Is it normal my boyfriend stays mad a long time after a fight?

[Anonymous]

We had a fight 7 days ago, nothing major like it didn’t involve cheating, lying or calling each other names. What I’ve tried so far is apologising a few times , I wrote him an apology letter and got him a few gifts.

We live together so I have helped around the house doing jobs he normally does so he doesn’t have to. I’m ready to move on from the fight but he’s not. We’re stuck in this awkwardness and tension. He says what I’ve done for him so far has helped a tiny bit but not completely so I still need to make it up to him but I’m just not sure what. He says could take awhile to get over the fight.

So I guess I need advice on what to do, I’m under a lot of stress because of this.

[BradBoy]

This guy sounds like he's trying to manipulatively control you by forcing you to go to such great lengths for what is a mundane sounding argument, which will happen dozens of times a year in any normal relationship. Apart from him being immature, it sounds like he's trying to make you walk on eggshells all the time and it will lead to you going out of your way to avoid an argument, which often means you'll have to just suppress your own feelings and you'll have to submit to whatever he wants because you'll find it easier than dealing with the aftermath of a common argument, which will lead to you being miserable.

You absolutely should not be buying him stuff and doing stuff for him as an apology. Now he expects weeks and weeks of this over every little argument. He's using you in a way you don't realize. This guy is not someone you should be in a relationship with, sorry. I'd escape before this gets worse. I'd say try talking about it with him, but it'll turn into a bigger argument real quick with him and then you'll really be done. This is stress you don't deserve to deal with and he's surely not worth it.

[ShadezMcgee]

I will ask the real question here. What was the argument/fight about since no one is asking and immediately ganging on the guy.

[Asker]

Basically he said he was bored of sex and I got upset and overreacted thinking he was going to break up with me because he’s bored. So he got angry and called me dramatic and that was the fight. He’s still distant from me 9 days later..

[ShadezMcgee]

Being bored of sex does not mean he is going to break up with you. Maybe a bream is needed with the frequency it happened. Sex drives come and go.

Next, what exactly did you say when you assumed he was going to break up with you? Your response by freaking out and assuming this was what was going to happen did you no favors.

I am not giving him a pass on this either as this whole argument seems fucking stupid and should have been resolved. Bottom line, quit playing "dance monkey" by doing a bunch of things to break him from his mood. It is manipulative to behave a certain way until one achieves the reaction and result they seek.

[sheenagwapa]

yes.. my ex is like that once his mood is ruined it will take so mych time before he goes back to normal so i just keep apologizing and just being sweet

[EmmaMary]

Just shows how pathetically immature he is.

And it's certainly time you woke up and start smelling the coffee!

[Asker]

Why do you think he’s immature? I may need to tell him this

[EmmaMary]

In my book keeping any argument going for more then twenty four hours is just so childish... You're supposed to be grown, hopefully intelligent adults, so start acting like one.

In our marriage we have a set golden rule that we will never go to bed on an argument, even if it means staying up late into the night... So far this has proved very successful in the ten years we've been together/married.

[Asker]

That’s the way I’d like to have arguments , I don’t hold onto things too long and I’ve tried to explain this to him but it hasn’t helped

[EmmaMary]

Then perhaps it's time you thought about giving him an ultimatum.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Anonymous]

If that guy is such an a$$whole that he can't accept an apology, hell apologize too, and move on, then YOU should move on. Instead of apology letters, you should be packing his sh1t and throwing it on the front lawn.

[Asker]

Isn’t that a bit drastic? I don’t mind doing apology letters I’m very easy to get over a fight or being angry I just would prefer to move on fast and not stay mad too long , it’s a waste of time

[Opinion Owner]

I might have been drastic for effect , but I meant what I said
He's being an ass and acting like a child. You're being disrespected. You're making the effort, he's being a jerk.

[TrueConfection]

Maybe he wants you to make it up to him in a way other than gifts or chores. 🤔

[Anonymous]

Leave him