Why girls on tinder say i'm very handsome on tinder but then on date they're not attracted?

Question

They make up an excuse for the dates to be short. And the next day they said they weren't attracted to me. I don't understand they think I'm very beautiful but they're not attracted to me

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You can think someone is attractive without actually being attracted to them. It's the same concept as thinking a model/actor/art is beautiful without actually being sexually interested in them.

If they don't think you're attractive in real life it could be your vibes or it could be how you're acting. Some people are genuinely oblivious to their negative traits so that could be the issue. I don't know.

I've definitely had meetups with people I matched with online that I just wasn't into when we met in person. In those cases, I tended to create an idea of how/who I thought this person was solely by how we interacted online but when reality hit, they weren't the person I expected. There wasn't the physical chemistry, our personalities offline didn't match well, I didn't like little things they said/did but I still thought they were generically attractive.

Maybe you could ask for honest input from people in your life or people you've gone on dates with in the past. But if you do, you have to be absolutely open to the criticism that will come from that without letting your emotions get the best of you. It can be pretty hard to hear negative things about yourself especially from people you know or are close to. You could also do some research online for how to improve yourself on dates and take critical analysis of how you act when you go out with people.

Alessa13 · Accepted Answer

Do you use filters? If you do, make sure at least one pic is natural with zero filters or editing on it. That is what I do, then the others I can filter away. Usually that one that is filter free is a recording too which shows I am real. A 10 second clip if that website allows it.

People often look different online though, especially if using filters but it could also simply be they are trying to be polite and give you a chance with a first date.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Well what it sounds like is that they aren't attracted to your personality. Unless you're just hooking up... there is a whole lot more to someone finding you attractive than your physical appearance. Haven't you ever had a pretty girl become ugly to you, because she had a shitty personality?

Now it may not be a shitty personality. It could very easily be the way you are on your date. Maybe you're way too sweet and attentive, maybe you're boring, maybe you seem arrogant, or a million other possibilities.

But if girls seem eager to date you, until you go out with them once, then seem not interested very quickly... it's something about YOU (not your looks) that you need to look at. Could be you overall, or could be you "on your date behavior" but it's something other than the way you look. Unless your tinder photo makes you look way more attractive than you actually are.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Are you posting a picture of yourself that is complete opposite from what you look like now? Your picture might be what they are initially attracted to but when they see you in person you look nothing like your picture , it’s best just to be honest with yourself and be who you are if you are trying to meet someone , people that use filters or post old pictures of themselves when they felt their best are setting themselves up for disaster , People look at that like you are a liar and that’s a huge turn off to someone if they think you are a liar , Girls do that shit as well to lure men in , when she finally gets a guy to meet her she looks nothing like the pictures she posted which will turn the guy off and make him want to end the date fast

Anonymous · Answer

2 possible reasons.

1. Women online typically are just window shopping. Most don't want to date ANYONE. They just want the interactions that comes with the potential of dating. So yes she found you attractive, but she still don't want to meet you or date you.

2. As I said women just love the interaction that comes along with the potential of dating. But she DIDN'T find you attractive. But she told you she did because she wanted to see your reaction. Keep in mind this is the internet. People and thier feelings do not exist. So she can say ANYTHING she likes without any repercussions. And she is a cat and you are a scratching post. In other words man she was just sharpening her claws, honing her game. Call it what you want... it's the same thing.

Good rule of thumb. Take ANYTHING a woman says online with a grain of salt.

Sarah2023 · Answer

Because a person can look very different in person compare to photos. Are you using photoshop? Old photos? Maybe they prefer a different personality type. And next time don’t have an expectation as to how long the date should be or how it should turn out. Also keep it short. Meet for a coffee and do not go over 1 hour on the first date. Let them see who you are but do not reveal too much of yourself on the first date. If you don’t that, they will come back again.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

You sound like this has happened to you in the past, could it be that your going into these dates with a bit of attitude left over from the previous dates?

If you at all seem bitter that would be an unattractive quality right off the bat to a girl. You can't be positive and try something new, if you can't let go of the old.

Next time, clear you mind of all your previous first dates and go in with a positive attitude. You'll like see a difference.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Handsome isn't usually a great compliment- it's something our parents say to us to say we're not ugly, but they like us as people.

If your pictures don't represent what you really look like you need to adjust them. Also if the way you act isn't congruent with how you look (say you're very masculine looking, but you're a flamboyant fairy in person) that may need to be remedied.

Marked_Man · Answer

Because women nowadays are full of sh1t. They think they're all 9s when they're really 5s. They get tons of fake attention online and it goes to their heads. They can have hookups in their 20s because guys will use them for sex, but then reality hits and they end up alone asking questions on GAG about why guys don't like promiscuous women.

Anonymous · Answer

Attraction doesn't work for women like that. If they find you physically handsome, but you don't know how to build attraction in person, then they won't be interested. You're confused because when you're physically attracted to a woman, enough attraction is already built. But for men, they build everything, it rarely exists without them doing so. The same goes for attraction with women.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Well for starters @badg96 you sound like a women pretending to be a man. Looks are not as important to women as they are to men so I doubt that many girls are calling you handsome on a dating platform. If they are, and your dates are failing this is just more evidence that it takes more than looks to be attractive to women.

melanieeeB · Answer

Seems like it's a you problem, it's your personality.

Looks alone don't make you attractive your personality counts even more, plus looks alone won't get you anything and most women want more than just a handsome face

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Sometimes people look different in pictures than they do in person. Don't let it get to you, man. Just keep striving to be your best self. If you keep making an effort, I think someone will find you attractive eventually.

lightbulb27 · Answer

your social skills and what you project in person... something not right. girls go off emotion, something isn't right inside of you. I'd bet lack of confidence, source of that, you have to find.

mandyfire98 · Answer

Could it be your personality maybe? Maybe you're creeping then or on the date or they just don't connect with your personality.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You know, most women use dating sites just for a laugh. You are a sucker if you take any of it seriously.

nitsuj86 · Answer

You either look worse in person, or you are a lot shorter than your photos make you look, would be my guess.

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

Why are you so obsessed with those questions? You always ask the same thing...

boggboss · Answer

Because your pictures don't show what u look like now or your personality is what's turning them off

Usernamesuck · Answer

You must not have the personality they look for then.

zagor · Answer

Is your picture accurate? I dated one girl whose ad pic was obviously an airbrushed professional shot. I hoped it would be at least close to the reality, but was disappointed.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

Maybe they think you look good, but you don't have the personality or something else is off about you to them. Keep trying, at least you get dates. You got this.

prakhindev92 · Answer

Where is your dp dude? , Even you are not confident to show your pic? , Tinder is not everything , look out of the box

fonduegirl · Answer

Yep. Next stop is fixing your attitude and upgrading your personality.

DarkLegacy · Answer

I think they are probably just catching a free meal out of you.

genericname85 · Answer

Well that seems a lot like looks aren't the issue.

msc545 · Answer

Your pictures are little too good. You aren't, apparently.

serious_miss419 · Answer

Body language, tone of voice, and other similarities can set someone off.

wowop99266 · Answer

I guarantee you, it's most likely your height.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe you look different from your pictures? Just don’t use too many filters and make sure they’re recent.

spartan55 · Answer

You must have all opened your mouth and ruined it.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably using you for the free meal.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe your just short?

Why girls on tinder say i'm very handsome on tinder but then on date they're not attracted?

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