Women still looking at other men when they have a respectful SO?

[Noraaaa]

So what is your take on this?
One of my friends, I love her so much, but she kind of pisses me off with how she treats men she’s dating sometimes. She is dating this guy who is like 6’2 and he works in investment banking and holds a really high position. And she said she wasn’t that attracted to him at first. But he’s good in bed and cooks and is educated, etc. Anyway, he didn’t want to see anyone else but her and wanted to be exclusive but she doesn’t know if that’s what she wants. But she brought him to a party and introduced him to everyone. Anyway she also had drinks with another guy the night before this party and thinks her landlord is really cute and she talks about how hot he is all the time and how she wants to know if he’s single.
Anyway I’m annoyed because this guy she’s dating seems to be treating her so well and seems like a good guy but she doesn’t seem grateful completely.
I see a lot of other women behave this way too. No guy who’s just so perfect is enough for them. And I guess I’m perplexed because I was always a completely loyal girlfriend when I was dating and swore off any other suitors.
Women are so picky about height and I get it. I’m tall 5’9” so I think it makes sense for me to want someone over 6’ and the past several guys I have dated were all over 6 foot. But most women are much shorter than me and have these weird requirements because they’re “taller in heels.” And I get it that they want to have standards and things they look for but most of these women don’t even match up to their requirements and then act picky about the guy like somehow he’s not enough. It’s beyond frustrating to listen to. And I’m starting to tune it out.
Apologies for the rant but I’m starting to notice what a lot of men have been complaining about with women being so picky.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I think that if she wants to date, I would suggest she finds someone who wants an open relationship, because she’s only goin to hurt people by doing what she’s doing.
Also, she sounds very shallow, sorry. I don’t want to be mean, but she’s the type of girl that many men try to stay away from, and even I would stay away from.

[Noraaaa]

Thanks for your insight. I mean other than this she’s a good friend. I don’t want to pick her apart or seem like I’m stabbing her in the back by this post but I’m honestly frustrated with how people treat the dating scene. Yeah she picks apart men’s appearance a lot. Like I’m picky and critical (usually to a healthy extent) but not this much. I want to be attracted to the person I’m with but I don’t expect perfection. It’s a toxic standard to place on yourself and others.
I can’t help but feel like this behavior is what drives good men away from the dating scene :/ which makes it hard to meet anyone nowadays for myself since I don’t put myself out there much either. Women complain about how shitty men apparently are but they also contribute to the problem.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

You’re right. This behavior does indeed drive good men away from the dating scene. They want to avoid girls like this. It’s just the truth.
I think that if you want her to recognize this, you have to tell her that it’s not right, or at least ask her why she flirts or acts like this when she has an amazing boyfriend already.

[Noraaaa]

But the men she’s dating are good guys. It just upsets me that maybe she’s manipulative in some way or doesn’t want to get hurt so she plays her cards differently than I would.
She gave me dating advice once which was to date multiple men and see which one I like the most.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Yeah, I don’t know. I never understood that type of mentality for saying either. Maybe she’s worried that if things go wrong with the one guy, she will have a back up guy? Regardless… I would not take her advice lol. She’s a player tbh.

[Noraaaa]

Yeah it’s disappointing. This is why I am picky with friends. I think there’s a lot of shitty people out there who think they’re high quality just because of a job they have or something.
Also on that note when I’ve told her about what some of the guys I date do for a living (if it’s apparently not “prestigious” enough) she’ll make a disgusted face. And her recent complaint about her man is that he’s not a managing director yet... and the guy she hooked up with who kicked her out makes $300K... soooo that’s why she put up with it?

[Chris8670]

I'm starting to see that a lot of people are becoming less grateful these days.
I know guys who are disrespectful to their partners as well. To me it looks like they have a great woman and a good situation at home, but he would rather be anywhere else away from her. It's just a shame that loving people seem to get involved with the heartless ones quite often.

[Noraaaa]

People feel like they can always have something different if things don’t go well.

[Chris8670]

They may be naive.
Having been married and in relationships with various types before, I can see when somebody has a great partner. I get annoyed listening to him bash her similar to how you're annoyed by your friend's actions. Unfortunately it's those ungrateful people who will end up hurting their sweet partners so bad that they can't trust anymore.

[Noraaaa]

I’m currently single but looking for a long term partner that will lead to marriage. It’s just so discouraging when you see behavior like this constantly though.

[Chris8670]

It's true, you really have to pay attention to red flags while dating these days because people like your friend and the guys I'm talking about can be very two-faced. They act normal when they're with their partner, but then turn into a completely different person away from them.
They're manipulative and fake.
It's easy to get played by them if you aren't careful.

[Phoenix98]

I mean people are gonna look at people they find attractive.

Im fine with it so long as they don’t blatantly do it in front of me. When I’m with em, just be respectful about it.

[2Wheels]

I can see why that disturbs you. It disturbs me too. I have always been the loyal type. I especially don't look at other guys with the intent of checking them out.
And, I've never been picky I don't think. Maybe that's my problem. 😅

But, yeah. I think guys or girls checking others out while in a relationship is definitely damaging in my opinion.

[Noraaaa]

She’s just always trying to get someone’s attention in like weird ways by going and standing by them or talking to them when it’s clear they’re just going to try to hook up with her. Men have treated her badly too which i would never put up with - some guy she slept with kicked her out of his apartment in the middle of the night and she had to walk home. She’s 27. Like how are you tolerating that behavior at that age?

[2Wheels]

It definitely sounds like she's addicted to attention. Most times this comes from how her childhood was. Maybe she was always ignored and now that she's older it's like she's making up for lost time.

As for her getting kicked out, I would not put all the blame on the guy. By how she's been acting I would not be surprised she provoked this, unfortunately.

[Noraaaa]

Well it makes me so uncomfortable. Because I’m classy with how I talk to men and seek their attention. I am usually really shy so I don’t aggressively even go after someone like that.
Can men tell when women are subtly throwing themselves at them?
And I agree. This is why you should never sleep with a guy until you’re committed.
Sometimes I feel like women victimize themselves in these situations when a guy isn’t treating them right in a douchey manner but fail to see if there’s anything they’re doing to contribute to the problem. People usually won’t treat you in ways you won’t tolerate.

[2Wheels]

Yeah, exactly. Sure guys can be total douchebags, but so can women. Just because I'm a female, doesn't mean I'm going to point fingers at the guys everytime. I like to see things in a more birds eye and unbiased view.
Like, what does his side of the story sound like? Take both stories, take away the thrown in lies or inflation and what is left for common actions that really happened? You know what I mean?

But yeah, I hate it when women throw themselves at men. Like, she wouldn't like it if a guy did that to her.

[ItsMeElliana]

I'm not like that tbh. your friend probably doesn't have feelings for that guy. because if i love my S. O truly, and he was a respectful one and that caring and amazing, I'd give him my all. and literally turn down all the other guys for him.

[Noraaaa]

She went out for drinks with this one guy as a “friend” then her ex texts her all the time as a “friend” and then this guy is a complete gentleman she brings to a party. She acts like the perfect girl with him too. Also she thinks her trainer is attractive and asked him his Valentine’s Day plans and like talks about how hot he is. All while this guy is so into her. I feel so put off.

[PrettyPriya]

That is just wrong of her to show interest in other men while in a relationship. It kind of shows she is immature.

[Noraaaa]

She talks so much about how hot other men are when we’re out places and tries to get them to make a move somehow. And it makes me uncomfortable because I’m not really the one to like try to grab someone’s attention that way.
Her previous boyfriend she did this to as well. She told me she wasn’t sure about him because he’s boring and wanted an open relationship. SMH... I don't know I’m just frustrated.

[PrettyPriya]

@noraaaa

I would be frustrated too if I had a friend that did that. I feel you on this one. It would annoy me that someone was being so disloyal to their partner and so blatant about it. Have you tried talking to her about it?

[Noraaaa]

I am not very confrontational about these things so it might be difficult for me to approach. I guess I didn’t want to get involved and jump in because it wasn’t my place. I’m not sure how to approach a conversation like this.

[PrettyPriya]

@noraaaa

That's a tough thing to do really. I tend to stay out of it. I just wasn't sure if you had mentioned something already.

[onlylonelygal]

I don't personally, I love and respect my man, and I'm 100 percent satisfied

[Noraaaa]

I know right. That’s how I feel when I’m committed to someone too. I am disgusted by people that feel nothing is enough to satiate them.

[Hangry06]

It's just looking. Humans are wired to find other people attractive

[Anonymous]

welcome to our world and all the shit we put up with on a daily basis

[Noraaaa]

I don’t think most men I’m around are even like this to this degree. Geeze. It’s insane.

[Opinion Owner]

i know that

[Iron_Man]

They always do