I 'used to' is intentional, I loved her so much I still feel the heat of it, but the worst thing that made me turn from loving her is this, she politely asked me to leave her alone after dating for three years. I have been heartbroken and embarassed several times, but this really stung me hard. Its hurts because she didn't even get to know me well. It still hurts. Three wasted years, I even proposed twice in the space of said time. She declined. So why did she wait that long to call it off? I know I was all over her so the relationship wasa bit one sided, but I wasn't complaining. But why would someone keep me for 3years if they knew they didn't really want me? Maybe its cos of the gifts, I think. Yet I didn't even give her a fortune, just a bit here and there as much as I could afford. It really hurts. It still does. And yes, she's really pretty and glamorous and she knows it
I used to love her more than anything and now she's broken up with me, what do I do?
"I loved her so much I still feel the heat of it." It is difficult to get over a relationship of three years but convincing yourself how dramatic and wonderful it was makes it even more difficult.
First question: do you want to get over this or dwell on your loss?
"but the worst thing that made me turn from loving her is this, she politely asked me to leave her alone after dating for three years." Actually, the worst thing is that you stayed with her for three years knowing that she didn't love you.
Second Question: What did you think was happening in her head and in her heart while this was going on?
"I have been heartbroken and embarrassed several times, but this really stung me hard." It's not easy for most of us when we end a relationship. Don't make this out to be the relationship "they" will be talking about 100 years from now.
"It hurts because she didn't even get to know me well."
Third question: After three years, didn’t that seem bizarre to you?
"Three wasted years, I even proposed twice in the space of said time. She declined. So why did she wait that long to call it off?" You've got no control over her behavior and you will probably never understand, but that is not more important than. . .
Fourth question: Why didn't YOU break it off sooner? Was the sex THAT good?
"I know I was all over her so the relationship was a bit one sided, but I wasn't complaining." You knew what you were doing and you got what you expected to get.
"But why would someone keep me for 3years if they knew they didn't really want me? Maybe its cos of the gifts, I think. Yet I didn't even give her a fortune, just a bit here and there as much as I could afford." You paid for companionship and sex. From her perspective, it was a business arrangement and she was free to rescind the contract at any time.
"And yes, she's really pretty and glamorous and she knows it" And you know it, too, and that's why you stayed with her. And you know your age and you knew her age and. . . What the fuck were you expecting?
I was expecting a miracle I guess. We never even had sex. We dont even talk of it. My friends tell me thats the reason why, because we never had sex. I work off shore, there was no much physical contact, but we had plans, I really thought she would become my wife. by the way I'm 31, I should have mentioned it to you earlier
I'm confused because you previously told me that you were an independent gas and oil retailer, and you never mentioned your age being horribly incorrect after I called you "old man."
Wow... you're luck is worse than mine... Why you kept going after the first proposal is beyond me, I would've left after that unless she made it clear that she would marry me, just not at that specific time. As for her leading you on for years, maybe she like the attention, maybe she got a kick out of manipulating you, maybe she just has issues... You said she is glamorous, which means she may not be living in reality, as in she is used to being fawned over and getting her way. She may be entitled or something similar, like the popular girls in high schools... She asked you politely instead of ripping your heart out, stomping on it, and parading it around to humiliate you, that means she either cares something for you (think gratitude) or she wanted it to end quietly and without major drama. She may think/know that she is no good or toxic, and doesn't want to ruin a guy that actually cared for her despite her treatment of him, like you. You may want to set your sites on a woman more down to earth... My advice would be to take some time to figure out what you want, who you'd like to be with in terms of personality, and most importantly, enjoy yourself for a while. Try new things, do things you enjoy, take the time to get your head right. Sorry if this was hard to swallow, but if the truth hurts, odds are you messed up some where...
What do you mean by she's pretty and glamorous? It only means that you were not in love but it was just an infatuation. Had you loved her with same intensity if she was below average or just average looking?
I didn't create her you know, she's full package. She's not the only glamorous and pretty girl in the world is she? As a matter of fact I think you are too. You dont get it, its not about her beauty that I love her , its not even the top 6 reasons why I crave her so much.
She knows it me and she blocks me, virtually all my access to her is blocked. Its heartbreaking, at least a reason for leaving me would have done me good.
I still look at her pictures sometimes, but there's no point contacting her anymore. I hate to feel like a stalker. And thats what it was turnin into so I stopped. If staying away makes her happy then let her be.
You made the right choice otherwise she might have reported you to the authorities. That's true that it's pointless to reach out.. :( I wish you all the strength to heal from it. The truth is that life goes on. This life ain't permanent either so it's impossible to expect that people stay. But yes, if you find a girl like you, then it will last forever.
The truth is, I can do anything for her within my reach, whatever she asked I gave her, and even if she didn't ask I was always pleased to nourish her with gifts. But you know sometimes when she asks and I dont have at the moment, she uses that to pick a fight. There's this oppo phone she wanted and she told me about it, I agreed to get it, but not immediately I didn't. She gets too materialistic, but really, who isn't?
My goodness that's not normal behavior. If someone loved you, why will they criticize and demand things from you? There's something called understanding and patience. I got temper issues but that doesn't mean that I'll literally lash out without any significant reason.
Your goodness me. Thanks for buying into the situation. And yes she was always rash. And harsh. At the time being I thought it was tough love, but now I know she's been way too Childish. At 22 smh
Three years is a long time to waste someone's time I agree. But look at it as you found out now versus wasting anymore time on someone who obviously didn't care the way you deserve.
Long distance. 😢 I must admit that its my fault, work had me away mostly cos I work in the Ship vessel. But we had plans, I did feel her recciprocate the love, she loved me too, tough love I call it, she could just see how I adored her and yes she was in control but I dint mind so long she would stay or maybe she loved the gifts and money cos this was my means of reaching out at the time being. But we stayed in touch via connections and calls. I know what you're thinking, she is with someone else. I cried -
I met her in church. So I thought of her as an angel. She does look like angel, literally, at least from mine own perspective. I'd say she got too pompous but I dont judge her. I call her my queen, now she calls herself that. She posts a picture online and tags it 'queen'. I gave her that name. I think my praise to her head, she's only 22 now
Learn some things... There's a lot to learn in failure, for example:
-It should not take over three years time for someone to get to know you well. -You should not propose to someone who doesn't even know you that well. -You should not propose a second time, because they said no the first time. -Don't be all over someone as to make it one-sided, and if it was one-sided from the start, then it's not so much of a relationship. -You don't have to complain if you do not want to, but you should not settle for less than what you actually want, or deserve. -Maybe she decided to "keep you" but you also decided "to stay" own your part too.
Your biggest problem is that you're a hopeless romantic. You just chased a girl for three years in what you describe as a one-sided relationship where you kept on giving her gifts in the hope that she'd change.
Many guys are taught to be like this but it's just wrong to pursue too much and for too long, this is why you get hurt. The idea that you can keep pursuing a girl like this and that eventually she'll change her mind is a bullshit idea that only works in movies. I think a lot of naive guys watch those stupid things and they think it's real.
You should never do these things for a woman who doesn't show interest in return. If a woman is into you it will be quite clear early on. Learn from it, don't do it again.
I will never do it again sir. And yes I moved on. This really helped. But she reciprocated the love a few times here and there. So I never knew I was still headed for a crash land. But I'll live. I sure have learned
Seriously? If you're really 68, the answer is that you're still immature. Grow up. To more directly answer your question - was the time really a waste? Do you measure your worth by whether you have "caught" a woman? Proposing two times in 3 years without knowing she would turn you down is desperate... girls hate desperate guys. Measure the time by what you got out of it. Happiness, companionship, and joy? It was worth the investment. Misery, arguments, and stress? You should have left sooner... your bad, not hers.
You're right. But 'm 31. Thanks. I was desperate, its my fault I know it. But have you ever had something so divine, and so perfect in your eyes and you just do anything to preserve it? 'Something' 'anything', I craved her so much like that, so yes, I knew what I was doing, but what didn't know is what I am facing now - rejection by that same thing. So you see, I had a thing with her that I could keep and preserve for ever, not sex, not infatuation, not company, but something so divine. I truly loved her. And I still do.
Young man I have been there and done that! You need to unmask the reason why you over valued a person that did not really want you. Are you addicted to her? Yes, a person can become your drug of choice.
Please understand that people will exploit the emotionally weak. Please seek therapy! Better yourself! Find yourself! It will aid you as it did me.
Sounds like she was waiting around for somebody she thought was better. It sucks she wasted three years of your life. Try to forget her and move on, that is really all you can do.
Put a cross on her, and look for the next in line. Love wounds heal with time, but wasting time on a finished relationship is, in fact, just wasted time. Remember what's been good, and translate it in your next relationship.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Women rarely ever break up without already having another guy. Don't worry yourself too much about it, she might come back when he dumps her.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I don't know your situation, but I'm guessing that she could be a little younger (not within 5 years younger than you) and could've enjoyed being spoiled by you.
As I said, I don't know too well your situation with this lady, and I'm not the one to say whether you should stay with her or leave her. It is for you to decide.
I said spoiled because I read your reply to another GaGer, that you gave her gifts and whatever she asked, or didn't ask for.
There's no intensity in the word "spoiled." A lot of people give advice to young women about how their boyfriends should be "spoiling" them, they should feel like queens, etc.
What I asked was maybe she enjoyed your gifts, therefore stayed with you for so long without telling you that she didn't intend to be with you.
But again, I don't have a lot of info so I'm just giving my point of view (and maybe guesses) based on what I read from your other responses.
I read more of your responses to other GaGers... So a girl in her 20's with a man who's, I thought it said that you were in your 60's before, but I guess not. Regardless, if she's more mature than her chronological age, she would not be breaking up with you after a few years and having received gifts and money from you. I'm sorry and afraid to say that you might've been taken advantage of...
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