Girls, two of my big assets are hidden (abs and D size). I never brag about this on dating apps or in person. But should I?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 7”er and I got nice abs. However I never bragged about it when I was younger and I feel even less inclined to do so being older. It was always a pleasant surprise for women when we got to that point.

And yes of course I know a bunch of you are going to go with typical “oh it’s all about confidence and personality”. Please stop saying that. Of course I know that’s important. But I as for these other assets should they be known?

Updates

1 y

Just a FYI I never even thought out bring up D size. I do have a nice body. So I’ll wear a dress shirt that shows that a bit in a social setting or on a date. But mentioning D size always seemed immature even creepy.

But again I wonder sometimes.

[WonderBell99]

If a guy had abs, it implies that he works out and takes good care of his health. That’s good.. but I would probably be weirded out if a guy suddenly said “I’ve got nice abs and a 7inch penis” and nope out of the conversation. Bragging is ALWAYS a turn off. There is a humongous difference between being confident and being cocky. I want a man who is confident in himself and his abilities, not someone who is full of himself.

Looks do matter to an extent, but it’s not going to make someone stay in a relationship with you.

If a guy looked physically appealing, but kept bragging about the size of his penis and his body, I would probably not go on another date with him. This is not going to help you secure dates with women.

[Asker]

Well the good news is I never bring that up. Funny I worked as a door man in college and I remember one of the stewardesses somehow got in a conversation about abs. She thought I had a little gut. She pulled up my shirt (right in front of her boyfriend) and saw my abs. She acted shocked and pulled my shirt up again. Her boyfriend grabbed her and pulled her away out of jealousy.

She smiled a lot more at me after that incident.

Anyway at my age I’m not going to go around purposely showing my abs to women. But it didn’t hurt my case either when they find out. Just some icing on the cake.

[RadMads]

If you can find a way to mention it without being bragy then I don't think anyone would mind. Being older and fit is really good and super hot lol

[Rosastitch04]

Depends what you’re on the apps for. If you’re just on it for sex then sure sell yourself.

But honestly most women would see ‘I’ve got abs and a 7” D’ as big red flags and avoid like the plague 🚩🚩🚩 So If you’re looking for a proper go at something, I would maybe mention that you like working out but please don’t mention your penis. At all.

Imagine you were on a night out and you saw a girl you liked, your opening line wouldn’t be (I hope it wouldn’t) ‘Hi, I’m X, I’ve got abs and a 7 inch penis, can I buy you a drink’.

Because you know at the end of the day, the size dick you have doesn’t always correlate with how much fun the woman’s going to have. It’s 110% how you use it. So maybe mention one of your hobbies instead.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

[Asker]

Of course I mention my hobbies. Also you have no idea how many woman show up provocative pics of themselves while hypocritically saying their profile “no one night stands, hook ups, etc”. That’s like me showing off a nice Porsche, huge house, me wearing expensive clothing while saying “no freeloaders, gold diggers, etc”.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t recommend it. There are already enough men out there either mentioning their size or showing it on some version, whether it’s the print of it or an almost full blown nude aside from the tip being covered. A good size is always a plus but the vast majority of women on apps are scouting for that specifically.

[Asker]

I have never mentioned before. Ever. Never on a dating app and/or meeting in person.

There was only one time I was asked about it. Oddly is was bisexual girl who dating another girl. She said she found herself craving a man and she was curious about my size. I told her and she that was perfect.

Anyway that was years ago and it never happened. But again I get frustrated at times that I do what women “say” they want and I wonder if I should try something else.

[Opinion Owner]

I can understand wanting to try a different approach, I just don’t think that is the best route to take in doing so. You aren’t alone in having a hard time finding a woman, I honestly feel like dating apps are a scam and full of inauthentic people with the rare exceptions of those who get lucky. I just don’t think you’ve come across your right person, and who knows maybe she isn’t even on an app. I used apps on and off for years in my 20s with no luck and lots of disappointment. I’m in my 30s not and in my first real relationship, and I didn’t meet him online.

[Asker]

I’ve been on and off dating apps for the last 10 years. I definitely have seen a marked decline in options and quality. Also women who do match up play more games and flake more despite never mentioning sex and inviting them somewhere public and risk free.

But every once in a while I come across something. That’s the carrot.

Anyway it’s not like I live on a college campus and/or have time to go socializing like I did in my 20s. So I delete them, get bored/lonely and then find myself using them again to be frustrated. It sucks.

[Opinion Owner]

I hear you dude, in a genuine way. What I had noticed with dating apps is that the quality was so hit or miss. I had tried the classic apps like hinge, tinder, etc and even some of the ones with more modernized features like sign compatibility, interest comparisons to consider when searching for a match and all that. But often times it almost seems like I’d see the same guys I saw before, a lot of bots and it was just a shit show. I also wasn’t in environments to meet people off the app so like you said, it really sucks. But maybe it’s a sign to give the apps a break, focus on yourself and maybe try them later on down the line. That what I had done because I was fed up with the lack of results

[Asker]

I’m really getting sick of hearing “focus on yourself” tbh. No offense but that is so cliche.

[Opinion Owner]

No offense taken, but I could only say focus on yourself because it worked in my favor to do so, otherwise I wouldn’t suggest it.

[Asker]

I appreciate you taking the time to share your insights. But there are additional challenges men face than most women will never experience in dating. We do hit breaking points.

[Opinion Owner]

What are the additional challenges?

[Asker]

It’s a very long list.

But let’s just say this: dating for guys is NOT the same as it is for women when all else is equal. Not even close. Most women have it idea of the kind of the continual rejection, mind games and frustration men have to deal with.

Besides women being more picky there is also an issue of hypergamy. Personally I know I am not entitled to anyone better then myself. Some women feel the same but too many of them have bs “standards” and keep trying to “date up”. I noticed in my mid and late 30s I was attracting lots of women who were looking for “saviors”. Looking for established guys who could save them from their crappy circumstances.

But again this is complicated. Personally I would like to do right. Meet someone, get to know her and let it build. Let the romance grow. But I can’t tell you how infuriating and depressing it can be when a man tries to do right just to have a woman ultimately reject him or worse friéndzone him. It was a huge waste of time, effort, money, heart, etc. When this happens some guys either give up completely or they turn into manwhore/scum bags (if they have the capability). Being a manwhore isn’t fulfilling but we reason it’s better than being the good guy who gets taken advantage of.

[Asker]

Above is not meant to be personal. I know women have their own set of challenges. But the biggest difference is for most women being single is a voluntary choice. They can choose whether or not they want to go on dates. It might not be what they always want but they can make choices.

Not so for most guys (unless you are in the top 3%). Sure we can always lower our standards. I could get a date with a bbw woman tonight if I wanted to. But it’s a struggle for us to get dates with women who are even on par (or slightly below) with us.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for sharing your insight, and from this perspective I could understand your frustration. In some ways I can agree that some women have these crazy expectations and standards, but more often than not, our experiences with dating can be hard, if not harder.

For one, there seems to be this assumption that women are getting endless inbox messages from men, or calls on end for dates. That’s just not reality, in fact it’s an illusion, a biased male perception to substantiate how it’s so hard for a man. A lot of men think it’s harder for them based on the perspective that women have “so many choices”, when a lot of times we don’t. We are no more or less likely to seek an equally attractive partner than men do — in fact a lot of women have started to adjust and lower their standards in order to even find a decent man. Even when we lower the bar, meet a not so handsome man and give him a chance, we get ghosted, strung along and disappointed. Then let’s say we meet an attractive man online, 9/10 his standards are going to be sky high, because he knows he’s attractive with a wide variety of choices, and he will absolutely explore those options before honing in on a single woman to pursue.

A lot of women who find a man she’s interested in will try molding herself into the version of a woman that she believes this guy wants, just to keep his interest. A little perusal of this site will show countless women confused by a guy she met online, him taking hours to respond, her being afraid to ask him certain questions or do certain things out of fear that she’ll scare him off, and go through the hurt and disappointment of him ultimately choosing someone else, which sucks.

Another factor is our biological clocks, and after a certain age some men will surpass even a woman in her mid 30s to specifically seek out someone younger. So women actually have a shorter period of successful dating, on average. This is a huge difficulty.

[heatherlou]

Personally, on dating apps, I never swipe for guys with top-less pics. And if he mentions dick size I'm going to see it as a red flag.
It might get you some hook-ups. Or work for some girls. But for me, it's an immediate no.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Just let it be a surprise, it seems either desperate or as if you're only interested in fucking if you do... though if that's what you're after, then go nuts

[Asker]

Even girls who want to F will never outright say so. They act all morale for facade.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Society can be cruel to women who actually want sex.
And many don't want to be seen as 'easy'

[Asker]

Maybe 50 years ago but Not anymore. But if she puts on dating app she’s DTF she will get a tons of matches.

Anyway I never bragged about my abs/D size. I do have a “ab pic” but I don’t send until I get to know someone. I never send D pics. In fact I have never gotten with a girl who starts off sending nudes.

I do what women “say” they want. But that doesn’t work as good as you might think. So sometimes I wonder.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Yeah well, people are all different.
I wouldn't be interested in someone who shows an ab picture on their profile or sends dick pics.
So my answer is pretty subjective