Is anyone really meant to be monogamous?

Question

So I hear people say all the time that men aren’t meant to be monogamous, which is a fact but all in all , are we all really built to be that way in the end. I feel like men use it as an excuse to not want to commit when the bottom line is, being in a relationship is literally realizing that there’s someone that loves you in front of you in a world of people that don’t, it’s not about whether or not you are meant to be in it. What are your thoughts on this?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well the answer, scientifically speaking, is no, but ultimately yes. Things are seldom so simple in life after all.

To start, there is actually a difference even between the sexes. Males have lots of sperm to impregnate females and make lots of babies. Evolution and survival of the fittest being what it is, early man was looking for as many females as possible to impregnate to make as many babies as possible so as to spread his DNA far and wide. Thereby outcompeting other males.

The female, on the other hand, could typically only carry one baby at a time. (In nature, human twins and multiple births did not live for very long and usually the mother died as well.) Plus, caring for an infant, feeding it and protecting it, required much time and energy. So the female was looking for ONE alpha male - so to speak. A healthy male with healthy sperm who could sire healthy babies and who could then protect mother and baby from predators and other competitive males.

So a tension was built into the system, so to speak. The female's body in part compensated for this. When the female became pregnant, her body began - and still does to some degree - to exude pheromones that the male's body would pick up and would depress his testosterone levels. This making him less of a threat to the mom and baby and more inclined to stick around to protect them. Otherwise he would wander off to impregnate more females.

That's the evolutionary basics. From there, as civilization began to develop, it came to be seen that the most stable civilizations, the least violent and prone to upheaval came from pair bonding. The male stayed with the female and the baby and he protected them and built them shelters. This not only built civilization in the short term in the sense of constructing buildings and setting up peaceful mutually beneficial interactions between families and thence communities, but in the longer sense conduced to virtue.

The man who strove to protect his family was courageous, self-sacrificing, loving. The woman and child who benefited from such things would be grateful and loyal. This cycle conducing to virtue and nobility and the highest values.

This is what man was meant to be. This was man's "nature." Not "nature" in the sense that the modern Enlightenment philosophers meant it, i. e, spontaneous conduct. Rather "nature" in the sense the ancients - see also the great philosophies and religions of ancient times - meant it. That is that which conduced to its excellence.

Man's nature is to reach for the best that he can be. Monogamy does that. It makes men and women strive for the ideal. (Grant, that for a variety of reasons, they may often fall short and revert more closely to their primate ancestors, so to speak.)

Thus in that sense man - by that I mean male and female - is not meant to be polyamorous. Rather monogamy summons the human being to excellence and those that attain that excellence will, on balance over time, thrive - at least as a species if not always as individuals.

Kaneki05 · Accepted Answer

Species on a whole are made to reproduce anything outside that act is built by sociality which of course for our sake is man made.
So if you are asking are biologically made to be Monogamous? The answer is obviously a flat no.
But also by that theory animals rape each other all the time there is not really a consent thing in their world in a lot of cases not all to be clear. So should we just revert to that?
Of course the answer is no. But biologically that would be fine.

So just because something isn't the biological truth don't make it the correct answer for society. But also just because something is socially made don't make it the correct answer either.
So this question is kinda pointless to ask like this. This would be a better question to ask one self "Would the world be better if everyone wasn't monogamous?" to answer that I don't really think it would be better or worse really.
Just it has it's pros and cons either way so then it's like okay "why would we want everyone to change their mind on monogamy?" which I have no answer to because I don't see why you want that I can understand you wanting to meet someone who has same thoughts as you but not the whole world.

Now maybe it's hard to find someone who shares the same relationship views so maybe you are hoping for a slight increase not the whole world but just enough to find someone. Now that I can understand but sadly life is not fair.
Just the same way if a guy is sub compared to dom it's harder for him to find a woman because they are limited to dom women who are less than sub women. But one cannot really change much about that.

sheenagwapa · Accepted Answer

when i had relationship before i block everything because i believe of not feedinh the attraction you feel for other peoplr. i loved my ex so much. he is literally priceless but i aldo knoe that if i explore i will fall for othet people but then i also believe in commitment...

to answer your question yeah i believe so because i believe in commitment and i alwo believe in soulmate. i loved my ex so much and had fun beinh with him but he is stranger to mr. well he doesn't share but i still know him and we are just two different people.

now i think i found my soulmate. yes i can love other people just like what happen to my ex but i wanna experience what it's like to be with a soulmate but then my supposed soulmate is explorinh so it makes me question is this person really my soulmate

i have stronh romantic feelings for thid person but he doesn't feel the same way so i am confused

letuswaltzforthedead · Accepted Answer

Yeah, I dont think either men or women are bulit to be monogamous. Most of human history was literally a sex feast. Monogamy is a recent invention people made up in order to live in a mostly civil society. So, technically, monogamy is "unnatural" but in a good way.

BlueScorpio · Answer

No we are , it's just in this day and age people lack communication skills, get fed up easier, pivk something up then get bored with it 2 seconds later and put it down. A lot men and women just don't want to put in the work effort to keep a relationship going, so they make up excuses to say we're not ment to be monogamous. If that was true most people wouldn't despise the idea of being cheated on or being left behind for something shiny and new. Most people want love and partner for life.

Societies morals are on rapid decline and God said all these things would come to pass. Humans have hard time denying lust and their flesh and go after what feels good even though it's causing them emotional and physical pain.

ohsheeT · Answer

Well I think there's something even deeper than that we are all really meant to have that choice and whatever choice we make is our business and nobody else's and needs to be respected I think that's more important than being monogamous or not everybody has their own thoughts their own opinion their own desires and feelings and whenever that one person wants that's their business that's their choice and it really needs to be respected it doesn't matter what kind of title it has it's who that person is and wants

Summeroflove · Answer

Well. Yeah there are some men who are like that who want to sleep around and there is some women like this too.

People just say stupid shit. I don’t sit around trying to figure it out. I just roll my eyes and move on. Like I do many times on this site.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Some are, some aren’t. Generalizations are for lazy minded people who can’t handle contradictions. Ell oh ell! There’s literally no evidence that men are inherently more or less suited to monogamy than women, in general. If you have empirical evidence to the contrary, feel free to share it here.

AviatorTom · Answer

Biologically, men are built to have many sex partners. Men have billions of sperm, all the time, can ejaculate several times a day, and remain fertile their entire life after puberty. Compare this to women, who only have a single egg and limited fertile days (once a month) between puberty and menopause.

Rapport · Answer

To me it's just a matter of being able to keep your dick in your pants, as amusing as that probably sounds.

I compare the urge to have sex as the same with the urge to do other things, like craving certain foods or whatever.

Either you can give into that desire and Indulge as much as you like, or have some discipline and not give in to those "desires".

If you can't keep your dick or your pussy in your pants just because you got "options" or whatever then that just means you don't have and pretty much don't want to have discipline in that certain thing.

Being monogamous is a way of life, it's not something that you have to do.

It all depends on your values, somepeople value thier body in a way where they just don't wanna share it with anyone, whereas other people just value racking up that body count and getting all that "fun" and "experience" in.

If sleeping around with countless people was what we were SUPPOSED to do then WHY are STDS a thing?

That's literally science telling us that mAybE we shouldn't be fucking around mindlessly all the time.

My body count is only three and my ass already got herpes.

NathanDavis · Answer

to me personally... it was very simple and it was a choice

all of my four relationships so far were committed and exclusive to one another... and never ever felt the need, nor the urge and no struggle, no temptations of any kind on going to mess around or look for more

if I really wanted different I would simply have chosen an open relationship status and certainly, with women who would feel and want the same thing, multiple partners, but... I just never did it this way because I do not consider it to be my thing

9214xs · Answer

So just my take:

I see monogamy as not being necessary when it comes to love. A lot of people see sex as purely a physical thing with zero emotions attached.

To me if my partner and I love each we can have casual physical encounters with others but when it comes to actual love, that’s just between us.

Monogamy was only introduced so people who knew the rightful heirs were to their land etc in the farming boom and before that both men and women would sleep with whoever and raise the family together.

Monogamy and cheating are 2 very different things as even in non monogamy you can still have deceit and betrayal.

DavidRaul · Answer

I totally agree with you. I just want that one person to spend my rest of the life with. I don't want to just sleep around realising the fact that i have no purpose. Having that one person by your side who loves you, and adores my imperfections, is the greatest feeling.

misogynistic_pig · Answer

Humans are a moderately polygynous species, which means that some marriages were polygynous.

Women are not promiscuous by nature, only men are, because we have evolved from a polygynous mating system like the Gorilla; promiscuous mating systems Mating systems in chimpanzees only evolved after they split from our lineage, as evidenced by genes on the Y chromosome involved in sperm production.

If it's institutionalized, monogamy will work fine, that's why there's a high cross-cultural prevalence of monogamy, a very low incidence rate of polyamory, that is, divorce is illegal, it should be remembered that today's society is not monogamous, serial monogamy through divorce and remarriage is essentially vertical promiscuity throughout. of time rather than horizontally into the present.

ndawg1114 · Answer

Depends on the person. For me I can’t just have sex with someone. I take that back I can, but feeling wise it isn’t as good as being with a partner I care about. Feelings to me is what makes sex so amazing knowing your getting off a person you care or love about is just so much more satisfying then just a random or casual hookup.

I personally couldn’t be with someone who wanted to swing or poly relationship. I’m too jealous and insecure too. I think eventually sex leads to feelings so if you’re swinging with a couple over and over feelings will happen. If it’s just one and done then it’s kind different, but if it’s good sex why would you just want it once and done? Lol

I can see the argument we’re animals and have primal instincts our jobs as men was to get food, and procreate so I get it. I still wouldn’t cheat on my partner tho.

Oigit · Answer

The truth of it is that humans are complicated. We still have a lot of in born animal instincts on top of our higher brain functions. So for men and women they can clash. Because our instincts are pulling us in one direction and the world be built with out higher brain functions is pulling us the other. So it's one of those situations where our instincts are saying men and women are not supposed to be monogamous. But the world be built is saying we should be.

People just have to do what is right for them. But also be willing to accept the consequences of it be them good or bad.

ARecruitedPerson · Answer

Polygamy and monogamy are spectrums, influenced by personal beliefs and levels of oxytocin. (If I remember, lower levels of oxytocin lead to polygamous behavior) but it’s hardly the only chemical involved. Serotonin certainly is also involved. And that depends on genetics, and environment to what extent an individual is monogamous vs polygamous. So men are not naturally one or another, it naturally depends on the person. Though men are on average less choosy than women. (Not saying having standards are bad) but again, it depends on the individual.

Jdjfjcjj · Answer

I think I'd given the opportunity and if they don't think they'll get caught, most will cheat. Luckily, most men don't have the opportunity.

Those that do cheat though and think with their little head versus their big head already have enough character flaws that were likely obvious before it ever got to that point.

For the cheating to have occured, even if he wasn't intentionally seeking it to happen, he would have had to be putting himself in situations that a faithful partner would have avoided in the first place.

Truthatanycost · Answer

Whether we are meant to be monogamous or not, we have the power to shape our own society for the better. You need only look at where society is currently, and observe how they got there.

We have free will, and in turn we can choose to honor this free will by choosing to live wisely.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

I don't know what u mean, lots of species pick 2 & stay together for life. It makes a lotta sense for humans since our kids take so long and so much to raise fully. It's not just making babies that a species needs, it also needs to ensure those babies survive to adulthood and reproduce themselves. And for humans, that hands down works best with a stable couple, not a single parent and not many changing parents. So if you wanna be all biologically who's wired for what about it, I'd say there's a pretty fucking strong case humans are wired to be monogamous. It's just that biology's plan for a humans life may not match that individual humans plan for their life. And we smart so we can kinda pick ourselves and ignore biology yknow

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I don’t think it’s so much a question of sexual monogamy as it is of emotional safety and security. I don’t expect my wife to be sexually monogamous to me, but I do expect her to be loyal to me. I want her to raise my children, respect me, and manage my household, but that’s not the same as only having sex with me. I want her to do whatever she wants to do, so long as she considers my interests while she does it.

I make the terms of my relationships very clear from the get-go; bring me peace, and I will always do the same for you.

Anonymous · Answer

Monogamy only works with religion and culture. If the culture is a swipe-right and hookup culture, monogamy does not work. I dont like the idea of Islamic polygamous marriage, but that seems to be the only way marriages will work. I am being honest; If I am given a choice to have more than one wife. Mind would. E corrupted very quickly, and all the work I put into work and business would suffer for it. I've dated Muslim women before, and I could not stop thinking with my dick, and I would get no work done, which is why I switched back to Christianity.

magiusX26 · Answer

i see you mentioning its not natural for all men yet that is not true. some humans are meant to be monogamus and others are not. the actual rift is in one part trying to push the other's natural state (monogamy or not) onto those whom that particular state is unnatural for. often times this comes about from one thats part of one of these 2 sides falling for one from the other side and the 2 try pushing for one or the other to become a person from the side that us unnatural to that one. also there us societal versions if this caused mostly by religious and political factions.

JasonAndrew · Answer

I’m monogamous but I doubt that women can because from the options they have it’s hard for them to stay loyal to want partner. that’s why some men are into cuckold because they have an inner fear that they just want to face it before they get hurt. it’s not normal for men to want cuckold but they got to the point where they are too hopeless to care, thats why cuckold is more spread in first world countries where women sleep with different men along the years. They get turned on by cuckold because they get to witness what they can’t achieve. A deep scar that no one acknowledge

Solitario_94 · Answer

Men will not commit to something they do not see value in or are not emotionally attached to, or both.

If you are a good woman to a guy and he does not commit to texting you at least once a day, drop him. Or text him and ask him what is going on, meaning ask, "Why are we not talking?" I guarantee his response will tell you everything you need to know about his character and intentions with you.

Honestly, I blame the porn industry for all the relational BS my generation and the former ones are dealing with right now. If you are a woman out there that is looking for a guy that respects you and wants to come home to you every night, good luck. As long as he has a laptop, he's probably fine.

Talldutchie · Answer

It's human creating that you HAVE to stick to one person. This does not mean u should go out and look to "score" but one mistake should be forgiven. At least I would forgive one mistake. I'd rather maybe not even know though, unless it's an ongoing thing

Anonymous · Answer

If men are meant to be polygamous then women are meant to be hypergamous but for some reason women are cancellled for prefering tall, strong, healthy, not too old, wealthy men even though it is just the biology. Prefering pretty, fertile young women are also ok for men due to biology but women get hate again for doing the similar thing. I have seeen so much hate towards women on the internet just because they prefere tall men or provider. Why are women expected to reject their biology but shoukd only accept the traits/ instincs that only men can benefit from? If a woman expect from men to not mainly prefere young pretty virgin, they get called feminazis but women get hate by both genders for just prefering tall men although both young and tall men are the minority. I would respect polygamous men, when people stop being hypocritical.

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

“So I hear people say all the time that men aren’t meant to be monogamous”.

I have no interest in hooking up or casual sex and there’s plenty of other guys on this site who’ve expressed the same views as me.

lilyanony1 · Answer

Monogamy is personal choice...
We know fir the purpose of procreation we require a man and a woman to conceive a child.
But modern day life now allows people to make children in many different ways.
So modern day life is by personal choice.

Anonymous · Answer

It's about where the two persons are in their life. People wanna settle for one person after having much experience with others now a days. However criterias to get sex for men and women are different. So there can always be a difference.

Historically there were always good and bad men so good and bad women. However women good/bad reward fun bad guys while they are young. Men from early on learn that bad behaviours , polygamy , cheating , relations with multiple women makes you a prize in majority of women's eyes. So those behaviours are common , and there were always good guys irrespective to whatsoever. Now a days since getting sex is easy and divorce in common those good guys are too abstraning from long term commiment. An actual good guy/girl is hard to find as opposite genders always hate them while they are young.

Anonymous · Answer

Women are not monogamous too. People are try to control womens’ sexuality by saying that women are monogamous. If women are reinforced to have more sex they will have sex more freely. Like in the hook up culture. Yeah, we feel bond after we have sex. But it decreases over time. Men and women can be monogamous if they ‘’really love’’ someone. Otherwise, we are not monogamous. All of us like another men or women every day.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

People aren't meant to be anything.

Being monogamous has advantages that outweight casual sex by a considerable amount, and casual sex has dangers and other drawbacks that make it not worth doing.

The question is not if people were made for either, the question is who is dumb and who isn't.

People who have casual sex are dumb, the negative consequences to it are life altering.

Andres77 · Answer

"meant to" like by design?

monogamy is unnatural in many species while some species mate for life.

monogamy is a choice to go against base nature and remain faithful to one person. that's what makes it so special and is a form of evidence of love, that one would go against their base nature and choose to stay loyal to their partner.

TDDMS · Answer

Monogamy is needed to have a successful society. If you look at African societies they are primarily based on polygamy other dysfunctional mating habits. Which is one of many aspects of why their societies are dysfunctional and subpar. We even see this in America with these polyamorous couplings. One does not need to be a therapist to see how dysfunctional the participants let alone they couldn't provide a healthy functional family setting for children to prosper.

Grond21 · Answer

I agree with you. The Men Who say men are not meant to be monogamous or using it as an excuse for their bad behavior. It's childish and shallow. Men are meant for more, as are women. We achieve our greatest success and our greatest fulfillment when we totally and completely commit to someone for our entire lives.

Cedman · Answer

Humans are monogamous. It is part of our evolution and your brain releases chemicals. I forgot the name but it produces longterm satisfaction in relationships. So people are meant to be monogamous, that person is just justifing short term relationships.

Crankor · Answer

I've heard the same thing said about girls. I think it's just a warped concept that people are accepting more and more to want it to become a normal thing. But if that was how it was... then what would ever be the point in ever having a relationship? To me it would be meaningless

HippieVeganJewslim · Answer

Some people don’t like it to have their spouse as a polygamist, but they can just refuse to marry polygamists. From what a fellow philosopher wrote on Facebook, polygamy is natural, and it happens usually for men. You see it on lions — a male will have several lionesses and would kill another lion who comes too close (therefore, Simba and Nala are half-siblings).

macjets007 · Answer

Yes. True love is the best thing on this earth and creating a family (one day I will) is the most rewarding thing in the world (according to most people). If you truly love to someone & have a great relationship, in my experience I don't want to see other women.

dustybiker · Answer

When you find a really well-fitting match you don’t want anyone else.

Adam1978 · Answer

It's a social construct which give best foundation for a civilization. You will have a hard time creating something stable without a stable family structure. You don't see any other civilization that has lasted with different structures.

slatyb · Answer

No one is meant to be anything. "Meant to be" implies that something is made to suit the desires of some conscious entity. There's no evidence that there is any such entity.

fonduegirl · Answer

work from the polyamorous herself :  come out as poly as early as possible, and not after you've already cheated on them multiple times.  please stop.

Berethor · Answer

Women can get pregnant only once in 9 months, also slutty females in the wild get fucked and dumped, so being monogamous is more beneficial to women than it is to men.

RavVid · Answer

I agree. Marriage is a deal that should be honored. It is not only men that cheat by the way. 80% of divorces are initiated by the wife and cheating is not the major reason.

Anonymous · Answer

Part of me says it’s not an excuse. I mean if you look at nature look at how the male animals act. The have numerous babies w numerous females. I’m not saying it’s right or justifying it but every male species pretty much is that way.

DrBanana · Answer

So I will agree to a point that monogamous relationships are not for everyone.  I think most people can be for the right reasons but again communication is key with these things when possible.

Wubs3000 · Answer

I don't want to cheat so I think I am meant to be monogamous.

Chthou95 · Answer

If society rewired every man and told him that its okay to have sex with as many women as possible, more men would be doing it. And most men dont anyway because they dont have the options to do so. Its all about programming

RandomGuy1032 · Answer

Romantic monogamy is natural. Sexual monogamy is unnatural for men. For women it goes both ways but most men turn their nose up at promiscuous women. Theyre the mistress and thats all theyll be.

VikingWarLord · Answer

Read "SEX AT DAWN" by Cacilda Jetha and Christopher Ryan  then you be the judge on that one

Fuentes · Answer

I do not want multiple women as for others that's their own thing but I can remain faithful with one woman. But I rather not setlle down & chase money and stick to smashing chick's.

Anonymous · Answer

There is no way to answer that but surely our bodies don't suggest we are suppose to be alone are whole lives.

SiberFox · Answer

What a sad bunch of replies. Monogamy is the mark of success.

MadClown · Answer

I can’t answer that. I’m saying this out of topic, you’re an attractive lady. Why did you do a tattoo?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I sincerely believe that I am meant to be monogamous. I have always felt this way. It is a passion that I hold deep inside my heart.

TroyDT2 · Answer

I am. Just can't find any lady with low enough standards.

es20490446e · Answer

I think we are inclined to be monogamous when we really like our partner.

PainusNdeeAnus · Answer

I’m not 😍

Anonymous · Answer

Either we are meant to be monogamous or polygynous. I think it is the former. This is for all mammals; as the female devouts more resources to her offspring's development than other animal species.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

The fact that anyone even has to ask this question is just sad, and it truly demonstrates how much we have regressed as a whole. Monogamy is done by people who have their shit together.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s not natural since it’s a man made thing but for a civilized species it is in order to be devoted to one but we are animals and still have that drive to spread our genes

Reign1 · Answer

I don’t think so. I have great relationships but need freedom to roam. I love women! What can I say.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

This is why it's normal for men to take multiple women as wives and lovers.

Is anyone really meant to be monogamous?

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Is anyone really meant to be monogamous?

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