My date's dad passed away yesterday. I have had just 5 dates with her so far. 1-What should I do to comfort her? 2- Should I attend her dad's funeral?

[A_Gentleman]

My date's dad passed away yesterday.

1-What should I do to comfort her?

2- Should I attend her dad's funeral? She has not introduced me to her family yet. Also, I have been going out with her for about three week ( we have had 5 dates so far).

Thanks..

[WindAtMyBack]

I'm borderline on this one. I lean toward not going unless she wants you to.

Not knowing her father doesn't matter. Funerals are for the living. It's common for people to go to funerals of someone they never met, just to support friends.

If you have not met the rest of the family, I don't think a funeral is the right time for such introductions. If you do go, I would not expect formal introductions to her family. It's just not the right place for that. If you go, play it by ear and maybe plan on staying off to the side instead of being too intrusive in something that is very much a family affair. Five dates does not make you an "insider".

I would let her know that you are there for her. Express your condolences. I think it would be OK to directly ask if she wants you there. She's unlikely to say no, whether it's true or not. Unless specifically stated that it's private, funerals are open to anyone. I think you need to talk to her and try to read her. Look for signs that she thinks you are wanted, or if you are being too intrusive in something extremely personal. You are at an in-between stage with her, so you need to read her feelings about it, rather than just her words.

This is a very sensitive time for her. She will be closest to family and long term friends. That doesn't mean you should be completely out of the picture though. You might be a comfort, or she might find solace in her family and long term friends.

You can also use the funeral home as a source of information. They do a lot more than bury people. They have a big support role and should gladly answer any questions you have about this sort of thing.

[xiaolian]

Don't tell her anything, ur nothing to her don't mend in someone else business, she will hate u later, trust me

[SaoirseS]

Just be there for her, and take cues from her. If she wants to talk about it, then listen. Don’t be afraid to ask the direct question “what can I do to help?”


As far as attending the funeral goes, ask her if she wants you to attend. She may not, as funerals are typically for families and very close friends. She also may not want you to attend for fear you might feel like an interloper. Death is also not a good event for first meeting the family, but leave it up to her.


Do let her and her family know you’re thinking of her by sending flowers (or making a memorial donation in lieu of flowers).


This is a pretty common question that I get asked a lot.

[jennifer_bloom]

Ask her if she wants you to attend and tell her you want her to be comfortable during this grieving process.

[BarryLiverstone]

1: talk to her and let her know you are there anytime she needs.


2: don’t go unless she needs you there

[roy_ricky09]

Nothing. Just be there for her.