Do profiles mean anything while online dating?

[SplatoonFan2]

I learned lessons the hard way because one guy's profile said he was single, but I did find out that he already had a girlfriend, and he tried to set up a date for me after I found out he had a girlfriend through SnapChat. The date didn't happen, and I blocked him after that from Snapchat. That is one big flag. Now that's how cheating could happen. I am texting a new guy and have said I would like to get to know him first. I saw his profile and didn't see "single" on it, but that's not how to find out if he's really single and not lying about it. I didn't know the first guy matched with me had a girlfriend; if I knew if he had a girlfriend, I would just block him and move on to someone else. Are there any good ways to tell if a guy is single or not? What else should I be on the lookout for when looking for only single guys who could have a relationship?

[SteveSmith1985]

First of all, overall and in general: Your profile online dating matters A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT.

Due to the nature of online dating, your profile is the ENTIRE impression you make on anyone you haven't started talking to already. It's important.

But for your specific question: First of all, you are overthinking this in a way that's handicapping you. You are trying entirely too hard to be 'smooth' or 'subtle' or at any rate... trying too hard to be indirect.

When at all appropriate. Direct is ALWAYS your best bet for dating/guy stuff. Particularily in the earlier stages of meeting someone, talking, dating and the begining stages of a relationship. Trust me, if you've got some balls, being direct will make your love life a million times easier. For SURE.

Like you said: If you'd have known that first dude wasn't really single, you wouldn't have wasted another moment's thought on him.

On any online dating site. Literally asking straight-up "are you single" is ENTIRELY appropriate. It's super non-controversial. It's in no way 'out of bounds' (it's well within them).

You should ask.

The other equally important thing to ask is "what are you looking for on here?" Or however you want to phrase: "Are you looking for fun/hookups? Are you looking to date but not necessarily anything super serious? Are you looking for a long-term relationship."

This is JUST AS IMPORTANT as the question about being single.

Also, make sure you let the guy know what YOUR looking for (whether it matches and you keep talking, or if it differs and you part ways)

But asking both of those questions RIGHT AWAY (well say hello, but pretty well anytime after that). People EXPECT to be asked these two things. These are two really simple and broad filters that will right-away let you know a guy isn't worth talking to at all.

Now, as for your guy who didn't explicitly lie outright on his profile...

So, like I said, profiles ARE important. It's suspicious (to me) that he chose to leave that particular box blank. Why? Most single people wouldn't have a problem writing "single" (assuming there's a specific 'spot' on the profile for relationship status or something like that). I would be suspicious of that unless it makes sense in context. For example, if there's a bunch of other basic stuff he left blank in addition to the relationship status box.

If this is a situation where there's no 'spot' to indicate single or not. But in writting his own profile, it is simply omitted because he chose not to include it (but was never asked or prompted to specifically). Then that's TOTALLY fine. No problem whatsoever. It would be assumed that he was single. He didn't mention it because he thought it was "a given".

Lastly, there are always going to be a certain percentage of guys who are scum and will just lie to you. The difference between the 'really' single guy and the cheating scumbag isn't in the importance of dating profiles. Anyone can still be lied to. The difference between the two men is: that one guy is honest, the other is a liar.

So basically, if someone is honest, you can trust their profile AND what they say is true and accurate. If someone is a liar, they will try and LOOK like someone who is honest, and you CANNOT trust anything on their profile, nor anything they say. (the first guy COULD have continued lying to you about being single... and started dating you. Only his (eventual) honesty allowed you to EVER know you had been deceived.

What you need to do is steer clear of the liars. But that's not easy. I have no simple solution. Just keep your wits about you. Also, whenever applicable: Listen to your 'gut'. It really does know more than you might think.

Good luck 🙂

[SplatoonFan2]

I already, I'm honest with online dating and so far guys don't seem to like it. I am only looking for serious relationships. So far, guys have tried to manipulate me through high school and through college some girls didn't like the attention that I got from boys. I did have a few previous boyfriends in college but didn't last, since some of them were easy for some girls to temp guys to cheat on me. It has happened more than once and done breakup. I am not even trying hard at all.

[SteveSmith1985]

(there's two parts to this reply) I'm sorry to hear that you've had such overall negative experiences with men. I'll be honest (😀), if you aren't open to my "just be honest and straight-forward" approach... I'm sorta all out of ideas. It's my (personal) 'cuts-through-relationship-confusion like a chainsaw approach. I don't have a 'plan B' because; for me, "Plan A" Has worked for me without fail since I was 13 years old. I've never regretted being straight-forward about something.

Now, obviously you've had experiences where it seems like guys don't like this approach. My question for you, would be WHICH guys didn't seem to like this... the ones who are looking for long-term relationships like you are?

[SteveSmith1985]

(definitely not. These guys WOULD like this. I know because I'm one of them. If some girl I was interested in asked if I was single, then asked if I was looking for a long-term relationship, like she was looking for... that girl is EXACTLY who I would want to keep talking to. She pre-empted me by making sure I'm looking for what she's looking for! Since I am... that's PERFECT! )

I think the guys who didn't like it were likely not the ones who you wanted. The whole point of it is to not waste your time with people you KNOW immediately, you don't want to date. Who cares if the guys you've just found out you DON"T want (because they're looking for something different, or aren't single) "don't seem to like it"?

If of course you tell me that all these guys who didn't like your honest questions were somehow the very same guys who would have been ideal had you approached them in a different way... I'll have to eat everything I've just said to you. But if THAT is happening, I am unable to understand how/why and would (genuinely) like to know more about those situations (if you would be willing. I just can't imagine how this could happen) (Not trying to be a jerk. Genuinely would find this interesting)

Also, could you please tell me what "splatoon" is in reference to? It rings a slight bell of recognition for some reason, but I can't figure out why. 🙂

[SplatoonFan2]

Splatoon is a video game series it has. I got splatoon 2 and splatoon 3 that is a new one is on Nintendo switch. Have a very big update today. I have a learning disability but some guys did put in profile saying long term relationships or nothing on profile about what looking for a relationship. One might as well find similar interests. Some men will lie to me most of the time or seem uninterested. Then I get turned off and don't reply. I also didn't have a good experience with some friends that were girls, I had to say no more than one with one girl, I think she did have a crush on one of my previous boyfriends with some college. I went to special learning disability college and tried to lie and sometimes gossip.

[SteveSmith1985]

I really don't know why I recognized splatoon. Maybe I saw a commercial for it or something.

That update sounds promising! That sounds like someone worth talking to for sure. In fact, you're best to limit yourself to ONLY the guys who say "long term relationship" on their profiles. If there aren't any men looking for long-term relationships, you might be on the 'wrong' dating site (not geared towards those seeking meaningful relationships).

You're right not to reply to men who lie or seem uninterested. You don't need those guys.

You certainly aren't the first woman who has express a difficulty making genuine friendships with other women. I'm not sure why exactly, but it's actually pretty common.

I was a bit confused though, why were you TRYING to "lie and sometimes gossip" when you were in college? Those are... bad things aren't they? 🙂

[SplatoonFan2]

That thing that I have been looking for, but so far. Guys play the nice guys act. Some girls through college just seem to cause drama and try to force a friendship with me every time I say no a lot. Some other girls were jealous that I got attention from guys of younger age. I am not interested in guys that are willing to cheat. Not interested in being very overconfident. Others guys, you are going to be interested in me. Turn out to be very old guys that are passing my age range that I set. Just want a person to talk or find me interested. It has to be very rare to get guys that want a long-term relationship. Other times I see other guys can also lie about long-term relationships. Is even more rare.

[Guy13]

I don't do online dating sites so my solution is live people in my presence. www.meetup.com Get out from behind the computer and on to real people. Put your zip code in as these people are intentional.

[SplatoonFan2]

I am not from Usa. I am from the Uk. So that is not going to work since I have already tried real life dating and guys already have girlfriends too.

[Guy13]

Alright. They are international. Best.

[Wise4myage]

Well they should or else people are wasting their time.

[SplatoonFan2]

Did you not read my details?