First of all, overall and in general: Your profile online dating matters A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT.
Due to the nature of online dating, your profile is the ENTIRE impression you make on anyone you haven't started talking to already. It's important.
But for your specific question: First of all, you are overthinking this in a way that's handicapping you. You are trying entirely too hard to be 'smooth' or 'subtle' or at any rate... trying too hard to be indirect.
When at all appropriate. Direct is ALWAYS your best bet for dating/guy stuff. Particularily in the earlier stages of meeting someone, talking, dating and the begining stages of a relationship. Trust me, if you've got some balls, being direct will make your love life a million times easier. For SURE.
Like you said: If you'd have known that first dude wasn't really single, you wouldn't have wasted another moment's thought on him.
On any online dating site. Literally asking straight-up "are you single" is ENTIRELY appropriate. It's super non-controversial. It's in no way 'out of bounds' (it's well within them).
You should ask.
The other equally important thing to ask is "what are you looking for on here?" Or however you want to phrase: "Are you looking for fun/hookups? Are you looking to date but not necessarily anything super serious? Are you looking for a long-term relationship."
This is JUST AS IMPORTANT as the question about being single.
Also, make sure you let the guy know what YOUR looking for (whether it matches and you keep talking, or if it differs and you part ways)
But asking both of those questions RIGHT AWAY (well say hello, but pretty well anytime after that). People EXPECT to be asked these two things. These are two really simple and broad filters that will right-away let you know a guy isn't worth talking to at all.
Now, as for your guy who didn't explicitly lie outright on his profile...
So, like I said, profiles ARE important. It's suspicious (to me) that he chose to leave that particular box blank. Why? Most single people wouldn't have a problem writing "single" (assuming there's a specific 'spot' on the profile for relationship status or something like that). I would be suspicious of that unless it makes sense in context. For example, if there's a bunch of other basic stuff he left blank in addition to the relationship status box.
If this is a situation where there's no 'spot' to indicate single or not. But in writting his own profile, it is simply omitted because he chose not to include it (but was never asked or prompted to specifically). Then that's TOTALLY fine. No problem whatsoever. It would be assumed that he was single. He didn't mention it because he thought it was "a given".
Lastly, there are always going to be a certain percentage of guys who are scum and will just lie to you. The difference between the 'really' single guy and the cheating scumbag isn't in the importance of dating profiles. Anyone can still be lied to. The difference between the two men is: that one guy is honest, the other is a liar.
So basically, if someone is honest, you can trust their profile AND what they say is true and accurate. If someone is a liar, they will try and LOOK like someone who is honest, and you CANNOT trust anything on their profile, nor anything they say. (the first guy COULD have continued lying to you about being single... and started dating you. Only his (eventual) honesty allowed you to EVER know you had been deceived.
What you need to do is steer clear of the liars. But that's not easy. I have no simple solution. Just keep your wits about you. Also, whenever applicable: Listen to your 'gut'. It really does know more than you might think.
Good luck 🙂
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I don't do online dating sites so my solution is live people in my presence. www.meetup.com Get out from behind the computer and on to real people. Put your zip code in as these people are intentional.
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Well they should or else people are wasting their time.
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