Is this romantic or platonic love?

[Haha456]

My friend sacrificed himself to do something for me. He really didn't need to do it but his selflessness made me love him. I told him that I want to be his friend forever and that I owe him big time and that I will be here for him forever. But I dont think my feelings for him are exactly romantic. I love him but I am not in love with him. It means I love him as: " I would wake up 4 am in the morning to cook breakfast for him before he goes to work daily" or "I would give him money whenever he needs help " but I wouldn't miss him if I hadn't seen him in a week. Or I wouldn't necessarily be excited or looking forward to seeing him. He doesn't make me laugh or give me an amazing time nor does he give me any butterflies in my stomach. He doesn't make me excited in his presence either. But I've never cared about someone in my life so much. He is such a good guy. I've never met such a great person.

But every time I meet up with him, I just admire him so much that I dream about how wonderful of an experience it would be to enjoy a kiss with him. I think he's just really special.

At this point, I am just confused on to pursue or not to pursue a relationship. So far I haven't said anything to him because I just am not sure of how I exactly feel. I definitely love him but maybe not in love. But oddly , its still so overwhelming of a feeling for me. I just want to hold his hand and kiss him. But at the same time, its not exactly romantic.

Please can someone help tell me what I'm feeling?

[Anonymous]

He's definitely got you thinking, though! Lol is it possible he displays aspects of the type of person youd like to be in a relationship with, while maybe not being as attractive as you normally would go for? No judgment, I've been there before... it's kind of a weird place to be when someone is completely your type, but you dont find them physically attractive AT ALL lol

[Haha456]

I don't care about his physical flaws because I am deeply touched by his character. Not necessarily his personality, but I really love his character. I really appreciate what he does for people and how much he cares.

[Opinion Owner]

I have that appreciation for many friends of both genders and I would agree that I love them as people for having those qualities... that being said, I've never fantasized about kissing them because of it lol. Sounds like that's the character you'd look for in a partner. Wheres the "but" here? Sounds like you're kind of interested, "buuuut..." ? Lol he just doesn't light that romantic interest fire for you?

[Haha456]

yea. im really really attracted to his character but not necessarily his personality. he doesn't make me laugh. but really doesn't mean there is completely no attraction. My attraction to his character is so so strong, it feels overwhelming

[Haha456]

Kissing him would feel so good. I would get to enjoy a part of his special being, which are his lips

[Haha456]

I like guys who are funny. this is where romantic excitement begins for me. but he's not funny.
but just cuz a guy can make me laugh, it does not necessarily mean I love him or that I would die for him

[Opinion Owner]

This is where I've found relationships (both romantic and platonic) to get super complicated.. Sounds like you've found someone who meets some, but not all of your criteria for your perfect partner. I'm not saying you should shoot for some perfect fantasy guy, but everyone has a type they go for and everyone has dealbreakers. If humor is super important for you in a relationship, than you might get bored with him eventually, even if you still really appreciate his character. I'd say it would be better to stay friends for now.

A read a book from a relationship coach that instructed me to create a two column list of things you really need in a partner and things that are dealbreakers for you. You fill the list with as many things as you can think of. Important things, not shallow things. You then begin to number them, 1-10, from least important, to most important, and trash the rest. What you're left with is a list of things you 100% need in a partner and things you should steer clear from if you see.

I have a feeling, for your list, he would probably meet a few of your criteria on both sides.

[Haha456]

he's not that boring. I don't think I will ever get ridiculously bored of him to the point where I just don't wanna see him anymore. But I think the affection and love will always always always be there. I really admire him. I've never admired someone so much in my life before.

My love for him comes in a form of sacrifice rather than just an immediate spark of attraction due to chemistry

[Opinion Owner]

What do you mean by "sacrifice"? Is that in reference to what he did for you?

[Haha456]

he worked 2 jobs. busy guy. I was desperate for someone to teach me how to drive. he agreed to teach me clearly when he barely had the time to. I was already so grateful for him willing to do that. But my feelings really kicked in when I was driving, and side swiped another car. It damaged his car surface. Yet he still wanted to continue teaching me to drive. Most other people would just call it quits , yell at me, and tell me they're never gonna let me drive their car again. But he was so nice about it. He understood car accidents cuz he had been in many accidents himself in the past. he's been a driver for many many years.

I just found it extremely touching. Everyone knows him as an all around nice guy but I never knew this angel was so deeply kind. Even my parents wouldn't do such a thing for me.

For what he did for me, I owe him big time. I told him that I would take care of him for the rest of my life whenever he needs help.

[Haha456]

I don't even care if he likes me back. I just want to kiss him , make out with him, and just enjoy the moment. If he doesn't like me back, we do not have to see each other again and there would be no awkwardness. But I'd still always be there for him when he needs help.

[Haha456]

I would kiss him so passionately. he wouldn't even need to kiss me back and it would still be just as enjoyable for me.

[Opinion Owner]

Sweetheart, you are smitten. Is he single? Lol

[Haha456]

yes he is. but i have no idea if he is afraid of commitment or if he is not interested in marriage. I haven't really asked him out it. I know that he wants kids though.

I kind of have a gut feeling that I'm not the right woman for him. But as for right now, I just want to let out my passion and enjoy him (magical feeling of just kissing his special being which would really be a wonderful experience) before I move away to another state.

[Haha456]

It would also be extremely amazing experience for him to have sex with me. I'd love a part of him to be in me. Sex is so much more emotionally fulfilling and satisfying , if you do it with someone you admire. Its like comparing night and day. So different.

[Opinion Owner]

You could just be really forward and tell him exactly how you feel. I mean, if you're moving away soon you should definitely not start anything serious, but that doesn't mean you guys can't have a fling in the meantime. Just be sure to lay all the cards out on the table if you go that route

[Haha456]

If I never kiss him, I know I will miss out on once in a lifetime's chance to express passion and love. So thats the only bad part about it. But I also worry that if he doesn't like me back , the kiss would just be really awkward for him

[Haha456]

He knows I want to move away from the state already.

[Haha456]

I just have this deep urge to let out all my passion / admiration for him.

[Staximus]

If you would pass up the guy that's always there for you for the guy that gives you "butterflies", then I don't know what to tell you besides good luck with that

[Haha456]

just because a guy gives me butterflies, it does not mean I love him or that I would die for him. This guy does not give me butterflies but I love him. I would wake up early to cook breakfast for him every morning for the rest of my life. I thank him for all he's done for me

[YollyM]

Some people are genuinely nice and don't see it as a sacrifice when they "make sacrifices" for people that they like or love (even in a platonic way).

Also when you're not too used to people going out of their way to make sure that you're okay or taken care of (which is indeed very rare nowadays)
You can find yourself romanticising the bare minimum.

[Haha456]

are you sure you're 19? you sound way older

[YollyM]

I get that a lot😄, I really am 19.

[Wise4myage]

The only way to find out, is to take the plunge and just go for it. If you end up not liking him in a romantic way, than just be honest with how you feel.

[Haha456]

i really love him but he just doesn't excite me.

[Wise4myage]

Then just focus on being friends.

[Haha456]

I don't know why I want to kiss him or hold his hand tho.

[Haha456]

i think he's just really special

[Haha456]

the attraction is really strong. but just not necessarily romantic

[Wise4myage]

Just be careful and always be honest.

[Haha456]

i told him that regardless 10,20,30 ,40 years from now. I will always be there for him , no matter what he needs, I will help him out.

[Anonymous]

What you are feeling is the reality that men and women can't just be friends. There are exceptions, but not many.

[KrakenAttackin]

You are grateful to have a willing personal assistant at your beck-and-call. He is a beta orbiter who will never get you wet.

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

there's no such thing as a selfless good deed

You're always doing it to make yourself feel better about yourself

Phoebe Buffet

[mrlongdongsiilver]

he a good freind leave it there if he likes u he would have said so just dont betray him we need more good men in the world

[Anonymous]

Just give him blowjob...
Once he lick all this stupid feelings will fly away...

[Haha456]

it won't go away. i will care and love him just the same. maybe even more intensly after sex

[Opinion Owner]

So what's the problem?

[Haha456]

you're not even answering my question

[Opinion Owner]

Darling why you're so confused?

[Anonymous]

You're daffy. Please for his sake, leave him alone.