Isn’t it wrong that a lot of times when I am more vulnerable I get compared to my other parent?

[xJayleenx]

My dad always says that I am like him and I never usually ask any questions about my boyfriend to him but today that I did he basically was saying that I was being like my mom. It seems to be this way every-time that I am vulnerable even though I am not aggressive like my mom and verbally abusive. Now I just feel like I can’t open up to him, I can’t ever get upset about waiting all day for him, it kind of makes me feel like I can’t express myself in any way to him. He likes to say that I am like him it seems like he only says that when it benefits him. I guess I can’t show any emotions. My mom and I are completely different on the personality spectrum I am extremely introverted and she is extroverted and many other differences but that doesn’t stop him from comparing me to her sometimes.

Updates

+1 y

My brother does too 😭 even though I’m super chill and only tell him to flush the toilet I guess that’s how they insult over here

[RealMarek]

Yes, it is unfortunate that he does this. Have you expressed these feelings to him, at least as much as you are able?

You doubtlessly inherited and learned some traits from both of your parents and have many unique characteristics, and all together this makes you who you are. You are a unique, adult woman, and you can ask your father to approach you as an individual. If he doesn’t like something about how your mom behaves that is their problem, not yours. If he doesn’t like questions you are asking, he needs to give reasons other than it reminds him of your mom.

[xJayleenx]

If I was actually like either of them then why in the world do they consider me weird?

[xJayleenx]

I was sent to therapy since I was 11 years old specifically because my mom didn’t understand what it was like to be an introvert with social anxiety and my dad always called mg personality weird so I don’t feel like I’m like either of them but if I had to choose I’d probably be like my dad because I can’t watch zombie films or any horror films, we’re both introverts but that’s about it. I feel like I’m my own person. An introvert stuck in an extroverted culture that doesn’t understand her. My dad doesn’t even understand my jokes lol yet my uncle telling randos that I did sexual things to my boyfriend is supposed to be an understandable joke.

[RealMarek]

It’s hard to know. It sounds like they have some problems. Just try to let this roll off of you like water off a duck’s back. Be yourself, be confident in who you are, if people make valid criticisms learn from them, if people are being unreasonable and dragging you down ignore them. Know that if you are genuinely yourself, this is more than good enough.. People can accept that or not.

[xJayleenx]

I do wish that I was a normal person. I wish I didn’t always have to feel so tense around people. I kind of just want to be free from my social anxiety people are always asking me if I’m okay and stuff and it sucks I just get so nervous around new people trying to find a new job is worse 😂

[xJayleenx]

I wish that I could just talk freely and be myself but I am always feeling so tense and I freeze around people

[RealMarek]

I’m also an introvert and used to have severe social anxiety when I was your age. And yes, the culture thinks of extraversion as “good”’ and this has gotten raised to an extreme level lately. I’ll point out that your uncle seems like a sicko that you should stay away from. As for your parents, you might never understand why they are the way they are. All parents are imperfect, so overlook what you can and don’t trouble yourself about their foibles… but draw the line at anything that is demeaning, erodes your confidence, or puts you in a risky circumstance (like being with a pervert uncle).

[xJayleenx]

My uncle is gay but he apparently jokes that way he was telling everyone how did a girl like me get a tall and handsome boyfriend like that and me as a shy girl I was so embarrassed and he was joking around saying I did sexual things to my boyfriend and it was so weird being talked about that way and my parents allowed him to saying it’s a joke. I was doubting myself and everything believe it or not that is one of the major reasons I don’t want to go to that country again because he made me feel so uncomfortable because it’s his “sense of humor” it was so weird being talked about that way and having women defending me saying that I’m pure that’s my personal life lol.

[RealMarek]

Can you speak freely to good friends and your boyfriend? If so, you just need to allow yourself time before you speak very freely with others. That might be part of being yourself and that is fine. As for the feelings of tension, freezing, just try not to put pressure on yourself. Also, some of this anxiety might fade with age. It did for me.

[xJayleenx]

For me I don’t notice it getting better though. I am more comfortable around friends not as tense but everywhere else where I don’t know everyone well I am so shy and always asked if I’m okay

[RealMarek]

If people ask if you’re okay you can always say “yes,” and ask them small talk type questions. If you keep them talking, you don’t have to speak much at all.

[RealMarek]

That whole situation with your uncle was beyond the pale of appropriateness and the way it was handled was profoundly disrespectful to you. You don’t have to be around him again or if you do, you need to have a way to exit if the situation turns sour again.

If people ask if you’re okay, just try to be prepared with a strategy. Like a simple “yes” and change the subject. Or, say it is in a crowded setting, “Yes, I just tend to have a bit of social anxiety in crowded rooms,”’ or with new groups, etc. People can understand that and the ones who can’t are jerks anyway.

You’re still so young! Of course you don’t see any changes. You’re at a point in your life where intense emotions and high levels of mental intensity or energy are common. No guarantee, but some of this might subside in your mid 20s or by 30.

[Anonymous]

It is not fair or healthy for your father to constantly compare you to your mother, especially if it is causing you to feel like you cannot express yourself or be vulnerable around him. It is important for parents to support their children and allow them to be their own unique individuals, rather than constantly comparing them to others.

It may be helpful to have a conversation with your father and express how his constant comparisons are making you feel. You can also assert your own identity and remind him that you are your own person with your own personality traits, regardless of any similarities you may share with your mother.

Remember, it is important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and not allow others to make you feel like you cannot express yourself or be vulnerable. It may also be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor to help you navigate this situation and process any emotions that may arise.

[SawerBrown]

If you need an unbiased opinion ilI'ce been around thevblock and would be happy to be your sounding board if you want to dm me feel free.

[xJayleenx]

Thank you I think that writing on here always makes me feel better and I love getting insight on my questions too that I can’t get anywhere else.

[Guardian45]

I'm sorry. You're beautiful, but your family likes to gaslight and insult you or put you down.

[xJayleenx]

Thank you answering so many of my questions. I guess I only have this site and my boyfriend to open up to. I don’t know if my dad would take me seriously after I told him how I felt about him doing that because I don’t even know how to stay upset at people and both of my parents are incredibly stubborn.

[Guardian45]

Just DONT let anyone put you down or take away your self-confidence! Promise me!

[Guardian45]

You're welcome

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

This is common, I believe?

[Debbie14217]

add me lets talk... been there too maybe i can help

[Bklynbadboy12]

So your still listening to your parents huh there gonna drive you crazy