Struggling to move onto the next life stage, looking to get married but difficult to find the right girl and I see everyone moving on. What to do?

[Anonymous]

[sheenagwapa]

get to know other people. date as you can until you find that person who makes your world upside down. don't settle.


some people think it is easy to finf love when actually it isn't. that's why when it comes to love the opinion of my parenys, mu familu the opinion of anyone doesn't matter to me even the opinion of mental experts won't matter if let's say i'm rich


i'm also in favor of not gettinh marriwd meaninh not signinh legal documents yet but still get married on the church just the man and the woman and can invite at least 5 people very close to witness


ypu get to know people when you actually live with them so maybe live together as housemates because i'm also against premarital intimacy. and just get married without signinh if wver it gets to the next level. then get to know him how he will figjt for your love because this person might be underc the influence of the parents and friends and you ate last in the list. after things go smooth and things is fine meaninh your SO is capble of standing on his own then that's the time you sogn anythinh


some people you are willinh to cross the sea for them but a small pond they won't do it for you. and that's just unfair especially if you are last on the list.


explore. explore. explore and most of all pray because afterall Jesus is in control

[kylee2437]

Start prioritizing yourself and along the way you will meet new people/women that you will engage with and see if they fit your standards/needs. This is how I am going about dating for now on because I’ve been disappointed over and over again by going for people that are no good for me

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't advise listening to this idea.

I tried that and it resulted in no girlfriend for a decade.

[kylee2437]

@thespacegnome you obviously weren’t putting yourself in situations to potentially meet a quality person. Focusing on yourself doesn’t equal spending your time being alone only

[TheSpaceGnome]

"Focusing on yourself doesn’t equal spending your time being alone only"

For me it does. I'm an artist, a programmer, a science nerd, a gamer, a builder, an inventor, and I work from home. Focusing on myself and my crafts and improving myself, results in being alone almost 24/7.

My only social activity is online gaming, and its still only semi-social, and tends to be almost entirely guys in lobbies unfortunately.

[kylee2437]

So they may be your issue then because it seems like you have no room to prioritize someone in your life. I just left a guy behind because it wasn’t making me a priority , although I did admire the way he was looking on himself - there needs to be room for a relationship to grow.

[kylee2437]

He wasn't*

[kylee2437]

Working on himself * Christ sorry typos

[TheSpaceGnome]

"So they may be your issue then because it seems like you have no room to prioritize someone in your life"

Actually the type of wife I want does all those things and is also at home isolated, no other wife will do.

Me and her would be spending 99% of our time together, collaberating on our creations. So no, I actually have all the time in the world to prioritize a wife. I just can't find her.

[kylee2437]

Have fun with that one because that’s going to be one boring relationship when both of you enjoy doing the exact same things and aren’t bringing any originality into the relationship. That maybe another reason why you haven’t found success

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, boring is a person who's mentally different.

Artists and inventors create originalities constantly, we don't need another person to have and endless supply of that.

Instead, we crave familarity in a partner, someone we 100% can mentally relate to, we avoid mental differences like the plague, as we are stuck in our ways and find differences to be nothing but a conflict starter that spawns arguments and revulsion.

I have not found romantic success because its hard to find a woman who is not very social. I would need to use dating apps or be referred by a friend or maybe bump into her at a collectable shop or something.

[TheSpaceGnome]

When I make friends, if they are too different, we just stop hanging out more and more, and we drift apart until we just don't talk anymore.

[kylee2437]

You aren’t going to find a woman that isn’t completely social. I am introverted and I still prefer doing activities and exploring the world with people I am close to. I can’t help you become self aware with your flaws but from my experience of men that are like you is that you expect to create a long lasting relationship with zero romance.

[kylee2437]

@thespacegnome sounds like a you problem if you can’t even keep friends because of the way you live

[TheSpaceGnome]

I keep friends just fine, some I've had for over 2 decades and are still friends to this day, but those are guys that have a ton in common with me, damn near mental copies, its the ones that you say are "less boring" that do not last, because I get bored of them and their lifestyle because its too dofferent from me and mine.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I just wish I could find a woman like that.

[kylee2437]

I was at a grocery store one day and an old guy that looked about 85 stood there and talked to me. He literally told me “do not settle for guys that do not take the initiative to create a relationship full of spontaneous moments” and what he has said to me has completely stuck with me

[TheSpaceGnome]

What you consider flaws, a match for me considers quality traits, and your idea of romance is far different from mine. I'm very self aware, I simply do not agree with you.

[kylee2437]

Your idea of romance doesn’t keep women around - you literally said it yourself. Your idea of romance is someone that will stick around while you make everything else but her a priority.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You are definitely not an artist if you think spontaneous moments for me are lacking lol.

[kylee2437]

I am currently talking to an artist and he asked me out on a date - that has nothing to do with art 🤷🏻‍♀️

[TheSpaceGnome]

Whats your point? he's just going to get bored with you because you aren't a creative type.

[kylee2437]

You assume I’m not a creative type because I’m not good at art. Your biggest issue is you lack accountability to yourself and that’s 100% why you haven’t found success with relationships and also why my initial advice was for him to work on himself because every single person has something about their character that they can improve on. I can’t convince someone that they are a problem when they aren’t open minded to view themselves as a potential problem. But have fun trying to “crack the magical code” as you so called it on your answer to the original poster

[TheSpaceGnome]

"Your idea of romance doesn’t keep women around - you literally said it yourself. Your idea of romance is someone that will stick around while you make everything else but her a priority."

You do not understand, thats not how it works, its not other stuff vs her, its her and me doing other stuff together.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, I know you're not a creative type, because a creative person does not think like you, they think like me.
www.youtube.com/channel/UCggHsHce2n3vvbJf_8YKrMA

[TheSpaceGnome]

my lack of success in relationships is the needle in a haystack problem.

[kylee2437]

You are the one that thinks there’s a “magical code” to make up for the lack of care/romance you put into potential relationships. That right there shows your lack of creativity. Maybe you aren’t an artist either after all 🤷🏻‍♀️

[TheSpaceGnome]

Why can't you get it through your head that my type of woman doesn't want your type of romance? They want a best friend who loves them, can relate to them, and does everything they enjoy with them.

[TheSpaceGnome]

What you find romantic, she would find annoying.

[kylee2437]

Because you can’t separate that what you want is not ideal because you are insinuating that a woman should only be interested in what you are interested in.

[kylee2437]

Well sorry to say but most women generally want the romance I am looking for lol

[TheSpaceGnome]

Any woman I'm interested in, is interested in the same stuff that I'm interested in, so your argument is rendered moot.

I would not be compatible with other types of women, and I'm aware the type I like is rare, all creative types are rare, its why I said "needle in a haystack". My type is rare AND mostly a shut-in.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm not interested in "most women", most women are boring af.

[kylee2437]

Well again, that maybe the reason why you haven’t found anyone because your expectation is unrealistic and way too high of a standard, meanwhile you want someone that is so low standard to the point that they don’t have their own personality.

[kylee2437]

Most women are boring to you because you have nothing to offer to women. The men that say women are boring usually don’t provide any substance to create a fun partner.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Do you even hear yourself? Most women are boring to me because they have nothing to offer me.

I have plenty to offer:
A 24/7 access gaming buddy for her favorite titles.
Intelligent conversations about topics she enjoys.
Art and tech collab buddy to back and fourth ideas and co-op projects with.
A business partner in the arts and tech.
Physical and emotional affection and comfort.
Relatability for wants, needs, hobbies, interests, problems, goals, etc.
Source of her kinda of humor.
List goes on.

[kylee2437]

So basically you only have your own hobbies to offer women. The relationship will only work if it’s how you want it. Me, me, me. And when you are a person that is all about yourself - well you only end up with yourself.

[kylee2437]

Clearly, you aren’t getting it lol but it’s understandable, some people are their worst enemies. You are the one with the “feel sorry for you” reply to the original poster

[TheSpaceGnome]

Again, NO, its not "me me me", it;s "us us us".

she'd offer the same exact things for me, and I find them extremely valuable, as would she.

You are projectong your own desires onto what other women want, as if no woman on earth appreciates the same stuff I do. Just stop.

[TheSpaceGnome]

projecting*

[kylee2437]

No you aren’t getting that most successful relationships consists of two people that don’t have the overall same interests. You want a girlfriend where you don’t have to take her out on dates and such - any girl with standards has date nights as a priority and a need

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, you aren't getting it, so I'm blocking you.

[kylee2437]

Once again, you are the one complaining about your lack of success lol

[kylee2437]

No one told you to communicate with me in the first place. Not my first time dealing with childish minded men.

[Jimrat86]

I'm going to set goals: 1. Get in better shape 2. Drink less 3. Bowl a 175 game in bowling and join a league

[kylee2437]

@Jimrat86 that’s the spirit! Start enjoying yourself more and it leaves room for someone to walk in at the best time possible

[GreenLanternI0I]

If you are a hardcore Christian/Muslim/Jewish and you be able to find a hardcore Christian/Muslim/Jewish wife, you will be set and Happy for life, because both of you would be well aware that marriage is not just a simple $100K wedding party and placing pictures of you getting married on Facebook and Instagram. It is a spiritual and eternal commitment before God and entire Angelic council that are watching you 24/7/364. However, if only you believe in Jesus, but your wife doesn't or you don't believe in Jesus, but your wife does OR neither of you believe in anything, the meaning of a word marriage will mean absolutely nothing to you and it will turn into a catastrophic recipe for a disaster, which WILL happen, because neither of you truly believe in a true meaning of a word marriage which is an eternal spiritual bonding before God himself.

[Guy13]

Date and be seen. Start simple

www.meetup.com Real live People.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Lol. Meetup. com is like every other post of yours

[Guy13]

@WhiteBoyChill It works. I met a Betty Boop look alike through it. 5'1 Boobs, breasts, perfect waist, and 97 lbs... I know this because I took her to my gym so that she could try indoor swim Olympic lanes... She wanted to brag about being more weak than a 98lb weakling !!!

[jorfan3]

Be patient. My husband got married too young (21), divorced, then met me at 30. It takes some people more time than others to find the right person.

I know it's easy to get anxious. And I suppose you could expedite the process with eHarmony or something. But don't marry someone just for the sake of being married.

[catiecatie]

I’m struggling too. From a career move to liking this guy who I asked out, (didn’t give me a yes or a no answer), and seeing everyone else happy. I’m currently on dating apps and that helps. I found some good friends and some possiblies for sure. In a way I’m holding out a little hope for that guy I asked out, but I can’t wait around forever. Do things that make you happy and get into dating apps. You never know who you might find on there.

[abc3643]

You should listen to @kylee2437. When I was your age, I was in the same situation. Fast forward a few years, I met my wife just before turning 37 and got married at 38.5. Married over 21 years.

[kylee2437]

Yep that is one thing I have reflected on is when I started putting another person needs above mine every single time , I was losing myself and what I love to do for someone that didn’t even deserve to be my priority

[entrepreneur_ghosh]

It's just that your confused. Don't focus on other people. They are living their lives and not yours. People are facing different battles everyday.

[Adaeva]

Look for big girls if that is the best you can do.

[captain_voidwalker]

Thank the gods you haven't made the terrible often life ending mistake that is marriage. Just go peruse some of the stats around divorce to get an idea of what a bullet you have dodged

[bamesjond0069]

Lmao it's about to be 2023. No such thing as the right girl for marriage. There are girls but none are right for marriage. Smh. Lay off the drugs. Lol

[TheSpaceGnome]

If you ever find a solution, I'd like to know too. Same problem.

[msc545]

Every day you are unmarried is a day you dodged a bullet. Be thankful.

[Jamie05rhs]

It's probably not worth it, dawg. There's honestly not a whole lot of good women out there.

[Likes2drive]

Maybe marriage minded dating sites?

[Ladybugharp]

I like the name “marriage minded" for a dating app - I feel it would ward off the people who just want casual hookups and encourage people who are trying to find a real connection with someone. @TheSpaceGnome mentioned he was a programmer; maybe you two should build this, haha

[Likes2drive]

@Ladybugharp it’s probably been thought of

[Ladybugharp]

You're probably right.

[Likes2drive]

@Ladybugharp I might do a search 😊, maybe I’ll try it

[Ladybugharp]

Haha, I just found a site called marriagemindedpeoplemeet. com. You were on the money. It's only available in the USA and Canada - if you're from there, your in luck :)

[Likes2drive]

@Ladybugharp I’m from New York USA so I guess I can since I’m single and in the USA 😊

[Ladybugharp]

Yes, 100% go for it :)!

[Likes2drive]

@Ladybugharp only if you go first 😊