İs it a red flag or intimidating for a 21 year old to have been in 5 relationships?

[Anonymous]

İ feel like everytime I bring this up to someone new it makes me a less favourable choice, like nobody cares about the story and circumstances.

İn reality those 5 have been 2 serious ones and 3 that happened to be brief and forgettable... Should I just stop saying 5 and go by 2 instead?

[Seinna]

I'll be honest with you - personally, yes... I'd be wary of such a person for my own safety's sake, so that they don't use me and break my heart. It indicates the person easily gets into relationships, has problems making good decisions, is unstable, unable to control themselves or committ. Even if those things are not true, that would be my first impression and it would definitely be an obstacle in trusting that person... but it's possible to turn it around. Just show them that you are trustworthy and are honestly looking for a serious partner. Then again - to me a relationship is always serious. If it's not, you're just dating. If you're dating but it's not serious and you chose to make it into a relationship then that's also a sign of immaturity but it's not so bad at your age.

[Asker]

People post questions begging inside for this type of answers, truly, thank you

[Lliam]

At your age, it's totally normal to have had 5 relationships. It would be weird if you hadn't. I mean, relationships are experiments. Sometimes they work out, but often they don't. Se la vie. You keep getting out there and trying.

But as to the unstated meaning of the question when you ask if you should stop saying 5 and go by 2 instead, why would that question even come up? If a girl asked me how many relationships I had ever been in, I'd consider it a red flag. It's enough to admit that you have had some previous relationships without going into detail, other than to be clear that you're not into "hooking up". Beyond that, does she have a problem with the fact that you aren't a virgin?

None of my girlfriends was a virgin. They had all had previous relationships. I never asked about their body count and none ever asked mine.

[Asker]

I wouldn't try to guess what goes through people's minds, I'll just make sure I'm not the problem

[bamesjond0069]

Uhh whats the issue? How is it a red flag or intimidating to a woman? Personally I've been with a ton ton ton of women and had one super long term relationship and a few other pretty serious ones and tons of forgettable ones although im 35 and women say its intimidating or a turn off in general like on gag but irl by the time we actually talk about it I've never once had a girl worry or stop seeing me over it.

I wouldn't suggest to lie though because that is definitely a reason to breakup for sure down the road.

[Asker]

So far guys say nothing about it, the girls just never say why they think it's wrong, I'm hoping some of them would knock some sense to me but I truly feel it's not that big of a deal

[bamesjond0069]

It only really matters for women. If you were a girl id say yes its a huge red flag on you. But as a man? No way. Girls dont care about that at all.

[SkyCastle90]

It's not a red flag to have had previous partners; it's a red flag if:

1. If you speak about the past unprompted and in great detail without being asked; this shows you've haven't moved passed it.

2. If you're blaming your ex for everything that went wrong on those past relarionships; that shows you lack accountability and self-awareness.

Not saying you've done these things, I'm just listing potential red flags.

[Asker]

Loved how clear this is, thank you for sharing this immaculate piece of logic

[Anonymous]

Knee jerk reaction to a 20 something saying 5 relationships; BS! You must be an emotional mess if you believe that. Would the other half say the same? I hear emotional baggage.

There’s a difference between dated and relationship. I’d dare to say most people have only been in a handful of legit romantic relationships in their life but dated a lot, hard to tell till after the fact. Heck you can date someone for a year, think it was a relationship at the time, look back and realize it was dating.

Have you ever been in a relationship? Of course! I learned a lot about myself, I’m a better person today because of it. I’m sure you have too. How many? A few serious, the rest ran their course. Part of the process, grateful to have met them. But how many exactly? It’s not really important, enough to recognize red flags.

Your past is yours, you decide how to share it.

[Asker]

I needed that

[Anonymous]

If you had sex with em all you're just a slut. I'm breaking the culture norms. In my book guys can be sluts too. Giving it up easy shows a serious lack of discipline and low value in one's self as you're just giving it up to whoever and so basically you can't see others as special because you yourself have yet to truly and honestly value yourself and have used sex as an outlet and escape. If you just dated them that's different. Once or twice making the mistake is one thing. Having sex with everyone you've gone out with is another and speaks volumes.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Don't bring it up too early, wait until things are more serious. Like I used to say my first real relationship but now I do not include it. Sure it was 3 weeks of intense craziness but it was only 3 weeks... now I barely include that as a relationship. If serious with someone I'll mention it, but no guy has ever thought bad of it.

[Tiptoetamm]

I guess that depends on how long she was in the relationships how long they lasted. It could be but she must be around your age and figuring out what you want in your early 20s can be difficult so I would talk to her about it. Ask her what the reasons were for her previous relationships didn't last. See what her answer is then I'd judge it. I wouldn't just jump to conclusions

[Alyssa_11]

When you get older it doesn’t matter so much anymore. There’s relationships, there’s situations and then there’s you as a person. I don’t care about how many relationships a man has been in. I care about how he treats me and where he’s at with his life/what he wants out of the relationship with ME.


Also none of the relationships I’ve been in my life matter to me today either. It’s in the past and I have no desire to connect with any of the guys again.

[ThinkFitness23]

Interesting, were you ever totally in love with any of them?

[Alyssa_11]

Yes I was engaged to one of them. The others were all infatuation. None of it means anything to me today though cause if it did I wouldn’t be single. I want a man who treats me right that’s all I care about.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Not if you started dating as a teem. In that case it is understandable anyway... depends to the story... nobody expects teens to have perfect relationships that last.

And why would you give that away in the beginning anyway? No need for too many details on first dates.

But I'd tell you, I don't expect 21 year old guys to be ready for a serious relationship anyway, yes not all but usually it is true... guys mature later.
So it depends what the other person is looking for

[Kayla45]

Not in particular, I know people that's been through more. Shitty relationships, break ups, etc. It happens when you least expect it, so the way I see it is it's a normal part of life.

Ultimately you shouldn't worry about how many partners someone's been with in the past anyway, because it's all in the past...

[Jay3344]

I’m kind of relieved on missing out of young love. I had a girlfriend at 17 and after the break up I was so elated that I didn’t want another one for a long time. So no bouncing around or hurting a bunch of peoples feelings, just focus and experience life. I guess I wouldn’t be intimidated, more wondering about the effects of being involved with so many people in what I guess would be serious relationships.

[LemonsAsks]

Im very open and honest and it doesn't get me anywhere typically cause i can be too neurodivergent. But being happy and being yourself might more valuable then being lonely. If your confident in yourself the rest will come. People will see you.

[NamerOfStars]

I'd suggest just saying "I've been in 2 serious relationships". Otherwise, people tend to misunderstand. Once you get a little closer to them and have the confidence to know they'll listen, you can elaborate.

[metalhead_66]

No man, just tell the truth. And believe me, the right girl for you wouldn't care about that

[Asker]

This made me feel so good, thank you 🙏🏻

[metalhead_66]

You're welcome man

[anniisa97]

I would just say that I've been in 2 serious relationships. I dont see why the rest would matter but if they did ask for extra info then I would tell them about the rest without hesitation

[anniisa97]

I would say it is a bit surprising when you first hear about it

[TheSpaceGnome]

Wanting to lie to a potential SO is a red flag. And at 21, yes, thats a bit much.

[Asker]

Since it's worrying, is it best for me to see it as it is and deal with the consequences or just say there were 2 ? (The other 3 literally were not a big part of my or their lives)

[TheSpaceGnome]

It's best for you to explain the details of each relationship situation, and deal with the consequences of that, because any other option is going to result in trust issues doen the road.

An SO is someone who knows you in your entirety without exception, and still chooses to stay.

[Asker]

Thank you for reminding me, will not lie to my SO

[TheSpaceGnome]

👍 you're welcome

[skytatoe]

I feel like they might think you're all over the place. Which is fair enough.

But you can word it as 3 very short ones and two serious relationships. Not that big of a deal.

[Shy_Steve]

I think that's pretty Normal for a 21yo Girl if she is Attractive, It is a bit if a turn off.
But we would still want to date you if you we found you Attractive.

[cookiecrusher]

Even for a guy, that is a lot.

Don't lie man. Especially to your potential partner.
Be honest, take the punches.

[SometimesASiren]

Yeah, you've been in 2 relationships. People don't usually count anything that's brief and forgettable- it's basically "pre-relationship".

[TacosRAwesome]

Depends on how brief the 3 were. I personally don't count anything under 3 months as a relationship.

[Ninania]

Why don't you just say five relationships, two of which were serious? It's really not that hard to change your wording.

[Asker]

In the end everyone interprets the way they want, so I'm more worried about the impact of the number 5 than the details, if 5 was intimidating enough I would just start saying 2

[Ninania]

Don't.

[Asker]

I'll say it as it is : D

5 with 2 being serious ones

[Just_call_me_Levi]

Depends on why they didn't work out, and if you were part of the problem, what you did to better yourself so it doesn't happen again.

[GMANN56]

By 21 I had been in15 relationships. I don't even remember all their names

[TheLimeNan]

Not if your including any relationship throughout school and/or college.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people don't count brief ones as relationships and it might seem like a lot at 21. But that changes when you get older

[megabamse]

I would not say it is no

[annabananna]

You can say I have had two serious relationships.

[tiajoka]

Who cares lol, no its not a red flag

[noohair]

I don't grow living in the past.

[imfreeze95]

It depends on the person

[Nagatoro]

Yeah, kind of

[Asker]

Can you tell me how exactly? :(

[Nagatoro]

I've went to school with people who have dated over 10 guys, but I don't know, it's just weird to be so young and have had so many relationships

[Asker]

So all it is, is that it makes others uncomfortable?

[Nagatoro]

It makes me uncomfortable, but everyone is different. Just take my opinion with a grain of salt lmao.

[Asker]

For sure, I wouldn't judge I'm just preparing myself in case more people said the same thing :DDD

[flirtatiousgirl]

İt's ok for me i have +20

[Djaay]

And previously you mentioned you couldnt find any good men. Whats going on with a flirtacious girl like you?

[Anonymous]

not really

[Asker]

So it doesn't matter if I was with 5 or 2 at this age?

[Opinion Owner]

nope

[Asker]

Perfect. Thank you!

[TyLeeAndPink]

Nah.

[Hannajenky]

Nope

[Iron_Man]

Yes yikes 😳

[EzNamirimEzDibirim]

I haven't 0

[UpdateGloomyNights_]

Yeah

[Xoirwinkan]

BIG TIME

[Asker]

Please elaborate 🥲

[Xoirwinkan]

It's just sounds like you're a 'hound-dog', only wanting to have sex with lots of different girls.

[Asker]

How do I deal with it?

[Xoirwinkan]

You could be honest, but also say that it may have been a mistake (don't know how you think).