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It could be a coincidence (ie just happen to pick them, and those guys specifically), but there could be any number of reasons and only the specific guy can tell you why. But it's not easy finding a woman these days either believe it or not. And it's also possible that some guys are open to one, should it naturally develop, but they don't want that "pressure" or "expectation" at the start (even though it may not be that, it's stated so feels that way sometimes). But with ghosting being so common these days (at various points of getting to know them, and women are just as bad as men for this, maybe even worse? ie often hear "I don't owe him an explanation"), finding a woman that's "serious" is not easy either. Women are also VERY quick to judge and guy and "know" him (they think/assume) and they really don't at all. I had one women tell me she knew for a FACT what I was all about and what I wanted once, and we hadn't even met in person yet! But could I explain myself or tell her otherwise (because she was totally off base 100%), nope! SHE KNEW! This is the type of things we guys often "deal with". Drama! We don't like it or want it, and women seem to LOVE it lol.
Ofc I don't ask them to be in a relationship, we just casually to the topic. The most common reason I get is that they enjoy freedom?
About your issue, yeah I get it, sorry. I'm not like that but I know a lot of women who are like that. It all comes down to communication, women often have expectations linked to their standards that are not communicated (for example, some girl will have a standard that the guy is into her if he texts her 4 times a day) so if a guy doesn't she will deem him as not interested enough. That's usually what many refer to gut feeling. But it's not, it's just their deep desire that is not being fulfilled. Some hold really broken values (like texting 4 times a day example) but you can't change it. It would all be fixed easily if we were all comfortable enough to actually use words to say what we want. In this case a girl would say "hey listen, I want that we text throughout the day, that is the most important thing to me it shows me you care" and then ball is in the guys court, so if he's not up for that he should say it and then they should find a compromise (something else that they both can do to show that they case). Now THAT is commitment and that is what we women actually want. But they usually don't say until the damage is done and then they get angry as matter of reaction, which results to what you call drama. But I assure you that no one likes drama.
by the way great example to show how guys ALSO jump to conclusions. They ASSUME there will be drama and they ASSUME women love it, based on their previous experiences. Which is probably why I'm getting the "I don't want a relationship" smack on the face on every single date I go.
I get where they are coming from. I'm in that category. I've been single for a long time and have gotten used to living the bachelor lifestyle. It's really about my freedom to do what I want and when I want. Nobody is telling me what I can and can't do. I would like to spend time with a girl who likes me but I wouldn't necessarily want a serious relationship. I just don't have the time. I have also had less than five girlfriends and have seen the positives and negatives in those relationships. I think a lot of guys like me in their 30s want a girl who they can care about but not get married and have kids with.
I guess you enjoy freedom, doing stuff by yourself and fucking around more then you enjoy being loved and cared about. I get it, it's all about priorities. But be careful, your balls are soon gonna go all saggy and when you are 60 and all alone, your "bachelor lifestyle" is not going to of much use to anymore... But it will be too late.
Each of us has different priorities. We all have some level of freedom to live our lives how we want to. We have to decide what will make us happy. I think I will try to find a girlfriend as I'm heading into my forties. I'm just not quite there yet. You make some good points. If I meet a woman who I know is the one, I will go for it.
Well it just depends on who you date. You start to see through guys after a while but sadly it takes some time and experience to figuere that out and thus means taking in some random one time dicks in the proces and raising your "body count" as some guys call it. And that's one of the reasons you see here in the comments pretty often why guys have trouble with women around their 30's.
Basically you should see it this way: most guys want to just fuck you for a night, only a few will be suited for a relationship. So depending on what you want, you should choose the right guy and see through the bs of the Chads out there. Unless you just want your guts rearranged, those Chads might do the trick pretty damn well ;) If you let guys fuck on the first date, nothing wrong with it, but don't be surprised you didn't filter out all the Chads and you are left on read the next day feeling sore between the legs. No judging, because you know, been there don that...
Sucks that women in their 30s are looking for a relationship. While guys in the same age just finished a relationship. They are not looking for another one. 😒
Opinion
17Opinion
depends on the guy and what they are looking for. If he wants a few kids he first has to court you which can take 2+ years. How old are you exactly? If you're 35 then you'll be 37. However if you're 30-33ish i dont think its a deal breaker. Just really depends on him and what he's willing to accept. Maybe you're targeting shallow men based more on appearance or affluence than strength of character or their heart without even realizing it. Maybe what you consider average or above average might be higher too. Women rate guys differently for different reasons.
There are a couple of things going on here. First, relationships and marriage are not nearly as appealing to men today as they used to be. They offer men fewer benefits but the risks and costs to men are higher today than ever before. That is why men are getting married at much lower rates than any time in history.
In addition to that, single men in their 30s hold the cards in the dating game. In their 20s women have most of the power, but after about age 30 the tables turn and the power shifts to men. Most single 30-something men are well aware of that and are happy to use that power to their advantage after a decade of being at the mercy of women. That means they are much more likely to be playing the field and enjoying casual dating and sex, and much less likely to be interested in settling down.
But that's not really smart. When they get older and lose their hair and their balls get saggy, there won't be much field to play at because no one will want them. The only thing awaiting is lonely old age.
But yes the point is that they come from a very twisted picture of women and relationships because bad experiences. So even when they meet a good woman, the fear of "she will turn out to be just like those others in the past" or "I won't be able to fuck around anymore" kicks in and they roll back to their safety bubble living in a happy illusion of being "free".
Twisted picture? Is it twisted to be put off by the act that half of marriages end in divorce and 70% of those divorces are filed by women? Is it twisted to be cognizant of the fact that men get screwed in divorce court and child custody disputes? Is it twisted to factor in important facts to the life decision of whether a man wants to get married, knowing that the benefits of marriage to men are not at all what they used to be, and they can meet most or all of the same needs marriage used to offer outside of marriage today? Why would a man choose to take on all the costs and risks of marriage when he can achieve more without it?
You can say it's not smart but you are saying that from a female-biased perspective. Men make that decision for themselves based on the facts as they see them, and they are turning their backs on marriage in record numbers today as a result.
A man who uses his brain and evaluates all the facts doesn't have to have had bad experiences with women to see the problem with marriage for men today. Marriage is nothing like it used to be, and unless things change drastically and marriage becomes more friendly and beneficial to men again, the institution of marriage will not last more than another generation or so.
Dude I'm not talking about marriage and kids, I'm talking about being in a relationship (opposed to just having casual sex with multiple women). For the record, I'm the first one who doesn't want to get married or have kids. But yes I'd like a committed partner.
Committed relationships are no different than marriage in most ways. It's the same issues, different context. Men lose more than they gain today from a committed relationship. That is how most me see it, and it's why you are here asking this question.
So what exactly are they loosing?
That happy "illusion" of being free that you referred to... it's not an illusion. Men do lose their freedoms when they are committed. Depending on the state they live in, they also risk all of the same things a man risks when he gets married because of "common law" laws that essentially treat a long term relationship like marriage. They risk getting emotionally attached to a woman, and all the risks that come with that.
In the past men got a lot more in return for taking those risks, things they don't get today. And they got easy access to sex, which was not easily available outside of marriage. Today casual sex is very easy for most guys to get, especially 30-somethnig single men. And now a days men are expected to take care of a lot of the things that women handled in the past.
The bottom line is that relationships are not nearly as appealing to men as they used to be and that is why you are experiencing what you are.
I think you have a very weird view on things. Both men and women have the advantage of enjoying casual sex with multiple partners when they are single. And both men and women alike have other benifits from a relationship. If you are looking for a relationship but date people who just want a casual fuck, you'll end up in trouble. For both men and women it's the same. So how youyou portray the problem just makes no sense at all.
"But that's not really smart. When they get older and lose their hair and their balls get saggy, there won't be much field to play at because no one will want them. The only thing awaiting is lonely old age."
@Asker You're absolutely right. But women do the exact same thing in their 20s.
The sad fact is no one seems to have a long-range perspective.
@Anonymous
"They risk getting emotionally attached to a woman.". So? That's what love is! And a lot of women are scared of that as well. But people need to grow up and stop being afraid of everything.
@Jamie05rhs Yep, that's what love is. And what is your point?
My point was that love, and all the realities that go along with it for today's men, may no longer be worth it. I'm not talking about being afraid; I'm talking about each man making an informed decision about what is right for him, and what will be most likely path to lead him to a happy and fulfilled life. The answer to that question for men today is very different than it used to be.
@Anonymous I recognize all of the negatives that you listed. But getting emotionally attached isn't one of them.
@Jamie05rhs But getting emotionally attached opens the door to all those negatives, because we then we make emotional decisions rather than rational ones. It makes us weak and puts us in a position where we make decisions we later regret. That is what I had in mind when I included that in my comment.
Hmm. That's kinda deep. Okay. I guess I see what you're saying there.
@Jamie05rhs Cheers brother. Best of luck you you.
Thanks, man. You, too.
I just overall disagree. Being in a relationship is overall more beneficial to both, life is just easier when sharing chores, expenses and generally having someone to rely on. The risk that comes with is same as risk that comes with being alone. I totally see the benefits of being alone (especially if you have good income and enough time and health and good looks to actually enjoy it), but in my opinion, putting pro's and con's, relationships gives more benefits.
You can disagree all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that men increasingly see marriage and relationships as less appealing today than in the past, for all the reasons I've mentioned. You are a woman who sees things from a woman's perspective, and you're incapable of seeing the male perspective on this issue. You came here asking why men don't want relationships, and when they tell you why, you say they are wrong. Um, okay... so why did you ask?
Women have changed the rules to the relationship game. The game is no longer appealing to men, so they have created a different game that is more appealing to them. And guess what, women helped create the new game and they are playing right along. You can continue to play the old game if you want, but you're just not going to have a lot of guys to play it with you. You women have created this situation and you'll either need to learn to live with it or roll back some of the rule changes you made so the original game is appealing to men again. That's really the bottom line.
I just want to add that your comment about the risks that come with relationships being the same as the risks that come with being alone... that in itself proves you are 100% incapable of seeing men's perspective. Men have spent the last 50 years learning to understand female perspective and needs, but the reverse has not really happened yet. It's coming.
Blue anon, she's trying to gently persuade you. :)
@Jamie05rhs Lol, I am pretty firm on this one.
Lol okay.
Men don't take women seriously unless she has way more to offer than looks. Feminism teaches women that life is all about herself & a man's preferences don't matter. That's a recipe for being unable to get into a serious relationship.
Some would say that younger guys take women seriously with less requirements but I doubt it. More like the younger guy's version of serious is (usually) more shallow so it means way less.
Men in their 30s who are single and average to above average looking have the world at their fingertips. They can date women their age or women who are younger, and most of them prefer to date younger. Because they can.
Unlike when they were in their 20s, when women had the upper hand, now that they are in their 30s men control the dating game. And most have no interest in giving up that freedom and power to settle down or commit to a relationship. There's not much in it for them at that point.
https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-20120421-1xdn0.html
Men in their 30s can date younger girls in 20s. Most 20s girls too want a financially stable guy. They can fool around for three four years and then settle with either a younger girl or a older more mature one. However it's also limited and they have to settle by 35-36 . There are plenty of guys will want direct relationship too , guys with low sovial status. However girls generally only want to date higher so in their 30s they will not date guys with lower social status
It would be nice to have a dream relationship but they don't hold value like they used to. Men don't want drama and get cheated on. It's not all women, but the good ones are hard to find, everyone seems to playing games.
Probably because they see it as a hassle and they don't want all of that drama.
Not speaking for myself, though. I personally would love to be in a relationship. (As long as it's with the right person.)
Men in their 30s mostly want 20 year olds. Sorry sis
I had the same experience with many girls.
Why? Their problem. Just open to date who wants the same as I do.
The word Commitment immediately comes to mind.
cos if a woman is attracted to us then we can just sex them without dealing with they bs
Because a "relationship" with a modern woman has little to offer a man.
It's because females especially in the west as well as laws have killed dating for guys.
You answered your question at the end of your question. They are avg. And above avg. Men. Why would they want to settle for you?
Because you been ran through for the past 15-20 years.
You fucked all your chadsnobody wants you now that your at the wall.
In most cases it's because they don't expect a relationship.
at your age its pretty much to late
once a guy hits a certain age
he figures out women are prostitute
so there is no point in dating
Dating apps I see🌝 😂😂
that means you're not hot enough
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