Am I single because I only date well off guys?

Question

OK BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME let me EXPLAIN!

One of my requirements in the dating world is that the man is 27 years old +, that way he’s had enough time to graduate university, have a job and a car (some of my exes even bought their homes, they were engineers and doctors etc).

This is because I want to be financially taken care of. I’ll still work but I don’t wanna be the breadwinner.

The university requirement is because I’ve seen what it’s like to lose your job and then struggle without having something to fall back on.

I have a fear of reliving that experience especially for my future kids.

Do you think this a reason why I can’t find a man?

Updates

1 y

My friends say I’m a gold digger and I should go for someone’s heart but realistically the bills need to get paid ygm 😂

Updates

1 y

To answer your Q guys!!
I have a degree and a job of my own.

FireGodGoesSeeknFire · Accepted Answer

Yes.

I dont think your standards are bad. In fact, more women should be honest with themselves about wanting these thingsm

But, if you are honest -- which is great -- and still not getting the man you want we should think about re-evaluating.

The first thing I would ask is whether your as blunt about with yourself about what men want as what yoy want. Most men will not care at all about your achievements, earning capacity or signs of non-emotional maturuty (I mean emotional maturity matters no other form does)

To the extent they notice these things its either because they are insecure about how they rank or bc they have been convinced that a man not valuing these things is sexist. Thats the flipside of people telling your that explictly requiring them is gold digging.

Instead men geuinely are attracted to traditional feminine qualities, beauty, charm, poise, grace, compassion. Instead of professional or academic achievements domestic and nuturing *interest* is hot. For ex, being able to cook well is good and practically a positive but its *wanting* to care of your man's food needs thats hot. Like produces a physical reaction hot for guys able to admit they want that.

Same with wanting to follow his lead or being straightfoward that having the experienvce of him confidently deciding where to go on dates or what events to attend as a couple is what matters rather actually divining the right choice.

In all these its the dynamic that matters, the eager adoption of Beau and Belle roles that kindles mens passions.

Or this is all Neanderthal, sexist, redpill crap. YMMV.

RealMarek · Accepted Answer

it doesn’t sound at all like you’re a gold digger. If I understand correctly you are just looking for signs a man can have a career. The only caution I would give is that a college degree does not necessarily mean the person will always have something to fall back on. My career was ruined due to government policies and a shift in the types of people that ran the industry I was in. I have advanced, specialized degrees and now I’m either “overqualified” or too inexperienced for my age in other fields. So my standard of living fell drastically and I’ve had to hustle in ways that were unexpected to get by. This is much more a risk in America than in Europe, but the West is headed into dire economic times and has horrible leaders, so be prepared for the middle class kind of life to be more rare than ever. You might also consider thinking twice about a guy who did what I did (got advanced training in a specialized field of expertise), in favor of training that can be applied broadly and perhaps supplemented with training in a skilled labor trade that will always be in demand.

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

You do what you have to do to take care of yourself and your future.
we too grew up with nothing. But I decided to become one who can take care of myself. Then bring in my man to work with me to conquer the world so to speak.
coming from nothing to where we are now upper class is a join effort.
picking the right partner who is willing to work with you with the same good and with similar standard is important.
like you, he should be college graduate with similar ambition and more.
simliar value to raise kids with you. Similar financial understanding/budgeting. Similar thinking with medical, education and outlook in life.
what you want is only one small aspect of what a balanced relationship should be.

so if you look at all these…it’s not about gold digging.

modern people view relationships very superficial …

keep expanding your understand/needs and when you meet someone…then you will have a better understanding of if this person is who you are looking for.

TrueConfection · Accepted Answer

You mean setting standards? Your chances increase the lower your standards go. I don't see anything wrong with holding out for your first choice and your future husband will be happy you did.

As for the "gold digger" accusations; If having money to spend on you is your only criteria, then yeah. Having a few other standards (which I'm sure you do) just tells me you want a man who is ambitious, reliable, and serious about his future.

Avicenna · Answer

You can want whatever you want; however, as you know there is fierce competition for the types of men you want to date, and they also may want the best that they can get as well. My sister is a doctor married to a fellow doctor she met in medical school. He once told me he wouldn't have married a woman who was not also a doctor because he didn't want to deal with golddiggers. And these men have less incentive to have kids with a woman who is clearly a golddigger.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

Yea. That's obviously going to make it way harder to find a boyfriend. It's hard to have sympathy for that.

SomeRandomGuy89 · Answer

The reality of dating for successful men is simple... it's better to lease then buy.

That may come off crass, but it's true. You look at the separation rates of marriages and the culture of relationships and dating nowadays as a man with options, and you have to ask yourself, why would I risk entering into a committed relationship?

The reality is this... what a woman looks for in a sexual partner and what she looks for in a long-term relationship are very different things. What makes a woman hot and what makes for a good partner are opposites.

You can't maintain the level of uncertainty, mystery, and desire necessary to maintain sexual attraction with a woman, while also being a good father and provider.

This is why predominately women are the one to end marriages. You'll often hear the "I just wanted to feel something" speech. It's old as sin now. Not to mention that there is really no incentive for women to stay committed in a long term relationship once the children reach a certain age.

Alimony, child support, and societal norms have laid waste to the traditional family dynamic. The type of woman who would have enticed successful men into seeking out long term relationships have all but disappeared. Sure, some may still exist, but the problem with that is we have absolutely no way of knowing it until it's too late.

You cannot find a man because you have nothing of value to offer; just risk.

Anonymous · Answer

One thing to keep in mind when you're looking for a traditional relationship, is that you must be a traditional woman as well. It's very common for women to want a man to take care of most or all the bills, but far less common for women to hold themselves to the same traditonal standard. Next, guys that make money have options, and in most cases have more experience weeding out women that are only there for their money. It's so much harder to trust women when you have money, so if you bring no value to a man with everything else he wants in life, why would he keep you? In a nutshell, a lot of women today lack a connection to their feminine essence, and are selfish. So to find the kind of man that you're looking for, he'll need to be able to trust you, and enjoy your company beyond sex. So ask yourself, if you were a man, would you trust you? And would you enjoy having you around? Once you can honestly answer those questions, and adjust accordingly, I think you'll be on your way to finding and sustaining the relationship you're looking for.

Anonymous · Answer

Whatever you are doing wrong you are going to stop doing it if I just tell you. It's up to you to want to change.

And you are not gold digger if you just want a man who can provide for your kids. You are gold digger when you are using the guy for money and you don't care about him. Which I don't know you well enough to confirm, but it just sounds like you want him to take care of the bills, so you can go shopping and buy pointless items.

You don't sound like you have an icy cold heart and just want his money. But you do sound like you have narcissistic personality traits because you see other women on social media doing it and you think you need to do it too.

It just sounds like you are imitating narcissistic crazy people like Kim Kardashian. You sound like you are very unsure about what you want in life and look up to materialistic people for guidance.

I don't think of you as a gold digger or evil because you don't think independently and want to be your own person and live the way you want to. You follow what you think is right. The gold diggers just do it just to manipulate people. Again you don't sound like you have an icy cold heart and still some what care about what other people think of you.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

No, it's not unreasonable for you to only date guys who are financially well off (at least with a house, car, job, degree, etc.). If you only aimed for guys making $300,000 plus, then year, that's unrealistic and unreasonable (outside LA, where the cost of living is ridiculous).

However, the reason you're single is NOT because you only want guys who are financially well off- you're single because you don't offer what those guys who are well off want in a wife. I don't know what that is, but the fact that none of them married you is telling. You're also on the wrong side of 25...

natai · Answer

A man will appreciate way more a woman that was with him before he had it all together

The one that stood by him when he had it hard. The one that give him the motivation to keep trying when things don't go his way.

I'm going to describe something similar to what you said your doing but pushing it to the extreme (no harm intended)

The woman is looking at all the man in the sea and watching from the sides on all of them.
When 1 man makes it big ylshe come up to him and says now I will date you.

The man looks back and ask why should date you?

On the other hand if the woman tried to help him from the start the man trust her. As she shared in his pain though the hard time

MementoMori777 · Answer

Oof and here I thought the dudes were the only problem, you are chasing money over love, it's what it is, because unless the man has the money you won't consider falling for him, ego is a problem but chasing money is also part of the problem so yes from the sounds of this, this is part of the problem as well, I'm not saying you are at fault for not finding love but you are partially at fault for putting the money over it, you aren't a gold digger because money is not all you chase but you are still chasing money so I mean, it makes sense.

Anonymous · Answer

I understand your requirements, but I get the feeling that upon the pursuit of financial stability, you've forgotten about the spirit. When you place all of these things before that, then you will miss out in the end because there may be a guy that has a rich spirit that can transform you, your life, and way of being forever... but he may not be rich financially. This is the consequence and it seem you are experiencing it from a different angle. When busy ticking boxes, it's easy to forget the human that drew it.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Well you ain't asking for a rich man, just a hard working man who is able to maintain a balanced life and who can take care of his future family...

In my opinion, there are no breadwinner in a real marriage because both are the breadwinners, even if the girl is a housewife, she'll be doing her important role at home while the husband is doing is important role outside, they both complete each other...

The wife can help her husband if she works a part time job if he ain't earning enough but since a woman's main role is at home, the man must be the base when it comes to working outside and paying bills!

JakeConfidential · Answer

I’d say it depends on financially well off, most guys on they’re 20s unless they come from family money will at best just have a high income; Your probably better off finding the best of both worlds, a guy that is attractive + good personality with the drive or desire to make a lot of money.

Im not sure what you look like but if you want a guy in his young 20s making good money you’d better be hot.

Me personally, I don’t slave away eating bullshit healthy food, working out and making sales calls all day or date so average looking non feminine woman

tesniolite · Answer

I won't judge your dating preferences but limiting yourself to dating only financially well-off men could reduce your dating options, as not all guys meeting your age requirement have achieved financial stability. Besides, if you only focus on a man's financial status, you might miss out on other crucial partner qualities, such as shared values, compatibility, and kindness.

Have you considered if societal expectations or past experiences have influenced your desire to be financially taken care of in a relationship? It's essential to be transparent with potential partners about your expectations and priorities to ensure that both of you are on the same page.

Remember, finding a compatible partner is more than just financial stability. Keeping an open mind and being willing to consider a range of qualities and characteristics in a potential partner can help you find a fulfilling relationship.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Just because you went to a university or college doesn't mean you'll have something to fall back on. There are a lot of graduates working at places like McDonalds due their degree's are worthless and have no career potential.

If you want someone who's gonna have a stable career field or make decent money then look at guys who went to trade schools. Those are the guys who will be welders, engineer's, electricians, mechanics, IT etc.

Unlike colleges trade schools only have fields and degree's that have prospective career potential and will make money. There's no such thing as a useless degree with no earning potential from a trade school.

exitseven · Answer

No, truthfully you are doing the right thing. I was not a college graduate when I gpot married. I spent the first ten years of our marriage working a crappy low paying sales job and going to college at night to finishe getting my degree. It was a struggle the whole time and it sucked watchoing my peers going on nice vacations and new homes while I still struggled to make ends meet/

motownplayer2000 · Answer

I mean it’s cool. I have requirements for that those type of requirements. Lol the women should be a able to cook, clean, and be an amazing mother, she should come educated with at least an associate degree of some kind, but also be completely 100% debt free (if I’m taking care of you financially, you better come in with a clean slate as far as a financial situation. Your debt is not my responsibility). She should be incredible in bed and open minded to all the things I can think of and want to do in there and very submissive to me. I guess that’s why I’ve been single for a while as well. Can’t really find a single female these days that have the first simple stuff like cook and clean, let alone debt free and great in bed.

Still-alive · Answer

I think your standards a a bit too high

I think you dump guys a little too quickly because you have that fear they will leave you or maybe disappoint you even though they really haven't done anything to warrant it.

Finally i just think your avoidant attachment style makes you a little too cautious of guys. i mean you may very well have dated guys who perfectly matched your standards but your anxiety doesn't let up still. like you feel like something going wrong is gonna happen at any minute.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm well off and I don't think anything is wrong with what you want. You should want the best for yourself. I do, however, think why you want that is unhealthy. I'm rather put off by your relationship with the idea of money. You fear it. I don't think you'd be a good fit for a millionaire but maybe a doctor or engineer like you said. They don't earn that much money but they earn it in a way that is in harmony with you.

loveslongnails · Answer

I wouldn't say you're a gold digger, but rather, more of a pragmatist. "No romance without finance" would be your credo, rather than "Love is all you need". :).

I wonder who among your friends would actually stay with a struggling artist, whom they claim to love, but who hasn't sold a piece in 5 years and depended on her income to survive? It's easy to talk that that, but another thing to walk that walk.

Rizwan_khan · Answer

Good luck with that requirment. Although you are not a queen of some where and men who is going to marry you what do you give him in return of all these your requirements. That's not equality and yes i think you are good digger you just want a stable life but don't want to wark hard get a stable life. That's why women lose their value in now a days. But girls have more value who like to grow with their men.

MrCommodore · Answer

No, because there are lots of qualified professional guys out there with all of those things who are single, but its a sensible thing to desire. I'm not fully sure why you're single, possibly something else at play here, like perhaps you only go for certain types.

Am I single because I only date well off guys?

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