Tips for dating a firefighter/first responder?

[Anonymous]

What tips & insights could you provide when it comes to dating a firefighter or any first responder?

I'm seeing a guy who is a fireman and I'm personally not used to someone who has a demanding schedule as a firefighter and want to prepare for whats to come.

[Fireguy17]

Be prepared for missed dates, meals by yourself, gone for hours on end, dead tired when he comes home.
Times where after something bad happens he might be withdrawn.
He may not want to talk about things with you, and most times it is for your protection.
Once he tells you something he can't untell you, so don't pry.
The bond he has with others on the department is pretty much unlike any other.
We depend on each other to get through anything, make sick jokes, or gallows humor is a release mechanism.
Depending on how strick he is with HIPPA we aren't supposed to talk to you about many things.
You will end up being a part of one of the best families there is, but the job also has its downsides as well.
I have lost relationships over it, it isn't for everybody.
Depending on what schedule he is on, and mando overtime can be hard to deal with.
But it can also mean you end up with someone very special.
Being a firefighter is not something you do, it's what you are.

[Asker]

Thank you for this and letting me know what to expect. I had the chance to hang out with the guy and really enjoyed my time with him and definitely want this to work out. Any other tips you can give on how to go about his demanding schedule. I'd hate to be overwhelming. Especially when we are in beginning stages of dating & getting to know each other.

[Fireguy17]

Other than be as flexible as you can.
I do not enjoy telling my wife we aren't going out, Christmas will be another day, you get to do the Thanksgiving meal yourself.
Sadly it seems to happen all too often.
It is also hard on us, but with a supportive family, so behind us it does make what we do easier to deal with.
There will be discussions about it, shit happens.
I catch flack from my wife about the time I spend at the station fairly often.
So I was out for covid this year, and about 3 or 4 days before I could return to duty, she asked me when do I go back?
Go figure.
I was doing this before I met her, so like you she had a heads up.
I try really hard to plan around what ever we have coming up.
And yet something seems to happen at times, staff shortages, we had 11 people out sick at once.
We had people working 36 hour shifts, and sometimes even longer shifts.
I would have hated to break that news to my family.
It turns out some people like spending time with their families.
Unfortunately the spouces, male or female end up taking the brunt of the burden.
With patients and understanding on both parties it can work out ok.
The people that do this job are getting far and few between, it isn't a job for everyone.
So it can work out, just be prepared for a few bumps in the road like any other relationships.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I assume that you just have to be extremely patient. There will be times when he might flake on you, or cancel a date, or not talk to you the entire day because of work. It’s something you either have to accept or move on from.


I’m dating a military guy and it’s pretty similar… He’s always on call and he’s constantly getting texts or calls from his Sergents etc. Work is important, especially for first responders.

[Anonymous]

In Texas?