What should I do if the person I'm looking for simply does not exist?

[Haha456]

Throughout my lifetime I've only met 3 people who had the personality I could fall in love with. 1 was married, the other one had severe flaws , and the last one rejected me. I'm almost 30 years old. Never had a boyfriend. I've have met as many as 30 guys over the years via online dating, nobody had anything close to what I am seeking.

The person that I am looking for SIMPLY DOES NOT EXIST. Seriously only 3 people in 30 years? If this is the best dating can get, then I might as well just give up.

Sometimes I get so lonely that I just want to get into an arranged marriage. I just want to marry someone so I can have a trusted companion, friend, family member. Life is very emotionally destitute without having anyone to do things with. I can have kids on my own as a single woman but kids grow up and they leave the nest. Then I will be all old and lonely again.

I have lost all my desire to meet any new guys. Because I've already met so many guys who come nothing close to what I'm looking for. If I do find someone I can fall in love with, they're too old, married, have tons of issues, severe flaws. The cycle of failure just makes dating a waste of time for me.

[mickmrly]

Its too bad you are having such troubles. Rather than trying to fall into despair, I think you should try and focus the most on what is really important to you and perhaps try meeting some people who have most of what you want, rather than all you want. You don't need to commit too quickly but there might be some weird people out there who are not everything you want but have most of what you want.

Also, even if you do meet someone you will fall in love with, that is no 100% guarantee that things will work out and you won't be alone at some time. If possible you should perhaps try to hang out a little more with friends and family so that while you are waiting for a guy, you are not feeling lonely and forgotten. Don't beat yourself up, try and relax a bit while you are still searching.

Maybe to help things out, you should travel a bit, either domestically or internationally just to try something new. Also you could try making some friends in language exchanges or some other kind of hobby site. If you get too fixated on not finding someone, you will just stress yourself out. Try and relax and enjoy your life while slowly expanding the people you know and hang out with.

[Haha456]

Anything less from the personality im looking for pretty much means pretending to love someone i dont love. I did think about that but its unlikely he will want to be with me if i dont truly love him.

[Haha456]

Its ridiculously hard to find someone who has anything remotely close to the personality i need. Once i did find a guy with a personality that was close but not really. I knew he wouldn't make a loyal good husband

[Sparkie460]

Maybe you are just looking in all the wrong places for this man.

[Sparkie460]

Thanks for the mho

[OlderAndWiser]

In that case, you should look for someone who does exist.

[Red_Arrow]

You should not be looking for a specific person. You can certainly have certain guidelines, such as religion, political beliefs, etc. But when one meets "the one", things click and all of a sudden that person fulfills most everything you want without you even knowing all you want. I was in my young twenties when I went to a dance wanting only to enjoy the evening, looking for nothing. I met a woman who saw me and was curious about me, so she came over and talked to me. We clicked and spent the rest of the dance together, talking a lot. After the dance we went to a couple of other places and then went to an early breakfast. It was close to dawn when I dropped her off at her home, and by then we both were sure we were going to spend a lifetime together in some kind of relationship. A couple of months later we were married and enjoyed a wonderful life together.

Neither of us was looking for a specific person, yet in one evening found the perfect person. It sounds like your chasing after a specific person is what is keeping you from finding the right person.

[Haha456]

I know what i am attracted to. Unfortunately i know myself well enough that im only attracted to one few specific characteristics in a person. I have enough life experience to tell. Other people might be attracted to a wide myraid of things but im only attracted to very few specific qualities

[Haha456]

You may not know what you're exactly attracted to because you were a young kid in your early 20s. Im almost 30. I know from experience what i like.

[Haha456]

Its not only about looking for someone with the right personality. He needs to have the right character : loyal, trustworthy, honest, decent temperament, hard working. You may think these are all very easy to find things in people. Believe jt or not, its not easy to find. I have went out with a lot of guys who are smooth talkers, not always honest, only love talking about themselves, have no understanding of basic social ettiquette , rude, offensive, sex fanatics.

He also needs to be of a decent age. Because im not interested in my husband dying 30 years prior to me. I want someone i can grow old with.

[Red_Arrow]

I was relatively young, but I was experienced and had spent time in the military. I knew what I wanted in life. After my wife died, I spent years not looking for anyone, then I met a wonderful woman who makes my life great. And that is in my seventies. I gues that trumps your almost 30.

[Haha456]

You find love easily because you are attracted to a wide range of qualities. The wider the range, the more likely you can find someone.

Im 27, im not willing to date anyone over the age of 36.

[Haha456]

There was a time i almost fell in love with a 46 yr old single dad. I was 24 at that time. He was 22 years older. I saw no future with him even though he was the first man i was crazy about. He adored me too. But i just knew i wouldn't stay with him by the time im 40 and he's 62. I won't be happy being married to a senior citizen and i know i will leave him

Thats why i stopped seeing him. It was very painful for the both of us but im doing the best for myself

[oh_k789]

I can have kids on my own as a single woman but kids grow up and they leave the nest.

That should not be your prime concern; instead, the damage they are subjected to growing with only one parent should.
Do never believe it possible that happiness will come to one through unhappines he/she inflicts on other ones; that's not in accordance with the rules of happiness.

****

Now that the main point has been made, we don't know what it is that you look for and "can make you fall in love"; knowing it, at least in part, might help answering your question.

[Haha456]

There is no damage.

Studies show that kids born to gay and lesbian parents tend to do better in school than kids born to heterosexual parents.

There is no requirement that parents need to be a man and a woman. Kids will do well in life if they have a high quality parenr

[oh_k789]

You seem to be going in the direction to be a vector of ache, and deep damage, in this world.
Good luck with that, you will see and taste the fruits of it.

[Haha456]

Children with same-sex parents do better at school than their peers

theconversation.com/children-with-same-sex-parents-do-better-at-school-than-their-peers-155205

[Haha456]

"Those who grow up with single mothers with adequate socioeconomic resources tend to do well. The children of poor single mothers are more at risk," Biblarz says. "Many of the results that say that kids are at increased risk for negative outcomes have to do with economics."

"What's important is not whether they are raised by one or two parents. It's how good is the relationship with the parent, how much support they're getting from that parent and how harmonious is the environment.

abcnews.go.com/.../story?id=5687285

[Haha456]

did you know president barack obama was raised by a single mom?

[serious]

In this case, it seems you should come to peace with the fact that you are meant to be single for life.

The other option would be just settle and compromise with few or many things which I am sure you don't want to do. Plus it is much better to keep your standards even if you end up being alone, single for life.

That is just my thinking.

[Haha456]

i want to marry someone I get along with but don't love. but no man would marry a woman who does not love him. everyone wants love.

[Soremain]

You're too old for pampering bullshit so I give you the truth. The problem is you. The only reason you don't find "the one" is because you're not "the one" yourself. "The one" avoids you.

And what does it even mean to be "lonely"? It means you don't like your own company. Isn't that a hint itself?

[Haha456]

I think you're just filled with self hate. So hating on others makes you feel better about yourself

[Soremain]

Never mind being old enough.

[Haha456]

you're just like all the butter jaded angry sad womam haters on here. Never have anything positive to say about women

[Soremain]

I just told the truth how it works.. Just because you got offended and happen to be a woman, doesn't make me a woman hater. I'd say the same thing to my male best friend.

[Haha456]

What you said didn't even make any sense. How is it the truth?

[FilmGuy93]

I guess the question I have about women in your situation is what are you looking for that most men don’t have, and where are you trying to meet men? Because in my experience, finding interesting and exciting people really isn’t all that hard, but finding someone who has that little extra spicy flair that makes you excited is more challenging.

So what are you looking for that you aren’t seeing in most men?

[Haha456]

humor and wittiness, spontaneity.

I don't mean corny jokes, fart jokes, lousy comedians, real humor. someone that can make anyone laugh.

[FilmGuy93]

What’s a comedian that you really like, and where are you trying to meet this guy?

[Haha456]

actually these funny guys do exist though super rare. but vast majority of them are not comedians. A lot of comedians aren't even actually talented or funny. They just take long hours to write down corny jokes and throw them out in a way that makes it sound funny.

I met one guy who hit it in all the spots. I almost fell in love with him the first night we slept together. But he was full of severe flaws and issues that I just knew we wouldn't be compatible with each other. He didn't like me back either. But it didn't really matter cuz he was dislikable in so many different ways (besides his glorious personality)

[Haha456]

Then there was another time when I almost fell in love with a 46 yr old single dad of 2 kids when I was only 24 years old. He adored me. I rode a motorcycle with him on our first meeting and it felt magical for me. I couldn't stop smiling as I rode on his backseat of his motorcycle. Every cell in my body was upright and on fire like I've never experienced before. Hugging him was the most wonderful feeling ever.

But I had to break it off because he was too old for me. I knew that this magical relationship won't have a real future. By the time I'm 40, I won't be happy being married to a 62 yr old. I know I won't stay with him by then. I can't grow old with someone who is already old. It was very painful but I did the right thing.

[Haha456]

Throughout my years of online dating, I can say almost every guy I've met from the internet has adored me besides just a small handful who wasn't attracted to me (personality wise). But I also had a really bad experience through online dating: a lot of low quality people go online because they can't get anyone in real life.

[FilmGuy93]

It sounds like the problem here is that you haven’t really taken time to analyze what you want in men. You like funny guys; but so does everyone. You haven’t painted a particular picture of who this guy is; you’ve just said that you want him to be really funny without providing any actionable idea of who else he is as a person. Everyone wants free entertainment. But your man is more than a source of entertainment.

[Haha456]

I don't know how you came to that conclusion

I have a very good idea of what I like in a guy. I have a very good idea of what type of character I need in a guy. I also have a very good idea of what age range I want him to be in.

Don't tell me I have learned nothing from going out with 30 different guys. I might have more dating experience than you

[Haha456]

[Everyone wants free entertainment. But your man is more than a source of entertainment.]

would you date someone that you're not entertained by?

you wouldn't.

[FilmGuy93]

I wasn’t trying to tell you that you haven’t learned anything from dating those men. I’m trying to tell you that it might be a good idea for you to take some time to write that very specific stuff down, so you have a clear focus.

For instance, I really love adventurous, honest, funny women. But each of those adjectives can mean a lot of things, so I would clarify them. Rather than just adventurous, I might say that a woman really needs to be outdoorsy and athletic, so she can go hiking or rock climbing.

Do you get what I’m saying?

[Haha456]

I have a feeling I know how you came to that conclusion

The guy who I almost fell in love with, had an amazing personality. He was funny, witty and spontaneous.

However, he was also very inconsiderate, had no understanding of social etiquette (calling me stupid for forgetting my password upon our first meeting), he was selfish in bed. He mansplains (talks over people who disagree with him and literally won't let you utter a word out). He lacks consideration for people who aren't of any use to him. He also never ever apologizes or admits that he's wrong. His ego is too big for that.

Now do you understand what I'm saying?

Its not that I'm not sure what I'm attracted to. Just because someone has an amazing personality , it does not necessarily mean they don't have severe annoying flaws

[FilmGuy93]

Okay, I understand/understood you perfectly clear. What I’m trying to tell you is that each of the men in all of your dating experiences were a little bit different, but they probably also have things, personality traits, behaviors, etc.; in common. So what I’m saying you should do, is take time to break each of those dates and experiences down, and identify what you liked and didn’t like about each man. Maybe that guy you just mentioned was a really self-absorbed ass, but he really knew how to pick out wines. What did specifically did he do differently from other men that helped him impress you with his choice of wines?

[Haha456]

what makes you think I hadn't done that already? As helpless as I am about my non existent romantic life is, thats the least thing I could have done.

All the guys I fell in lov with had only 1 thing in common: wittiness and humor

[FilmGuy93]

I guarantee that you haven’t made the list I’m talking about. I’m asking you to identify the specific things the guys did that proved he was the thing you were looking for. Not the traits you’re looking for. I’m saying how did you know that each guy was one thing or another? You want a guy who is considerate and treats you like a priority, so think about a guy who did that; what did he do that made you feel like his priority?

[Haha456]

isn't it quite obvious if a guy treats you well or not? why would i have to write it down? you're making this to be way harder than it really is

And I don't even think its whether he treated me well or not. I think that some people just extremely flawed. Just like there are people who are well mannered and courteous there are some people who just naturally lack these things.

[Haha456]

I'm pretty sure I know exactly the qualities I'm looking for.

I'm looking for the right balance between personality that I'm attracted and decent character: loyal and trustworthy and hardworking. I can say this off the top of my brain without even doing any thinking.

[Haha456]

Might sound stupid by including basic things such as understanding basic social etiquette and respect. But surprisingly, these things that are assumed to be common aren't actually so common.

[FilmGuy93]

It’s actually not very obvious. You’ll see what I mean when you start trying to write this stuff down. Because the thing you’re doing isn’t just saying “oh, he treated me well,” you’re identifying the exact action he did that made you feel like you were being treated well.

For instance, you might write “Daniel made me feel really special because he remembered to buy me my favorite type of flowers for our first date.”

[Haha456]

why would it matter if he treated me well or not?

I'm not planning on dating these guys.

I can tell a guy's flaws immediately within the first few weeks of dating. Its not hard. I'm very experienced when it comes to evaluating guys. I'm a very critical person. I might not criticize them but I see things.

I'm very smart too. Dont think you can mistreat me and act as if I don't notice. I see it. I may not tell you but I definitely notice it.

[FilmGuy93]

Because you use your reflections on your prior experiences to identify why things made you feel a certain way so you have a more reliable shot of identifying other men that do those things in the future.

I can find women who are a good match for me, not because I’m lucky, but because I understand where those characteristics come from and I know how to identify other women who are also likely to have those characteristics. Does that make a little more sense?

[Haha456]

i can identify bad characteristics right off the bat. its pretty obvious. I really don't think its as hard as you try to make it out to be. Maybe we are just different individuals? this comes more naturally to some than others.

I can tell if there is potential between me and a guy within the first 5 minutes of conversation. For flaws, I can usually detect them all within the first 3 weeks.

[FilmGuy93]

I’m not telling you make a list of the shit you don’t want. I’m telling you make a list of the things you DO. I don’t care if you have the ability to see red flags; most people do. The part they struggle with is identifying the green flags

[Haha456]

I don't have to make a list because I'm already observant enough as it is. I've went out on enough bad dates to know how to detect flaws, attraction. I really don't know what difference a list would make.

[Haha456]

Attraction is just there or is not. Flaws are there or it is not there.
I don't have to make a list in order to be able to detect attraction or flaws.
I naturally can pick things up. I don't need a list

[FilmGuy93]

Clearly you do need a list; you have dated all these men and are about give up, yet you still think you’re able to just feel it out and identify good men. Your track record suggests otherwise. There’s no shame in trying a new approach

[Haha456]

I'm not gonna marry a good man that I'm not attracted to, if thats what you're referring to. there's more to attraction than just simply being a decent guy. I have dated good men. Trust me, I can tell a genuinely decent guy. But most of the guys I met were just crappy men pretending to be nice men. But I've came across some really good ones over my lifetime. I just never had any sort of attraction to them.

what makes you think i can't detect a good man? its ridiculous how people come up with all these random baseless assumptions.

[Haha456]

keep in mind, these were all blind dates from internet dating. I didn't ask any of these guys out. We just saw each other's photos and messaged each other. I never asked shitty guys out.

[FilmGuy93]

I’m not assuming that you can’t detect a good guy. I’m just saying that the best way for you to stop leaving your dating up to luck-of-the-draw is by understanding you can preselect for desirable traits. If you understand the social dynamics of men you like, you can surround yourself with people who move in those same circles.

Please stop interpreting my comments as personal attacks. I’m genuinely trying to help you

[Haha456]

I don't know what you mean by "preselecting desirable traits". I think you've just been really ambiguous and vague throughout this entire conversation.

All the guys I almost fell in love with worked in : 2 accountants, 1 sales,1 EMT.

I think I might find love in visiting comedy events (which I did go but I was alone while everyone else was talking to their friends. Nobody cared to look at me or talk to me. I just stood there like an odd fish. None of the comedians were genuinely talented either. Just a bunch of people who dedicate long hours writing corny jokes then presenting them in the funniest way possible.)

I might also like guys in sales because they're usually charismatic, magnetic and witty. But where the fuck am I gonna find sales people? I'm not a sales type individual. I'm a shy girl. I'm not gonna ask every sales guy who knocks on my door , out on a date. Thats just desperate, ridiculous and embarrassing. Not all sales guys are charismatic either. I've seen some sales guys who are dry as hell.

I live in NYC. Not the friendliest city. So its pretty hard to meet new people. The only way to meet new people is to go to a bar and sit there and just hope someone wants to talk to you (which likely won't happen unless you look like a 9/10 in this city). Everyone is preoccupied with friends, coworkers. Nobody cares about some random plain looking girl.

[Haha456]

I'm planning on moving to another state in a few years, where people are friendlier and more personable. Here where I live in NYC, every single aspect of life is super competitive here from dating to making new friends to getting strangers to be interested in talking to you.

Our city is overpopulated so everyone is competing for each other's attention. People here have very short attention spans and jump from talking from one person to the next. Friendships here don't tend to last very long either due to the plentiful options. Same for dating. Its a use and discard over and over again. Nobody over here is down to earth either. Everyone is chasing money, looks, status, prestige , fame.

[Haha456]

There was one guy who told me that I should try to look my best, do my hair and makeup, nails, get slim so I can wear tight dresses so I can attract more guys. He said "why do you think guys workout and drive expensive cars? to attract women!"

I told him that I don't want to attract guys. I just have no more motivation left to do all these things because I'm so burn out with going out and just meeting men who I'm completely not interested in. I just have become so burn out over the years that it makes me sick to continue going out with guys that I don't want to go out with.

[FilmGuy93]

What I mean by preselecting is that birds of a feather flock together. Don’t make things more complicated than they need to be. If I want to meet women who are athletic and sporty; I go to a gym. If I want to meet a guys who play pool; I go to a pool hall. You need to do the same. Take note of the behavior of men you like, figure out where men like that are most likely to be, and then go there.

[Haha456]

i think its more complicated than you think. Showing up to a comedy event where you don't know anyone, you have no friends with you, you're shy. All you can do is stand there like an odd fish and hope someone is friendly/ approachable enough to talk to you. Everyone else knows each other, gregariously having a group conversation. Nobody cares about you. Trust me, I've been in situations like this and honestly its one of the worst feelings in the world.

[FilmGuy93]

That would be intimidating. The point of the list is so that you don’t have to show up at random comedy clubs

[Haha456]

I don't understand how a list will help in any way.

You said preselecting was to show up at places where the type of guy im looking for is most likely to populate. Comedy clubs is the only place I can think of.

This far in the discussion I still have no idea what you're trying to communicate. Lets just end it right here. Maybe you're just trying to give me a hard time

[FilmGuy93]

The list helps by focusing your thoughts. I’ve said this multiple times. I don’t understand how this isn’t registering

[Haha456]

I dont need to write anything down. I can tell you exactly the qualities that I like in a guy off the topic of my head without even thinking. The list is not big either. I know exactly the specific qualities that I'm attracted to in a person. I can tell if a guy isn't good quality either. I don't know why it needs to be written down.

Its very simple. I remember all the things. I do not need to write it down.

[FilmGuy93]

And what I’m telling you is that, if you actually knew what you were looking for, you would know how and where to find it.

[Haha456]

ok. so you don't think i know what im looking for?

yea... thats hilarious. very hilarious.

[FilmGuy93]

I think you know what you're looking for, but that you don't know how to identify it. Men aren't like good jazz or good porn; it's not like you'll just know it when you see it.

[Haha456]

i can't detect humor in a guy?

you just sound like a troll.

[FilmGuy93]

I'm not trolling you at all right now. I'm genuinely trying to help you. I'm beginning to think you're being deliberately obtuse though... I'm saying that because you need more from men than just a great sense of humor to make a connection work, maybe you should be trying to identify dateable men based on THOSE characteristics, instead of just humor.

[chicosuave]

this is very common with most women. you all live in a fairy tale which mean you are all very picky. because of this you will all end up single in the end. if you lower your expectations and open your mind to the real world then you might have a chance. good luck

[Haha456]

lowering expectations means marrying someone i don't love. or pretending to be happy with you when im really not

[serious]

@Haha456

Yes you should keep your standards high and you should never do anything that you don't believe is right.

[Haha456]

@serious

Sometimes i want to marry any man i can get along with. I have literally given up hope over the years. And for a long time i tried accepting the fact i will be lonely and have no family. But its really not something i want.

I tried going for arrainged marriage but nowadays everyone wants love. Nobody wants arrainged marriage

I have places vacation i want to go to but i have nobody to go with. I have places i want to eat at but i dont want to eat all by myself. Friends are flaky and you lose them once they get a boyfriend or get married. Its a very miserable existence

[serious]

@Haha456

I understand

[Pohjolan]

Maybe you are looking in the wrong places or maybe change your dating strategy.

Going by your description you are going for what you consider the top 6%.

Well evidently some other women will also be interested in said top 6%.

Are YOU a better catch than your competitors or working as hard as they do to find a mate?

[Haha456]

Better catch is subjective. Just cuz you're appealing to 1 person, it does not mean you will appeal to another. Everyone looks for different things. But so far, its not hard for a guy to be attracted to me. I routinely get guys who say they would love to date me. I just have absolutely no interest in them

[serious]

@Haha456

Well said.

[Pohjolan]

It is subjective but there are some general trends.
Like people generally prefer a mate with good teeth as opposed to bad teeth.

Any woman who is not a smelly landwhale could routinely have sex with guys she is not attracted to.
That doesn't help you get a long term relationship with the rare guy you want.

There is some underlying issue here that is not apparent by what you have written.
Maybe you could describe what the two guys you DID find attractive had in common?

[Haha456]

@Pohjolan

Im only attracted to humorous, witty, spontaneous guys along with the right character. Im not attracted to corny jokes, lousy comedians, fart jokes, boring guys, chill guys. But it seems vast majority of guys nowadays are extremely boring

Even when i do meet a guy with something close to that type of personality, it does not mean he has good character or is a loyal man

[Pohjolan]

Are you or have you taken Improv classes?

[Haha456]

@Pohjolan

Im not into it

[Pohjolan]

You may have identified the issue.
If you are not at the kind of events or activities the kind of ideal mate you described is likely to be at, then you are unlikely to meet him.

[Haha456]

@Pohjolan

I honestly dont know where to meet people in my city. I thought about going to comedy events to meet a comedian. But the last time i went, i was all by myself. Everyone else went with friends. Nobody talked to me or looked at me. Everyone ignored me. Plus the comedians sucked 95% of the time. None had true talent

You might think girls always have guys walking up to them and starting conversations with them. But no i was just standing there like an odd fish

[Pohjolan]

You should do some group sport like crossfit or Jujutsu.
You will both get to know new people and get in better shape.

[Haha456]

@Pohjolan

I don't live in a very friendly city. NYC. Many people here won't even make eye contact with you on the trains or in public. When you do try to make eye contact with them, their eyes dart away or they look at you like you're so weird or in one instance, there was 1 racist girl who looked at me like she saw an alien. Trust me, I don't look like a freak. People here are just not friendly.

I've seen a few people make friends at their gym class but I haven't. Its so hard to make friends at gym classes. I did kickboxing for 4 months and I've made no friends. The only acquaintance I small talk with is the trainer who works at the receptionist desk. I've had only 1 friendly girl talk to me a couple of times but I don't see her a lot.

Truth is, people only workout after work. Once their workout ends, they immediately run to the locker rooms to change and rush home. Nobody just stays or hangs out around to get to know a couple of strangers.

I'm also a shy girl so I'm not very skilled at talking to new people. I have a hard time jumping into a huge group conversation. I prefer approaching people one on one.

[Pohjolan]

Your mating market is one of the things you can choose.
Maybe move out of NYC?

[serious]

@Haha456

You live in NYC? . I think that is a great place to live. I have always wanted to visit USA and especially NYC.

[Haha456]

@serious

NYC is a nice place to visist but not a good place to live permanently in. Life is harder here than anywhere else in the US. Most of the natives that I grew up with already have fled this city. And lastly, NYC wasn't what it used to be 15 years ago during the good old days. Its a difference place today.

[serious]

@Haha456

I understand. I just want to visit that city and then travel on train from Grand Central Terminal to maybe Boston, if there is a train available or take a train to the next city and then come back to NYC.

[YHL6965]

Change your standards so that they become realistic. 3 guys in 30 years is not a realistic result when it comes to standards and keep in mind you're not perfect either. I could see a few flaws in you while you seem to be quick about pointing out flaws in men.

[Haha456]

Less severe flaws can be ignored. Severe flaws can't be ignored.

I have less flaws than most people. Might sound like I'm bragging but its actually true.

[YHL6965]

Indeed, but you're not devoid of severe flaws that could be considered red flags. For example, the desperation of not being alone being so powerful that you'd want an arranged marriage, the fact that you're kind of putting it as "the world does not have what I'm looking for" instead of questioning your own standards.

Just to be clear, that does not make you a bad person, but many people avoid that because it can mean trouble later down the line.

[Haha456]

For millions of years, marriage had always been arraigned. It wasn't until the past few decades where marriage had been about romance. Divorce had never ever been common until marriage was about romance. People never divorced all throughout history. Divorce was never ever common until when romance came into the equation.

Its quite naive how modern folks think that romance will mean a successful marriage. Just because you fall in love, it doesn't mean you will stay with someone forever. Why don't you take a look at our current divorce rates? half 50% of all romance marriages end in divorce.

Only 4% of arranged marriages end in divorce. Marriage working out or not really ultimately depends on how determined a couple is willing to stay married together rather than romance. Feelings are fleeting and they change over the years. Don't think that just because you love this person right now then that means your marriage will definitely succeed.

Its been proven through data that arranged marriages have a significantly higher rate of success than romance marriages.

[Haha456]

[For example, the desperation of not being alone being so powerful that you'd want an arranged marriage, the fact that you're kind of putting it as "the world does not have what I'm looking for" instead of questioning your own standards.]

if you want me to lower my standards, then it pretty much means marrying someone who I am not in love with or marrying someone with severe flaws that I know will cause trouble down the line. Standards can't just be lowered like you're lowering thermostat.

Standards are the specific qualities I am attracted to in a mate. If you want me to marry someone I am attracted to, standards can't be lowered.

[YHL6965]

I mean sure, if you attach your feet to a wall, you're much less likely to sprain your ankles from running too. That's a false indicator. Of course you can't escape something you're trapped in as easily as if it was a willing union.

Actually, it's not as hard as it seems, especially if you actually dig into your standards, see what's behind them and see if all of them are really as necessary or important. That does not mean abandoning your standards altogether, mainly recalibrating them for the most part.

[Haha456]

My standards are necessary. Without my standards of wittiness, humor then there would be no attraction. These are qualities that I cannot forget or ignore.

[Haha456]

then there is trustworthiness and loyalty. I have met many men who are untrustworthy, smooth talkers or guys that I have a gut feeling that will end up cheating on me. These are crucial part of my standards and im not willing to lower these.

i don't think i have a lot of standards. its just that nobody can meet the very few standards that i have.

[YHL6965]

It's odd then that, with just these standards, you find so few men.

[Haha456]

how does that help my situation? you're adding nothing but unnecessary trouble for me.

[User3191989]

There's some out there for everyone

www.psychologytoday.com/.../is-there-someone-everyone

[TroyDT2]

Either expand your circle or develop more realistic expectations. It is very easy to pass on a real someone who might turn out nearly perfect for you while searching for an ideal that you only think will be perfect for you.

[Haha456]

Should i marry someone i dont love but just simply can get along with

[Berethor]

Yea you running out of time, you should choose with your brain, not feelings at that point.

[Haha456]

Im not running out of time. Im having kids on my own

[Berethor]

You want to be a single mom? usually there is no turning back from that.

[Haha456]

Im buying multiple properties within the next 10 years. I can certainly afford to be a rich single mom. Im retiring early too.

[Haha456]

I've always wanted to be a mother. Its my life goal. Kids are a privilege to have, never a burden

[Berethor]

Well you better than women who lack a maternal instinct, but being a single mom sucks.

www.washingtonpost.com/.../

[Haha456]

@Berethor

It only sucks for broke women , not rich women

[FunnyGiy]

Haha, you know the reason for it. Because good men don’t want you. Because you’re a bad person.

Enjoy sleeping around

[Haha456]

Actually vast majority of men adore me and want to see me again. I just dont want to see them again

[FunnyGiy]

Probably because you attract the wrong kind of men. As I said before.

[FunnyGiy]

You’re attracting what you are. But the kind of men that you want. Don’t seem to want you.

I have seen the stuff you said. You prove me to be correct.

[Haha456]

Not really. I've had one man that loved me and i also liked him back very much. I rejected him because he was 22 years older than me and was a single dad.

Everyones tastes is individualized. Not everyone likes the same things.

[FunnyGiy]

Well. Seems like you’re the reason you’re single

[Haha456]

Making up random tales about other people, doesn't make them true.

[FunnyGiy]

The same to you! You seem to think you know more about me then you really do.

But. I am better at that game.

[Haha456]

I dont make up tales. But you do

[Haha456]

There is a difference between deductive reasoning versus making up stories

[FunnyGiy]

Now you’re starting to read my mind a little bit…. Exactly. I use deductive reasoning and other things that is above your head.

You like to make a bunch of assumptions about me.

You and your life’s choices is why you’re single.

[Haha456]

[You and your life’s choices is why you’re single.]

See? you're making up tales.

[FunnyGiy]

Based off of the posts you have made.

[FunnyGiy]

You tell me more about yourself then I could ever assume then pretend you never said it.

[Haha456]

More like making up elaborate tales based off of no evidence, just pure vivid story books from your imagination.

[FunnyGiy]

Thanks! I have a great imagination nicest thing you have said to me

[FunnyGiy]

But I know that I am onto something, or it would not bother you so much.

[Haha456]

it doesn't bother me a lot. but im sure you hope it bothers me.

[FunnyGiy]

Because you’re the reason you’re alone. The kind of men you want. Don’t want you. Sure. You have men who are interested in you.

But you want high standards for a guy to he with long term. Little to no standards to having sex.

Marriage material men don’t want you. This is only going by what you said and making inferences not making things up.

Which is more accurate then you want to admit.

[FunnyGiy]

Your accounts also private. Because you don’t want people to know you’re a notorious troll who asks sexual questions

[FunnyGiy]

And come at me with sock puppet accounts and you think I’m not gonna know it is you LMAO

[slatyb]

Maybe you are looking for love in all the wrong places. Someone's people who are lonely in one place move and find their people somewhere else.

[LazerBean]

If you truly believe that then give up, get over it, and stop posting about it on social media.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

I think sometimes when you’re in search for something, either you looked passed it without realizing, or the only way for it to be found is if it finds you. In this case, it’s usually the second one

[jshm2]

Lets switch things up kiddo.

Why does someone like that need to exist?

[LimitedBenefits101]

you know what to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Welp there are 8 billion people to choose from so you're standards might be too high.

[Anonymous]

Be single! It's not fatal.