How can I learn to not get so attached to a new person I’m dating?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how to date without getting too attached. It’s only been 5 dates but I would like to take it to the next step with him (exclusive). I know this is very early, and he’s pretty shy/introverted so I have a feeling he is not on the same level yet. Not saying he doesn’t like me, just taking things slower. I’m just worried my over attached personality will be a turn off for him. I want to learn to not get so attached to people so quickly.

[WonderBell99]

There is nothing wrong with wanting to talk and be more with the person you’re dating. Don’t take it too fast. Respect his boundaries, or you’ll scare him away. If he wants to take it slow, then take it slow.

How many relationships have you had? If you’ve had a very few number of partners, then it’s likely that you may get attached to people you’re interested in too soon.

- I’d suggest you do something to keep you preoccupied. Like try a new hobby, or get a part time job or something like that. Make yourself busy.
- try reading the book ‘Attached’ by Amir Levine. It found be quite useful and maybe teach you a few tricks on how you could be a little less attached.

Quick question, how is your relationship with your parents? Because, parenting styles that your parents followed would have some impact on your romantic life. There is something called “attachment styles”.


Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.

Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

I highly suggest you read the book. It’s a good read. It’d help you navigate your feelings in a more secure, comfortable way.

There's nothing bad in wanting to communicate more with your date. Everybody has different needs. But there are differences with being unhealthy about it or simply anxiously attached. Big difference.

- Try meditating. Practice mindfulness. Try those deep breathing exercises that are available online. When you start feeling anxious, tell yourself to do something else. Keep yourself busy whenever you get anxious. Listen to some music, practice yoga.. Distract yourself with other things. Think of things you'd be doing if you didn't have someone to pine over.

- Never ever forget this. You existed as a person before they came into your life, and you will continue to do so even if they leave you. Life is unpredictable, anything may happen. I do understand that it can be challenging to get back to reality when they’ve left, but remember, whatever may happen, you’re a strong person.

- Maintain the two text rule. Never text more than two texts without a response except in cases of emergencies.

- Invest more in yourself. Love yourself more than you would anyone else. Self love is the best kind of love. Never forget that.

[WonderBell99]

To be honest, communication can solve everything. However hard the conversation may be, be upfront about your intentions. Let him know that you like him. Just tell him how you feel. He may surprise you. You never know.

[FlutteringFeelings]

n this situation you’re dating a guy and the two of you have been going out on dates which is good so far. You’re growing feelings for this guy which is normal and don’t beat yourself up about it. However, if it’s date 5 then there has to be an idea about where things are going. If it’s only the first month I wouldn’t say to immediately expect a relationship because there’s still more that you need to know about this guy.


However, the only way you can give balance to this situation is acknowledge that you’re interested to yourself but don’t get too carried away. Reciprocate the same energy he’s giving you and don’t over extend yourself because there hasn’t been anything established yet between the two of you.


Never assume. He’s taking you out on dates but the two of you aren’t committed to one another and he’s more than likely dating other women. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket by waiting around by the phone or waiting until he’s asking you out on the next date. Feel as excited as you want but take it one step at a time. If you FEEL deep down in your intuition that the two of you know enough to have a sit down conversation about exclusivity then you can.


If he’s around to seriously commit to you then he will verbally communicate his intentions and let you know the next step. If he’s beating around the bush with uncertainty then you would have to take a mental note and act accordingly.

[slatyb]

Relax. If he's shy / introverted he's probably not seeing anyone else. Have you had sex? Are you about to? Then it's reasonable to ask him if he's seeing anyone else. Otherwise don't worry about it. You don't need to make anything "official", whatever the F that means. If you are seeing each other regularly, and not seeing anyone else, then it will progress naturally.

[SiberFox]

Talk with him, I don't see why getting attached would be a bad thing, sure it may fail, but if it doesn't work he ends up losing someone who liked him and you lose nothing of value. Communicate, be honest. Good luck.

[jahaims]

Get that nonsense out of your head. It is never too soon to be exclusive. The reason for dating is to find a sustainable relationship.

[Sam_The_Savage]

"exclusive" sexualy you mean?

[In_Trance]

Experience is the best teacher