I've got a social experiment/survey for y'all who have tried online dating:
1. Ask someone of the opposite gender who you respect to see his or her online dating profile. They could be a relative or friend. Asking and previewing multiple friends/relatives' profiles is ideal.
2. In light of how you've seen your relative or friend presents himself/herself online, has your view of online dating changed at all? How?
I'm very curious to see your opinions!
Online dating social experiment: Ask to see a friend's profile. Does this change your view on online dating?
I think you are asking this question with the agenda of showing what is wrong with online dating, but I think what it shows is what is wrong with the people who are unsuccessful with online dating.
I have used online dating at various times since 2007. After the first year, I had an online encounter with a woman who was not interested but was otherwise friendly, so I asked her to give me some feedback on the profile I had posted. She candidly told me her impressions and I was a bit surprised but grateful. I immediately made some revisions to my profile, and soon started having much more success. After that change, the women I met in person told me that my profile was very accurate in portraying me.
So, what is wrong with online dating is not the notion that it is a flawed system; I hear that quite often and it is almost always from people who have tried and had minimal or no luck. What is wrong with online dating is that most people don't put much time into creating their profile and getting photos that accurately prtray them.
I've had two really good relationships that started out online. There is many options before the first date, to validate that you're actually a generic person behind that profile. The profile serves as an attention catcher, and how you play it afterwards with messages, calls, videos, some insight into your friends and maybe even family and what not is crucial.
I can understand why some women feel skeptical with trust upfront. But honestly use your logic, and you can quickly tell if something seems wrong. Ask for proof. I rarely contact female profiles that seems like catfish, or have those strong barbie filters, does weird duckface stuff and sticks out their tongue etc.
It's like a game of who can showcase utter perfection, rather then who shows personal qualities and warmth. Which is kind off sad.
Also people tend to use it as an ego booster, and just want to match with all people for personal validation. Even though they have no intention of dating said person. - It's become selfish and narcissistic.
Further more it's business. Most apps will prey on single men and not match you up with anyone at all before you're a subscribed user.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
1 y
Online dating is effective for those who don't like the true version of themselves or people who don't have time to get out there and meet someone in person.
I met my current girlfriend at a bar about 5 years ago or so (she would know) but I wouldn't have been there if 1 it was my birthday and 2 I was there in support of an organization I work with... And she wouldn't have been there if it weren't her birthday and her boss drug her out to the bar.
We are both exceptionally busy people and we both work in environments that don't have many lesbians to choose from for a dating pool so...
"Online dating is effective for those who don't like the true version of themselves or people who don't have time to get out there and meet someone in person."
The first half of that sentence is false, because being fake online doesn't result in getting anyone in real life, and should be replaced with: "Online dating is effective for those who only like dating specific types of people, who are either non existent in their area, very rare, or spend all their time doing indoor activities and thus can't be met in public places locally"
@TheSpaceGnome I didn't say it would be effective long term, but it gets them that first date... In which case they crash and burn, accrue more self-hate, and the cycle repeats until they either turn off the computer, turn off themselves, or decide that the problem isn't them but all of the people they are trying to date... Occasionally they will pull out of the cycle, but it's definitely a vicious one.
True, people who don't like alcohol don't generally go to bars, but there are other places to meet people (festivals, museums, church, specialty clubs, the grocery store, the cult of your choosing...) And if you're strong enough willed to resist alcohol, it's not uncommon for people to go to a bar or dance club and just order a coke in a cocktail glass.
Personally, when a group I work with do our semiannual events, because my secondary function is to blend in as plain clothes security either for the general group or if we have any VIPs, I will get a coke with a lime wedge so it looks like I'm drinking a Cuba libre but I am fully aware and ready to handle things if there's a problem. I had a VIP ask me one time (because he bought me a drink) why I'm not drinking, I just told him it's so everyone else can... Just because you're at a bar or a party doesn't mean you have to drink... Just because you're at a gay bar doesn't mean you have to be gay... People go just to be around other humans.
@TheSpaceGnome As far as the last bit, about people being non-existent in someone's area... I feel that. It's both accurate and inaccurate, and here's how I mean: I am in an alternative lifestyle community, in OKLAHOMA. As you can imagine, finding "like-minded people" can be difficult. However, this said, it IS possible. Even Oklahoma had several clubs that cater specifically to our community, at least one in OKC and one in Tulsa that are reputable. In OKC we get members from all over the state, other states even. I am fully aware, though, that we are the last stop going west until you get to either Denver or Phoenix depending on which direction you take specifically... As far as our community is concerned, Austin to Phoenix had nothing in between. So, if you're in our community and live in NM, you're right, you need to date online, and I'm sure there are other places like that for various communities as well as mine as well.
My point, though, is that if you belong to a niche community, you should exhaust every effort to join the community and meet people in person before you do the online dating thing because that is how we build community... And we get far more out of a relationship within a community of like minded people than outside of it.
No, people go to places to be around people they RELATE TO, not to just be around people in general.
I'm not meeting anyone like minded at a bar (hate alcohol smells and drinkers), a party (hate large crowded noisy events where I just stand there doing nothing), a festival, a club, a concert, or a church (I'm an atheist). Any girl I'd like would find all those places very irritating to be at, she would rather stay at home glued to a gaming pc screen, or a tv, or drawing supplies, or admiring her tarantulas, and I can't exactly just go knocking on random house doors looking for that.
The odds of meeting someone at a grocery store is damn near zero, since no one talks to strangers at grocery stores, and its not a place where people do any activity/hobby I like, and people don't walk around with shirts exclaiming their personality, interests, or hobbies, and if they are single, and I need to know that stuff or I won't even bother to say "hi" (she has to have the same hobbies/interests or I'm not interested, and I'm not going on a date with a stranger just to find out about a person, I'm not desperate).
I have a rare chance to meet one at and arcade (one meant for adults, I won't date single moms), a natural history museum, a zoo, a pet shop, comicon, a geeky collectable shop, or a shop for video games, but the traffic through those is too low to randomly bump into someone my age thats a girl who would match me.
The odds are much better in online gaming lobbies, but I only like difficult games, and very few women play those, and most who do are not old enough for me.
Even with the enourmous amount of people on online dating sites, almost every perfect match I get isn't even in the united states, and you expect me to limit my pool further to just a spew spots in the surrounding towns? LMFAO no.
The only way local dating would work for me, is if big cities adopted the "getting to know your neighbors" habit of tiny rural towns. But I don't even know the names of the people living next door, let alone everyone on the next 100 blocks in either direction.
I also look half my age according to most people here, because people here don't take care of themselves, so most of the women who hit on me before knowing my age are teens, and I don't want to put up with that garbage.
@TheSpaceGnome well, it sounds like you are into digital stuffs, and in this case we are both right. My point was to go where the people you're interested in go and... Well, that group tends to live virtually. No judgement here, not for me (I'm very extroverted) but I get it... But, you are looking for a very niche, very very niche person, and it's good that you know what you're looking for, but in this context I still say we are both right because I think you know that you are far more likely to find your human on a Discord server than on eHarmony... You have to go to where your people are.
Dating sites don't match people very well from what I've seen... I mean, they match you based on age, sexuality, and maybe location, but we are far more than that. You could pass right over your perfect gamer and never know it just by accident because they think that the normies wouldn't want a girl who's that into videogames so she doesn't advertise it...
Most of my friends are married so no OLD profiles there. I met my boyfriend via tinder, though, and looking back, seeing how he presented himself has zero effect on my views of online dating. I mean.. it’s still nothing more than a platform through which you connect to people. It’s never been anything magical that will make dating easier than when you meet someone in rl.
I've seen many friends online dating profiles and they've seen mine. I actually think that's a good way to do it. If there's something on your profile that if your closest friends/family saw that you wouldn't want them seeing then maybe it shouldn't be on there.
No one I know uses dating sites. Some have dated online though and eventually hooked up, but that was through shared interest groups. Dating isn’t really a viable long term hobby to share with a significant other though… Unless your a swinger I guess.
Dating apps don’t work for men unless you’re model handsome or rich. If women want to date or anything they can just use Instagram, Facebook or even Snapchat to find a guy they like. You’re wasting your time honestly.
It's not typical that your friends are taking pictures of you during hangout time. We don't usually put a fun time to a grinding halt in order to take photos.
How do you find someone who shares all your hobbies, interests, and goals, who is single, near your age, and likes your type, at a movie theater? The odds of that seem like a million to one...
All my hobbies are done at home, and I grew up before cell phones were commonplace and dial-up internet was an unusual luxury.
If that were still the case today, I'd have no way to make new friends as an adult as someone who's hobbies are drawing, video games, and other indoor activities.
That assumes that finding someone locally in person is possible.
If I only want to date the type who spends pretty much all her time indoors gaming, making art, building tech, watching tv, etc, then online dating is literally the ONLY way to meet her.
Going to a bar would be seen as desperate, since I don't like alcohol drinkers, non nerds/non geeks, or partying types, and there isn't any way to filter people for similarities and differences in things like hobbies, personality, goals, etc., plus the pool is much smaller than it is online.
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