She hates me, I miss her. Is there anything I can do...

[Anonymous]

I dated my best friend, and it got bad. She was very jealous, and got controlling near the end because of her insecurity. It made me really stressed out, but I loved her so I stuck it out, but I was a mess at the end of it. We split up, she was back and forth, promising to change, then hating me. She got into coke, I was stressed to begin with. She started hanging with my friends all the time, and freaked out whenever my name was brought up. She would call me every name under the sun. I don't know what to do. I do know I miss her., and that she wasn't like this for the first 2 years I knew her. First year and 4 months being friendship. She tells me she hates me, because of me talking to a couple friends about sh*t that would happen in the relationship, not sexual just the controlling stuff, because I didn't know if it was normal or not anymore. Should I just give it time? Or what should I do?

[bigblueeyes1]

first, I'd like to commend you for sticking it out. I was the same way with my ex. for the first few months I was fine. but slowly I started to become contolling and paranoid that he was doing stuff behind my back because of all my insecurites too. I had no proof, just gut feelings. we fought a lot, broke up a lot. sometimes I broke up with me and he would beg me to take him back, most of the time it was him breaking up with me and me promising to change, but I never would. we were together for over a year. but, he eventually ended it for good 2 mths ago. He claims that he just couldn't handle it anymore. that he didn't feel that I loved him, and that he deserved better because he knows he is a good guy (still to be determined).

my point to all this is you stayed! and you want her back knowing she was like this because you love her. that, my friend, is TRUE love. you don't bail out on people because issues and problems come up. you help them try to over come their insecurites, and any other issues they have. I think in this situation, more time is necesary. trust me...she knows she is difficult to handle, and she does appreciate you being with her after all that's been done even if she doesn't say so (personal experience). if you haven't told her you want to get back together, tell her now!

also, make it clear to her (only if you mean this of course) that you understand that she has insecurities and that you want to do whatever you can to help her. this may mean that you have to give up some stuff or do some things. that's why I say, only say it if you can do it and want to do it. my ex told me he would never leave me, that he will stick by me always to help me through my issues. well, he couldn't stick it out. if you think there is ANY chance you won't be able to stick it out, DO NOT go back to her. because let me tell you, you will f*ck her mind up even worse and only make her insecurites worse. it may take her weeks, months or a year or 2 to fix herself. it won't be easy. so you need to prepare yourself.! good luck and I'm glad to know there are men out there that won't bail out just because of some issues. :)

[Asker]

I think she cured me of loving her. She has hooked up with 5 of my friends, and the worst part is there the losers I know. Bottom of the barrel. She started doing drugs... I'm done

[bigblueeyes1]

well that I understand. no way would I go back to her after that. but still, you sound like a good guy. don't let this effect any future relationship. good luck!

[Asker]

It was true love for me, but after I heard what she had been doing after we split, not anymore. I don't understand why she would do that... still kinda shocked

[juswastntm]

Bug out quick. This girl is a mess and you don't deserve that. be smart, find someone who will respect you and your feelings. Sounds like this one snapped.

[l-hedoniste]

Wait until she's clean and sane before you even consider talking to her. She's hurt you before, she can do it again. You must not give her the idea that you endorse her craziness. She needs to fix that first before she's dateable.

[Anonymous]

Yea give it some time. Sounds like she's a handful. In situations like that, you need to take a step back and come up with a plan fast, this dude helped me out a lot => link