Is saying shut up rude when said in a jokey way?

Question

boyfriend and I have been in a 2 week long argument because I told him shut up in a playful way. He’s legitimately been pissed off for 2 weeks about it. I’ve said I didn’t mean it in a serious way. Should I feel more guilty? Cause I don’t think it’s that big of a deal?

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

It's not ok unless BOTH people understand it to be a joke.

So clearly, in your case it was absolutely not ok. Which is totally valid.

This is going to depend ENTIRELY on the particular 'dynamic' within a specific relationship. Do you guys joke around "in that way?" Some couples do. Most don't.

The most important thing is that you're both on the same page.

So, you tried to joke around with him 'like that'... and it clearly did not go over well.

So, YOUR relationship will definintely not be one in which you joke around "like that". In other words... you now know... that FOR YOU... telling THIS GUY to "shut up" is rude. Period. And you have to accept that.

So if you're STILL trying to tell this guy that "it was fine for you to say this because you were just joking"... then it makes perfect sense to me that he's still pissed.

You need to apologize. You can reiterate that you meant it in a joking way. But the important part, is that you acknowledge that obviously he didn't TAKE it in a joking way. So what you need to apologize for, is for not understanding that WITH HIM it's not alright to try and joke around like that. And that you aren't gonna try and joke around in-that-way again, because you see it's offensive to him.

So, you weren't totally out-of-line in trying to joke around like that. But if you're still insisting that it was fine... then you're wrong. It WASN'T fine (with this guy). So while it's cool to have not known that beforehand... it's not cool to try and tell him he's overreacting, or taking it the wrong way. His position of feeling it's rude IS a perfectly valid one. You misjudged the situation and said something inappropriate (which you thought was appropriate... and were wrong). In those situations... you apologize. 🙂

RavVid · Accepted Answer

It is always possible to offend someone when you say something intended as joke. That's why texting can go badly wrong. Maybe your tone was off or other queues weren't there.

I've certainly offended people when I meant something in a jocular way. It happens. And I have burnt up at some things people have said to me in a jokey way. Maybe your boyfriend thought it disrespectful even in a jokey way. In fact the easiest way to get away with saying something denigrating is to say it in a jocular manner.

I don't know that you should feel guilty but don't repeat.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Playing devils advocate, he could be feeling like you aren’t taking his feelings serious and is upset. I don't know how you come off when you’re apologizing or trying to move past something but if it’s like you laugh things off or try downplaying the situation it may not be sitting well with him. And this is me trying to give him some grace because two weeks being mad at his girlfriend makes me feel like there’s a deeper issue. In any case, it’s time to move on. If you want, next time you see him then maturely clear the air, letting him know you are sorry if he got offended by you’re comment but you aren’t going to dwell on it anymore. If he’s gonna hold on to these feelings then you can stop him, but you also aren’t going to keep rehashing and apologizing, because that’s just not fair.

thatshydork · Accepted Answer

Not if you both know you’re joking. I mean, my friends and I say it to each other all the time. If one of you says it and the other person doesn’t know you’re joking, I can see why the other person would be upset. However, being upset about it for two weeks is a bit obsessive.

Guy13 · Answer

You are not hearing the rest of the thought because I can tell you there's much more includied in that sentence and thought. Oh... SsshuT up ;-) ... you f-in ^^(&%%& ^%&( &^*%^&& %&% I'm just teasing ;-) Damn she's a &*(*(- **(( &*(%&$#...

Wish4UrB00ty · Answer

You should brake up with him if that is how he deals with an argument! Two weeks! Dang! That boy needs a chill pill! I have said shut up in a jokey way tons of times and you may need to clarify at times but even still if he is gonna be pissed about that how will he deal with any legit disagreement?

loveslongnails · Answer

Of course not. You can say anything in a joking way as long as it's understood. If he's been pissed off for 2 weeks and you have explained, more than once it seems, that you were playing, you've got a very REAL red flag to deal with. This isn't a man, he's a child.

7Phoenix7 · Answer

That's weird, does he not joke with you ever? What exactly is his reason for being mad? Why did you tell him to shut up?

If it was truly in a joking matter then him staying mad for two weeks seems a little emotionally abusive.

MadAndBankrupt · Answer

I don’t know, But you asking here instead of asking him shows how this relationship is heading.

I will be honest with you, If I had a girlfriend I wouldn’t have signed up for this website or any website for that matter.

you’re in a relationship now, you should make it a priority and other things your life too because it would affect it too.

you’re going to hear a lot of different answers here but in the end it will never your boyfriend’s answer.

jvnxs · Answer

It's not rude. You explained yourself and he shouldn't be angry. You're dealing with an actual man-child here. And the fact that he's been mad for two weeks says something enough.

serious · Answer

Irrespective to how you said, I think it is rude only.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Nope, sometimes people need to be told to shut up.

RockyHammock · Answer

No that's just playful banter. However, your delivery might have missed its mark. Either that or he needs to chill

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Yes it is rude. What if came back with "shut the fuck up"?

Anonymous · Answer

So if he called you fat. But he then said "I meant it in a jokey way" it's OK?

BarryLiverstone · Answer

That’s not why he is arguing

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

Only women find it rude

Ur1local2bisexual · Answer

No it’s not rude

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Shutup haha

Preeti161101 · Answer

It's rude

Is saying shut up rude when said in a jokey way?

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Is saying shut up rude when said in a jokey way?

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