Is this girl after my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys,

My boyfriend & I have been together for 10 months, during this time a girl he's met twice, seems like she wants to pursue him despite knowing about our relationship. She's made an Instagram post about him (weird), invited him around to dinner at her house, invited him to restaurants with her 2 other friends, and to her birthday party, but has never included me in any of the plans.

I went out with my boyfriend last night to a bar, and she happened to be at the same venue and came up to him twice to talk to him, quickly said hi to me and then slid into his dm's the next morning saying "So good to see you last night <3" and also asked where else he went that night.

Does anyone else think this is just weird?

Thank you in advance!

[Anonymous]

I think my question is does he ever respond? Or reiterate with her he’s in a relationship? Why are they even friends online? These things to me really stand out, because while yes she’s being inappropriate, why do different instances of it keep being allowed to happen, you know?

[Asker]

Yeah, his Instagram is all pictures of us, she 100% knows and has even met me. He's a friendly person so didn't originally see it as her making moves and thought she wanted to be friends so replies in a friendly manner. I always had a strange gut feeling about her from the start, but he thought otherwise...

[Opinion Owner]

Gotcha. Does he ever respond to her? Or what does he make of this? I only ask because I’m just like even though he’s friendly, wouldn’t it be better to just delete her or ask her to stop flat out?

[Asker]

Yeah I agree, he does respond, which is why she probably keeps trying. He keeps saying it's friendly and I'm overthinking it when I mention she's trying to pursue him. It's a tough situation as we both have different opinions of this girl's intentions with him..

[Opinion Owner]

Okay so, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, it’s genuinely just food for thought and not to upset you. But my concerns behind this is that he either enjoys the attention from her, or there could be some sort of dynamic between them that you aren’t aware of. One thing I’ve learned in dating is to never put anything past anyone, because the people you least expect to hurt you can surprise you all the time, and he wouldn’t be any different. What this girl is doing is very inappropriate, more than anything it’s because she sees that she can act that way. She knows she can invite him for dinner, slide into his dms with hearts and casual chat, and basically disregard you as his girlfriend, and he won’t respect your relationship enough to either ignore her or ask her to chill. Even if he has pics up of you two and she knows he’s taken, that does not stop some women, especially when they think they have a chance. First and foremost his priority as your boyfriend should be giving you peace of mind, and the biggest way to do that is not entertaining other women. There’s no way this should be happening on several occasions and not only does he not put a stop to it, but dismisses how you feel as though you’re overreacting. Has he tried putting the shoe on the other foot? What if this were a guy doing this to you? Like I said, I’m not trying to fill your head with any worries, but the way he’s going about handling this woman is wrong, and if he insists on acting like it’s all ok then I can’t help but think there’s something more.

[Asker]

I 100% agree with everything you said, thank you for this I really appreciate it.

In the past, he usually tells me when she messages/invites him out and I say it's weird. Her most recent messages were hidden from me because he knows I will react if I know (I found out about the most recent ones by looking at his phone, I had a gut instinct). This causes more issues because he hid it instead of telling me she's in his dm's again. When I asked him, why he hid her messages, he said he's trying to prevent an argument but it just looks worse...(and yes he replied to her in a friendly manner again)...

[Opinion Owner]

How does he not understand he’s making it worse? Hiding messages is the worst thing he could do, it just makes him look so suspicious. I guess my thing is just why does he respond at all? There’s absolutely no need to engage in conversation with her, and he even knows you’ll dislike it, yet still continues to do it. I think it was gracious of you at the beginning of this not to worry about it, but now it just seems ridiculous. Does he have valid reason to even keep her as a friend? Or why he won’t do things like incorporating you? For instance if she invited him to dinner, he should suggest you come if he went. Or even when she texted the next morning saying it was nice to see him, he should’ve been like “thanks, I had a great night with my girlfriend”. Lol yes it’s petty but that is the energy he should have about you. It sucks that he doesn’t.

[Asker]

Yep, I've told him it makes you look worse by being secretive, despite him trying to "avoid" an argument.
I'm not sure why he still responds, he said its because he moved to the city a year ago and wants to make more friends... lol he must secretly love the attention which is quite unsettling. Thanks for all of your help :)

[Opinion Owner]

Even in that case, would he genuinely be comfortable if you had a male “friend” approaching you like this? I don't know, I’m sure you’ll handle this all in whatever way feels most comfortable for you. And no worries!☺️

[ragadox9]

I think u should tell ur boyfriend about it and tell how it makes u feel u are not crazy to feel that he would feel the same if he was in your shoes, like he could be friends with her i guess but going to her late at night or hide her texts , I think it a bit like not something would friends just do , maybe he likes the attention but I mean he must respect at lest how u feel I think u should really just a have a conversation with him about it

[rip999]

Don't worry about her actions. Worry about your boyfriend actions. If he goes to her invitations and doesn't put it to a stop he does not respect you OR your relationship. LEAVE HIM. Save yourself the headaches and move on

[Sixgunsound]

Another woman has validated his fitness to be in a relationship, so now he is desirable.

[Missgingles]

These type of people should just commit suicide.. they are just taking space

[Sixgunsound]

@Missgingles pretty much

[Sixgunsound]

Thanks for MHO

[Sixgunsound]

Is this what quiet quitting looks like in a relationship format?

[Lynn7dsd]

holy crap; i would be telling her to stay away from my man. yes she is hitting on him... i would tell him to not answer her, it would be inappropriate as he is in a relationship with you

[Missgingles]

Its weird. How is your boyfriend reacting to all this?

[Asker]

He supposedly thinks she's just being friendly..

[BLP11520]

I don't buy that at all dear.

[BLP11520]

If she gets him alone?

[Missgingles]

Tell him that she's clearly intresserad and tell him you want him to tell her he os not intresserad in her at all more than a friend. And next time she wants to "hang out" with him you are coming too.

[BLP11520]

right

[MrCommodore]

Yeah she does sound a bit full on.

[BLP11520]

She is after him, oh yeah