Guys, Why did he respond 'No mom!' when all I did was offer him some water?

[Lalalove11]

I wasn't trying to come off too motherly or caring but maybe that's how he interpreted it. Is this a turn off for guys if your friend who is a girl does this? (not in anything exclusive, have been on a few dates and are getting to know each other)

[SteveSmith1985]

No. This guy was being a jerk. Guys appreciate a girl who seems to be thoughtful, concerned with his comfort, and tries her best to do something you thought would be to his benefit.

This... is not a case where you need to examine your own behaviour looking for where things went wrong.

He was a jerk to you. Plain-and-simple. It was unwarranted.

You would definitely be justified in bringing it up again, and letting him know that it hurt you. Because he didn't mean to hurt you as much as he did. He doesn't realize that he has. To him, it was a "throwaway" comment he snapped at you (when there was no reason for him to get snappy with you at all).

He has no idea that you're still thinnking about it. NO IDEA.

Give him a chance to apologize and to reassure you about what I'm trying to tell you here (which is: He absolutely does want you to be thoughtful and nurturing like you were being when he snapped at you. He would be unhappy if you were to change how you act because of what he said. I can guarantee that. Give the dummy a chance to explain that he was acting like an ass (because he was acting like an ass).

This is a great example of a guy... fucking-up because he just had a momentary-lapse of sanity. He doesn't know why he got-his-back-up so much when you offered him that water... and he wouldn't have said that 9-out-of-10 times in that EXACT situation. BUT... he also didn't think very much about it afterwards. He really needs to. Because he doesn't know the hurt he's caused. You should bring this up and talk about it. This can be settled easily. But you do need to talk about it. 🙂

(now, I'm giving this guy every benefit of the doubt. I'm assuming this is a good, stand-up guy we're talking about. It's... also possible that the guy is just a garbage-dude. Everything above assumes he isn't)

[Lalalove11]

Thanks for your response. He was a jerk.
Part of me felt he was saying it in jest, but it did have a snappy feel the way he answered so quickly. He said some other awkward things like asking would I ever be a gold digger and asking did schizophrenia run in family because I saw a ghost. Poor social awareness.
I now know for a fact however, he's trying to keep an emotional distance.

[SteveSmith1985]

I think you're wrong to conclude that he's trying to keep an emotional distance.

That may very well be the result of his words/actions, but I am quite sure that isn't his INTENT. In other words, he isn't "trying" (even subconsciously) to keep an emotional distance.

What this looks a lot more like is, as you pointed out: "Poor social awareness"

When I put all of the things you've mentioned together, it paints the picture of a guy who "doesn't know the right thing to say" in several different social situations. So he says something borederline rude, and definitely... odd.

So, the mom comment... he likely did mean (at least partly) in jest. Almost like a "joke that doesn't land". It wasn't meant to be as straight-snappy as it came-off. It was almost... an awkward attempt to be funny.

The gold-digger comment AND the "mental illness in your family" questions were both awkward and not socially appropriate. But...

Think about it. What's going on in his head to make him even think of these things, nevermind to actually ask? At first it seems random and weird. But it's not random.

He only asked those two things, because he is thinking about your relationship as "serious and long-term."

It actually shows that he is thinking enough about "the possibility of having a future together" enough to inquire about these things that ONLY really matter if you're considering/hoping that things will eventually get serious.

A guy who was trying to keep some distance emotionally would not have behaved this way. I think this is exactly the opposite. I think he's just socially awkward/unaware. I think you should reconsider what you're concluding about how he feels about you.

[Lalalove11]

Well he said some other things that implied I will never marry him, which I know is weird. 'you can always tell the future guy you marry xyz' (he knows I'm traditional) implying it's never going to be him, a little hard explain over text. But it was very obvious to me in the moment that's what he was trying to tell me. Now he refers to me as just a friend.

He also told me he only wants to be friends now because he isn't in a place to 'pursue anything more right now.'

He has been seriously hurt in the past by his exes, and my guess is he didn't want too much closeness in case he got hurt again. Or he just wants to date around and didn't like me enough for girlfriend material. I really appreciate your response it cleared my head though. You asked good questions, it makes sense he must've been at least considering me as a potential for a while. One thing is for sure, he cared enough to ask questions, albeit awkward ones.

[SteveSmith1985]

Cool. Well I'm glad that at the very least you aren't confused about anything. You seem to know exactly what's going on, and be looking at everything sanely. I'm sorry that things didn't work out with this dude. But you sound like you're "one-of-the-good-ones." Hang-in-there. I'm quite confident things are going to work out for you just fine. At some point. 🙂

[Lalalove11]

Yes I was glad he told me. To be honest I still sometimes feel unsure why but it's best to remind myself that the problem was him not really me 🤣😂

[Lalalove11]

And thank you💜

[Guy13]

Immature... just ignore it. If it is about Mom then it is a compliment...

[Lalalove11]

Wdym?

[Guy13]

If a decent boy is ever comparing you to Mom then rarely is that a bad thing.

The way he’s doing it is immature

[SnowedIn]

That one's weird. Knowing nothing else, my first guess is that he was trying to make a joke and it didn't land.

[Lalalove11]

Yes I think perhaps he was trying to be funny but it almost felt like it was a visceral reaction from him, ie. He didn't like the fact I showed a tiny bit of caring side.

[SnowedIn]

Interesting. I would not have taken it as he didn't like but you have the benefit of having been in the room, so yea. :)

[Lalalove11]

Sorry for lack of context but yeah it was confusing 😅 now I know it was a sorta bad joke methinks

[SnowedIn]

No apologies necessary! But, yeah, def worth looking at but not overthinking. That said, if he says it again, say "you're welcome, dad". May get his attention.