How do I not get too attached too quickly?

[Anonymous]

Whenever I start talking to a guy online, I'm more laid back, but I would start paying more attention to him the more we talk. By the time we'd reach the one month point, I'm usually attached since I'm used to chatting with him so often. However, that's also when the guy starts withdrawing.

Do I get attached too quickly? How do I prevent myself from getting too attached?

[AmandaYVR]

It probably doesn't need to be measured as a time-based thing. But the way you describe it, it seems irrespective of how he treats you. How he treats you, and how aligned you are in values, interests, personalities, etc., should be the real metric. I'd suggest you think about that. And maybe you have some sort of attachment style that is codependent. But let's not jump to conclusions here, veer overly or unnecessarily negative. Maybe you just genuinely like chatting with people, you are curious, and you enjoy conversation. It's ok to enjoy all that. Maybe you are an extrovert, primarily.

But at your age, yes, many guys will be spooked by a girl who is "too" into them. Why? Because they often don't want commitment. Some don't even want girls as friends. Their interest in them is mostly sexual.

Try always steering the conversation away from the graphically sexual, and always toward more substance. Small talk is not that interesting to many. Maybe their distance is not entirely being spooked, but lack of interest for the nature of the conversations. They do call it 'the art of conversation' for a reason.

Guys can almost always talk about that stuff and not necessarily get entangled in an emotional connection. But females seem a bit different this way. You can't expect every guy to appreciate you as "just friends" and for him to wonder where your head is at, and if you will ever have any interest in him as a partner. But if he's that impatient, that after a month he still can talk of nothing else of substance, well then you're probably better off without him in your life.

So, when you start developing feelings, really try to look at the relationship as objectively as possible. Ask yourself, what do I really get out of this? Does he seem to respect me? Like me as a person, more than just a potential sexual object? Do I enjoy the conversation, and exchange of ideas about the world, our lives, etc., or am I just enjoying the attention, even if it's not great, fulfilling-type attention?

[Anonymous]

Don’t have any expectations for that first month; or put all your eggs in one basket. Keep your options open, not investing in one guy, that may help you not become attached. I’d also say to ask what the guys intentions, like what’s he looking for online. Fortunately some men will be honest and say that they’re looking for something casual, nothing serious right now, just got out of a relationship, etc. Some will lie and say they’re looking for a relationship knowing that’s not what they want but they don’t want to detour the woman and ruin their shot at sex. I say this because finding a guy who actually wants something could help with the ghosting thing.

[Guy2809]

If you are only texting, yes you are attaching too fast. Self love is the right way. Learn to be with yourself, learn how not to need someone elses validation to be happy. Then you will be able to interact without attaching to someone you dont even know in person. Migh have something to do with self esteem, but I dont have much context.

[BarryLiverstone]

Go out irl before a month. Also talk to lots of people.

[Guy13]

Control your thinking and feeling.