Who is the right one for me?

[Anonymous]

I am in a long distance relationship with this guy. He is working in Dubai and I'm in the U. S. byt he is also from my count. I am 24 and he is 27.

Things have been good so far with him. We were planning on meeting in my country (kenya) where he is also from and he is currently working to raise the funds and work on his documents to possibly come to the U. S next year.

On the other hand I've been talking to this other guy who also is in Kenya. I asked the guy in Kenya what he thinks about coming to the states and his reply was that if he has to move he has to start all over like getting a job, finding new friends, etc. So he said he we will get back to me shortly with his final decision whether he can come here or not but I don't know how long I have to wait or he is waiting for me to first travel to Kenya then he makes up his decision about coming to the states? Or is he just wasting my time?

Does the guy in Kenya just probably want to find a way to get into my pants then dump me or he is just not that into me? Who is the serious guy? Ps: Please no insults.. I'm just in dilemma.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t an insult or me trying to belittle you, so please don’t take it as such. But the fact that you’re going so deeply into depth about a future with another man while your in a relationship, means that you should absolutely break up with your boyfriend. I think the fact that you two are so far apart makes it feel less serious, especially since you haven’t met in person. But it is a real relationship and essentially you are cheating. Don’t be selfish (and by selfish I mean being in a relationship while talking to another man), break up with him and be single so you can explore your options. I don’t even want to get into the other guy, because I immediately lose respect for a man willing to be a home wrecker and take another man’s partner. Moral of the story is, both are bad prospects. You’ve got to jump through hoops just to see them once let alone regularly, and there’s too much “potential” without any real plans set in stone. I say find a man who’s closer or at least in your country, so you can set attainable goals and actually be in a real relationship.

[Asker]

Thanks very much your response and explaining to me thoroughly. I really needed that because I was just really confused on what to decide whether I was majing the right decision or not. You're very right about me being selfish. I shouldn't have led on the other guy yet I clearly know I was dating someone else. I'll take your advice responsibly and in all I believe it is best for me to end both relationships and find someone who lives closer to me where we can both set goals together and actually be in a serious relationship than can later progress to marriage. Thanks very much again for being clear and honest with me.

[Opinion Owner]

No worries! I think you have a great plan in mind. Finding someone closer who has the same wants and expectations as you would be a lot better than trying to arrange for these men to come out of the country. If you’re still single when (and if) one actually move to the states then that would be better. But until then, I’d give them both a hard pass. Wishing you luck going forward ☺️

[Asker]

Thanks so much! That was very helpful!😊

[FreedMan]

Why are you talking to another guy while in a relationship?

[Asker]

I was just in dilemma but I regret talking to the other guy

[FreedMan]

Sorry but I don't have sympathy for you. No one made you talk to him and frankly it sounds like your just weighing options between two men like they're pieces of meat.

[Asker]

Yes, I have pretty much accepted my faults and I'll own up to them. I feel its better to let go of both and find someone who is closer to me so I don't have to deal with that long distance relationship stress.

[katestar]

The right person who cares. Loves.