Do you think he’s seeing other people behind my back?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple of months. I was sure we were heading into a relationship but he has said he wanted to take things slowly because that’s how he is used to things. Fair enough, we are taking things slow (heading into 2 months and a half seeing each other). He does work a lot (5 am -4 pm) . He told me this week he was sick but he did ask me to hang out tonight which I declined because I have night classes. I then asked him what he is doing tomorrow night and he said nothing but it depends on how he feels tomorrow if he will see me. Part of me feels like this doesn’t add up , but I feel like I do have to put his feelings into consideration because he says that he’s sick. It just confuses me that it depends on how he feels tomorrow. Thoughts?

[Guy13]

Sounds like he might. Have you been honest about your concerns and asked in a gentle way?

[Asker]

I have and he says he barely has time to even see me , but he also knows that I have the standard of not liking when guys see other people while they are talking to me. So it kind of has me suspicious

[Guy13]

Yeah. I saw that but that seems so unlikely UNLESS he has a goal…like buying house kind of thing 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

He does have a goal of buying a house and he does take care of his family and pays bills. It just seems sketchy to me that he is down to hang out tonight and indefinite about tomorrow even though he said he’s doing nothing

[Guy13]

Won’t know until you know…. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

Yeah it was more of gathering opinions. I am overthinking this situation a lot just because nothing feels definite and as much as I do like him, I am starting to kind of give up

[Guy13]

Yep. Overthinking. He’s killing it though

[Asker]

Yes because I shouldn’t have to overthink a situation. I wasn’t overthinking it in the beginning

[dustybiker]

If it doesn’t add up it probably doesn’t. Don’t let people waste your time. Start looking for someone else. Be honest about it. If he wants you still he can fight for you.

[likelyOK]

It sounds like he is just using you bc he is not even making u a priority. Plus he is stringing you along

[Asker]

He does have some kind of infection going on it almost looks like so I get it.

[Asker]

I do think I did overthink it last night and maybe his attempt to see me last night was bc he wanted to regardless of him being sick

[xColinx]

Seems kinda weird he'd ask you to hang tonight if he's sick.

How often do y'all normally see each other?

[Asker]

Once a week

[xColinx]

He doesn't seem too invested in the relationship, but how does he act when you're together in person? Does he laugh with you, show affection, vibes like that?

[Asker]

@xcolinx the only reason why I haven’t walked away yet is because how he treats me in person. We laugh together, he shows affection , the last time we were together and I couldn’t stay over he made sure to kiss me goodbye, he does pay for meals for me, even when he didn’t eat the last time we were together. And he did even apologize to me today for not being very responsive. I still just think it’s odd that he’s indefinite about tomorrow but wanted to tonight

[xColinx]

Yeah I agree with that last part but maybe just go with the flow and see what he says tomorrow.

But overall, I'd say give it a few more weeks to see if he starts showing more interest. If he's genuinely into you, he'll eventually want to be able to spend more time with you.

[xColinx]

Have y'all been intimate yet, if you don't mind me asking? Or taking that part slow also?

[Asker]

So we have a few times , I was celibate before but let my guard down because I really thought we were going to be dating at this point. I don’t mind taking things slow but I feel like we just kind of instantly had a connection.

[xColinx]

ok I was curious if he was losing interest (or at least becoming impatient) due to taking things slow sexually, but sounds like that's not an issue. Does he usually initiate? Any weird vibes sexually, or so far so good?

[xColinx]

by the way I have a somewhat related situation I'd like to get your opinion on. If you don't mind will you message me (or give me a follow) so I can message you to explain?

[Asker]

Just followed you

[fembotnpc777]

Right, so he's not sick today, but he's sick tomorrow? LOL

[AviatorTom]

You two are not in a committed relationship... yet... so he can't be doing things "behind your back."

Since you're not in a relationship, it's perfectly acceptable for him to be dating others.

Just curious... why do you think you are in an "exclusive" relationship with him when you obviously aren't?

[Asker]

He knows my expectations and those were my expectations. You can’t fully get to know someone while dating others and we have been talking for almost 3 months.

[Danny_dan92]

Exactly.

[Danny_dan92]

You and him aren’t together yet.


So if you’re talking to other men besides him, he cannot get mad.




Once there is a title, then yeah. All other communication needs to end.

[Asker]

Ehhhh when you are trying to build something with someone, I’ll take talking to other people as disloyalty

[Danny_dan92]

You do realize tho that either the man or woman can completely change their mind at any given time?

[Danny_dan92]

So why be super loyal when it doesn’t make sense

[TroyDT2]

If he has not verbally agreed to be a couple, you should not assume that he considers it exclusive.

[Asker]

Yes but at the same time in order to progress anything, he does need to make time for me and the reason why I don’t agree with talking to more than one person is because you can’t genuinely make a great connection with one person while talking to multiple people at once. So I’m basically putting in my full feet forward for you to be half assing any possible progression. It’s a waste of time and unfair to anyone trying their hardest to make that person a priority for something more

[In_Trance]

Stop...

[Asker]

Maybe I am but it’s the simple fact that I make him a priority and it’s very odd that he can hang out with me tonight but tomorrow is indefinite

[fembotnpc777]

Men: "don't ask questions when we act sussy"

[Jamie05rhs]

Are you having sex with him?

[Asker]

We had it a few times but we haven’t in 3 weeks this past week being that I got my monthly. It was all condom sex