Looking for advice?

[newuser1999]

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now and I'm at the stage where I want us to move in together etc etc, but he says he wants to but doesn't really act like it, he very much wants to make sure we'll last before taking any big steps, but this gets a bit annoying to me and I just kinda want to move on. Don't people normally start taking big steps after being together a couple of years? Also in my opinion you'll never know how well you and someone get on till you live with them

[Nonameee9]

2 years is a while but not really, moving in with someone you see everything, the good the bad & the ugly. If he isn’t ready take this as a good thing because you don’t want him to move in with you under duress and you end up moving out after a month or two or worse the relationship ends. Take things slow, just like an engagement let him do it when he feels it is right. 2 years in me and my husband was still dating and just enjoying life before we had kids and became married. I don’t feel like you should push the issue if he doesn’t want to do it.

[newuser1999]

Yeah but surely your husband was certain he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you? Like I know that things can change but you both must have felt that way

[Nonameee9]

We definitely knew we wanted to be together for a while but it was also iffy because he had his immature faze, if he tells you he’s not quite ready take that and run with it! You can choose to stay, and wait it out for what you want.. OR you can leave and find someone looking for the same thing as you, at the same time. 🙂

[newuser1999]

The problem is I've worked since I was 16 so I guess my "adult life" feels longer, he went to uni for 4 years so has only done about 2 years work. He's never seemed certain about me, like within the next 3 years I'd personally like to start a family etc etc but he doesn't seem to want to

[Nonameee9]

It seems like he still wants to live a single life, he doesn’t seem ready for commitment. And you said he’s never been certain about you , it seems like he wants to explore life and maybe not ready to move out with his parents because he would be responsible for his own bills. women mature faster than men do, he’s just not ready. And that’s okay! It’s up to you to decide if it’s something your willing to stick around for. Or move on. Because if he’s not ready to move in now he’s not gonna be ready for a kid In a year either

[newuser1999]

Yeah I guess that's the problem with him being only a year older than me at this age. It took him long enough to ask me out and that was kinda with me pushing it as well. Or maybe I just move too quickly

[Ez-Bri-Z]

2 years seems insanely long to me, but im a bad example as I moved in with my eventual spouse after less than 4 months of dating.

I feel like if you don't know you are going to make it after 2 years then you never will. Sometimes you just have to make the leap because nothing in life is guaranteed other than death.

[newuser1999]

It does to me too, and to me it feels nothing has really changed in those 2 years either. I just don't know what to do

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Well, there are 2 schools of thought you can run with on it.

¹ try to find out what his ACTUAL issue is. I'd basically put it the same way i did to you. Nothing is guaranteed and if he is waiting for one, you are going to find yourselves 5 years from now in the same holding pattern. You are ready to take the next step and you want him to be with you. Try and work through his fears and see if he can figure it out.

² Ultimatum time. The fear he has is going to be a fear he will hold in a lot of things in his life. Right now it is moving in, but what about children? What about big purchases like a car or a forever home?

Out of curiosity, is he overly attached to his parents? Does he find it hard to do things without consulting them or bringing them along?

[newuser1999]

He just says he wants to make sure it's the right decision.
He does usually ask them for advice, I know his mum doesn't like so that probably doesn't help things. And they think my job isn't good enough.
He's too slow for his own good in my opinion

[Ez-Bri-Z]

What else does he need? It's been 2 years.

Sadly, that dependence on his parents is something that he needs to move past. It's ok to ask for advice now and again, but that’s really something he should be deciding with you, not them.

[newuser1999]

He asks their advice on everything, even if we've had a bad argument he's asked their advice, which in turn soured his mums opinion of me more

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Oof yeah...

You may as well get used to that for a while unless he figures things out for himself. You are going to be dating him and his parents until then. By the way that will spread over to children too. They will tell him (and you by proxy) how to raise them and most likely do things you aren't ok with because they think it is better for them. That's been my experience anyway.

[newuser1999]

Yeah I know, my parents had that kinda marriage, although my dad was never around so didn't matter too much. They are very pro vaccine people, I'm not so much (I'm not against it) they are very school minded I look at it school doesn't always matter, they think church is good, I think religion doesn't define if you're a good person or not

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Well, hopefully he figures it out soon. It's hard to live that kind of life and actually be happy.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, if he doesn't know what he wants by now, then why waste any more time on him?

[newuser1999]

Cause I keep thinking he may eventually make up his mind. Like I want to start getting on with my life, but he doesn't seem to want to

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, but how long should you wait?

[newuser1999]

I dunno. He feel his parents kinda make him doubt moving in with me

[newuser1999]

I feel hid parents*

[Opinion Owner]

Don’t wait forever.

[es20490446e]

i completely agree with you.