My boyfriend and I got into it just bc I asked him if he would be attractive to be if I got fat or gain more weight. WHY DID HE GET MAD?

[Anonymous]

We were in the car and he mentioned we should get pizza this week. I told him “hmm you want get me fat huh” keep in mind he has gain 20 pounds ever since he stopped working because he got injured and I been trying to get in shape too. I have gain a couple of pounds but not as much. I always been skinny 110 and now I’m 120 . I honestly don’t know how he sees me but now I’m starting to think he looks at me as “chubby” why? Because I continue to tell him. Would you care if I gain more weight or be fat and he said I don't know , no. I asked him how do you not know. I told him If he would see me attractive still and he started to get so bothered calling me annoying. I told him honestly if you asked me if you gained 30 more pounds I’ll try to prevent that from happening. At one point I said “why are you so bothered talking about if you would still find mw attractive if I was fat., you probably see me as chubby “ I SHOULD HAVE NEVER SAID THAT because he went off saying “NO I DONT SEE YOU CHUBBY OR FAT” but after staying quiet he happens to reply to this. Now he makes mw feel like he seems me as chubby. I told him I can’t never talk to you about anything. And that I was never calling myself fat. At the end he was just angry because my topic was annoying. Apparently is bad to ask about this. Am I wrong?

[Effably]

Yes you're wrong.

You were badgering him with hypotheticals he won't know about that has no real good answers.
Would my partner be as attractive to me if she got a lot heavier? Probably not. Would I stop liking her? Probably not. Will either of these answers be helpful? Probably not. Does she already know them? Probably.

Its like the whole "would you still love me if I was a worm?" memes going around. Its a silly question where you either love an insect which poops and eats from the same end and can't string together a sentence, or you don't love your partner. There are good answers but most of them are lighthearted jokes.

[Asker]

He knows I’m a blunt person and when he tells me he has gained weight I try to stop him from eating junk food. All I ever asked was if he would care if u gained weight. I wouldn’t get bother if he told me “ I rather you be in shape than get fat or gain bad weight “ that for me would be motivation to continue working out and be in shape.

[Effably]

Okay. Lets work with blunt.

Usually when a guy is asked a question like this it is a trap with only bad outcomes. Usually if someone persists the outcome is even worse. Usually you can't be logical when answering.

He probably got mad because to most guys it seems like you're throwing tests at him in a relationship rather than asking a sincere question.

If the question was sincere you simply need to set that precedent and expectation as a rule. Until you do your behaviour is judged compared to norms.

[Asker]

We been together for 11 years I assumed he would be as honest as he can be Now I think he views me as chubby and even if he says no, now I won’t believe him 😐 guess my fault.

[Asker]

by the way I’m not insecure about my weight

[Effably]

Well see. That is why he behaved the way he did. He didn't even answer it and you still decided that his answer was bad. Total and complete trap. Of course he can't speak honestly.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he thinks you're fat enough already?🤣

[Asker]

120 is fat? But you are right that’s exactly what I said. I told him ; why are you bothered you should be bothered unless you find me fat. I mean am i not wrong? He makes me feel like I’s bad that I mention this. He even said “ the fat one is me. And funny part he always saying how he has gain weight but I can’t mention about me.

[Opinion Owner]

I think it's more the fact that you're giving him hypotheticals to test him. Kind of like this clip from the movie "For the love of the game" https://youtu.be/ED61MKY2cZ8