It's possible, but it's unlikely and rare, at least for men. As a rule, men know if they're romantically attracted to a girl, or not, from their first significant interaction with her. And if she's in the "not" category, it's quite rare for that to ever change.
I'm well aware that girls don't necessarily work that way - many girls can fall for a guy over time, but that's not how most men work.
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Why not? What if she left the friendship and she became attractive and successful?
I had a guy who pursued me relentlessly to only friendzoned me. He led me on and broke my heart. I stayed friends with him for a year. He was abusive and called me ugly and fat. He used me for my money. He pursued other girls while I was his friend and said I didn't compare. I'm traumatized and hurt by his rejection and abuse. I guess deep down I want him to regret hurting me. I never looked this good in my life and successful.
I was speaking about most guys and a normal, healthy kind of relationship. You're talking about an abuser - an abuser is going to be abusive and isn't going to act like a normal guy no matter what. Stay away from him and forget about him - and remember that all of his crap is HIS problem, not yours.
Well that definitely has the be some attraction there to take it to that next level or else you'll just remain friends. Are you speaking from personal experience
Yeah. I'm trying to understand attraction. I'm not exactly the popular choice. I get rejected a lot after being led on. I use to think it was my appearance or something is wrong with me, but it turn out it has to do more with my beliefs. I'm saving myself until marriage. I'm told I'm pretty, so I know it's not my looks. I'm not exactly the flirtatious kind either like other girls who have sex appeal. I'm rather shy, so I get stuck in the friendzone and get rejected... you feel me.
They lived in the same neighborhood as teenagers and their parents were really good friends. My dad loves photography and my mama was his favorite subject. Mama dragged dad to every movie she wanted to see. They were friends. The very best kind. They got married at 28 and recently celebrated 32 years of marriage.
Yes I’m sure of it. There’s been plenty of guys I wouldn’t have outright dated when i was younger but they became attractive to me as I got to know them. Plus, this is how it typically works for shy people or those with anxiety. Do the friend thing first until you feel safe to make advancements.
Yeah, several times, especially when I was younger (and desperate for a relationship because I thought I had to be in one, lol)
I started out as friends with about...3-4 of my guy friends? Had absolutely NO interest in them and enjoyed our friendship. But over time as I spent time with them and got to know them better, I started to like them!
Yes, I believe so. My best friend and I fell for each other (back in high school). But then again, I had feelings for him and he had them for me for a long time before we admitted it.
Any virtuous man who is abled bodied and not disabled is capable of winning my love unless he is too old or too young for me or if there are too many lifestyle differences between us
If and only if there is some level of attraction beforehand. I've been in a relationship with a girl I was platonic friends with first, but objectively speaking she was hot and we were attracted to one another. There were just outside circumstances that stopped that from happening. When she and I first met she was my friend's girlfriend. That's how I knew her. They break up and she dated another one of my friends, which is when I got to know her as a person and we became friends. They broke up, but she and I kept in contact over the summer via text/social media.
Things became flirty and the following school year we became more than friends and she was my girlfriend months later. But if you went back to the beginning. If she were single when we met I likely would have skipped the friends part and we'd of just been flirtatious and ended up dating back then. Communication between guys and girls is sexual first. If nothing gets in the way of that happening that is the natural order of events. If there is attraction, something will happen unless an outside force stops that. For me it was her being in a relationship with a friend so my brain just wouldn't even go there, because of my personal code as a friend.
I'm sure thousands of people have similar stories. Ended up dating a friends ex boyfriend or girlfriend, because they were attracted to them even back when they were in the relationship but couldn't. So it was only when that was over something could happen.
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What if a girl is waiting until marriage... do you think the chemistry and attraction would be there for a guy?
You can't control what you're attracted to. So even if she is waiting until marriage it doesn't matter. But, that fact might stop something from happening because that would be considered an outside circumstance if it is important enough to him
Absolutely but it must be pure, authentic and with good intentions. Such people must have similar or the same morals, values, principals, often faith and beliefs if regarding religion, and most of all in life choices and decisions. You do not what to date romantically a person who believes in premarital sex and you don't, or you do and they don't. Want marriage and they don't, want children in the future and they don't. Especially if the family doesn't like you. And make sure this is not about how attractive they look or how nice they treat you.
So you're basically asking if you can get out of the friendzone.
If you're a guy it's highly unlikely because a girl will be weirded out by him going from acting like a friend to being flirty, touching etc so why resort to that when you could find many other guys.
If you're a woman then yes it's possible because guys are more desperate due to the lack of options in dating generally. It's a lot of time and effort to find and attract someone you like so every once in a while a guy will just say fuck it why not.
Yes but only if both parties don't adhere to their part of the deal.
Should it happen, then it would be high time to sever the ties because that is not really what you intended to lead in the first place.
If I engage in a platonic relation, it is because I trust that guy to leave me and my sexual integrity alone and not to find myself in a situation that is getting out of control.
Yep, been there, done that, it was great :) We eventually moved on from each other but if things ever changed I could still see myself going back to that relationship I have no regrets from it. I want one day to marry my best friend whoever that may be. The hormones of romantic love are something that have a habit of just coming and going on a whim... when they're gone I still want to be spending my life with my best friend.
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Were you attracted to your friend... was she "pretty" to you from the beginning?
Not entirely but she became more and more attractive to me the deeper I fell in love with her. People have it in their heads that there has to be an initial physical attraction in order for a relationship to be successful. That's simply not true. I fell in love with her without thinking she was drop dead gorgeous, but falling in love with her made me look at her as drop dead gorgeous. Platonic love can turn into romantic love without lust ever being involved and in some ways, it can define for you what it means for someone to be attractive or beautiful.
Man, I wish there was more guys like you with your mentality... and your really young too. The young lady who ends up with you or is with you will be very lucky... never change <3 Thanks for replying.
I appreciate it, I'm not in a relationship currently and for the moment I'm trying to focus on my college studies and making a living for myself but I hope one day to become best friends with a girl and spend my life with her.
I have male friends and I don't think it would be shocking to me if it became more than just platonic love, it's of course very likely when you're close emotionally and can talk about anything and be there for each other at all times. I even believe that it's more likely that it's real love if it happens like that because then the love has grown for someone you're already close with and know everything about and you still love them - that means you're not just loving the idea of them or anything like that. I think i'd need more time and be friends for years to really get to know the person in depth before I could love them though. I don't fall in love easily. I feel attracted to/crush on others easily but like actual, deep love i'm not sure i've ever felt and if it would happen with anyone it wouldn't surprise me if it were with someone I already was close with and knew I could trust etc.
My current girlfriend was my best friend for 4 years before we started dating, so in my experience, yes. I feel as if platonic-turned-romantic relationships tend to more often be the most stable, since you already know and have a strong bond with the person before you even start dating, you know?
For me no I have to feel a bit attracted to them at first, otherwise they're just friends. However I've had a fair few guys who was attracted to me and tbh it gets annoying after awhile as I enjoy male company since it's not bitchy or annoying you can talk to each other and you know you won't be gossiped about I don't get that with a lot of female friends. Then next thing I know I get kissed or a confession and I just don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt their feelings 😖
Has happened to me more than once. And like a bad movie, some exterior force always shows up and ruins things. Such that, in order to do right by her - and keep myself from going crazy - I have to let her leave. It hurts. Every time.
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Did you fall in love with a friend or a friend fell for you? Or was it mutual?
Usually, she was just a bit flirty, and I fell hard. Even while trying to tell myself not to let it happen. I've been studying attachment theory. I'm definitely the anxious type. Granted, not as over-the-top as some of the examples they give (like Darth Vader.) But the paranoia, suspicion, clingy tendencies, are all there. No sooner do I fall, then I look around at everything that might possibly jeopardize my goal, and try to figure out how to ensure my goal isn't defeated. But there is always some outside factor that, for all my planning and scheming, there is nothing I can do.
It feels like this: seeing my heart's desire plucked away, as if an eagle plucked a peach out of my hands - just to be an asshole. And the peach can't do anything about it either. Yet, I realize murdering the eagle would only backfire. And cursing the eagle will get me nowhere. So I'm left feeling robbed, helpless, and worthless. And determined that next time, I'm gonna plan even harder to secure the girl and my interests. Next time, I'm gonna hide a razor inside the peach. That eagle's gonna lose a toe if it cuts my peach open.
"Jokes on you this time, m*f*ker!"
Yet... it never plays out that way. The eagle becomes a tank. Or the peach turns out to be a paper wasp nest in disguise.
It sounds like you were initially attracted to her either her personality or physically. I'm just curious if men ever fall for their platonic friends that they have no attraction at all or at least initially.
I want to start friends first and it seems like I always get friendzoned. It seems like I'm minority... women don't get friendzoned often. I feel like something is wrong with me.
i was incredibly good friends with a girl. i thought she was attractive but not in the way i typically found girls attractive but as we got closer and closer we developed a romantic connection in addition to our platonic friendship
Yes. Once it happened. We met in a pub where she worked. She was a good bit younger than me so i never assumed it would go anywhere so kept it at friendship only. Three years later we were v close friends to tell you the short version... we had a row one night cos i told her i liked her more than friends. We both cried as we thought this was the end of everything. The next day she rang me, apologised for fighting and said "i love you". That evening we began dating full time and it was unreal.
Not if it's genuinely platonic love. Platonic love requires a certain unconditional acceptance of someone's being, while romantic love is a more selfish emotion. I think that romantic love is the kind of thing that you just know is there. This is why it's so important to be friends first; it allows you to understand the way someone affects you. You get to see what happens when you see them sad or stressed, or how you feel when you hold them; even the way they might hurt you.
Yup my friend online suddenly fall for me but I kept quiet until a few more dates as friends he told me he love me before I went home to my country and see what happen. He was supporting me during the exam week. Asking me to go out to spend some time before I freak out
Yeah I did once... her to me though. She was my best friend from when I was 8 and she was 10, as hormones came about in our teens we hooked up several times but neither one of us made it clear we wanted more than that, mainly because I never did. I had only just turned 21 and with a text out of blue she had confessed her romantic feelings for me, which I rejected. Years later she has moved on and so have I but I find myself thinking about her a lot. Oh well 😕
yes but under one important condition : the person you love who views you as a friend has tried their luck with plenty of others and it never worked out so now theyre donwgrading or at least trying something they haven't tried before : you
in a sense you're their last resort and that doest sound good
I don't think it can. Because if I put her in the friend zone in the first place that means I don't like her.
Unless I'm just pretending to be friends with her to get to know her and I have a secret plot to try to ask her out later on lol. JK; I probably would not do that; it's too much work, and too risky.
Started out as a slight crush but I fell in love hard
I knew everything about her past and how she was slutty cause I was her best friend but ignored it cause I just wanted her. Like while we were friends she was sleeping with random dudes and it killed me inside. But I ignored it.
When we did date tho all this lovey dovey shit made me ignore all the red flags and she ended up with some guy she would aways tell me was no one a week after she broke up with me
Somewhat. My ex and I were friends before dating. BUT, we were both interested and attracted to each other right from the start. So I don't know if this counts as a purely platonic thing even tho we had no intention to date for a long time.
My ex ex, we were friends completely platonicaly for a while. She found me attractive but wasn't attracted to me, and I just didn't really see her that way at first. O wait the questing was if it's worked out... No lol
I believe it can. But those are some dangerous waters. All too often, one person develops romantic feelings and the other one doesn't. This imbalance can hurt the friendship.
It never happened to me personally. Who I deem attractive or not is something I decide on very quickly, and those who I deem attractive, I never pursue friendships with.
What's the difference between platonic love and romantic love?
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Platonic love is that love you feel towards your siblings... there is no sexual or romantic chemistry. It's a best friend that you are not attracted to kiss them or have sex with them.
Romantic chemistry is that want to be intimate and you want to have a relationship with them. You are attracted to them more than friends... desire to kiss them
Go on candle light dates... it's not regular hang outs. You feel the butterflies or excitement to see the other person. You go out of your way to want to make the other person happy. I do that with friends too, but I feel when I have romantic feelings... I imagine a future with them. I can't stop thinking about them and I start getting nervous. I just want to spend more quality time alone with them.
Heard this once, after 3 minutes a woman decides if she will or won't have? Ya'know? Can women have a platonic relationship and I'm seriously clueless.
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What about you? Have you developed a crush or romantic feelings for a friend?
Everyone I chat with, I love to love people. Smother all people with affection and interest. I quit having sex in 1993 though. Something weird happened
*friend of mine married. Yeh, I think it is. But depends on the person. For me, compatibility compliments and augments attraction. You don't have to be drop dead gorgeous. But if your personality draws me in, you'll be even more attractive to me.
I see, but you're a minority. Both men and women are very superficial. You can be a great catch, but people can make you feel not good enough. Then again, I've been with abusive men. Thanks for answering... appreciate that :-)
You're welcome! I totally understand. If anyone tries to make you feel worth less than great, it's because they're insecure really. Been down the abusive road too... never again. Never settle. :)
Yes, it can. in fact, it is the best one that there is because you that there can be trust, loyalty, and care for one another.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
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Really, do you really live in a place where everybody just fuck right away that you had to ask this?
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Well I'm saving myself until marriage and I don't exactly have any guys pursuing me. I'm not the popular choice and get friendzoned. I've been bullied and mistreated by men. I'm trying to understand attraction... you feel me.
Ya i have the experience but its not good it did not end well because it was one sided kind of felling if you both feel the same may be it can work.. 👍
Hypothetically possible, but don't count on it. It's a bit squicky, too. After all, you're converting someone who is the emotional equivalent to a sibling into someone you fuck.
Yes friendship is sometimes better, love can be fickle, you have to put more effort into love, friends dont ask for more as they are pleased with just being there for a friend
Yes, if there is physical attraction, at least a bit, then it’s possible.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
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Many guyfriends fell in love with me but I didn’t know what to do. Because there were too many. Most of them werent my type!
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What made you special that guys pursued you and fell in love. I'm trying to understand attraction... I've been abused and mistreated a lot. Other these men who mistreated me... I've been told that I'm pretty and nice, good girl... wife material. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I get friendzoned a lot.
I am usually well dressed while most girls werent and I got told I had a baby face. I guess I wasn't taken seriously no matter what I did. I looked too young or something
Hmm interesting. I'm told that I have a baby face too and I dress really trendy, so I wonder what I do wrong. I know it's not my appearance. I am shy and I guess I feel left out that I never been in a committed relationship. I'm a domestic violence survivor. I've been treated horribly and I have severe PTSD.
Hey you seem to have the same experience like me. Maybe it is the reason why we have similar consequences in life. What I do wrong is that I avoid contacts whenever I feel uncomfortable. But it is a defence mechanism I developed. I had to deal with bullying too. So I didn't take the compliments too seriously.
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