What do you think of a 19 year old woman dating a 30 or 31 year old man? Do you think it's OK? How likely is it to work out well?

[Anonymous]

[JamesDiaz11]

That sounds pretty reasonable to me. She's at her peak value, he's also likely at his (if he has his shi together). Whether it works out or not depends on their mindset. If he is ready to lead and she has the maturity to listen to him, and not envy the (wasted) wild years her peers will have then it could very well work out.

Here's the thing, most guys in their early 20's aren't ready to lead a woman and a family. Most young women nowadays aren't willing to be led; so, you have someone incompetent at the wheel with an aggressive backseat driver who keeps reaching for the wheel- this is why most relationships fail.

The question needs to be asked of him, do you want the 19yo to be your wife, or do you just enjoy playing with something new and young? If he's a guy who's ready to lead he'll not only say that he wants her as his wife, but what the timeframe is going to be (maybe 2-3 years before marriage, 1-2 years for proposal). Men who a women would benefit from dating are leaders and will answer concretely. If he wavers and says, "oh, well, let's see what happens, we're still getting to know each other, you never know..." then he is NOT setting out with good intentions.

The girl will have difficulty not because she won't be well taken care of, but she'll have all her peers partying and hooking up, all the while making it look glamorous on social media despite the emptiness/ depression/ damage it brings. The fear of missing out will be intense, but if she can look past that (better if none of it appeals to her) to what she really wants in life (i. e. a devoted husband she can rely on, and a loving family).

So, given this info what do you think are your chances (assuming this is your situation)?

[loveslongnails]

I'd say it's VERY unlikely this will last for the long term. It's not impossible, but the odds against it would be very high in Las Vegas!

The 11 year gap isn't the issue, it's the age when it occurs. The older the woman, the better the odds in my opinion. A 25 yr female and 36 year old male could work. A 30 yr of female and 41 year old man, or a 40 yr old female and 51 yr old man could definitely work, and so on.

[Anemone978]

That's a bit too big a gap... but up to you I guess, I don't know how LT the relationship will be tho...

[HappyWoman34]

Far too young in my western culture. Bordering on creepy.

[Asker]

Why do you think the age gap makes it creepy?

[HappyWoman34]

Because 19 year olds are barely more than children. It’s an eleven year age difference. That’s ok when you’re 24, but for someone that much older to date you, it’s likely to be about wanting sex. Or a trophy wife. What could they possibly have to talk about?

[JamesDiaz11]

It's usually the older women who invoke the term "creepy," or predatory when they see men of their age going for younger women. It's not out of genuine concern, they just can't compete in the looks category so decide to shame men into staying loyal to their age group.
Also, where did this myth come from that someone "doesn't have anything to talk about" with a younger person? Do you think they couldn't compare funny experiences? Movies they like? Interests? What can you not talk about with a 19yo girl that you magically can if she's 25 or 35?

[HappyWoman34]

@JamesDiaz11 that’s not the case. We feel protective of the younger women being exploited and used for sex by predatory older men. What could a dirty old man have in common with someone who’s barely more than a child?

[HappyWoman34]

It’s a difference in maturity. Older men know who they are and what they want and are ready to settle down. Nineteen year olds are just out of high school and naive, young and want to discover who they are. Most aren’t ready to settle down.

[HappyWoman34]

My suggestion is that you stick with people your own age. No younger than eighteen and no older than twenty three.

[JamesDiaz11]

Your entire rhetoric is full of hyperbole and bias. First off, there's nothing intrinsically predatory about an older many compared to a younger man. Both an 18 and 36yo could still be pursuing a girl based on sex, or a relationship. Is it somehow worse because the 36 yo is older? Furthermore, why is an older guy getting with a younger girl intrinsically EXPOLITATION, while her getting with a younger guy (assuming they both want the same thing) isn't?
Face facts, men across the board report women in their late teens to early 20's as being the most attractive. You throwing around shame to try to make anyone who has a natural, and universal attraction feel bad (e. g. "dirty old man," "exploitations," Predatory" etc.) is transparently self-interested.
Lastly, you older women always eventually turn it into something akin to pedophilia by saying they're "basically children," despite the fact that 18 is officially an adult; they can vote, go to war, buy cigarettes, guy homes, etc. They're not children, physically or mentally, and again once you get past that faux-concern of yours it's all blatantly self-interested.

[JamesDiaz11]

There's vast differences in maturity with people of the same age group. And what credibility do you have in suggesting what age group this girl date? Suggesting she date equally "naïve, young, and want[ing] to discover who they are," is just going to rack up her body count with no effect except long-term mental/ emotional damage.
No young women should listen to these old harpies- remember, misery loves company.

[HappyWoman34]

@JamesDiaz11 spoken by a dirty old man going through an early midlife crisis. I love how on this site the minute you give an opinion, if it’s not yours, you’re WRONG and therefore must be ABUSED.

[HappyWoman34]

You’ll still be hitting on teenagers in your forties into old age. Not realising how sad it is. To everyone. Not to mention amusing.

[HappyWoman34]

Now, that’s all I’m going to say. You’re a dickhead and a dirty old man. You’re a waste of oxygen. I came here to advise an innocent young girl, who can no doubt do better than dirty old men with fetishises for girls young enough to be their daughters.

[JamesDiaz11]

"The [modern woman] cries out in pain as he strikes you." You have no idea what abuse is if you think people criticizing your stereotypical nonsense is "abuse."
You're the one who said anyone who's in their 30's and dating a girl in their prime (18-24) is a "pervert." It's not abuse to point out the fact that this is not only biologically wrong, but self- interested.
You seem like the kind of person who would make a false accusation of rape.

[JamesDiaz11]

I'll be married inside two years, to a woman who's not a ran-thru feminist like yourself. Taking your advice would relegate unmarried men in their late-20's/ early 30's to date/ marry old, used, damaged women like yourself, instead of dating who they really want (women at their peak beauty, who haven't had an army of D inside them); while, promoting young women to "find themselves," translation: be used for casual sex by a ton of guys their own age, before they're approaching 30 and marry a guy out of desperation (if ever).
Your suggestion leads to BOTH genders being miserable, but again: misery loves company.

[Summeroflove]

I think it’s fine. If they’re both after the right things that is. Love.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

My parents are 12 years apart in age and they’ve been married almost 30 years.

[HighValue]

The age gap is fine. What matters is if you have compatible morals, compatible long term life goals, and some things in common that you enjoy doing together.

[FunkyMonkee]

Have you ever heard of Sonny & Cher? They were 12 years apart. 4 years before they met, he was twice her age!

[Iron_Man]

It worked out with my former girlfriend we lasted for many years and we travel the world

[Anonymous]

I have no opinion for or against. But statistically speaking the odds fall off tremendously with a gap larger than 9 years.

[Anonymous]

If both can connect well then it's okay. I know some of my friends even dated guys like 42 while being 21.

[slatyb]

How did they meet? That makes a huge difference.

[Asker]

We met about 4 months ago at the gym through mutual friends.

[slatyb]

The next question is "is he appropriayely mature for a 30-year-old?" Does he have the four "shins": education, occupation, habitation, transportation? If not, you should shun him.

What are your plans?

[KerriH]

Perfectly fine

[sheikalana]

It's okay ish.

[Asker]

why only 'ish'?

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

Thas up to them.