Where should a woman go meet quality men?

Question

I'm looking for someone in his thirties or 40s, religious, wants a family, smart, kind, non-repulsive (doesn't need to be hot). Funny would be a bonus.

Other than church, where would I meet someone like this? I actually never meet guys at church. Also, online is a bust for me. I've patiently tried both for years. Any ideas? 🙏

SkyCastle90 · Accepted Answer

It's real time. Something about you is making you attracted to shit-tier guys, deterring good men, or both.

No one likes hearing, "You are the problem," but that in itself is the biggest issue here; because no one wants to tell it like how it is. You are the problem. You're the common denominator in your marriage and other interactions with men. No doubt your family and friends can see your flaws and how you're screwing yourself up, but this is the culture of, "Mind your own business," or "Not my life. He/she will figure it out eventually," no one is going to tell you for the sake of keeping the peace.

Sadly, I don't know you personally other than what you've already posted, so I can't give an accurate answer on what you're exactly doing wrong, but since your ex-husband was seriously abusive, which isn't your fault, but at the same you're not completely innocent because at the end of the day you chose him. Wait, before you get upset, we all been there. I had an abusive partner I chose to be with, as well as many women out there, you're not alone; but you want to be in the group of women who strive to change and do better and not the group who aimlessly wander around picking guys based on superficial wants and playing the victim until you're old and bitter. You're not a victim; you're a survivor.

What can you do? Since you have a decent paying job, get therapy. Abuse is traumatizing. You may think you came out on top, but no doubt that experience is embedded into you and caused serious damage mentally. Get therapy and let it all out; because talking to friends/family and online strangers will not get you the results a professional can.

Another thing you can do is read: I want to change, but I don't know how. You've mentioned that you hope the next guy will like you personality, meaning you have doubts in yourself, which is normal to a certain degree, but your personality is what makes you who you are. I wish you luck, you can definitely find someone, just make sure healthy enough to pick a great guy and keep him.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

If anyone knows, please share. I too am curious to know...

I'm no longer looking, mostly due to accepting the fact I'm probably going to be single the rest of my life, but as a fellow 30 something year old, I'm noticing that dating is terrible. Moreso the older you get. Even in my 20s, I had atrocious luck: from dating sites, online, college, and... well you get the point.
Now that I'm older, working, and barely have a social life outside of work, it's hard meeting new people, much less attempting to date!

But for me, I would love to meet quality men in "normal" places, such as the library, the gym (huge plus meeting a fit, active guy!), or out at places you enjoy going to. You will just have to realize that at our age, most men are going to be already taken or married, so you will have to be patient.

Lots of women think church is a great place to meet men: not always. Other women share the same sentiment so you're fighting against other single, desperate women for that one or two rare man that's still single as well.

Diodoro · Accepted Answer

Really depends on your full criteria. Like what qualifies as the minimum to be considered "non repulsive"? If you're like, "I don't need Ryan Reynolds hot, but they can't be Brad Pitt fugly" then your measure is already fucked lol

If religious how religious are we talking? Active in the church? Catholic, Muslim, something else? Is believing but not going to church acceptable?

Financially is average income acceptable to you? (38.5k a year) is that acceptable or does he need to have something to augment that? Age doesn't necessarily change this.

If he still lives with family, maybe taking care of parents, depending on his culture this is considered acceptable. Is that acceptable to you?

Wanting kids is normal. Does it need to be within 5 years or can it wait? If a guy is in his 30s he may be comfortable waiting 5 or more years to have kids. Is this acceptable to you?

How are you defining smart? Clear headed? Clearly not a dumbass? Does he need to have a degree or college experience, or would an intelligent plumber with a highschool diploma be acceptable to you?

All of these play a factor in getting clear on what you want, where to find the guy, and defining whether or not today right this second if you even qualify for the type of guy you're looking for. As in, is the type of guy you want looking for your type? Or does he want something else. If so, are you willing to make changes to get him?

Just some questions worth consideration

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

Sounds like an interesting list of qualities. Maybe message me with specifics? This list is broad. Not sure where you live to tailor advice. But assuming you lived near me and wanted to meet me, just as an example...

- Work (Stop in and introduce. Keep it brief, leave a card, and we'll go from there first chance I get to contact back.). I'm almost always working.

- Home (after intros). Whatever I can do from home, I do from home. Less interaction with the public means less having to deal with drama llamas. So your place or mine would be a valid question for most things.

- Sometimes church. I go as my schedule allows me to. So every other week on average.

- Barnes and Noble, if I suspect anything came in that I'm curious about

- Wal-Mart. Better if we've already met. It's a terrible place to meet someone for the first time ever!

- An Asian buffet restaurant. Long story, but there are moments I relive better when I have Chinese food. Plus, half of employees at Walmart, it would seem, have no idea what the difference is between mei fun and lo mein noodles.

- Lowe's?

I rarely go anywhere else.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

At the library, on a bus, at a poetry competition, at work, at a church party, through cousins, at Christmas parties, at a Tim Hortons restaurant or a movie theatre when your temporarily separated from your group, on a hike from the school to your house, at a community social event such as a meditation class or a book class or a gym class, through friends, at a charity fund raiser, at a concert, during a shopping trip with female friends, online through school friends, at a bowling party with work friends, at a restaurant outing with friends.

Account · Answer

No such thing as quality people. We are all chaotic pieces of madness that either fit together or don't.

Anonymous · Answer

Speaking for myself and my group of friends, those of us that aren’t married have no intention of casual meeting girls in trashy bars or wasting our time on apps. Not saying we’re anything special, just that it seems to be increasingly that those who are looking for quality non-superficial relations always end up dating the wrong people and giving up.

I’ve found when one of the guys of our group does meet someone, activities with her friends can lead to better matches.
Unfortunately that really hasn’t been happening for the last few years, but most of our weekend activities aren’t really open and social: camping, hiking, 4wheeling, etc.

A few alternatives:
Church single groups might be good, but once you hit your 30’s it can be a little awkward.
Meetup groups, especially outdoor activity groups like hiking and photography, and other networking can also be an option if you’re comfortable meeting strangers and want to meet like minded people.
Work used to be a good way, but I personally wouldn’t ask anyone at work out. There are too many risks and you don’t want to introduce possible drama when it comes to your income. But some people think it’s a great way.

Anonymous · Answer

Quality is subjective. People need to stop saying all guys and girls are garbage. One mans treasure is another mans trash. You need a guy that is YOU. Girls who date "garbage" guys are garbage themselves in some way. Maybe self-image or maybe in character I don't know but you cannot date/accept someone who doesn't mirror/harmonize with something in yourself.
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You significantly increase your chances if you stop limiting your selection pool and if you can vet many at the same time which will decrease your emotional attachment. When I say selection pool I mean places. If you cold approach guys or girls anywhere you increase your chances. And don't do it in a desperate way. And if you are really religious then do what the Books say. Mark 11:24. "Believe and you shall receive" Implicit Belief is something of the subconscious mind and not mere words. Beliefs work exactly like habits...
@cynicaldreamer @gidge @xoirwinkan @dwornock

But seriously people need to stop with all the good guys are taken because if so then what does that say about the women that are single still? The guys you want pass you everyday on the road, in the store, in parking lot, but because they don't go to your church you'll never know. You just need to find someone like YOU. If you are good then he will be good because he is like YOU. Quality is subjective.

Your way is clearly not working so you should be open to trying other people's ideas... Maybe I'm crazy or maybe I'm the person who starts their own company instead of working a job.

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

I honestly believe you should meet them out in public, you should meet them in regular places like stores, going hiking, etc… I’m not sure if every setting is appropriate because there’s some people who use their settings to lie about who they are… For example, social media apps it’s very easy for them to lie about themselves. I would say church, but that hasn’t been a good choice for decades now. Lol

dontgetafemalecanine · Answer

the comment by @skycastle90 is really comprehensive. The best so far on relationship (these few days of observation)

Online wise; me and my friends have used Hinge in the past. I reckon that's the best one out there in terms of quality and honesty. However, at the end of day, it is your take as to how you meet and hang out with people. You should always meet the person in person (if you have interest in him), protect yourself from harm (such as pickup artist PUA- if you don't already know it -> check out online).

All the best. : ) XD

mobiusforniner · Answer

Not to throw church out there again, but the mormons have single groups where the sole purpose is to meet people. Seriously, they sponsor dance classes and single adult activities without the alcohol or party atmosphere. I got involved with that and met some amazing women. Just beware the religious culture and find someone who isn't a zealot trying to convert you...

No matter what, its gonna require effort, as does everything which demands quality in life. Get involved in an activity. Skiing or snowboarding is a great way to meet people. Join a club that encompasses something that interests you. You will mingle with like minded guys and everything will go from there.

Guy13 · Answer

Christian Meet-up Groups of Singles.

Make sure it’s a structured event with Biblical Bible Study so that you can get a sense of the men there. If you live practically by Bible then search for those kinds of groups. Get the Warren Wiersbe NT Commentary and take with.-It will either scare them away OR If they know who that is then you probably have a good one.

-Conscious or Higher Conscious etc are New Age, Witch, or Satanist driven most part.-Best case out of that Sample is dating Jung or Freud. Stay away from that crowd.

Don’t be in a rush‼️

humpbackjack · Answer

You never know when or where you can meet the one for you when I met my wife it wouldn’t of mattered where it happened or when or how cause the minute I seen her I fell in love and I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life with her and after thirty years it’s basically over but she’s always going to be a part of my life. A piece of advice when you find him don’t forget to appreciate him and just because he always put you high on a pedestal doesn’t mean that it can’t change a loving relationship takes a lot of work from both sides

zagor · Answer

Do you have any interests such as hiking, skiing, camping? There are often specialty meetup groups that have activities and these can be good places to meet people in an environment where there isn't a lot of pressure.

If you want someone religious, then look for a church that has a lot of social activities. Just meeting someone at services or after-church coffee is much less likely than at an outside activity.

slatyb · Answer

My wife and I met online. Have you gotten no interest? Where else have you looked besides church? Keep in mind that women are generally more religious than men. In evangelical churches there are 3 women for 2 men. Have you tried outdoor activity groups? They are mostly single men, they are in shape and generally nice. Hiking, biking, skiing, sailing, canoeing, ... Also co-rec sports could be good. Charities like Habitat for Humanity might be good. Intellectual meetups tend to attract a lot of lonely men, mostly a bit awkward but who knows?

notwoke · Answer

I believe this is a very hard situation right now. 20 years ago I could just walk into a grocery store and look at a woman and if she had no ring start chatting her up. In 60 seconds you could tell of you had a chance and if she wasn't interested you would get blown off politely. Now if you start chatting up a woman in the grocery store she might turn it into a law enforcement incident and even if not, the societal belief is that you must be some creepy weirdo. I had dozens or possibly hundreds of dates with women I met in the grocery store or gym or mall, etc. I think it is actually easier now for women to do the approach because the worst the man is going to do is tell you to fuck off and many men will be flattered and interested if they are available

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

Unfortunately, as a fellow singleton I don't think there's a specific place to meet someone, it's going to be hit and miss which ever method of dating you opt for.

Alyssa_11 · Answer

I think other than a religious establishment it would be cafes or the gym. Cafes cause he’s be there working or getting his coffee on his way to work. While gym shows discipline and self care which are also traits of a quality man.

Anonymous · Answer

Are you objectively "non-repulsive"? Sorry, had to ask.

You're in a difficult position looking for quality men considering your age and the fact that a) most good men are taken, and b) high quality men your age have their pick of women your age and younger.

I would suggest looking for men doing what you would expect quality men to do... working, shopping, volunteering for organizations you support, enjoying sports or exercising... participating in life. That's what good men so.

Good luck to you.

Kaamraj · Answer

The person you are describing sounds like the average man to me. And average men can be found anywhere average things are going on; bus stop, library, restaurant, bowling, hiking, fishing, jogging at the park, etc. However, whether that average man who has his life together wants you or not, it's another question.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know, great question though... mmm let's see... I'm fishing, im hiking, I'm chilling at my local coffee shop, I'm at the gym morning and afternoon, I run or cycle sometimes, I do yoga, do some strength training classes in the gym, do boxing, I love shopping and sometimes go swimming. Showing up isn't enough, you have to be able to start conversation with the men you're interested in

Lionman95 · Answer

Library, theatre, maybe go do dance courses either start to learn a new dance or go to an advanced dance class. Try to find them through mutual friends because a quality men doesn´t go around when a plate around his neck saying I have a high quality for relationships.
Because no man would say he´s of low quality it takes time to find one.

MTC29 · Answer

I have to tell you that the number of men in their 40's who want to start a family are few. Most men that age are divorced and already paying child support on one or two brats. They don't want another kid.

If you want to start a family, look for a much younger man who will be willing to commit to spending the $250,000 it takes to raise a child from birth to age 18.

Anonymous · Answer

Any guy in his 30's or 40's has more options than you'd imagine (if they looked after themselves). Thus you will need to be very clear what you bring to the table Vs the competition because at that age, such a man will appeal to women from age 19-68. No idea where you'd find such a man because unless he's casually dating or opted out, he would likely already be taken.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys are everywhere. I honestly don't know why you'd think church was where you'd meet them, I'm not surprised by your lack of success there.

Have some social activities yourself, join some clubs. In my area, I found a good creative writing group and a hill walking group which let me meet plenty of women who would normally never be in my social circle.

Don't wait for a guy to find you. Get out there.

Jay3344 · Answer

Volunteering - men that volunteer tend to be good guys. You can meet people at events or gatherings, through friends, just out in public or wherever.

chulo1992 · Answer

I always see this type of questions being asked. What I always wanted to know is what happens when the women finally to where those men are? Are they going to just stand around and act shy or are going to walk up and start conversations? Just a thought

Staximus · Answer

Most church guys are married at that age. Maybe you should just worry about if he's a good guy or not, and nevermind his religion or of he goes to church or not. That's like me saying "I can't date this girl, she's a Yankees fan and I'm a Red Socks fan". In reality it doesn't matter, it's all bullshit. What matters is if they are a good person or not.

DWornock · Answer

Enter 1 to 10 mile fun runs. They are almost 70% men and you can chat with guys that run or jog at your speed. You might need to get into condition to jog the distance. However, most likely your unrealistic standards have prevented you from meeting men you were willing to accept.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Meet women and hope they have brothers / a friend they don't fancy that's your type.

SenseiSeptred · Answer

City parks that sometimes have people doing yoga, meditation, and martial arts sparring matches. You match move for move with sparring match people, you are sure to catch their attraction and create great respect from them, and those relationships last a seriously long time even among war.

ronaldo75 · Answer

You don't have this type of man right now for one of two reasons.

1. You're not attractive to this type of man.
2. You're not looking in the right place for this type of man.

You have to figure out which one of these is holding you back, if not both.

Anonymous · Answer

A place where a girl in her 30’s can meet a quality man is go back to her early 20’s, the quality men were the ones she rejected.

But they would currently be successful and dating women in their early 20’s.

Fireguy17 · Answer

there are religious/christian dating sites. One of my cousins used one and that is where he found his wife. They have been married for 15ish years. Maybe look there.

exitseven · Answer

When I was in grad school there were a few women that I considered dateable if I was not already married and therer were guys that were single in their 30s and 40s.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

It can be anywhere, no specific place...
Usually if you find a guy in a church who is committed than i'd say that it's a good start...
It's very important to know the ideology of a person and what he/she believes in...

089Lexi · Answer

You want one of my brothers? They're single.

007kingifrit · Answer

a dating site is best. not tinder, a dating site. i recommend plenty of fish.

you will attract the men you deserve on such a site. write a detailed thorough profile that tells men what you want and what you don't want and you'll get that

DangItBobby · Answer

“You don’t wanna meet a guy in a bar, man. Seriously. That was a major turning point in my life is when I realized that. You gotta go to other places–you gotta go to spin class; a farmer’s market; pumpkin patch, given the time of year“ 😂

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

On the darkest alley under the bridge there lies a pot of gold and if you choose not touch the gold there will come an envelope of magic ✨🪄 that will point to the man of character and quality

Sam_The_Savage · Answer

But the question is why quality & smart men go for you? What you have to offer in relationship other than hole & boobs?

dragoblack · Answer

There isn't a place for that. All you can do is look for red flags that show the guy is abusive, manipulative, toxic as a person, ... etc. ... sadly many women tend to ignore those signs

MJtheCoach · Answer

You have to go to meet up groups with similar interests.
Besides that you have to Network and be very social.

I live South Asia.
I’ve noticed high quality men here don’t date anyone.
Which is almost impossible to find them.

DonRollins · Answer

should have looked for that when you were 18 and a fresh body.

Anonymous · Answer

This is a long shot but maybe a gay bar it really is a long shot everybody else has their opinions so I threw this out there

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

He has to want kids? Why? Because you already have a bunch? Or are you, as a 30 something woman just now planning to start reproducing?

Minahh · Answer

I'd say go for places like library, cafés volunteering organizations

OddBeMe · Answer

Church…no. You’ll just find Bible thumping sexist asswipes there. Gym? Nah, same asswipes just minus the preaching. Comic con?

Citizenkirk · Answer

Grocery store, definitely. Produce and pet departments.

TDDMS · Answer

Well GAG is the right place to start that search. Other options are homeless shelter, alley ways, sperm banks, etc.

michael1469 · Answer

You should start at the homeless shelter and move on up from there.

Anonymous · Answer

A woman should go to university the more education you have the higher likelihood of you meeting a higher status man.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

It’s a lottery. You win some, you lose much more. There are good and bad guys everywhere. No specific place to meet a good guy.

CuriousKittyCat · Answer

Try volunteering and pick up new hobbies, you will meet new people and maybe someone that will interest you :)

BaldAvenger · Answer

Sporting events, friends get together, I'm purposely trying to avoid church because 9 of 10 are married.

Anonymous · Answer

I think church is the best place to find quality men.

Exterminatore · Answer

Church or online are your two best options though you said neither work for you.

GlassTop · Answer

There could be Christian dating or mingling events. I know they exist somewhere.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Hmm. Chat with me, maybe? No guarantees. But it couldn't hurt.

jasco · Answer

Online is the best and worst place to find people because it can bring out the good/bad of people

Iron_Man · Answer

If you wanna find your religious man and you don’t wanna do it in the church try Christian mingles

Anonymous · Answer

I think there is no such thing as quality men. I mean.. I tried years but no gain. I think it's better focus on self development and improve life of your on. All men are garbage.

Zygum · Answer

There are men according to your choice on GAG also, be serious, try to contact them by following and message

Shy_Steve · Answer

Anywhere, As long as he is alone because that's not only going to be awkward for you but awkward for him aswell.

Where should a woman go meet quality men?

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