I’ve been with my girlfriend Linda for 2 years. I really love Linda but I’m not sure if she’s faithful. I’m uncomfortable with all her male friends, I’ve lost sleep over it. She brags that they want her and she refuses to cut them out of her life. She has this guy friend named Roscoe. They’re relationship is a bit sketchy. Linda has travelled to Miami with Roscoe in the past. I looked at Roscoes Instagram and didn’t like the comments I saw Linda post on his page 4 years ago. The comments said “I miss you😍”. Roscoe is another guy friend who wants her.
I don’t wanna break up with Linda but I don’t like being played either. 3 weeks ago she mentioned again how Roscoe wants her and protected her in Miami. I got so mad that I opened up an online dating profile, and started talking to a woman named Tracy in Toronto. I did this out of spite.
I honestly thought Tracy was gonna turn ghost like most women online. But then things got out of control and me & Tracy really started to connect. I face time Tracy everyday for an hour. I think I’m really starting to like Tracy and she’s falling in love with me. She’s willing to drive 8 hours to my city. I really enjoy her virtual company.
But now I’m starting to feel guilty because it’s not confirmed my girlfriend is cheating. What should I do?
Yes it wrong
No it’s only fair
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Updates
+1 y
Me & Linda did break up and I met Tracy this weekend. Me and Tracy had a great time together and she seems more compatible than Linda. The only problem is Tracy is in another city. She’s moving closer but she’s still gonna be a 3 hour drive away. Wish me luck!
Is it wrong to cheat if you expect she’s cheating?
Break Up , wtf.. Cheating in spite is only gonna make you look even MORE INSECURE! You don’t even know for sure that she is actually cheating on you and going behind your back. You don’t even know if she is doing the whole FaceTime thing to you? So why do it to her?
It seems to me that you’re insecure a absolute F! And you’re not only doing the cheating in Spite but as a protective measure as to say “oh I cheated back or I cheated first”. It’s child-like and makes you look pathetic.
Linda shouldn’t have brought up the whole “Roscoe Miami” situation to you. But that doesn’t mean she is cheating on you! That seems like some type of Poop-Test to test your manliness and probably even dare you to do what Roscoe did. If it bothers you, you have to be a man a comunícate that to her. You need to be a grown up and use your words. A relationship isn't a guessing game of mind-reading. You possibly even did something to piss her off and so she is trying to pisss you off back!
That doesn’t means she’s getting knocked-down by Roscoe or someone else!!! Don’t be an idiot!
If your intention is to cheat on her as a way to be above her. BREAK UP! Because you’re putting her at risk of STD and AIDS and HIV due to your pathetic insecurity.
Oh I get it. Let’s just project all our frustrations at this man, when he’s clearly going through a hard time and needs our support.
I’m not suggesting him to cheat. But it seems to me as though you have absolutely no empathy for him when his girlfriend clearly doesn’t value him enough
Linda may or may not be cheating on you, the fact of the matter is that yes she can fuck that guy whenever she wants but that doesn't mean that she is. You have allowed your insecurities to destroy you and your relationship with Linda, whether or not she has been unfaithful at this point is irrelevant as you have been unfaithful yourself.
There is no trust and therefore no relationship.
Do you have a shot with Tracy then?
Maybe but the truth has a way of coming out eventually and even if no one else knows / Tracy never finds out about Linda, you will still know and will probably end up telling her yourself accidentally at some point so it is clear that you will have to tell Tracy about Linda and this is a problem because quote 'You love Linda' so you are not ready for a relationship with Tracy.
Right now it kinda seems like you have 2 women and 2 options but the reality is that you dont have any.
Best case scenario is probably something like breaking up with Linda and coming clean with Tracy giving yourself a good long time to be yourself again and process your feelings for Linda etc and then see if anything can be salvaged or rekindled with Tracy assuming she hasn't already moved on and found someone else, because she cannot be expected to wait for you.
Alternatively you could come clean with both, except that you have problems with jealousy and insecurity etc and try to work that shit out within yourself and with Linda but most likely what will happen is that Linda will shit can you instantly and Chad Thundercock or whatever his name was will be impregnating Linda before morning.
Considering you essentially have no good outcome from this if you 'do the right thing' potentially 'doing the right thing' is not the 'right thing to do'.
Whatever you chose to do you will have to live with the consequences.
I feel for you I really do. It must be awful to feel like you're being cheated, but I have to question why you stay with her if you don't trust her. As for this Tracey.. Yeah, you're wrong on all fronts there and you damn well know it.. You're cheating on your g/f and lying to her. Make your mind up which one you want to be with and stick with your decision! Personally? If I felt I was being cheated on, she wouldn't see me for dust. I would have left the g/f before starting anything with anyone else though.
Honestly, you two need to just break up. It’s such an unhealthy relationship, and you two simply are not compatible and do things in spite of each other. You also have some insecurities build on what your girlfriend does, but your girlfriend doesn’t seem to have respect for you.
I suggest you break up with your girlfriend. It’s the best option. It doesn’t matter if she’s cheating on you or not, the relationships has already got cracks in the foundation and it’s just waiting to fall apart.
Sounds like both of you are playing games. Forget about your relationship with Linda. You need to break up with her. You don’t know that she’s cheating on you, but you assumed that she was and actually went and cheated on her by getting involved with another woman romantically. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Your foundation seems to be wonky. You guys don’t seem to be talking or acting like adults either.
You should come clean to your girlfriend, apologize to her and break up. Do not use this woman, Tracy, as a rebound. Give yourself time to figure things out and then pursue her. Does Tracy know that you’re in a relationship? I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. You need to tell the truth to BOTH of them because you’ve been playing both this whole time which is wrong on so many levels.
The only thing you can do is to give an ultimatum; "I tried telling you a lot that you being overly affectionate with guys is something which makes me comfortable yet you dismissed my worries. I give you 2 choices: either you reduce your friend circle and be modest with guys or i get out of my life and be with a girl who will accept my terms". You will need to be a dick to pull this off but it's worth it
It sounds like your relationship has run its course.
I wouldn't talk about other guys like that if I'm in a longterm relationship that's doing well.
Also just the fact that you went on an online dating site and you talk to Tracy and have even considered meeting her seems to be pointing towards you planning for a breakup.
You guys are already unconsciously breaking up in my opinion but then I'm just a stranger on some random website talking about something that doesn't concern me so...
Look I'm going to give you the best advice and it something that will take you far in life. Never under any circumstances change who you are and do something out of character because of the actions of someone else. Always be the bigger person and move on if the trust is gone. The whole she cheated so now I'm going to lower my value because of it is not what the bigger higher value individual does. Take that for what it is.
Long wall of text didn't read it So if you have proof confront her then decide whether you should continue or leave her Doing the same without evidence not a wise thing plus no emotional liability Once she is out you can do whatever you want
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
It is always wrong to cheat, though some situations are worse than others. Your reason is shit. Take some responsibility for your life, be honest to the people around you and yourself first of all. You seem very conflicted with what you want, being with someone you don't trust is probably only going to make you more jealous. You really want to be someone who cheated? think about the consequences, either your current girlfriend or a future can judge you for it.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I do this to my boyfriend kind of... and it's because my boyfriend doesn't give me much attention. Not saying this is justified but talk to your girl seriously... hash it out ask if she wants to break up because reading this made me realize this is NOT acceptable behavior. And what you're doing too is cheating... two wrong dont make a right. Either talk it out or break up
Honestly I’d break up with your girl and go for Tracy. A girl who brags about her guy friends wanting her constantly is fucked in my opinion, I wouldn’t wanna be with that. If you really like your girlfriend you’ll tell her how this makes you feel and see if her behaviour improves but if not ditch her
Tell your girlfriend she either gives up all this crap about other men or you’re out. You won’t tolerate it. Carry on speaking to the other girl but don’t do anything. If your girlfriend doesn’t quit, end her and give things a go with the new girl. You have to give your current girlfriend a chance and let her know her behaviour actually bothers you. She may not realise
Yes-why not just walk away. Sounds like a miserable way to live, if you love someone you do not cheat.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Cheating is wrong no matter the reason. She shows every sign of cheating or at least not being relationship material but you put yourself down to that level. Best to break up with and delete Linda from your life
If you really care about Tracy be honest and tell her you're breaking up with Linda. Then apologize to her for doing this. It will be up to her if she thinks it's worth it
You can break up with the girl who brags about how her male friends want her and won’t distance herself from them and then be with the girl who is enthusiastic about you. But you shouldn’t cheat.
Cheating is 100% negative. You are allowing Tracy to get emotionally invesred in you when you already have a girlfriend that you haven't told her about. You need yo have a talk with Linda about how you fe and go from there.
