Will I be waiting for eternity if I wait for some girl to make the first move (19M)?

[Anonymous]

I don't have the courage to approach and ask out a girl that I don't know well. I always think of the worst case scenario when I try to imagine actually doing it, I'm afraid that'll be called a creep or a weirdo or hear her say "ew" as I walk away after being rejected...

My friends say I'm being too shy (even though I'm confident in every other aspect of life). It's just crazy how some people can upto a stranger and start a conversation, the other day I was at a college party and my friend's friend just goes upto the a girl, shakes her hand and congratulates her for winning the best dress title and had a full on conversation with her while I just stood there.

I am also self conscious and hate being on camera, I don't have a single picture of myself on any social media be it a post or my profile picture and that means online dating is not an option for me either.

The irony is apparently I'm conventionally attractive (at least that's what people tell me). Some guys have a hard time believing that I'm single and just say "Okay it's fine if you don't wanna tell me who she is but at least don't lie to me about being single". My friends wanted me to talk to their crush and befriend her just so that I can introduce them to her because they think she'll be interested in talking to me more than them when in reality I'm really awkward when talking to someone new. Recently a girl in my college started a conversation with me and asked me "Hi, what department are you in?" I go "computer science, what's yours?" she tells me hers and that's it... after a few seconds of pause I walk away... my dumbass didn't even ask her name!

Look it's not that I'm completely incapable of having a social interaction with a girl, I can actually be quite outgoing, fun and flirty once I know someone is into me and I know her a little but I don't know how to get to that point without the girl making the first move. Please if you read this far, any advice could go a long way.

[tiamatx]

Go for it. Girls dig being confident. What's the worst that can happen? If you don't ask her straight ahead "lets have sex babe" she will not mark you as creep. Just grow some fu*g balls and make the first move! Break through the worldwide crisis of manly men and become one.

[Asker]

okay so can you give me an example of how I can do it and what I should say?

[tiamatx]

Tell me where do you want to approach her, who is she, do you know her, etc, and I will tell you what to say :)

[Asker]

There is going to be another party at a club so that could be a good place to meet someone new.
Who is she? I don't have anyone particular in mind actually but all of them will be girls from my college just from a different batch/division.
Do I know her? Nope, might have a few mutual friends tho maybe but not sure if they'll be there.
But do you think I should just improve my photo taking skills and try Online dating? or is that a bad idea?

[tiamatx]

Online dating - not the best idea, but not bad either. I know several guys who met good girls over OLD.
Club - not the easiest place to meet new girls. They are there to dance and have fun - you need to dance and have a very good and dynamic vibe, be the leader (one of the leaders) of the party. Make your friends be there and introduce you to her: you gain social proof. You have a benefit a being good looking.
After your friends introduce you, just tell her she has a good vibe and you would like to get to know her better. Do something dynamic (eg. dance, you are in a club), go with her to a quieter corner, talk about what you like the most in travelling, tell her one funny story about your travels, ask her what's her favorite place, what was the most unusual thing she saw during last year. Go dance with her second time. After dancing - grab some drinks and just talk with her about the party. You want to have sex with her (this night, next date, 3rd date)? Build comfort of touch, with sex there is much touching ;) When in doubt - act (unless she doesn't want to be touched, kissed, etc).

[Asker]

That sounds like something a very extroverted person would do but I'll try, by the way that friend's friend is coming with me so I have an extroverted wingman with me at least so we'll see how it goes. Thanks a lot for your reply.

[boggboss]

With how u act you will never find a girlfriend mate

[Screenwriter]

Sounds like you need a lifestyle coach. Someone who can run scenarios with you and give you practice assignments that bit by bit get you used to sticking your neck out and taking a first step. Also, filling your head with topics of conversation so the interaction won't sink like a lead balloon (the party convo you mentioned).

Though you have confidence in your work life, this is the area that you need serious work and support on. Find a FEMALE life coach, so you can practice with someone of the same sex as the person you'll approach. It'll be worth your time and money to get over this significant hump. Somewhere between five and 10 sessions should give you a good start, and you should continue your relationship and report to your coach, say monthly, to keep yourself on track! Good luck. It's possible!

[Anonymous]

That's the unfair cruel reality for men, and what makes me mad and pisses me off and angry is that people say men have it better because we men don't have to wait the reason why that makes me very mad is because that's like saying we as men can literally get a woman into our lives anytime we want, we can get results with women anytime we want, which is delusional thinking because a guy can take lots of action but still get rejected by every single woman he makes a move on, just because a guy approaches a woman or make some move on her, there is no guarantee she's going to be receptive to his advances

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. But you WILL decrease your chances exponentially. Despite feminism or the fight for equality, women have decided largely not to extend that fight to the dating world🤣🤣🤣 Women largely still EXPECT a man to approach them.

[misogynistic_pig]

Yes, that only happens sometimes in high school, then women won't make the first move because they already have many suitors, after the age of 30 some post-wall women will make the first move but they only want him as a beta provider male.

[LiamJHayden]

Just ask her. No matter how she answers the wait will be over. Or, as the cliche goes, "You never make the shots you don't take."

[Shamalien]

Could try online

[LazerBean]

Likely.

[Asker]

😭 then what should I do?

[LazerBean]

Man up and get some experience talking with women.

[moviedude714]

That classic phrase has always made me mad and pissed me off so much that it makes me feel like instigating a fight with someone

[LazerBean]

Didn't ask