My girlfriend Bianca acts like she’s not into me. For example, when people ask us how we met. She tells people “I didn’t wanna date him but my friend Becky told me to”. When that’s not even the truth. She’s the one who approached me and said “we should hang out”.
Bianca makes me feel like a simp. She acts like she’s not into me. She rarely has interest in sex. She says it turns her off how I breath so hard n deep during sex. We have sex once a week if I’m lucky. Then she acts like she’s doing me a favour because we have sex. Bianca always shows interest in other dudes and she’s not affectionate like I want her to be.
Feeling so emotionally neglected, I broke up with Bianca and immediately started a relationship with a girl named Shelly. Shelly was the best thing that happened to me in so long. The sex was amazing, she’s very affectionate, and she makes me feel like the man. But, the only problem is, Shelly lives in another city. She wants me to move to her city but I hate the city she lives in. It’s too crime infested, I know I can’t live there. And Shellys not willing to move her either. So Shelly is not forever.
A month after I started dating Shelly long distance, Bianca called me crying in the middle of night. Saying that she misses me and wants me to come over. My dumbass went back to Bianca and now I’m juggling two girlfriends. I’m emotionally tied to Bianca and sexually addicted to Shelly. If Bianca was giving me the love, sex, and affection I wouldn’t be messing with Shelly. I can’t drop either of them. What do I do?
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Have you ever felt single while in a relationship?
Based on the circumstances as-presented, there is no logical outcome where a continued relationship with either party makes sense. One woman is available but a net drain and the other is available, but unable to compromise; the best partner is optimally one who is both of the positives and few of the negatives, but in this case you have two women who are a little of both and a lot of neither.
"If Bianca was giving me the love, sex, and affection I wouldn’t be messing with Shelly. I can’t drop either of them. What do I do?"
1. If Bianca was giving you what you want and if Shelly was not all the things Bianca lacks, then you wouldn't be in this situation 2. Incorrect, you don't want to drop either of them. You have put yourself into a no-win situation, considering both participants' behaviors are largely out of your control. Like it or not, unless you like dividing your time between two women (which, if these engagements are supposedly within the framework of "exclusive relationship", is probably cheating, because neither woman knows about the other) the only sensible solution is to drop both women and start fresh. You probably don't want to hear this, because what you want is some kind of solution that satisfies the current situation, but the fact of the matter is that, short of some kind of radical alteration to the terms of engagement--a revision to the contract everyone "agreed to", which would require both women to agree with the new arrangement, with full knowledge of the company they keep--this love triangle will implode, given enough time. Either you end it or they will.
As to the question of the post, yes. I have and I'm hesitant to be in another relationship because of it. When a sense of relief flows over you in their recent absence, that's a good sign that things are going in the wrong direction and a course correction is imminent; again, either you end things or they will. Sometimes, you already know this and sometimes, you're oblivious to it or in denial, and have to learn such life lessons the hard way.
You summed it up with "My dumbass went back to Bianca". You spend a whole paragraph about how terrible Bianca is, then you went back to her. You also played your cards wrong when she called you crying (begging) to come back to you. That was when you needed to renegotiate and tell her sorry, I broke up with you because the sex was bad, I want it more than once a week, I want to feel wanted, not like you're doing me a favor, that's not fun for me. You're not affectionate with me, there's all these things that I want that you don't provide.
What exactly DOES Bianca provide you? Maybe you should just be platonic friends with her, or occasional friends with benefits. It doesn't sound very romantic at all.
So yes, you are right about being a dumbass. How is Shelly going to like you being with Bianca? You're treating gold like trash, and keeping copper. It's really dumb.
I have not had this feeling, or at least not for long. I bail if I don't get what I want in a relationship. I mean, I'll have a conversation first and see if things can be worked out, but if the person I'm with is turned off by the way I have sex, see ya later alligator.
Bianca is what happens when someone is not attracted to you. She seems to struggle with physical attraction as a minimum. Her emotional attachment is unclear, perhaps she has none and just felt lonely. Perhaps she has a small amount.
Seems like you don't like this Shelly woman that much yourself so yh nothing serious there but if Bianca is treating you shitty still then I would dump Bianca first and then Shelly. You're between a rock and a hard place here. You need someone else. If you don't mind being single then dump them both. If you don't want to feel lonely then continue seeing Shelly but maybe see if you can turn it into an open relationship so you can actually find someone you like that is actually into you.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
One of my ex boyfriends made me feel like that. Our relationship was pretty much a low (if not last) priority for him. Consequently, it was actually worse than just being single (which is why I ended up breaking up with him)
" If Bianca was giving me the love, sex, and affection I wouldn’t be messing with Shelly. I can’t drop either of them. What do I do?"
Bullshit. You "can" do whatever you want, you're just too weak to do either one and find someone in the city you want to live in! It should be clear that Bianca is simply manipulating you because you ALLOW it, and she gets off on it. Grow a pair and tell her: " look - I want genuine affection, real love and someone who desires to have sex with ME and doesn't view it as a chore or a favor. If you don't FEEL that way towards me, which seems obvious, let me hear you say it and we'll be done."
If she doesn't say it, or she says "oh, but I do", then you can call bullshit and tell her " Your actions say otherwise". Either way, I think she's yanking your chain, and not in a fun way. The only "emotional ties" you have to Bianca are the time you already invested and the full-blown ILLUSION that you can't exist without her, or her inadequate love.
Once you dump that bitch Bianca, you can figure out if Shelly and you actually have something more than sex and see if you can compromise on a location. If not, you can start dating women in your own area.
