Is it weird that I legit don't care anymore about a guy's looks, height etc?

[iceprincess8]

I've been hurt so many times in the past by pretty boys and now I honestly just want a genuine, caring, empathetic guy if i ever date again. Looks are temporary and I think I'm finally able to see that.

[MCheetah]

Your previous posts contradict all of this information. And as a modern woman, I could never believe this to be the case, anyway.

I would love nothing more for life, and love, to be on an even paying field. But there's way too much real world evidence - if not outright proof - to suggest all it takes to get a decent woman is to be genuine, caring, empathetic, and a good man. Even on an individual woman nowadays.

People don't care about personality. Sorry if I'm too Blackpilled to believe otherwise, but there's too much personal and outside evidence for me to believe it's ever about "personality over looks" among anyone nowadays; women or men. People are just shallow, to the core, and the few who aren't end up like me - quitting the dating world for good because too much time and effort has been wasted.

Things don't change. Things never change. And I think you, 5'11" swimmer/lifeguard OP, will not maintain this mindset and will abandon it the moment the first 6'4" attractive sex-obsessed Chad comes along, especially if you're dating some 5 out of 10, five-foot-ten manlet guy who even your little sister is taller than. Women in particular, tend to romanticize people who are bad for them if they're "hot" enough. Men do it too, but women do it slightly more. The guy can be total trash, but if he's "hot enough," you'll make every excuse in the book and do mental gymnastics to twist him into being "a good man" in your mind. Like I said, men and women do this.

Maybe I'm just beyond jaded and cynical, at this point, but I know from my own personal shortness at OP's height (as a MALE) and lack of looks, and witnessing all these divorces and screw-jobs to men and seeing all this constant cheating, to ever believe that people give a rat's ass about "personality."

No, at the end of the day, people are just fickle and shallow and will eventually end up divorced because of it. Which ironically, is the most optimistic thing about being undateable like me - at least you won't be screwed in divorce court or have to pay child support for it.

There's a mega-sized dating Blackpill for ya.

[iceprincess8]

Hey I appreciate your detailed reply, where in past posts did I imply I place a large value on a guy's looks?

[iceprincess8]

Also what is blackpill?

[MCheetah]

You said it in OlderAndWiser's question. I'm not going to sped 15 minutes trying to find it again, but you said how you needed a guy to be at least six feet tall and good looking, among other stuff. Which isn't uncommon for a woman to say nowadays (that's the default straight women require in men nowadays.) You would not date short men (below six feet) and you do not want a guy you don't find to be hot. Again, it's common for women to say, but still fickle in my opnion.

And "The Blackpill" means giving up on dating and/or expecting society to ever get any better. It's cynicism bordering on nihilism. I don't recommend it to others and would suggest they keep their sweet little lies and optimistic delusions over the harsh and bitter truth. Most can't handle the truth.

[SwellStroke]

@mcheetah to which I mean no offense. However, I have never based someone to be dateable because of looks. As that is only a small portion of a person, and very superficial on at that. Ya may not believe me when I say it, however I have no reason to lie. Nor would I. Granted I understand there is no reason to trust me when i say that. However, that doesn't change the fact of how or who I am. I just ask that you allow me to add my portion and ask anything and I will answer to the best of my ability. Now with that said.

Personality has a little more weight as you have to be able to vibe with the person you are looking to spend a lot of time with. I mean if you are boring, then it will be very dull and lackluster to spend time together.

As for what I personally go for, first thing I look at is a persons eyes. Looking into them I get a feeling of what kind of intent this person has. As I am one that firmly believes in they are the gateway to ones soul.

Next I ask questions to find out their views on various topics, from world views, local views, entertainment, and personal. Giving me an idea of the compatibility that there will be between and them.

The next thing, has nothing to do with looks or personality per say. I find out if they enjoy playing video games. Because I have to have a player 2 or 1 if they prefer as it is something I enjoy doing, to escape for a little and unwind.

Last, I let them meet my dogs. Because this one right here is the make or break. They could pass everything to this point. If my dogs do not like you, then I will not continue. Animals are rarely wrong when they first meet someone.

I know I am not as well in my presentation of my response, however I do hope that

[SwellStroke]

Oops hit the submit a little early lol, my apologies.

I do hope that my post perhaps gives a little more perspective. That there are some out there, that really are able to not be shallow, and actually just want to be happy regardless.

[MCheetah]

@SwellStroke
I put a high emphasis on personality over looks too, as I've met - and dated - more attractive looking women with trash personalities than medium-looking women with 10 out of 10 personalities. Personality strongly matters to me. But I'm just saying, to most human beings, it seems like it doesn't. I say this as a 180 cm, dark-skinned, unattractive looking person. If I ever felt other people cared about personality, I wouldn't be as jaded and cynical as I am.

[inhua]

are you sure you don't care about looks and height?

it sounds great on paper but putting it into practice is an entirely different story. actions have always spoken louder than words.

sure you might not care about looks and height as you once did but to truly "legit" not care about it?

to "legit" not care about looks and height, could a 5'3 bald wheelchair guy who gained 300 lbs after his crippling injury and lives off government disability paychecks have a shot with you? (assuming he has a great personality)

I know this is an exaggeration, but to "legit" not care is what such a hypothetical scenario would entail.

[SecretsofKB]

Nope. That's not weird at all. I've always thought that looks get your attention, but are truly secondary to personality. At the end of the day, that is what makes a relationship work. Not looks.

[Guy13]

Wow, you are a rarity. Sounds like a good consistent man, like plumber, heat/air and electrician, would be good for you. they are very consistent people and have TO GO on odd numbers for their reputations. And, they can not make mistakes. Consistent sounds good for you?

[Price511]

Not particularly, no. Prettiness is the eye candy, an alluring lure to reel those who look their way in. But it’s the personality that makes them stay. A great body but bad personality spells trouble to be had.



If eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how different our perceptions of beauty would be.

[EricJonesAB]

I don't think it's weird to feel that way especially after being mistreated in relationships, but you may find that dating a genuine, caring, empathetic guy who's also kinda cute to you, and somewhat sexually attractive may be your best strategy. If a person is just genuine, caring, and empathetic, but you aren't physically into them at all what you end up with is just usually a friendship.

[Shamalien]

As time goes on I care less about looks. It matters so much more what kind of person they are. What matters above all else is that they are stable and loyal. So many people don’t know themselves…don’t believe what they tell you. Watch their actions, go as slow as you can manage and be observant. Call them on stuff. Maybe your perspective can help them. But don’t just fall for someone because they appear to be a certain way.

[Anonymous]

you're not the only one who's been hurt but looks are important for physical attraction. I tried dating women who I wasn't physically attracted to and it didn't work out. But on the flip side of the coin looks fade it's a matter of finding the right balance

[bean2k21]

I've been hurt by pretty girls and I liked it, hell I deserved to have my wrists tied, my pants pulled down to my ankles and horsewhipped like a little sissy boy.

[Rangers]

Not super weird but what will be interesting is whether you'll put your money where your mouth is and whether or not you'll be able to distinguish the righteous from the faux righteous

[MementoMori777]

A moment of realization, that's good, best of luck on your search 💯

[bowenw]

It's not weird. Lots of older people still haven't figured that out.

[Anonymous]

No, it's called maturity. But congrats because there's women twice your age that still haven't learned this. I wish you success. 🙂

[andre-48]

No that's good actually. It means your normal 😂

[Alex0999]

Nope, it's part of maturing and realizing what really matters, and what you really want.

[SnowedIn]

Not weird. You're smart.

[Nikki1989]

I gave up caring by the time I was 18.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

No. If You care about personality, that’s good.