How to prevent getting easily attached to people?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I rarely put my walls down with people, but when I do - I attach easily.

Like my friend, who lived with me for about a month just left and we both cried.

I didn’t know she became so precious to me until after she left.

I even disliked some of her traits but now that I am going to go back home and she won’t be there, I feel a bit sad.

Updates

+1 y

Now that she left and I have more time by myself and more time for thinking, I start missing my ex again.

I just want to get to the point where I don’t miss anyone.

[dynamicyandere]

That’s tricky. But, here some things to consider or avoid:


1. Get better at letting go. This is something I’ve become good at, but I also have a lot of experience meditating. If you can get good at letting go and move on, you’ll be able to remain loving and emotionally present, yet able to accept painful situations and learn to let it all go.


2. Stoicism. This is one step down in my opinion because I believe that there is value in emotion and you need emotions for thriving relationships. But, stoicism has its place, especially during stressful or painful times. Getting yourself into a stoic headspace will shift your mind into a more logical/strategical/practical mindset and away from an emotional/empathetic mindset. It may not be the best for relationships, but it can be useful for running a business or ruling an empire. Marcus Aurelius, emperor of Rome, was known for adopting the philosophy of stoicism.


3. Walling Up. I do not recommend this and I’d say this is something to avoid. I’ve been here before. I took this to the extreme once. There was a time that I just walled up so I wouldn’t feel hurt any more. I emotionally went into a cold and numb place where I didn’t trust anyone and I also couldn’t be hurt by anyone either. But I because very apathetic and unemotional about everything. I was so numb that I felt dead inside. There were times that I wanted to cry but I couldn’t produce the tears. I lost a part of myself. By numbing myself to all pain, I indirectly also numbed myself to all happiness and love and joy as well. I learned that I can’t be selective about numbing one feel without numbing all the rest. I’m either going to feel or not feel. And, I thought that it was better to feel something than nothing at all. Otherwise, what’s the point of living? I eventually worked on opening up again and very slowly and gradually I began to get back in touch with my emotions. It took years though. I’m in a pretty good place now though. But yeah, after that, I no longer take feelings and emotions for granted.

I hope that helps!

[coachTanthony]

When you have nothing else going on in your life like following your passion or purpose in life it's real easy to get attached to people because they are providing you with your daily emotions and purpose. Everyone should live the 80/20 rule. 80% on your purpose an passion in life and 20% on friends, family and dating. This way you don't have time to get attached you're too busy.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I live a busy life though. I go home at night mostly, before then I am busy.

[coachTanthony]

Is your busy life meaningful though or are you just punching a clock and paying the bills?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Be careful what you wish for... I'm to the point that friends just trying to talk to me feels annoying. I might open up to someone when I'm really drunk, but afterward, I find myself asking myself, "What have you done you stupid, stupid man?"

If you really want the key though... start with seeing the worst in people more than anything good.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I usually see the good things in people, more often than the bad things.

I find it hard to see bad things in people. I always find something to like them for.

[Dіldophobe]

Or play with taking depressants lol. Not antidepressants that raise serotonin, but non selective serotonin blockers. That kind of make you disinterested in everything... the good thing is that if you stop taking them, everything is back, and you're actually more sensitized than you were before.
Purposely making yourself feel crappy so that the withdrawal feels great.

That's why I said go do something difficult, once things are difficult you care more about getting enough for yourself than sharing with others.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I guessed that's how you are... just from the ability to quickly attach to others. That's the key to becoming someone that doesn't attach quickly though. That positive outlook has to be replaced with reviewing all the flaws first and everything else second. Become guarded... your first thoughts should be like, "Alright, what does this motherfucker want?"

It sounds negative af I know. But it will protect against things like blindly walking into a very bad situation.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It’s really hard for me to do.

Because you can give me the worst person in the world and I’ll like something about her lol

Thanks god, at least I am guarded about who I keep in touch with.

So you fail to see good things in people or is that something you developed as a self defense mechanism?

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Dіldophobe You got a good point... I wouldn't tell someone to go straight to substance abuse, but... set yourself up with a very difficult task and everything else in the world becomes something one doesn't want to be bothered with. Simply nobody has time for that and not my problem becomes a mindset toward others.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Self-defense mechanism. Ultra alert and always looking for possible threats.

[SlothySlob]

I think you view it wrong, at least with the case of your roommate.
The two of you will still keep in touch, the two of you will still be friends. If you need her you can still call her up, setup a "date" and enjoy a girls out.
She's not lost forever.

[RHK36]

Sounds like you have too much free time to let your mind wander often. Also learning to let shit go and moving forward helps. If you're still hung up on a ex and all it took was being alone to miss him then you haven't moved forward.

[EmbraceThePain]

Why would you want to get rid of this?

You're human, accept it.

Learn to still live your life despite feeling what you feel.

[Dіldophobe]

Do something difficult. Get outta the comfort zone. Will make you less emotional.

[Grond21]

You cannot take the leap to love someone without risking your heart being broken. The only way to never miss anyone again is to turn cold and heartless

[bowenw]

I'm not sure why you would want to change such a wonderful thing.

[TrillXHippy]

Why I don’t like getting attached to people is because when I do it’s just a game to the person.

[Yellovv]

Because you are feeling alone and that's pushing you to think about your ex again, if your friend stay with you again I am sure you don't remember him.

[Anonymous]

Don't get emotionally invested.