many sexual partners she/he had in past. Does that makes any difference in your relation.

[guy532]

Nah, it doesn't. People change. My girlfriend used to be a go go dancer and pole dancing instructor in her early 20's. Now she's a homebody who wants nothing to do with partying. She wasn't even that promiscuous considering her old jobs and the fact that she's had sooo many guys chase after her, like I'd be a bigger slut if I was in her shoes hahaha. It's pretty crazy, she's showed me some of her old messages and there's been guys offering to buy her cars, houses, marry her, leave their girlfriend, etc. It's actually comforting seeing that because all I have to offer is myself and she's crazy about me. Plus, I worry less about her cheating or breaking things off because having guys constantly chase her has been the norm for most of her life so she literally doesn't give a fuck about it at all. I have an ex that did cheat on me and she was more like the ugly duckling. She never got hit on when she was young and towards the end of our relationship she started getting a bit of attention from some coworkers and it completely blew up her head and she thought she was hot shit and she decided to cheat on me with the hot dude at her office who then wanted nothing to do with her lol.

[Anonymous]

It depends past partners from long term relationships I don't care. If it a girl that sleeps around just for fun it's a turn off for me. I view sex as something to be had within a long term relationship and I've only had sex people who I really cared about. I'd want to find someone with similar views on sex.

I don't judge a girl who has casual sex for fun with as many partners as she feels like. It's her life and more power to her. I just don't want to date someone like that (or in other words I won't date someone like that because we're not sexually compatible).

[PinkMichae]

I can respect your opinion because you explain that you want someone with the same beliefs about casual sex. Mot like these ding dongs that stick it into anything that moves then has a problem when a woman does.

[Opinion Owner]

@PinkMichae yeah I agree with you. It's quite hypocritical to sleep with anything that moves and then judge a girl for doing the same. It's more of if you don't like a quality in a friend or partner don't criticize them for it and then try to justify your own doing of it sort of thing.

I also want to throw in that I have nothing against a girl if she changes views on casual sex as long as she doesn't have any baggage about it, is serious about it and is clean. I don't really care if a girl has more partners than me, if we have the same views on casual sex. I figured most girls probably will with the way I live my life anyways. i just also on the flip side would like not to be judged for having less partners than her (because some girls do judge guys for that. But if she's judgi me for having less partners she's probably not someone I want in my life anyways).

[CarpetDenim]

It matters to me of course, but it's not a dealbreaker if they've been with a lot of people, as much as it would bother me. I'd honestly prefer a guy with no experience just like me so we could learn everything together at our own pace because then I wouldn't have any past sexual partners to live up to and I wouldn't have to worry about people I'm indirectly coming into contact with. Like I said though, while it would definitely be a source of insecurity/discomfort for me if they'd slept around, it's not a dealbreaker as long as it's strictly in the past and I'm the only person they're presently involved with.

[PinkMichae]

Most men and women are not hypocrite and don't care. I don't care who my man fucked before me. All I care is that he's loving and loyal to me. If he had lots of sexual fun then more power to him. I'm glad he enjoyed his life before me and glad he loves his life with me. Now when he found out about my sexual past he tried to pull that judgmental hypocritical bs but I shut him down real quick and made him realize how stupid it was to have a problem with it. There are so many bigger problems. We don't need little stupid shit like that to deal with.

[lumos]

I prefer guys who are sorta on the same level as me in terms of amount of sexual partners, but in the end it’s only one small factor out of many that I take into consideration. What matters wayyy more than partner count is whether he has any sort of STD, and his views on sex/women in general. Would not touch a guy with a ten foot pole if his views on sex and women is disgusting.

[parttimelover]

All men's views on sex with women is disgusting. Otherwise he'd just be having sex for procreation

[lumos]

@parttimelover not at all. By disgusting I meant men who think women are beneath them, who think women are sluts/whores who live to please men and that men are somehow entitled to sex at all times. Definitely not all men are like that.

[Sasha9586]

If this is something you feel uncomfortable about dude don’t! Sex is healthy and totally normal, for someone to shame another person just because they’ve gone out and loved and had fun and enjoyed themselves is wrong... a lot of people expect to be with someone that hasn’t had many previous physical partners but they themselves have numerous.. don’t be ashamed :)) x

[shreya_shiry]

I am not at all ashamed or worried about it.
Just wanted to know opinions. My last boyfriend never asked me about my past sexual partners.

[maestrodematimaticas]

I just women would be honest about it. I don't want someone falling for me under false pretenses. Or visa versa. Would hate attending the class reunion of the school sperm receptacle. I would feel like I was the dumbass who put a ring on her finger.

[Logorithim]

I actually wouldn't ask her about it, and it would only be a problem if she had been a prostitute or recently very proniscuous (not, for example, in college a decade ago):

[PrincessPie]

Long as they’re free from STIs I’m not fussed.

[Anonymous]

It all depends on her attitude about it.

If she comes off like she's bragging about how many partners she's been with, then yes... It's a huge turn off because who's to say you're not just another number to her?

If she comes off as upset or embarrassed about it, then yes, it's a turn off because she's feeling guilty about it and will most likely be a lot more reserved with you than in her past so you're basically paying for her "mistakes" which isn't fair to you.

If she mentions it as a "matter of fact" and just leaves it at that, then no... It was all in her past... Everyone goes through phases, especially sexually, there's nothing to be ashamed of as long as she realizes she put herself at risk of STDs and if one shows up, she doesn't immediately blame you for giving it to her.

I had an ex who slept with over 90 people in college but while I was dating her she had a herpes outbreak and immediately accused me for it without doing any amount of research which would have told her that IF she were to have an outbreak at all, it could take up to 5 years or more before experiencing the first one... That's a lot of other potential "suspects"

[D_Bone_Steak]

Recent past yes. It's a strong indicator of current behavior trends and what to expect out of her... also like that quote "the best predictor of the future, is the past."

For instance if a partner has stories of hooking up with randoms per week and cheating, I think it'd be sort of dumb to assume I'm just way too special to be treated the same way...

Porn star behavior? well where's that pornstar medical checkup paperwork.

Also I think I'd want to be with someone special... to have my own car so to speak. I don't want the village free taxi being my only way to get there... with that said, proximity to past partners matter.

Like, they still talking to exes or if she calls you is the guy next to me going to brag about how good her blowjobs was? Yeah, then it's really going to matter.

[Shybabe33]

I have to agree... only mine is with men.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Shybabe33 It's really good to hear a female agree for onc. Lately a lot of self-proclaimed feminists have been attacking my opinion simply because of the gender difference, to which I shut them down with one simple question...

"So are you saying you don't do this with men?"

In my humble opinion ANYONE, despite gender, is being self-destructive if they're ready to sleep with anyone without some consideration of where they've been or what (who) they're getting involved with. Sexually liberated or not... it's not slut shaming... it's self preservation.

[Shybabe33]

No it’s not slut shaming... it’s the damn truth. I look at guys differently if they slept with every female on campus.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Shybabe33 Exactly right.

[Miristheiss]

Yes, it matters.

I have a sexual code, I have a way I view sex. I have to be with someone who has the same code. Sex is intimate and special and I have it with those I'm in a committed long term relationship with. I only date women who have always treated it in the same way.

I end things after finding out or I never date them to begin with when I know they treat it casually, have one night stands, go to a club and end up having sex with a stranger in the same night, agree to and have participated in threesomes and ever been a sex worker... stripper, escort, cam model.

So I am with those that are my type. "I've only been with my serious boyfriends... I even thought we were going to marry" that is my type.
"I used to get pretty wild and party and lived it up a bit sexually" is not my type, I'd just pass and move on to someone else.

[maestrodematimaticas]

Smart man.

[Thetrueaussie]

Okay, I actually get asked this all the time because I have dated some people with body count and also myself. Personally, no it should not matter because if that is what you are looking for. Then a low body count now is really hard to find unless you are ubder 18 and go to private school and have never met a guy that is good at what he does. Also, If you love a person past expeeiences brought them to you. You should never question fate. They were ment to stumble upon you and you have to just play with cards you get!

[g-skizzle3]

To me, it doesn’t matter how many they’ve had, as I’ve had quite a large trophy wall lol. I think as long as they are negative of STDS & STIS and have been checked before having sex with you or like to use condoms, that it’s fine. However, if they have had negative past sexual experiences, I’d want them to be open and make sure they’re ready for a new partner because that could become an issue/baggage and emotional instability. You always wanna make sure you feel safe worth your partner and that you both have an understanding of where things are with you to avoid getting hurt or getting stds or stis or a baby! All in all, as long as you both are healthy and have a healthy understanding of one another, the past doesn’t matter to me.

[11dog22]

Yes it’s A turn off and at times pisses me off to point she states one thing or another. Few times it pissed me off that I just had enough and took her my way in bedroom! Which always throws them off! If they come fine but when I’m done I’m done. It’s a love hate sex that catches few women off when I did that. They got what they wanted being treated as a toy nothing more. Hate myself too but at same time I don't know. It’s is what it is. Man handle them and walk away or go to sleep after in another room. What’s funny leads to another section after charged up

[Sara413]

Are you saying that you engage is rough sex with women who have not asked for or consented to that, as some kind of punishment for things they did thst have nothing to do with you?

That is incredibly fucked up...

[11dog22]

Yup when your partner talks about past sexual life bragging this happen this and that. Sometimes to shut their mouth is to show them what one can bring to the table. Let’s just say after that sexual life between us got enrich and so the relationship. Ladies don’t like being treated gently or like a lady all the times. They such as yourself once and a while want their guy to mistreat and take them cave man style. It a style I don’t care for and yes I had been in a relationship or two where let’s just say darker side of lust comes to play. If she didn’t want it she would had any time try to stop ruff sex. There is no and there is noo. There huge difference but yeah. Some women love cave man style or be just taken. but they never tell the guy.

[RussianGal17]

Short answer- No, the past is gone and even if you regret it, you can’t change it.

Long answer- It depends on the situation, if they aren’t over their ex or their sex life with their ex than that’s an (obvious) yes (it matters to me).
Another thing that matters about a persons past would be STD/STI’s. However, I feel as though if the person is honest, the relationship has a better chance of surviving.
Despite all of that, love is love. And you don’t get to choose who you have feelings for. However, if both parties are honest and upfront, the past shouldn’t be an issue.

[Anonymous]

I used to care. A lot.
But now I'm a bit more open minded and look at the bigger picture.

Im in a relationship with someone who had sex with like 75 girls. He's 29 now and said that when he was 18-21 he was really lost and depressed and had meaningless sex with loads of girls to make himself feel better. He now feels embarrassed and disgusted by his past but he's accepted it and moved on. from the age of 21-27 he was in a relationship and stayed loyal to that one girl.

So in this case I don't really mind.

[Being_a_good_Indian]

The main concern is with STDs (as well as issues like honesty and self control, which factor into the same equation), so the critical question is how well she cared for herself. Has she been tested for STDs? How many partners did she have unprotected sex with. Does she tend to choose partners who are risk-tolerant. etc.

[Wi_Fi]

It matters just as much as any other aspect of the persons past.
We analyze every aspect of an individual especially their past when we are trying to decide whether or not this person would make a good partner. So why leave their sex life out? Is it because some people are insecure and don't want to be judged and labled as "not suitable " for a relationship?

[Everydayaverageguy]

Can't speak for every one but only for myself. I personally don't think it is or should be an issue. In fact, I actually tend to ask about past experiences to learn about my "potential" partner. Likes/dislikes. What went right? What went wrong? The key is to be a mature adult and realize that things that happened in the past cannot be changed whether you like them or not. What matters is if you and your partner are willing to commit to each other in the now and later then everything should be fine. Some people are more insecure or jealous than others and if that's the case then you both should agree to not talk about it to prevent possible hurt. I just feel that if you truly want to know someone then their past is important.

[AmesJane]

Don't care.

Do care about their experiences with previous partners in the sense that it tells me more about who they are as people and what past experiences have shaped them, but I couldn't care less about the number of partners they've slept with. What I care about is whether they treated their sexual partners with respect. Whether you sleep with 1 or 200, respect has nothing to do with numbers.

[Supermodel_Guy]

Yes, it matters so much to me that it is a deal-breaker. I am a virgin so I would require a girl to also be a virgin. The only girls I would date are virgins because I'm waiting for marriage and will only date if it has the potential to result in marriage. Even if a girl only had 1 partner previous partner the only sexual act she did with him was a blowjob, then I would still reject her because I consider the loss of virginity to mean anything besides solo masturbation.

[DarkWasTaken]

I'd say a bit.

Just for the sake of knowing how honest she'll be about herself and being sure that she hasn't had a few hundred guys in a year and that I'm just another guy that's gonna get dumped in the next week.

Other than that, 1, 5 or even 20 in a lifetime I don't care.

[Brinkers91]

I don't care. I don't ask about how many people they have been with. I used to, but I realized why does it matter? As adults we should be having the conversation about if they have been tested recently and what not, but numbers of previous partners don't matter in that conversation.

[CurLyF]

I don't care at all. Actually, I always end up being more attracted to guys that have had more experience, rather than the guys thad hadn't. It doesn't matter to me because I like being taught and taken care of, so it's good the guy has more experience, and they tend to be less insecure.

[Sara413]

Not even remotely. I prefer the don't ask don't tell philosophy. I don't want to know what he has done with whom. Its none of my business and all that information does is trigger the irrational jealousy and insecurity that we all hold deep down somewhere. Why trigger that?

[sawno]

Mostly if she is a virgin or not. If she is i would be willing to wait with sex a lot longer and would go very gently the first time. If she isn't i wouldn't be ok with a long wait (Longer then 2 months of being together) if there is no good reason for it since i am a virgin myself. She would be holding an experience from me she already had.

[AmesJane]

So to translate, you decide the circumstances in which a woman can set certain boundaries or not? Well shit.

You're not making sense. Either you're willing to wait for sex, or you're not. Whether or not a woman is or isn't a virgin, should not be a factor in your determination of how much respect for and patience with her boundaries you can muster. It's not because a woman has had sex before, that sex with a new partner automatically comes easy, or automatically feels comfortable. It's literally people like you that make me afraid to enter into new relationships. I'm afraid dudes won't respect the time I often need to become comfortable with adding a full-on sexual relationship to a romantic one, cause I'm 29 and "experienced" and the expectation is I'll "put out" fairly quickly.

Make up your mind. Either respect all your partners, or.. no, actually, you know what, JUST respect all your partners.

[sawno]

It might not be a popular opinion but its brutally honest and its based on logic.
Personally i am fine with sex as soon as i am in a relationship with someone, but if she rather waits i am typically fine with that to. The difference is that waiting for the sake of waiting i can understand from a Virgin who might not feel ready to start her sex life for a few years or doesn't feel the need to experience it yet and rather focuses on our relationship first. From someone who is experienced its a different story because she would deny me from this experience while she had it before. For those girls i'd be prepared to wait to, but the acceptable reasons are different. I wouldn't tolerate waiting for the sake of waiting but i would obviously give her the time to feel comfortable and take her past into consideration. So if its a long wait for a good reason, for example her past experiences being very negative i wouldn't mind that at all.

[AmesJane]

And YOU're the one who's going to decide what a "good reason" is in her stead, right?

Once more for the people in the back: It's not cause someone has had sex before, that sex with a new partner is just confortable at the snap of a finger. Sex isn't just sex. it's not necessarily cause you've done the do, that it's the same with every person. Sex takes a specific type of trust and comfort and for some people it just takes longer to achieve that than for others, and it's not necessarily because of negative experiences. It's condescending af to describe someone who simply isn't ready to have a sexual relationship with you, as "denying" you something. Or did you think it was impossible for people to take a while to open up sexually with new people unless they went through something horrible?

[sawno]

@AmesJane There is a difference between people who aren't ready and people who are unwilling. Those who aren't ready have a good reason for it, those who are just unwilling have none.
You say you need to open up first, that would mean you could explain that right? You likely have a certain point that you would be comfortable with that once reached you have no reason to hold back anymore. Its something you would likely be able to communicate and something i would likely be able to respect.

Its when i'd only get very vague avoiding answers like "I just dont want to" or "I don't feel like it" which would make me have a problem with it as it would seem like she has no consideration for my side of the scenario.

[sawno]

@AmesJane And to clarify i am the type who takes a relationship as seriously as others would take a marriage. I only offer to be in one if i love her to the point where we have a nice bond. So its not like i went out on 3 dates and we decided to be together.

But i agree it might not be the best trait, it would be better if i where just patient regardless but i have to stay honest to myself rather then to lie about my intentions to preserve my own sanity. And out of honesty i admit that i wouldn't be comfortable with waiting unless given a solid reason so i don't feel left out. This kind of stuff requires mutual understanding and while i need to wait out of understanding of her need to open up further she needs to understand that i have prolonged this long to give my virginity to the right girl and that now the opportunity finally arises it wouldn't be fair to deny that opportunity just for the sake of waiting alone. I need to start expressing my own needs to and this is a part of that

[AmesJane]

What do you mean "unwilling"... do you think women on average go around withholding sex from the guys they're in relationships with just for the hell of it? If someone is ready to have sex with you, sexually attracted to you (why else would she be in a relationship with you) and in the mood, why on earth would she rather not? Or are you one of those people who think women owe you sex even when they're not in the mood? I just don't get your point then, actually. Women are sexual beings just like men are. If they want to wait, there is per default a good reason for her. Someone who is ready, is going to have sex with you cause, hello: we like sex, we want to have it too. I just can't fathom what weird, exceptional scenario you have in your head. Makes no sense at all...

[sawno]

@AmesJane Thats because despite it might not have seemed that way originally it is indeed an exceptional scenario where the girl would be unwilling because she for example never really took much enjoyment out of it in the past or has a low sex drive in general and sees it as more of a chore. Most scenario's the i am willing but not ready aspect applies and i would be willing to wait for her to be comfortable.