How do I avoid getting attached?

Question

I am not a lucky person when it comes to relationships, i always end up getting hurt, being ghosted for no good reason and i am done with the heart break and people letting me down, i met this guy recently and we have started dating last month, every thing is great and wonderful more than i ever wanted, but yet i still have my trust issues of him suddenly ghosting me, and leave, how do i protect myself from getting heart broken or being down, without running the Happy moments i have right now

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

First of all you have to know who you are.
And believe in yourself love yourself that's number one

And when you're going into a relationship it's like a 50/50 deal you can do your part and they can do their part and in any moment they could go off and do something else and you have to understand that you will be okay so give it all you have you have to trust if you don't trust then you're not in the relationship

Look back at every time you've been hurt and you made it through it right and you have to understand that no matter what relationship you get into you're going to make it through it you have to look at it as a learning experience in one way.

And in another way don't look at it negative look at it positive that they were just not meant for you otherwise it would still be going on you can't look at everything negative in the world because things do happen for a reason walk away with your head up high and know that in your heart you did what you did to make that relationship work

Because when you don't trust and you start projecting things that's when things start going sour because whatever you might be thinking might be the furthest from the truth and that person doesn't want to hear it..

So just love yourself believe in yourself you can't make anybody love you but become the best you can become in a relationship and if something happens it happens there's nothing you can do about it except for walk away and say hey I gave myself to this person 100% And if that's who they are and they don't want to be with me I don't want to be with them because you're worth more than that

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

You can’t , giving trust and love opens you to receiving the same but also betrayal and hurt. The point is that everyone experiences hurt when a relationship fails but if you don’t put yourself in the ring you can’t find the happiness you seek ? In my opinion it’s all or nothing , be open but not naive , trusting when earned. Knowing your history your guy will need to be sensitive to the walls you may be putting up but the rewards are high for you both. Dipping a toe in the water and not fully committing yourself will in all probability cause problems. I totally understand you wanting to protect yourself , nobody wants to open themselves up to hurt or failure or distress but can you live with failing because YOU never fully committed?

Sugar100 · Accepted Answer

The same thing is happening to me.

all boys reject me since I was 13, I’m 27 soon & cannot get a first boyfriend.
mom the most romantic person on the planet which makes it hard be alone forever until I’m old. I wake up empty & hallow everyday & depressed.

I should be in a relationship since I was 18 as I have a lot of love in my heart I’m super romantic but no one gives me a chance. I daydream of a boyfriend and it’s just a fantasy.
I met so many guys that only want sex and the few that what a girlfriend which are 3 out of 500 are guys I don’t like.

I now began lose interest in men as I’ve been looking for a year for a boyfriend as I hoped I would spend my first Christmas 2024 with a boyfriend meeting family & no.

however there’s no way to not be attached as I burst out crying tonite. It’s impossible to get older and I never have a boyfriend.
so I don't know what to tell u. Rn I’m just alone no longer even looking at men in public of how lonely & hallow I feel.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

Of course you still have trust issues, it’s been a little over 4 weeks you hardly even know the guy. My advice? Do something different. You already know the end result of trying not to ruin happy moments or over-investing too soon, so why not switch it up for once? Take some of those eggs out of his basket and leave your options open a bit. Ask the right questions, set the right boundaries. Use your past negative experiences as examples of what you don’t want, and do your best to be sure he doesn’t have those bad traits. It’s ok to have a wall protecting yourself, just be sure there’s a gate in it. Basically, a healthy balance.

Finchie40 · Answer

Don’t rely on him to bring you happiness , just treat him the way you want to be treated , we can’t force someone to love us or be faithful to us , all we can do is give the same way we want to receive , understand you are a beautiful person and value yourself worth , if he chooses to walk away from you , that’s his problem not yours , Just treat him the way you want to be treated

DishLady · Answer

So the key to enjoying intimacy IS in allowing yourself to open up and get attached. The only way NOT to get attached is to do a short-term “arms length” assessment of a person within the first few weeks of knowing them, which isn’t very fulfilling and puts you on the defensive.

Skinhead-1979 · Answer

I wish I could offer any advise... Is struggle with the same; not much is needed for me to get attached to someone: Even more so if Love and Romance is involved.

As a Teenager I'd be devastated for weeks if I got rejected by the girl I had a crush on; as an adult I didn't have this problem much (simply because I didn't/ don't fall in love as much as I did as a Teenager)... but break-ups, even if I was the one who did the breaking up, are still difficult.

You will never be able to fully protect yourself and heart against being broken; but in time, maybe with therapy, it could become easier to deal with.

privateperson · Answer

You have to stop thinking about dating as "can I trust him to not hurt me" and shift more toward "I am searching for someone with specific qualities and if this person leaves, or turns out to not be it, then I will be fine, because I was fine before I met them." If someone ghosts you, they are deficient in character - they lack the ability to have uncomfortable conversations which is a fundamental requirement of any intimate relationship - they essentially did you a favor if you want a high calibre man. You have to see it as he wasn't worthy of you if they behave that way, not that he did it TO you, think of it as he SHOWED you what kind of person he is and it had nothing to do with you. This requires coming from a healed place. Consider seeing a therapist. I wish you the best.

mamysandycandy · Answer

Relation (ship)

A ship is attached to the sea whether it's floating or sinking.

You are the ship.

While attached and floating, you find a balance and not worry about being attached so much. But if you worry so much about being attached, then you are going to sink and dissappear. Or you get stuck at the shore/land and not get and experience since you don't dare to test the water.

You can float, sink or get stuck by the shore/land.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Here's what I do.

1) Always look for the negative (They only want me for this or that)
2) Never have high hopes.

After these steps, if something good happens, it will actually be surprising in a good way. But you already expected it when it goes the other way.

lightbulb27 · Answer

probably a very sensitive person and ghostint/cut off amplifies the pain. be clear about expectations and communication, seek the truth and be honest with yourself.

don't live by fear as that will screw you both.

it's not easy is it...

rosemilk · Answer

you can't control things that didn't even happen yet. so you're kind of self sabotaging yourself and making yourself upset for absolutely no reason

take this for what it is. you just started dating a month ago. this is just how dating is. until you two are official, you shouldn't worry too much

mstbooblover · Answer

There is no way to avoid getting attached if you're able to have feelings. Missing the ability to have feelings means somehow being dead. On the other hand one can learn to accept one's real nature and tendencies, and live with it.

If really you're bothered by the notion of being attached, maybe you should ask the advice of a real Buddhistic master: the notions of suffering, attachment, meditation, etc.

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

First start choosing guys with better character I hope you’re currently relationship has good qualities/ morals.
Second just slow your roll if you’re rushing into a relationship that’s when you’re getting attached before you have gotten established.

Staximus · Answer

No guy wants a cold ice queen, except maybe Bill Lewis. You need to learn how to pick a good guy first. Obviously the way you pick them is not working. Once you find out the guy is a good guy and not a piece of shit, let yourself get attached or you'll lose him.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

By understanding that rn is the honeymoon and novelty phase and that will end soon to transition into a more realistic phase. Have you learned about him now and communicated your boundaries and expectations?

Anonymous · Answer

I can tell you how I do it. I refuse to let myself consider her as anything but a good friend until I'm certain she's serious. There are simply to many women searching for Mr. Right now than Mr. Right. I'm a firm believer in ONLY giving the effort she gives. That way when she inevitably flakes it's just like, turn the page.

dudegreat91 · Answer

By dating several people simultaneously. Then getting serious only when you're sure about that person

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

By acknowledging the different in thoughts and intrusive thoughts, once you learn to shun out the intrusive thoughts you'll learn to trust even if you don't, if that makes sense

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

Just think of it like this: Whatever happens, at least you took a risk.

Yamaal · Answer

olmak I remember the last time I was so afraid of commitment and finally I met someone that I couldn't live without anymore.

sheenagwapa · Answer

if you're the type who can lwt go then being attached is not that bad

es20490446e · Answer

How much of a personal relationship did you have before entering the dating phase? How much did you knew each other?

Nikki1989 · Answer

Choose better, and you will WANT to be attached.

meaditya100 · Answer

Love the person who loves you. Not the person you love.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Men just want fuck women want money. Join the club

CubaPirate · Answer

Don't be too eager to put trust in a guy. Make him earn it

jack1924 · Answer

Consume your time in something else until you are mature enough

Kelley1 · Answer

Date an unemployed fat guy.

HalalCabello · Answer

I feel this...

OddBeMe · Answer

Figure out why. Negligent parents?

How do I avoid getting attached?

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