I hate that I can't help her. Am I the problem?

[Freddy__x]

I met this girl few weeks ago, I really like her and we spend time together a lot. The only problem is that she complains about not having money a lot. I'm not in position to help all the time and it's tiring hearing her talk about how she doesn't have money for so many things. I naturally feel bad when I can't help people I care about and I am thinking of letting her go for this sole reason. Am I making the right decision? Do I have to feel responsible for someone I am not married to?

[SueShe]

Not having money is fine but complaining all the time about it is a no go and a red flag.

The fact that this girl complains that she cannot buy herself goods only indicates that she is superficial and materialistic. It is not you duty to help her out. I mean, you could help her with her groceries from time to time but certainly not to buy clothing and unnecessary goods.

A girl like that should be a warning to keep your distance. You may perhaps not perceive it like that but with her behavior, she tries to get you to buy more and more stuff for her. What will happen to her later if you agree? She will become dependent on your finances and will not even want to lift a finger to try to earn the money she needs a conventional way.

You are not the problem but she is the one. She should learn to keep her finances under control and only to buy what she really needs. Nobody needs 10 pairs of sneakers or 20 pairs of underwear.

[melanieeeB]

You don't have any responsibility for her in that way. It's her problem that she doesn't have enough money for herself, either she has to work more or spend less or both but she has to figure it out, not you.

I would honestly sit down with her and tell her that this topic is slowly annoying you and you would appreciate it if she could low it down a little and not complain that often about not having money or well change something herself.
If she stops or does changes herself - great!
If she keeps complaining - I would start getting distant and not surround myself with people like that

[melanieeeB]

Oh and don't give her money so she can go buy herself something! Don't do that!

[ShiftingMonke]

Is she your financial responsibility? No.

I'd you let her go for this reason alone, you may be missing out on a great woman simply because she's on hard financial times. That in of itself is kind of a dick move.

However, you have to look at why she's in dire straights with her checkbook. Does she have a decent job, bad habits, there's a reason she's broke. If it's (by your perception) legit, then yes, it's back to dick move. But if she's not fiscally responsible, then you're actually doing yourself a favor by cutting her loose because a relationship between you will eventually lead to a potential merging of finances, or financial responsibility. If nothing about her behavior changes, you'll be the one in dire straights.

Something else to consider is complaining in general is unattractive, exponentially so when the person does nothing to change it.

That's my 2 cents of it, at least.

[Iron_Man]

That’s rude you’re supposed to pay her way when you go out

[Iron_Man]

That’s mean behavior

[serious_miss419]

So because you’re tired of listening to her talk to you, you want to kick her to the curb?
Yikes.
How about you grow some balls and learn to create some boundaries and put them into play. Have a discussion with her, mention that it’s difficult to hear all of the time and ask kindly that she minimize the constant complaining, tell her you don’t mind being there for her and being a supportive ear but ask that she tone it down abit. But if you’re just a coward and can’t use your words or boundaries then yeah, cut her loose because she deserves better.

[Mayo503]

That’s up to you….
Because the way you are….
Just leave her and be there as a friend if she needs you… but don’t jump in

[SnowedIn]

You're not the problem.