Do you think there is such thing as a truly monogamous relationship? Is it possible to be faithful to one person?

[Deedee133]

So… I spent many years believing that monogamy was unrealistic, and it was just natural for people to cheat. I had multiple friends who were unfaithful, my inbox was always littered with guys in relationships trying it on, I had been cheated on a few times, and I had cheated myself once (quickly decided to be single for a while, I realise now I wasn’t in love at all and it was quite a toxic situation) and then I met my current partner…

when we started seeing each other we talked about the kind of relationship we wanted and he said he didn’t want any kind of open relationship and he wanted us to be monogamous - for the first time I actually wholeheartedly agreed and have been completely faithful for the 3 years following…

I’ve since found out he’s on a swingers site, has been messaging girls online and social media, telling them he’s single and what sexual things he’d like to do with them etc… I feel really conflicted, because I never believe monogamy was possible or realistic, but now I’m asking someone for complete monogamy and I’m upset about the messages… I don’t believe he would like me messaging other guys and we’ve had conversations / discussions / arguments about this before and he says it’s just pictures, nothing more.

I have tried to rationalise it a few times but I feel so disrespected by him… as a guy do you believe monogamy is possible? Girls, what’s your opinion?

I’ve been told by a friend I shouldn’t throw an otherwise okay relationship away over this, as the next man will do the same but worse.. opinions?

[mickmrly]

Yes there is such a thing as monogomous relationships, and most of my family have been in them, although there were a few divorces unrelated to cheating.

I think the problem comes when there are a lot of unfaithful people in your life, with circumstances and behaviours that continue perpetuating said behaviour. Reading through the comments, it seems that 75% of your friends are unfaithful, which probably means you should pay more attention tot he 25% who aren’t and hang around them more often. Unless they have other bad behaviours instead, then you’ll have to seek more people who are faithful.

I find that it’s usually when economic circumstances are tight that things like faithfulness go out the window, due to a sort of not caring anymore and just wanting to experience thrills and pleasure to forget about problems. I don’t really know why someone who is doing fine financially would cheat, I’d just have fun with the wifey and relax.

[Finchie40]

Yes, when 2 people remove selfishness for each other and make each other your number 1 priority , that’s what makes love grow , if you can’t do that for your partner you shouldn’t get into a relationship period , As for your boyfriend flirting with other girls he is already cheating on you , dump his ass and realize you deserve better than that , What girls don’t realize is that affection and intimacy is important to a man , if she wants to keep him by her side all she needs to do is respect him and love him and don’t withhold intimacy and affection , compliment him and make him feel wanted , when a girl does that for her man she won’t really have to worry about him cheating on her , When she holds sex as a bargaining agreement and is disrespectful to him he will start losing interest and pretty much b open to meeting someone new or ending the relationship all together

[Deedee133]

It’s interesting you say that, cause I don’t know what more I could do for my man… he’s King in our house, the only thing that’s come between us is him messaging other girls and even then we talked about it and I worked through it, and it’s happening again. Clearly he just ain’t about me so think it’s obvious what to do from now

[Finchie40]

Yea he doesn’t deserve to be treated like a King if he is pulling that shit , How would he feel if you were doing that shit to him? Kick him to the curb and move on , their is someone out there that will value you

[sunflower00]

Yes I believe it’s possible. I love my boyfriend and would never even think about cheating on him, and I do truly believe he wouldn’t cheat on me either! It is so common for people to cheat nowadays unfortunately but definitely still possible to find the right person

[EmmaMary]

This coming November we will be celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary, plus the previous six years of being and living together... So yes, with hard work, commitment and communication I do believe it's entirely possible.

[Deedee133]

Thats so lovely! Congratulations and wishing you happiness together throughout the future! Would you say it is something you both had to actively work on?

[EmmaMary]

@Deedee133

Thank you so very much indeed for your lovely, sweet and thoughtful kind wishes... They are, deeply appreciated.

Absolutely... To have any successful committed relationship takes damn hard work, firstly in getting to know and understanding each other, then slowly but surely building your trust, natural instincts and learning how to communicate to each other on a totally equal and level playing field.

Both my parents and my husband's have exactly the same values within their marriages, so perhaps in both growing up, and now in recent years, some of this has thankfully rubbed off onto us.

We also have this solemn rule that we will never, ever go to bed on an argument, no matter how long it takes to resolve, ... Thankfully this has never been more than a hour or so at best.

Yes, it is bloody hard work (so to speak) but so, so worth it... Or at least it is for us.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Yeah it's possible.. I've seen many couples who were married and faithful the whole time and still have that spark but overall yes, monogamy is pretty much dying nowadays... The overwhelming majority are moving from one person to another and another...

[Deedee133]

Yeah it is just the state of the world now I guess… people look after self before anything else!

[Rockstarrrrr]

Yeah and after some time they start feeling empty and questioning their self worth 🤷‍♂️

[FilmGuy93]

I think that 100% faithful behavior is absolutely possible in relationships, but I also think it’s a much rarer thing than it should be.

The truth is that you’re always going to struggle to find monogamy if you surround yourself with people who aren’t content with themselves.

[boggboss]

Yeah I believe its possible I'm currently trying practicing it with my fiancé

[EmmaMary]

@boggboss

Wishing you all the luck in the world for your continuing future happiness together. 🤞x

[boggboss]

Thank you Emma 😊

[Deedee133]

Love this! Congratulations and good luck :) if you don’t mind me asking… have you cheated before? If so, What makes your fiancé different?

[boggboss]

No I don't see a point in cheating if I wanted pussy elsewhere i simply would have ended my relationship or never got with her in the first place why bother with the stress of lying and hiding shit would be more simple to just not have committed

[TheSpaceGnome]

Most of the population both prefers, and is capable of monogamy.

The internet has a few loud people trying to claim otherwise, but in the real world, cheaters are extremely rare.

[Deedee133]

clearly I just know some questionable people cause honestly over 75% of people I know like personally have been unfaithful in like a committed, long term relationship!

[TheSpaceGnome]

Get new friends, yours sound like trash.

[Deedee133]

Yeah I don’t talk to any of them anymore lol (just the good ones)

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes; of course there is! What the hell?

Who cares what other people do? F them! You don't have to be like them!

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, DUMP that motherf*cker!

[Deedee133]

Yeah that’s fair haha

[Jamie05rhs]

👍👍

[MrGo12]

I truly believe if you are 100% in love (unconditionally) with your partner & you are at least 75% attracted (sexually) to them, then yes you can without a doubt have a monogamous relationship with that person!

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Of course there is, you’d be surprised at all what’s even lower than that. Yes, it is possible to be faithful AND have Faith. It’s your choice

[Anonymous]

Yes, just not for you. Sorry 🙁

[Deedee133]

Fair

[Anonymous]

50% of people can't do it.

[Deedee133]

It’s crazy! Think the saddest bit is hearing so many people justify it by blaming the other person

[jamartheg]

I could never be faithful to only one woman

[Deedee133]

Least you’re honest

[maximumpower]

Nope.
It's a sham - just like marriage.

[Anonymous]

Studies show that most people never cheat.