Online Dating - Yes Or No?

[Anonymous]

I know what you're thinking - Alyssa this isn't your secret diary and stop focussing on your love life.

BUT I will continue exploring my love life so honestly, don't bother lol.

I swore I was so against online dating and basically objectifying myself for men to swipe left (I think that's the term?), based on a stupid photo and a couple of bullet points that supposed to condense my AWESOME personality (just play along pls lol).

BUT I want to meet a brown guy, with a connected beard, and muscular body and some kind of career going for him. He's not at the gym or at my local starbucks - and so online it is!

YES OR NO? SHALL I DO IT?

Updates

+1 y

FYI I've decided to skip online dating for now...

[Anon621]

Thanks for sharing your top secret diary Alyssa. In all seriousness, most of my experience is in online dating so for me I would say no because of my preferences. Obviously, there are plenty of arguments for online dating. For me, I just don't think online dating has really worked that well. Firstly, I prefer to have in person conversations with people because in person conversations are much better and I like to see a person's body language and facial expression and also make in person eye contact (which in my experience is so much better than trying to make eye contact over video call). Secondly, despite having multiple positive experiences with dating people online there was always something that just felt off to me. I tried to put a finger on it but everytime I just kept going back to how I prefer face to face interactions because I feel like my personality is conveyed better that way since I'm a pretty introverted person and sometimes I don't even talk during a conversation sometimes I just like to let someone else talk and just sit there and listen because I don't want the conversation to become one sided which seems to happen way more online compared to real life. Lastly, I tried many different forms of online communication and each one seemed to not work. I've tried video calls, phone calls, text messages, voice notes, basically most ways of communicating with someone. I always felt like that in person element was missing for me. That non verbal feeling of being able to look at someone else's body language and their facial expression to really understand the meaning behind what they said. Because when I write a message to someone they might not know the meaning behind it. For example if I said "I feel really happy today" and then you respond with something along the lines of "that's good I'm glad your happy", that confirms to me that you don't care about the reason why I'm happy or you already know the reason depending if I told you before. Or I could just right "I'm doing alright." That's considered as the standard response but what's my criteria for doing alright?

[exitseven]

Just going to find a collection of losers who downloaded a hot looking pic and lie about their occupation. Some are probably married too.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[Asker]

You’re welcome. You’re totally right though.

[exitseven]

I really wish it wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Online dating works for some and for others it doesn’t work at all. I always tell my friends to give it time when they feel defeated in online dating because you never know when your future partner might just sign up to make an account. You just gotta be patient.


My sister met her husband through online dating. Two of her friends met their husbands on online dating and I met my fiancé through online dating.


I remember accidentally unmatching with a guy I thought was cute, but to match him again I had to pay for the monthly subscription to be a gold member. I decided why not? I’d do it for a month and then never again. Becoming a gold member apparently helps you get better matches within your area. Anyways, right after I got the membership and tried to match the cute guy again another guy, with a gold membership, liked my profile. I looked at his profile and something he wrote in his bio really resonated with me so I hit like back. Very soon after he messaged me. We hit it off from the start. Our convos went super well and we are now planning our wedding.


I would have never met him had I not been online and had I not tried out the membership lol. Not saying you should purchase anything, just that that was what changed for me lol.


Anyways, he’s a brown guy with a connected beard who works out and has a career. Guess I got lucky huh? 🤪


I say give online dating a chance.

[Passion_Devil]

I actually think Carry On Alyssa! Carry on! Let me hear all about it.
Yes or No? Yes. But you have to be patient. You will come across a lot of sexually starved men. Many, daily. But you have to keep... faith 😈😈😁. There will be guys looking for serious relationships too. You just have to hit them up or give them a chance.

[ManOnFire]

You will do fine with it. Online dating is made to be successful for women and made for women as a meat market they can take their pick from. So go for it.

[Jake99999]

Yeah lots of people saying it sucks and it’s for losers etc. Okay duly noted.


Here is my take. Try it. What have you got to lose. Some people have great success. Don’t listen to those who never tried it, or jaded people who tried and failed. Some people don’t know how to present themself and how to conduct themself. Experience it for yourself. It may work out great for you.


Pick a site that fits your objective. Hookups: something like Tinder. A relationship? Something like Match. com. Pick a site the matches what you are looking for. It doesn’t cost that much to try it out.


Expect to have some strange experiences. Some weirdos. Some fakes. The internet is full of them. Everywhere on every site. Yes even on GAG. But, there are indeed a lot of authentic people out there - great people who are just tired of the bar scene or otherwise don’t want to waste their time hoping to run into someone at the grocery store, don’t want to date someone they work with, etc. - and if you find one you may be very happy with the result.

[RealMarek]

It worked for me, but the challenges men face are different from the ones women face. Women have told me the biggest problems are men who don’t read the profiles, men who expect sex sooner than they do, receiving explicit pictures that are not solicited, and concerns about safety. If you try it, I would recommend being specific about what you want in your profile. For example, “no hook-ups,” might deter some guys who are just looking for sex. In fact, it is good to put your expectations about sex if you are waiting until marriage or taking things slowly in the profile. I strongly recommend having first dates, or as many dates as necessary until you are confident a man is safe, in daylight in a public place with other people around, from which you can leave safely if necessary. Because you might not have mutual friends, it is a good idea to take things slowly, look for consistency in a man’s behavior and watch how he treats other people (like customer service or waiters). Online dating is a bit of a numbers game, so it requires a bit of level-headedness. There will be people who don’t reciprocate your interest. Some won’t ever go beyond trading messages. Some will probably do stupid or creepy things. Of the rest, only some will actually be good matches for you. It’s not for everyone, but I ended up with a great relationship with a woman who I wouldn’t have met otherwise.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Yes but be extremely careful! I met the love of my life on okcupid. I had it basically down to a certain method.. I can tell you more if you want to know!

1. Always video chat before meeting.

2. Dont get in the car with them. Meet in a public place ask someone to drop you off.. if not an option then after you pay your way cause guys sometimes expect something after they pay.. go to the bathroom or something so he doesn't see what type of car you drive. Ask to see his license (to make sure he's telling the truth about his age.) After you do three public meal/bowling type of dates if you feel safe try walking your dog together... Dogs have a very good sense of people!

[Asker]

Wow thanks!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Anytime! I have online dated met some great guys had some close calls if I can help anyone else along the way I will!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Its like any good thing there are always bad people that try to destroy it.. if someone won't video chat take it as a red flag and block delete them.. I dont care what excuse they try and give you.. sorry im naked then put some clothes on.. its not that hard. Let the guy control the conversation.. pay attention to how he treats people.. also to his eyes are the focused on you or every pretty lady walking by.. when you ask questions try to not give away what you like.. for example are are you interested in three somes? Instead of saying threesomes are terrible or great a guy that is being sneaky will agree with you... when your asked what your looking for say a good man.. dont say a specifically cause I had a guy try and fake it.. to be what I wanted.. his true colors showed but that was a month of focusing on him we dated less than a month and took 2 months to get it in his head I wasn't interested.. if he showed his true colors for the gecho possibly.. like ask if he's a city or country boy? Not are you a country boy? Cause he can probably guess you prefer it... remember girls have taught boys to be prevented so you almost have to teach them how to treat you.. that your not their ex and you dont care what they went through.. ask if he's fully invested in you or if hed rather his ex? Of course there's the first telling background story.. if a guy asks how many guys you slept with just say a lady never tells and shoot the question back at him and before he answers say honestly I dont care it didn't work out or else you wouldn't be here... guys seem to repeat the same sad stories take note a lot who play the victim are a villain in someone else's story you dont get both sides of course they are going to try and make themselves look better.. you almost have to read between the lines

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

You've made online dating an almost impossible task by setting ridiculous expectations on men. The dog's approval? Holy hell. I'm giving up online, i'll give your dog a bone tho 😌

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Nope not even close to impossible its called safety!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Dont give up if I can find my man online so can you! And you should be watching and doing these things with women too.. its not just to men its whoever your meeting.. she's just a female like I am.. by asking open ended questions you get to know the persons true feelings everyone always tries to impress at first sometimes so much they are afraid to speak what they actually feel..

And thanks my dogs would appreciate that!

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

sorry hun I'm definetly quitting the dating scene now after seeing the part where you suggested a woman should ask "are you interested in threesomes?" I've decided i'm getting 2 kittens now (brother and sister obv.)

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I think that can open a conversation of what type of relationship you want to be in. A monogamous or open relationship right off the bat to see if your both on the same page. To me a intellectual connection means more than a sexual connection and a just a pretty face or a man with lots a money.. every woman is different tho..

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I have two kitties they are sisters! So good choice cats or dogs make great companions!

[Cathy7734]

I'm seeing a therapist and I asked her a similar question. She suggested that I play down the preferences, for example, I want a man who is tall, muscular, etc., and focus on what is important in the relationship for both of us. For example, one cool thing about a relationship is that each other validates us. We go through life and we know the other person's experiences. Another cool thing is each gets to express feelings and feel heard and understood.

But when I tried online dating the impression I get is they just want sex.

[molonski2]

Its just a way of meeting people and its by far the best way , dont know about your criteria , but that matters little , purely a communication tool , that easily lets you screen though , and see what takes your fancy. You do appreciate that your own condemnation of an individual selecting or otherwise you , via a photograph is exactly what you are doing yourself? Anyway , thats not important , its easy to screen to work though and safe a literal plethora of wasted time. Its pretty much the only way I rolled since 1998 , you can't go though the same number of people , basically interview them in a gym or a coffee shop :) ..
Just makes obvious sense.

[GingerGuy]

I believe the experience is completely different for women vs men, and definitely negatives for both. But is it possible to find someone genuine online? Yes, but you have to have thick skin and patience. Also making assumption is the worst thing you can do, and almost everyone does it, especially online dating. Even yourself, you feel like you're "objectifying" yourself, but not all men are viewing you that way, or only looking for a hookup. Unfortunately there's just more of those types of men then ones actually looking for a relationship. But I notice women are very quick to judge a guy also, and/or make assumptions.

[JustinTimberlegs]

Go for it, you seem to know what you want, just be careful, and don't trust people so easily. I hope you find a good person that meets your needs.

Be extra careful giving anyone your details or address, details people can use to stalk you like workplace or daily routine.

Also be careful when they say they're single they might have multiple women on the side or might be hiding a relationship.

Best wishes!

[Jfranco12]

I tried for a week and it was awful, you match with people they don’t reply or they’ll start a convo by saying “hey” and then don’t reply when you try to ask a question. They don’t put it effort either, when I try to ask questions they answer them quickly with no follow up and don’t try to bounce them back. I just deleted the apps I’m done idc lol

[DizzyDesii]

Do as you please but dont expect much yet hope for the best. I've only had one successful longterm relationship that started online. The rest lasted 3 months or less. I still prefer the old school meet someone in person type stuff. It was the one perk of HS/college. After college, it got harder after college bt still quite possible when you hit the mall, gym, grocery, movies, gas station lmao, etc

[Sarairocketship]

I tried it, but never found anybody. Except one person. Who it didn't work out with. Depends what site you use. I used pof and tinder (although now I realize it wasn't the right site for me).

[Asker]

What site do you recommend?

[Sarairocketship]

Hmmm. I have a really complicated history with this. I've only ever really been on those 2, but I wouldn't recommend them. I was on Tinder at around age 15. Maybe younger. In my perspective, Tinder was innocent enough at the time. Only some weirdos. Regardless, I never found anybody I liked. I was also on POF around that age. Don't ask me why. There was some interesting characters there, but nothing I wanted. Fast forward to me at age 19, I was back on POF. I got into a relationship with someone on there, but never got to meet him in person. I wouldn't say he was what I was initially looking for, but I decided to date him anyway. Thus the end of my experience on there. I can't say I recommend any sites, but I would advise picking a reputable one. Obviously, there are going to be fake people on every site, so it's best to be careful.

[Asker]

Sounds good!

[phill5158]

For girls online dating is a lot easier, I say go for it but be prepared to get a ton of desperate thirsty guys messaging you. You'll need to have a good ability to read guys character because over text some can be deceiving. Good luck with it if you do it, see how you go.

[Anonymous]

Nowadays, It is the way to go!!! From the comfort of your own living room. I have met many online and I have had no problem. I even married one way out yonder and have one now from Europe I met Online. Go for it. Just be educated so you are not scammed, ma'am.

[VikingWarLord]

I just go on dating sites to get laid.

But nothing will ever beat what CRAIGSLIST was. I'd post and have 30+ options the next gawdam morning. And they all knew it was about FUCCKING! These other sites you have to jump through hoops and find the ones who are looking for a fuuck date.

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

Online dating sites? Not sure about that, they have some wild expectations and just scare people it can feel unnatural. But works for some so don't knock it. I like the way in which I accidentally bump into a person in my online life. Previously I connected with someone like that and it was great!

[K-I-S-S]

Sounds like you are looking for a grizzly bear 🤔

Organic is still best.
Not too easy to find a guy matching your wants in the online pool either.

Give it time in either case, like a year. Probably will find one during it.

[Asker]

Sigh :(

[TonyMetal___86]

Well it's your choice but you always have to be careful about online dating since a lot of these guys online are just fake 😂😂

Tall, muscular, brown, bearded, business man, 2 ferraris and 2 mclarens under his castle 🤣🤣 just joking sweet alyssa rapunzel 😁

Good luck 😉

[NicoletteXO]

I hope that "connected beard" was a typo and you meant "connected heart"...

[Asker]

Connected beard love...

[NicoletteXO]

What the hell is a connected beard?

[Asker]

Google: A connecting goatee describes the mustache connecting to the bottom part of the chin, which makes a solid goatee. Not everyone can grow a connecting goatee, meaning their mustache doesn't connect to the bottom part of their chin. The first thing you will have to figure out is if you can grow a connecting goatee.

[NicoletteXO]

Ok. And that is up there on your list of things you want in a man? Not... loyalty, confidence, generosity... but a CONNECTED BEARD?

[Asker]

Physically yeah

[Levin]

Your requirements are pretty superficial, in my opinion, but do what you want.

[Asker]

I agree lol. I’m a horny 23 year old.

[Levin]

That's fine. I'm a horny 36 year old :)

[MCheetah]

Online dating sites are a confidence booster for women who aren't looking to actually date anyone and a depression well for men actually looking for a committed relationship. Women win it all, and serious men lose everything.