Why would he ask for my number and then block me?

[Anonymous]

I've been going to a local coffee shop for about over 5 years. I met this guy there and we would talk and spend time together every time we were both there. He added me on FB & he told me he was interested in me for a long time. I was surprised. He was a grad student, well-traveled, really "in-the-books" intellectual type. And I am a mess. Then and now. I asked him why he never said anything and he said, "well you were always talking to other guys and you like bad boys. Nice guys finish last."

Anyways. he asked on a date via FB messenger. I told him how shocked I was because I literally would never think I was his type. We talked about it. He said he would be back in town in 2 weeks and would call me and set something up then. About 2 weeks later, I never heard from him. I thought I'd reach out to him to see ask for his number so I could call him and set a day for us.

I was interested in seeing and getting to know him outside of the coffee place. I was attracted to him. But I just literally never thought anything more than that. I did when I first saw him. But, he never gave me the "vibes" that he was interested and I like to let men lead when it comes to dating.

Anyways, when I went to message him on FB. I saw he had unfriended me. I didn't understand why. But, my feelings were hurt and i felt confused. It's like he said, "nice guys finish last" but I have been going to that coffee shop for years and i have only given my number to 4 guys and he was one of them. And HE was the only one who didn't call. So, I guess he's not so much of a nice guy after all.

Anyways, a couple months later I ended up meeting a new guy and we started dating and I took him to the coffee shop. I saw the "nice guy" and we didn't talk. That was the last time I saw him. But, sometimes I wonder why he did that. It wasn't like I was a random woman from the bar. We actually had a pretty good report for a few years. What gives?

[Truthbewithyou]

Here's my take on this:

He gaslighted you right here: "well you were always talking to other guys and you like bad boys. Nice guys finish last." He's judging you on what you like. Trust me, when I say, guys DO NOT forget about a woman they want. If it'd been two weeks and no contact from him... he isn't that serious about you. When you reached out to him after 2 weeks, you told him you had been waiting two weeks on him. Now, he knows you're in waiting and there aren't any other guys trying to get your attention. If you like to let men lead, then know, they are to reach out and follow up with you like they said they would. Don't do for him what he said he would do. Let his words match his actions.

There's a reason why the saying is "nice guys finish last" and not "good guys finish last". Most nice guys are self proclaimed meaning THEY think they are nice. There should be a jury out for guys like this. Secondly, most are nice because they cannot get women any other way, not because they are genuinely nice. Most nice guys are bad boys that use niceness as a tactic. They rely on their niceness to get them what they want.

Therefore, don't fall for the "I've always been interested you"..."I've always had a crush on you since (school days or many years ago)…or whatever line of I watched you from afar but never made a move until now. The truth is, there's a legit reason why he didn't make a move. By him telling you he always liked you, gives him a boost in your mind where you think you're special to him, leaving you to believe that he's always waited for you to come around. That's a nice romance movie plot but most guys are not doing that in real life. It's more of a pick up line than the actual truth. Guys form many crushes, they are not stuck on one constantly for years. There's a reason why you didn't get those vibes from him. Trust your gut more.

Lastly, there could be many reasons why he did it. He could have been seeing someone already, he could have met someone else, you could have gave him the ego boost that he needed but he wasn't really trying to pursue anything serious, or he simply changed his mind. Who knows? The thing is, WHY he did it, doesn't really matter. It's the fact that he DID it. Do you really need a man to explain why he has shitty character and that he doesn't plan on changing that for you?
Yeah... it sucks, but it happens to the best of us. I'm sorry that you ran into a crappy person.

[Carolus]

Because he was initially interested, then he either became insecure - a feeling that he ain’t that a good match for you, or you ain’t his match / good enough for him. It happens a lot to most men. A man can meet a woman he’s interested in but she shows interest to men different from his style or character. Becomes insecure and ends up developing some kind of an anxiety preventing him to be with the woman anymore i. e. even if she’s interested or available. Example. I had this girl I was interested in 6 years back, she was interested in guys who like to party nonstop; personally I don’t, approached her though I had this feeling It wouldn’t work for us, felt I wouldn’t be the guy she desire and she made it clear she wasn’t interested. In January this year I meet this girl again, she already got a two year old boy, we exchanged contacts, started communicating and she’s was very much interested. In March, I just woke up, deleted her contacts and unfollowed her on Instagram. Then, started ignoring her calls and texts, why? I felt she’s not good enough for me, why did she reject me 6 years back? It would be my son not someone she chose over me. Even though am still in love with her even now, she isn’t, she made me feel I wasn’t good enough for her back then, why should I let her now and she breaks my heart?

[Stevefiveo]

I have no idea. I had something similar happen to me. I was at the bank and the teller flirted with me and gave me her number. When I called her later to ask her out she had an excuse for every night to go out. Could never get a hold of her again.

[Neosporin]

Kinda long story and I just skimmed it but it seems like a dick move and I would be upset too in your shoes.