All the guys I like already talk to other cooler girls. Where to find guys who don’t already have a girl best friend or a ton of girl friends?

[Anonymous]

Every guy I’ve liked recently have a ton of girl friends they talk to who are super pretty and it feels impossible to talk to them because they probably won’t see me a special, have a basis for how social/cool I should be, or already like her. I don’t wanna compete against another girl for a guys attention because I think that’s stupid but I refuse to go after a guy that feels so unattainable. Like for example I liked this guy and he was super friendly and I thought we really clicked then I realized he talked to everyone like that and is super close with this really pretty girl who’s just like the better version of me (looks like me but prettier, same hobbies but better, similar personalities but she’s more social.) so I just gave up. Why does every guy know so many pretty cool girls and does that mean their standards are really high? I know this sounds kinda bad but where can I find a guy who like is really shy or doesn’t socialize with girls (without being misogynistic or something)? I don’t wanna just be seen as another girl he talks to but as someone special. I’m not the most extroverted person so trying to stand out amongst a ton of more social girls would just be shooting myself in the foot and signing myself up to get hurt.

[wa1t1ngFuture]

According to legend, usually, out of 100 men, there must be 1 man who fits exactly as you think.

Recently the world has changed. Many handsome men prefer unattractive or normal/ordinary women. because in a man's heart he also thinks that I am not a rich person and also do not come from a family that has a position/respectable so it seems he is not suitable or embarrassed if he wants to love a beautiful girl, especially if the girl is very beautiful and popular.

Or the man is afraid that he is handsome without money, he is afraid that there is a man who has a lot of money and is handsome and ends up having an affair with that man.

[Avicenna]

There are guys who fit that description, but meeting someone can be totally random. Are you willing to take the initiative with guys?

[Asker]

I don’t know how to approach guys.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Men can talk to and have other female friends and still be single/available. You know that, right?

It sounds to me like you need a therapist to sort out your insecurities more than you need a boyfriend - not that someone with your insecurities would be able to attract/keep on in the first place.

Start with yourself, and get some help with your insecurities and fears. You need to get over those before you can think about dating.

[Asker]

This isn’t if I am dating someone this is if I am trying to pursue a guy. Why would I pursue a guy surrounded by girls, what is there to separate me from just being another girl friend especially if he’s been friends with those girls longer then I’ve known him. Even if I didn’t want a boyfriend with a ton of female friends that’s boy does thing, I wouldn’t be stopping him from having them I’d just choose a more compatible guy. I have friends who only date guys with male friends and that’s a boundary they have. Stop shaming other women for have preferences.

[Asker]

Boundaries thing*

[Smoke-n-Growls]

What you have aren't boundaries, though. They're insecurities. And you're clearly labeling them as insecurities.

[Asker]

I don’t know even if I was super confident I’m not really attracted to overly friendly guys anyways. I don’t find super extroverted popular people attractive but then being around a ton of girls is just a double down. I don’t know what the other option would be though, would I really wanna waste my time competing for the attention of a guy I wouldn’t even be priority for? I don’t think that’s even insecurity as much as practically and enjoying a relationship

[Smoke-n-Growls]

You're projecting your insecurities onto these hypothetical guys.

They might not be interested in the other women they speak to.

Just because he's surrounded by women doesn't mean he's trying to fuck them all. I mean, heck, he could even be gay.

I have a lot of male friends but I'm not interested in any of them romantically.

You're letting your insecurities masquerade as "practicality". What's really practical is just shooting your shot.

Rejection and mismatches are inevitable. They're bound to happen. You can't always have lab perfect conditions for your love - love is messy and imperfect, and takes work.

Honestly, consider therapy. You have a lot to unpack and GaG isn't a substitute for that.

[Asker]

I’m in a really shit mood right now so I’ll probably say something I’ll regret if disagree with later but I’m feel like shot and I’ll be really fucking honest with you who the hell even are you to tell me to get therapy over 1 question a asked on a damn answer site. I don’t like extroverted guys period stop trying to psychoanalyze me with your arm chair psychiatrist bull shit. In secure or not I should not have to settle for someone whom I am not a priority for. I value my friends over any guy this for him those girls would be valued over me. And if you really wanna play the it’s platonic card simply look up a on Reddit or even on here whether guys usually have feelings or at least are attracted to their friends it’s a valid concern. I shouldn’t have to chase anyone and I refuse to if they aren’t interested in me I’m not going to do the most for nothing. Say the fuck you want but I’m not gonna change and I give a shit about guys anyway can’t stand their asses in the first place so I need to stop trying to date mfers I don’t care about to start with. Fuck you by the way for being such a condescending asshole

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Lol, and this is why I say you need therapy. There's more here to unpack and you'd rather write a text wall instead of reflecting on your experiences.

Do you, but don't complain when you have trouble finding someone who is magically going to know to talk to you.

[kkloves]

I used to be in the same situation as you, confidence is key like for real, fake it till you make it even if it's eating you away inside doing it, and you really don't want to put yourself out there. Started being way outgoing and the life of the party you could say, made many great friends, told the guy I really liked for years I did now were together. Acting like your confident can change someone's whole perspective of how they view you.

[Asker]

I get that but is there a way to be confident and alluring without needing to be super outgoing and popular? I still would prefer a small group of people I really like doing something we enjoy over a large friend group on a big party setting.

[kkloves]

Love your anwser! I guess I didn't word it the right way. Thanks!

[Guy13]

Give it up already…either grow some Ovaries or stop already…

[Asker]

They always choose any other girl over me my best bet is finding a shy guy. I don't know why I would go after people who would shut me down on spot.

[Anonymous]

You are looking for the top 10% and ignoring the rest and then wonder where they are...

[Asker]

I’m not even looking for the 10% I’m looking for any guy my age who’s willing to talk to me

[Opinion Owner]

They're everywhere. Guys are literally all around you. They can't all be with a girlfriend, as a matter of fact most guys have been alone without female attention for a long time. They just don't jump out like the players and f-boys tho.

[Asker]

I don't know guys my age all seem to be super social and talk to a ton of girls. No one approached me so I don’t even know where to find people who will talk to me

[In_Trance]

They're literally everywhere

[Asker]

Every guy I talk to has a ton of attractive girl friends or a best friend who’s a girl that they’ve had since childhood with some long ass backstory

[In_Trance]

Lol so you're picking the wrong guys is what you're telling me?
The guys you look at and think they're not your type... They're your type

[Asker]

I don’t even have a type though to be honest like I genuinely take what I can get.

[In_Trance]

Be careful with that. People can smell desperation a mile away

[Asker]

Can’t smell it if they don’t talk to me and I don’t acknowledge them

[In_Trance]

Be patient. It'll happen eventually

[Iron_Man]

At church